10 year old hot how often misbehave?

[purpleme12]

Your 10 year olds
How often are they violent eg throw things? Or any other violence?
How often do yours scream/shout?
Are they aggressive? How often?
Show disrespect to you?
How does yours respond if you give a consequence?

Would like to know what other are like

I think the next door neighbours might think it's my fault or something ☹️

The little girl hasn't been round to play in a few months and she used to

It's very lonely

But they let my child go round there. Just not hers in here ☹️

My 10yo is mostly lovely. But if something has really upset him (usually a friendship issue at school) and especially if he's tired, then he does sometimes shout and cry and storm up to his room (and quite possibly slam the door!)

If I leave him in peace for a bit, he always calms down, and once he's finally opened up about what's upset him, and had a bit of a cry, he usually apologises. This feels like very normal human behaviour to me - I've never even questioned it!

It might well be normal.
But this doesn't sound as bad as my child (the behaviour I mean)

It sounds like there are enough flags to look at assessment - you could enquire via SENCo at school or your GP if I understand correctly. Or try contacting CAMHS directly if you have a contact number for them.

The most useful resources I've found on emotional regulation are Conscious Discipline and Stuart Shanker's Self-Reg framework.

I have looked into assessment. I understand what you're saying that there are red flags maybe and I'm not necessarily denying that. But I have to answer the actual questionnaire for them to even accept it and I've looked at the questionnaires and I can't make her fit for most/all of the questions

Will have a look at what you mentioned

Stroppy and moody yes sometimes but zero aggression or violence.

What questionnaire are they sending you?

The autism or ADHD questionnaire

I don't know if it has a specific name but I know that that is the first step then they send that off

Many of the forms used are outdated as they are based on how autism presents in males.

I'm not sure if you can do it in your area but I self referred to CAHMS (it was an option on their website). I wrote as much down as I could and DD and I met with a psychologist who agreed there were traits. She the referred for a formal diagnosis, where DD and I were interviewed separately. It was how she presented in the interview that decided the diagnosis because she is excellent at masking and they could see that because she unraveled during the reciprocal conversations.

It is not OK for your DD to be aggressive and verbally and physically abuse you. For that alone I would recommend going to GP and SENDCO and explaining how she is treating you. It may or may not be autism but you should not be feeling alone - you need someone to listen, empathise and suggest things that may help.

I don't think anyone has asked here, and you don't have to say on here, but is there any trauma in the background? Family issues? Is social media access regulated and checked? If there are issues then these too can cause problems with emotional dysregulation.

Occasionally huffing but none of the other things. She's a sensitive girl and aims to please (don't mean to sound like a boast, she has other issues such as mild SEN and anxiety).

Yes I feel like I do need someone to listen and empathise and suggest things that can help.
There doesn't seem to be that for parents
(Although I am on the list for a parenting course. No idea how long this takes. Can only hope it will help)

No nothing in background I don't think.
Definitely no problems with internet or social media. She doesn't have social media. Uses internet not that much

I'll just add op...
When my daughter transitioned to year 6 she struggled and I decided to push school much harder. And explore every avenue I could. I had started notes around her difficulties a few years ago and keep adding to them. E.g sensory, physical, emotional, social, learning, behaviour.
Recording examples of behaviour was helpful.

The notes have helped me with her adhd/asd referral, dyspraxia referral and dyslexic diagnosis. Also pushing for support.

I've added to my notes areas of concern for high school transition and hopefully a transition meeting is being arranged.

Our council has a family service that's also been useful.

Does she exhibit the behaviour in school? If school don't see it, might be hard to get them to refer.

@Mynewnameis thank you

@pearlydewdroptwins do you think it's worth doing a self referral to CAMHS?

@Mynewnameis and yes she doesn't do this behaviour in school. I mean I believe she probably does feel angry at school still but it doesn't come out like here.
Which is why I believe school just don't bother. School bother giving the interventions to the ones they have the problems with in school cos they're visible to them. So others who have the problems at school get all the intervention. (School have been made aware of her behaviour)

As an aside, not really related to this specific behaviour mentioned, school have a worry box for children generally. My child put a worry in a few weeks ago. They are aware that she put one in.
And no one's talked to her about this worry!
It really pisses me off that.
That is not the reason for all this behaviour but it certainly doesn't help her sometimes I know that much

My DS is just 11 and he's never been as above. Totally don't mean to sound smug, that's just not his personality.

That's fair enough.

Absolutely! You've nothing to lose and may get some further help and support. She's already been under CAHMS so hopefully she's still on their system.

None of that. Very occasional bit of cheek or eye rolling / sighing but no more than that.

Will always apologise if told off

I thought it was CAMHS but it was actually Future In Mind.
I'm not sure if this is the same as CAMHS or different or part of CAMHS?
It's not very clear

No to any of those, it would be unacceptable behaviour in our family unless there were medical reasons. Our teens have been taught respect and the way to go from young and luckily carried it on and out toddlers are following

Well yes it is unacceptable which is kind of what's lead me to make the thread
But your post implies I haven't and don't teach respect and the right way to behave.
I can assure you I have and do. It might be good for you to rethink the way you word things next time

Dd has ASD and is 11.

about once every 6 weeks we get an overly dramatic shriek and door slam. She’s occasionally sassy / rude (huffing and puffing, eyeball rolling about expectations like putting laundry away, doing homework etc) we nip this in the bud. Not other wise rude or violent. I find limiting certain games helps with this. Certain friendships are also a bit of a root cause - there’s a couple of rude girls and if she hangs about witht them we get outbreaks of rudeness. It’s because she is copying their behaviour.

actual proper violence, no, not since she was a toddler.

DS is 10 and autistic with ADHD. He doesn't do any of those things. He sometimes answers back but apologises once threatened with a consequence.