What's the latest you'd have a baby?

[worrywilma]

I'm 37 and ideally I'd like to wait another year before trying for our first baby. But I'm fully aware that time is not on my side!

My career has only just started to take off......oh to be 28 again 🥴

I know millions of people have their first in their late thirties, but I also know a lot of those people wish they had started sooner.

I'm in a pickle.

No, but is it a good idea? I don’t see ‘everyone else does it’ as a good reason, if you see what I mean

Had one at 40. I think this is too old, I would say 35. It's very unfair on the child and I feel very guilty about it now

This is the perfect answer.

I think it can be a good idea in that the older you get, the more mature and experienced you are, and thus more likely to be a good parent. I’d have been a dreadful parent at 25 or even 30. I didn’t know myself, I wasn’t emotionally mature, my relationships weren’t emotionally mature, etc. by 35 I’d also had plenty of ‘me time’, so I was ready and didn’t feel resentful of what I was giving up for a baby.

so, everyone is different, swings and roundabouts.

I think about grandparents too.

My parents had a house and mortgage and were settled at 23. That's not likely the case these days with so many more going to uni and time taken to establish careers.

I wish I'd had mine younger but there is no right time I think.

I had mine at 30 & 34, but I think if I hadn’t had children yet I would have tried up until my early 40s. I’m currently 42 with a 12 and 8 year old and whilst I certainly wouldn’t want to start again now, I think if I hadn’t already had children I would feel differently. I have a relative who just had her third at 53!!

You're looking at this the wrong way - what makes you think you will get pregnant as soon as you start trying?

Usually takes at least 6 months and that's if you're in your 20s early 30s.

I agree! DD1 was conceived whilst I was on the pill at 19 but DD2 took 13 cycles with a miscarriage. I was 24 when we started and 26 by the time she was born so not old. This pregnancy was another unexpected surprise at 29 so sometimes there is no reason for it taking time other than that’s how long it takes. All conceived with the same father who is 2.5yrs older than me so not old.

Well I think I personally wouldn’t be any to have had a baby in my 20s regardless of fashion. It’s not always about fertility. It’s not always about what’s trending locally. It’s about personal choice. There are considerations to be made with later motherhood. Having to have tests and do on, increased risks. However, feeling more tired seems to be a popular thing to say. I was 43 and I didn’t feel tired at all.

9 years between dc. Had my first at 29 and second at 38, 39 with in a couple months of giving birth.

I feel so old. Baby is now mobile and I'm dreading walking and the toddler years. I'm one of the oldest mums at baby clubs. But, fit in with the school gate mums age wise.

I think it's different for a first child in your late 30s vs a big age gap. It's been tough, this time around. BUT, saying that in alot ways easier.

Who said anything about fashion if anything 40s is more fashionable but in my opinion borrowing time at baby’s expense

7pm

I like an early night and sleep, so I’d want time to settle after all that effort.

Sigh 😞 very Mumsnettish sensibilities. I didn’t try until I was 35, I didn’t succeed until I was 42. I don’t think it makes any difference to the DC. I can’t know if I’d have got pregnant more quickly in my 20s, general odds are yes but personal fertility history suggests not.

I'd say don't wait. We started trying at 33. Needed ivf, had our 2 at 36 and 37.

I'm 47 now with a 10 and 9 year old. Love them hugely and treasure every minute with them but wish I had the energy of 10 years ago (rather than being a peri menopausal wreck!)

Had my first at 29, second at 32. We're debating one more but my absolute cut off is 35. I'm exhausted all the time and I know it's going to get worse the older we get. Plus now we're back to the nappy phase I kind of don't want to have to start it again from scratch. I expect if I'm not pregnant again by the end of the year that will be us done.

But that said I only have one friend who had kids before us, their surprise baby at 23 and they were 3 and done by 28. A couple more have had babies in the past year or so but many haven't even started thinking about it yet. I understand your rationale and I'm sure some people prefer to wait and won't regret this but I'm happy with the age we had ours

I sound have clarified. Started at 34 and it took me 5 years to get 2 DC. I wouldn't be waiting around OP.

Had my first at 32 and second at 34. I wanted to be done (as in family complete) by 35.
I was lucky it all worked out.

If you have trouble ttc then it’s not a choice, and if it’s 42 or never then I think on a balance it’s still better to be born and have a loving parent. I’m just saying if it’s truly a choice, you could ttc here and now at 32, but decide to kick the can down the road to 38/39, then I think it’s a bit unfair on the baby personally.

It’s whatever feels right for the mum when it comes down to it

I think it's far more unfair to have a baby before you feel truly ready and for some people, that isn't going to be in their early 30's. It wasn't for me.

Fine, but ‘feeling ready’ is a kind of an abstract concept that doesn’t really affect them like having much older parents does. Like I said it usually means having less grandparent support, caring for elderly parents and school age children at the same time, having fewer or no siblings and therefore no nieces/nephews/cousins for the children. To be honest I think if you’re not ready at 35 you won’t ever be.

That will depend on why the person doesn't feel ready and their future plans such as they might only plan on 1-2 children anyway or live far away from Grandparents so would have little to no support no matter what etc.

Ultimately, there's pros and cons to becoming a parent at any age. I'm glad I waited but the next person will be the opposite because everyone is different.

I think this has already been said but it probably cannot be overstated; what you have asked is when is the latest you would have a baby. But that’s not really what you are asking. What you are asking is when is the latest you would put off trying for your first baby.

I had my third baby at 44, nearly 45. It was a straightforward pregnancy and delivery.

I had my first at 34 and my second at 37. The reason for the long gap between 2nd and 3rd was repeated pregnancy loss (4 miscarriages, one of them quite late on).

So my answer to the latest I would have a baby (mid forties) is very different to the latest I would put off trying for one, particularly first (when I’d say mid thirties max).

If being a mother is central to tour sense of self I’d crack on with it. To be honest I would not bother with the fertility check first either (seems like a reason just to defer it that little bit longer). If you want a child I’d get on with it now.

Best of luck.

I meant the children - if their parent has them at 38, the parent will likely be 70+ by the time they become a grandparent and not be able to provide the sort of support a grandparent in their late 50s or early 60s would. But yes everyone is individual.

I’m an older parent, my parents were both on their 70s when they became grandparents. They were great at being grandparents and did babysitting, school hols childcare. I would never have asked them to be a substitute for the experience of nursery but age probably wouldn’t have stopped them. They both lived until over 90. My bro was a younger grandparent (late 50s) but passed away in his early 60s. You can’t plan these things precisely. Everyone is different.

If you want to plan for earlier or later motherhood decide on the basis of when you feel ready as an individual and as a couple because when you are ready to be a parent is the time that’s best. It might not go to plan, but that’s a whole other discussion.

So I always thought I'd have my first baby in my late 20s. But when we got there, turns out my hub had a blockage in his sperm duct. Luckily he got it sorted in time for us to get pregnant in our early 30s. But then we had a miscarriage during lockdown, which was rough. We finally had our first baby when I was 35, and now we want more. But we've tried a lot and it's just not happening. I'm pretty crushed about it, but we're gonna keep trying. I can't imagine my baby growing up without siblings as it was how I grew up. My mum started having kids at 21 and she ended up with four of us. On the other hand, my mum's mum had her in her mid 40s! BOTH of my grandmas had babies from their late teens all the way into their 40s, both married stay at home mums whereas I wanted a career because I've seen women get financially trapped with men who treat them poorly, not that my DH would do the but it was always the plan "just in case". Also you can't really have a house and a baby and without 2 incomes.