How long would your child last in a zombie apocalypse?

[PaperDoIIs]

Just for fun, how long do you think your child/children would last in a zombie apocalypse? You can pick the zombie type.

Me and DD were messing around yesterday and talking about it and she came up with a "plan". So far fetched(even more far fetched than the possibility of a zombie apocalypse) that it resembled a Fast and Furious movie, complete with a bucket and tin foil to go into space.

It spans years, at least two other planets and various adventures and eventually it ends with her being a goddess.

In reality, I give her a day. She's the type that would check out on her own what the weird noise is at the beginning of a horror movie.

What about your kids?

For some reason neither OH or me appear in DD's plan. Either because we're dead (so no confidence in our abilities) or she doesn't want any negativity(aka common sense) towards her plan.

The " at the end I'm going to be like their God(the surviving humans) and they will all worship me" still makes me laugh. Maybe she does stand a chance.

Dd would be fine because she is resourceful, calm and outdoorsy enough to live in the wild. She can grow veg and knows how and what to forage. Her hobby is fencing, so with a makeshift sword she could also defend herself. She would treat it all like the Hunger Games and would emerge triumphant.

Ds, utterly hopeless, not a chance unless he could persuade dd to take him with her (unlikely; she’s a lone wolf, that one).

Well she does a good zombie impression so could go covert. And eats bloody nothing so could live in the wild easily.

I’d give her a solid week.

I think I'm going to turn on the telly and try to find Cockneys Versus Zombies. For tips.

Considering her autism I'd have expected something a bit more developed than that to be honest.

I think ds1 would be fine if I just put a fake VR headset on his eyes and a weapon in hand. He probably wouldn't even realise he wasn't gaming.

Ds2 is a biter, so would be less likely to survive phase 1 in the wild. Have we established what happens if hu.an bites zombie? He loves growing things, so will be an assets once the zombies are all dead and it's time to rebuild society.

@Damnloginpopup I just sent my autistic DD the same message, after questioning my randomness her plan is if in a city to go to the nearest museum or castle for weapons. or if in our town to head for her school to make use of the food supplies.

I do like the fact we live in a country with random castles still standing and in good condition our local one has beefy doors that would stand up well against the horde

@Singleandproud she has now relapsed to normal functioning with:

"not in the last of us. theres like different stages of infected. runners, stalkers, clickers, shamblers and bloaters. theres also the rat king but thats very rare and only if a bunch of infected have essentially melted together. now, i think clickers would be okish to kill if you are quiet enough because they cant see and can only hear. stalkers are creepy as shit and i think theyd get me easy. bloaters and shamblers are quite slow but they chuck acid at you so its a 50/50 depending how far away you are and if u have molotovs or not. runners are like those shitty little aggresive dogs and theyd scare me. not to mention the inevitable creation of cults and groups and gangs that would form who youd probably also have to fight."

Hmm. Castles is a good call. We have a local TA centre but I gather the armoury is rather secure (and it's probably all 5.56mm in there nowadays which hasn't got enough stopping power. Not like the 7.62mm stuff they had up until the early 1990s).

The streaming numbers for Shaun of the Dead are going to be up tonight after this thread

She sounds awesome and if she's planning a community can I book three places please

My DSD had plans that involved fighting back. We live next to a graveyard so she was convinced we'd be first to cop it.
DD said she'd like to die early as the suspense and fear would be intolerable 😁

My DS1 already has a plan which involves barricading himself in to Trago Mills
(for those that know…)
DD doesn’t take any shit from anyone, especially the undead.
DS2, I give him about an hour…

He wouldn't notice until the wi-fi went down and wouldn't care until we ran out of ice-cream, at which point he would attempt to pop to the Co-Op ('It will be open! It was open on Christmas Day!').

DD1 would overthink, panic and stress out and will be eaten within 20 mins.

DD2 is "spirited" and would be the last wo(man) standing.

i used to tell my DCs (when primary aged) that in a Zombie Apocalypse they'd get us all killed because they simply do not do what they're told when it's important.

So you'd be hiding and being still and quiet but they'd start messing around, and if i did the "shhh" thing they'd be even noisier. They always denied it until they saw the Walking Dead and one went "oh the kids are so annoying" and the other said "yeah, mum was right"

Mine would be fine. Zombie plans are a frequent conversation for us, and I know he has well developed plans for all the different types (and experimental concerns as well about energy needs, time to total decomposition among others). He has a 4ft sword at home that he forged himself so is off to a good start

Weirdly enough there was a giant rat/mouse king in DD's plan, well it developed into an escape movie really.

Adding in the eating them part, for a kid that never had any interaction with zombie related stuff her imagination is weirdly accurate, or effed up.

DD's escape movie (it went way past plan once the helicopter comes into play) if anyone is interested.

my plan for zombie apocalypse

i hear a noise so i go look at what it is. a zombie is outside. i go get knifes and rocks. after 12 hrs its dark and zombies start breaking into the house. i run out the house and hop over a fence and into the field by st joes. i hide there until morning. i found a stick and i keep it to use later. zombies start charging straight at me so i hop/crawl under/over the fence and run to the door. if door is locked brake a window and jump through. im in the school and eat the food and drink the water thats there. zombies start coming in so i jump out the window and slide down a pole if a zombie is near then i will use a stick and a hairtie to create a slingshot and hit the zombie on the forehead with a rock so it dies. if the zombie is too close then i will use a knife and chef it up. for some reason there are now exploding zombies so i run to my house and hid under my trampoline to protect myself from the exploding zombies. its day 3 now and i run to a place that has helicopters and i get in one. i bring a bucket with me just in case. i start flying and i can see that countries are exploding so i leave earth. with the bucket i cut out holes for eyes so i can see and then put it over my head and put on a hoodie and put the hood up so the bucket is secure. i fly away in the helicopter and i find a planet thats just like earth. i call up my mates and tell them to come so they come in a helicopter and they call their mates until everyone from earth is now on this new planet.

its called earth 2.0. were on earth 2.0 and we start building houses, creating cities and living our lives.

its been years and i hear a noise. i check it and its an evil robot. im like this aint good so what i do is with the 2 helicopters on earth 2.0 i create a massive plane that carries all 8 billion people. we all get on and search for a new planet. i ask if anyone knows if theres another planet like earth and no ones knows. theyre useless. we fly past this planet that looks like earth so we approach it. but theres killer bunnies and like thats not our problem so were not interfering with it. since it had been years from the zombie apocalypse all the zombies had died.

so we go back to earth but theres loads of dead zombies and thats like a health hazard so what we end up doing is setting all the bodies on fire or burry them. so then we try and set a zombie on fire but it was one of the exploding ones so it exploded again and came back to life. since i still had a knife i just cheffed it up. so for all the exploding zombies i put water on them and then set them on fireafter a while we were living quite well until a rat finds a body and eats some of it. the rat turns into a massive zombie mouse. i call it group meeting with my mates and we come up with a plan of stabbing the mouse and then putting a firework inside it. the firework goes off but it explodes earth.

we all get back into the plane and were in space. were having the time if our lives on the plane. were singing songs, gossiping and other super fun stuff. a meteor starts coming straight at us and i hop out of the plane. btw were in space. and im ontop of the plane with a bucket full of water and i cover the plane with water bcs my thinking proves that u cant set fire onto something thats wet. i also built this massive metal shield and attached it to the front of the plane. the meteor hits the metal shield and bounces off and hits the earth with the killer bunnies. thanks to the meteor the killer bunnies are now extinct and the earth is safe to live on.

we call this planet earth 3.0. we build houses, villages and cities. this planet is great and it keeps the human population up. unfortunately i die of old age but i become a saint, a goddess and create a religion just based on me. people worship me, make edits of me on tiktok and youtube. everyone knows my name and people pray to me. if they are related to people i like i will grant their wishes. if they're related to people i dont like i will not grant their wishes but instead do the opposite. all hail minipaperdoll. Minipaperdollsism.

Can't believe she actually wrote it down. I had to listen to all of this developing in real life. Next time I'll cook dinner by myself.

My son? About 30 seconds.

One Christmas, my sister asked him (then 24) to open a jar of pickles.

”I can’t Auntie, I’m a creative, I have no upper body strength.”

In theory my DS (15) would do well. He and his best mate talk about this a lot and have a plan. He loves camping and has good firelighting/shelter building skills etc so should manage pretty well if he had to go out in the countryside (part of his plan, on the basis that cities will have more zombies). His camping rucksack is kept permanently packed in a cupboard (simply for ease, so we don't have to find all the gear each time) so that would be a ready made 'bug out' bag. He plays loads of zombie video games and has watched the walking dead, shaun of the dead etc. He is not a fussy eater and would not be bothered about not being able to shower etc.

However, in reality he would either:
a) refuse to listen to me telling him that there was a zombie apocalypse, go outside unprepared and be bitten whilst trying to get signal on his phone. In this scenario his final words would be 'Why didn't you tell me there was a zombie apocalypse?', or
b) survive OK whilst we were able to stay at home but once we had to leave he would get really tired after a few nights without proper sleep. In his over-tired state he would shout and attract all the zombies then walk in to the middle of a hoard, just because I'd told him not to do that
(he is a lovely boy, but doesn't listen and is a shit if he doesn't get enough sleep!)

"i will use a knife and chef it up"

I like this terminology.

DD used to work at a well known tourist attraction and her plan was to lead all the zombies there and make them listen to the cheesy music...the zombies will be begging for mercy after a few hours.

We used to joke in here that DD would have to save the world after ds1 and 2 caused the zombie apocalypse😁 DD is a biomedical engineer, so loads of transferable skills. Ds1 is a nuclear chemist, ds2 a marine ecologist who is now a science teacher.

Ds3 has always been nicknamed Silvertongue, like Taliesin, so he'd talk the zombies into dying again. Ds4 no idea. He's en route to becoming a software engineer, so if the internet failed and there were no functioning computers, I think he'd probably just offer himself up to be eaten.

Id be fine...my daughter (33) would be fine, my grandson (11) would have no chance lol

DD1 is tough, she’d last a while probably running a gang. DD2 would twist her ankle and die before the first episode ends.