10 year old hot how often misbehave?

[purpleme12]

Your 10 year olds
How often are they violent eg throw things? Or any other violence?
How often do yours scream/shout?
Are they aggressive? How often?
Show disrespect to you?
How does yours respond if you give a consequence?

Would like to know what other are like

How often are they violent eg throw things? Or any other violence? We had throwing things when he was about to turn 10. He's stopped doing this now.
How often do yours scream/shout? Sometimes, he's more a crier. He can get very frustrated.
Are they aggressive? How often? He has only hit me once and apologised. I was dumbfounded. We talked about it at length. He had a difficult time age 9. Thinking about it, he hasn't been as angry since he got an oculus and talks to kids more.
Show disrespect to you? He's not that kind of kid. His older sister however....
How does yours respond if you give a consequence? We always had a carry on. I was consistent with all of them. Firm but fair. Sometimes I was tearing my hair out. He seems to have calmed down a bit now he's 10.

I had my own theory that he had some hormone changes starting about mid way through 9. Puberty rearing it's ugly head maybe.

I’m Autistic/ADHD, diagnosed as an adult but those traits were there all these years! DD is 10 now. She was showing these kinds of behaviours a couple of years ago. She’s much calmer now for various reasons.
I also agree she does sound like she could be ND. Have read up about Rejection sensitivity dysphoria and also Demand avoidance. The example about the chair could fit with that - something didn’t feel right. I get so stressed if something isn’t right or hasn’t gone as it should. Then you add in a time pressure. Also I imagine language used was commanding? ‘We HAVE to leave for school now or we’ll be late!’. It’s a normal thing to do, I still do it with DD and she doesn’t kick off but she gets moody, she scowls at me!
My absolute best tip for now would be to read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It’s a guide to helping to support your child if they are prone to outbursts. It helps you look at patterns of behaviour and how you can learn to predict them (and you can, even if they seem to come out of nowhere!) and how to meet your child’s needs. The beauty about this book is that it’s not specific to a diagnosis. It covers aspects of neurodivergence but it’s written to help you, as the expert on y our child, meet your child’s needs. It honestly made a massive difference to how I parented DD and she is so much happier because of it.
One example tonight - DD had a music lesson booked. But she did a school activity yesterday that meant a very late night and she’s under the weather anyway. I suddenly realised there’s no way she would do well in a music lesson tonight. She’s tired, it would be under duress and she would probably be grumpy about going in, grumpy for the teacher. No win situation. I cancelled the lesson. We may be able to catch up another time but it’s a sunk cost. It was in no-one’s best interest to make her do it. Before I would have said ‘Oh well I’ve paid so you HAVE to do it’. I told her before school so she wasn’t dreading it all day.
Honestly, The Explosive Child. Game changer!

I am reading that at the minute.
I don't feel it's making a massive difference so far...

When you talked about the language being commanding eg we have to leave for school we'll be late... What would you have said?

11 now but:

How often are they violent eg throw things? Or any other violence? Never
How often do yours scream/shout? Tantrummy raised voice leading to tears every couple of weeks when stressed, major yelling fit I've seen about 3-4 since toddlerhood.
Are they aggressive? How often? Not at all, even side-steps wrestling and rough play.
Show disrespect to you? Get a bit of an "oh really mum" tone occasionally but that's it so far.
How does yours respond if you give a consequence?
Whinges, sulks, tries to make me feel guilty.
Also says "ok mum I understand", then does big sad eyes at me and yes that does make me feel guilty!

Thank you

My dd has a friend that is very much like your daughter. Her parents are finding it difficult. You see the rage take over her sometimes. She has a brother who is as calm as anything.
She's had some counselling and anger management type sessions at school. Perhaps that's worth a try? This child does lose her temper at school and with her friends (often my dd), not just at home.

School did a few things:
1:1 confidence building sessions once a week with an external person.
Teacher gave him a special job at least 3 days a week (taking a message to another teacher, collecting printing etc) to show trust in him.
Had a code to signal if something was bothering him/ he needed to tell them something and the TA took him outside for a chat within 5 minutes.
Allowed a stress ball to focus emotions on.

At home he had worry dolls to tell his stresses to before bed (and put under his pillow afterwards to mind his worries), which helped sleep.
Joining a football team helped him too- gave a sense of belonging.

Autistic 10 year olds: one not at all, one a lot. Daily meltdowns because school was shit at reasonable adjustments. Can't remember the details.

Thank you

It's just such a minefield

Just so worried that professionals will blame me and think I'm not a good enough parent or something

My 3 now long since adult sons were never ever violent.
Ever.