How long would your child last in a zombie apocalypse?

[PaperDoIIs]

Just for fun, how long do you think your child/children would last in a zombie apocalypse? You can pick the zombie type.

Me and DD were messing around yesterday and talking about it and she came up with a "plan". So far fetched(even more far fetched than the possibility of a zombie apocalypse) that it resembled a Fast and Furious movie, complete with a bucket and tin foil to go into space.

It spans years, at least two other planets and various adventures and eventually it ends with her being a goddess.

In reality, I give her a day. She's the type that would check out on her own what the weird noise is at the beginning of a horror movie.

What about your kids?

Mine are feral too, and gamers who are also pretty handy in rl. I’d put good money on dc1 organising everyone and dc2 planning and building a base with supplies, devising weaponry, then taking out all comers.

Mine are both over 18 so they'd meet me at the Winchester. Eldest would have ran, cycled and swam, youngest would have demanded a lift.

Eldest and I would soon get bored and go out on a spree. We like doing stuff together and although quite competitive with others we'd just urge each other on and lay waste to the horde. Of course, she would do better than me as she is younger and would have bought the right footwear whereas I'd be using an old pair of boots.

Both mine would know to go to The Winchester and wait it out.

🤣 we’ve talked about this. We decided we would go for supplies- food, medicines, weapons and then get away from populated areas. Youngest ds would be all about strategy and eldest would go with the flow.

Loads of time, we live near an excellent pub, I know how it works from Shaun of the Dead

In a zombie apocalypse the biggest risk to your survival is other humans. Zombies you can hide from. It's the living that will get you killed.

My younger son would live a long life as he would not interact with people, join a group, travel in search of a safe zone or try to save anyone being chased by zombies. He'd likely only venture out in search of tins of food. If he did encounter people he'd probably throw them to the zombies in order to give himself time to escape.

My older son would be more likely to try to find other people and so would not last long.

DD would probably try to get them to learn a dance routine - so like Thriller, but to showtunes instead. Then she'd teach them all how to make friendship bracelets.

They’d wake me up, and hide in my bed while I sorted the zombie situation out.

As long as they were home and there was food, I don’t think mine would even notice. They have no desire to go outside, ever. If the internet went off, that might be more tricky. I suspect they would fight each other (dd would win). I need to make sure I stock up on enough food so other people can deal with the zombies first I think!

I was going to say that it depended on how they were cooked, and then realised the question wasn’t a survivalist version of the mumsnet chicken 😀.

My son would be the last to notice that a Zombie invasion had occurred, and anyway he would swiftly get killed by stepping in front of the nearest vehicle while talking about Pokémon/FIFA/Bunny vs Monkey. It wouldn't really matter whether the vehicle was manned by a zombie or non-zombie.

You say that now. You would change your mind when she turned up on your doorstep with her equally feral cat to recruit your teens and loot your supplies.

One would capitalise the fuck out of every last item and somehow end up with loads of important shit and be all organised and have feasible plans that all fall together.

The other one would watch his sibling in a mix of bitter jealousy, wonderment, and pride while eating the food and drinking the drink his sibling had provided.

I will not survive longer than a few hours. I’m just too old for that shit.

DD would have her noise cancelling headphones on and not realise anything was amiss.

I on the other hand would be epic I've given this alot of thought. I was in cadets and am a good shot with a rifle, can make a shelter and build fires, in a previous role I was an outdoor activity instructor so good with archery, canoe/kayak, climbing and general rope skills I can drive a boat, fly small planes, and drive so sorted on transport.
I'd head straight for my workplace, it's very isolated in the middle of fields with a river full of fish running through it and loads of plant that I can't drive but would have access to the keys and two boats and we have our own diesel store and solar panels, I'd have to learn to fish and to actually eat them though as I hate fish.

In reality I'm now quite overweight and haven't run for a long time so would be eaten before putting any of my skills to good use.

My 3 year old is incapable of staying quiet for more that two seconds. If you tell her she has to be quiet, she gets more indignant and louder.

She would get us all eaten in under 5 mins. The others wouldn’t stand a chance thanks to motormouth.

I'm an exam invigilator and often spend quiet moments planning how I'd get out of a room of it was suddenly overrun by a herd

Oooh this is touched on in the book world war z!

I actually used to have quite detailed Zombie plans.

Now, fuck it. I’d get bitten right away. I’d make a fucking fantastic Zombie, and I don’t think I could be arsed living off baked beans in a post apocalyptic wasteland.

DS1 not a hope in hell

DS2 live to a ripe old age whilst enjoying the whole apocalypse challenge

DD would probably feel sorry for zombies, try and befriend them as they must just be misunderstood and knit them jumpers (so not long)

Having seen DD1's performance at Fortnite... she's screwed.

DD2 wouldn't notice the zombies as long as the wifi was working.

My 15 year old autistic teenager is a massive gamer and horror fan.

He's been planning for the zombie apocalypse for the past 5 years and info dumps his updated plans quite regularly.

He would last a while I reckon.

Mine would be good at fighting zombies but would struggle with the lack of hot water for showers and clean clothes

My five year old would be excellent for zombie surveillance and see them coming a mile off. We live in a tiny rural village and he's a massive curtain twitcher, he likes to peer out of the window at comings and goings and comment darkly about anything he deems as suspicious, such as a vehicle he doesn't recognise driving past. No need to go outside to see if the bin collectors have been, DS knows.

I'd always assumed he'd give away our location in a disaster by chatting, but we actually had an incident where a ceiling suddenly collapsed (old plaster and lathe ceiling, luckily no one hurt but made a tremendous bang and filled the house with dust). DS silently hid himself away under a little table, I found him tucked away quite calmly waiting to see if the danger had passed. Poor little chap. So he might be reasonably effective!

Mine would be fucked without avocados and hummus

When my DC were 4 and 5 I looked over at them on day and thought you 2 would definitely survive on your own after an apocalypse etc