Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What's the latest you'd have a baby?

244 replies

worrywilma · 14/02/2024 18:45

I'm 37 and ideally I'd like to wait another year before trying for our first baby. But I'm fully aware that time is not on my side!

My career has only just started to take off......oh to be 28 again 🥴

I know millions of people have their first in their late thirties, but I also know a lot of those people wish they had started sooner.

I'm in a pickle.

OP posts:
Kitkat1523 · 14/02/2024 23:16

29

MyopicBunny · 14/02/2024 23:17

I had my fourth at 39 and I don't think I could do it again, now. I felt noticeably more tired and unwell than my pregnancies in my 20s. However, I did have GD so I expect that didn't help.

Kitkat1523 · 14/02/2024 23:18

allfurcoatnoknickers · 14/02/2024 22:24

I'd say 40ish. Had my first at 32 and my second at 36 and I'm thinking about a third with another 4 year age gap, which would make me 40.

I was a young mum around these parts though. I know more women who've had a first baby over 40 than under 30. One of my colleagues got pregnant at 29 and we were all Shock because that seemed SO young.

Most people I know had their last babies around 29….. my DD is 30 with a nearly 9 and a 5 year old….pretty standard

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
DinnaeFashYersel · 14/02/2024 23:19

I was 38 with my second and I would have preferred to be younger but had fertility problems

Ttcafterlosses · 14/02/2024 23:20

I have unexplained recurrent miscarriages (not age related as below 35) - I will keep trying as long as I have the physical and mental health capacity.
sometimes it feels like too much and I want to give up but I know I have to keep trying for my rainbow baby

AstorianPlease · 14/02/2024 23:20

Twenty seven - I got my tubes tied after my second baby.

MyopicBunny · 14/02/2024 23:21

Just to add, my cousin who is a doctor told me that about 50% of women who reach 36 without having had any children are infertile by that point. For some reason it's not the case if you've already had children.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/02/2024 23:21

I had DS at 35 and I'm currently 36 and due twins in April, will turn 37 soon after.

Got pregnant first month trying both times.

Have a baby when you feel ready.

theduchessofspork · 14/02/2024 23:22

10pm to catch the news

At 37 you don’t want to hang about sorry - if it’s important then crack on

theduchessofspork · 14/02/2024 23:25

Kitkat1523 · 14/02/2024 23:18

Most people I know had their last babies around 29….. my DD is 30 with a nearly 9 and a 5 year old….pretty standard

Show quote history

No it’s young

The average age to have a first baby is 29.5. But for social groups AB it is later - if you live in a very middle class bubble you’s probably know very few people in their 20s with kids.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/02/2024 23:25

35 at the very latest I think
though actually my personal cut off would be 30
I had all three by 28!

TiredMummma · 14/02/2024 23:30

Fertility mots are not worth the money unless you have issues - if you want kids just crack on. Pregnancy is 9 months anyway so you might be 38 by then.

Pupsandturtles · 14/02/2024 23:35

MyopicBunny · 14/02/2024 23:21

Just to add, my cousin who is a doctor told me that about 50% of women who reach 36 without having had any children are infertile by that point. For some reason it's not the case if you've already had children.

this is not true. Op, Google Jean Twenge’s work if you want to see the data on female fertility and age. Emily oster also has a good chapter about it in Expecting Better.

that said, the stats can’t tell you what YOUR fertility is likely to be. A fertility MOT for you and your partner should at least be able to tell you if you’re likely to need IVF (blocked tubes, low sperm count, for instance.) if the answer if yes, you’ll probably want to kick off sooner rather than later.

TiredMagnolia · 14/02/2024 23:57

I had my DS at 27 and my DD at 30. I remember my lovely granny telling me after DD "Oh, how lovely. You can stop now you have a gentleman's family!" (a boy then a girl). She was bonkers but lovely. 😂

I used to want 2 more but we couldn't afford it. The older I got, the more concerns about the higher risks during pregnancy and medical conditions for the child set in. I had a lot going on in my life during my mid-late 30s and I know I could not have coped with a child with significant additional needs. The broodiness passed at about 37-38.

I'm 46 now and would be more terrified of falling pregnant now than when I was a teen! lol It's not just that I think I'd struggle energy-wise. I don't think I could bear the financial pressure. I've one in uni and one almost there. I can see the financial light at the end of the tunnel in a few years. I've loved and am loving (almost) every second of the journey but I'm looking forward to the next stage and having adult children.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 15/02/2024 00:06

@theduchessofspork Yes, very middle class bubble for sure. Lots of the 40+ first time mum crew were climbing the ladder in law/banking/consulting etc. and just didn't have the time or inclination before then.

I know a fair few who had 2 or 3 kids in their 40s.

HolidayBurden · 15/02/2024 00:27

Had my first at almost 21 with absolutely no regrets, then some miscarriages, but another at almost 32. Was far easier first time round even though I did it on my own. I wouldn't like to be older, especially if you're kids then did the same as your years as a grandparent are likely to be minimal at best.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 15/02/2024 00:46

I’ve recently had my first at 25. I’m not sure exactly how many children I want (definitely no more than 4), but I’m pretty certain I want to be finished having children by 35. There are more risks after that and I wouldn’t want the age gap between my first and last child to be more than 10 years. Though if I’d started having children in my thirties I’d probably finish later than that.

thiswaytosaturn · 15/02/2024 01:14

LaPalmaLlama · 14/02/2024 21:02

But that would include people who never intended to have a child ( and therefore didn’t have one earlier) of which there are increasing numbers. So I don’t think you can draw anything from that stat.

Show quote history

@LaPalmaLlama Only 10% of those women chose not to have children.
Another 10% are fertility issues.
80% are 'unplanned childlessness'

Shocking I know

thiswaytosaturn · 15/02/2024 01:16

@Hibernatalie

No. Look up Stephen J. Shaw - a data scientist.
I was shocked too, but facts are facts

whatthejuice · 15/02/2024 01:27

I had my first at 31 and second at 34. I definitely wasn't a 2 under 2 Mum so very happy with the 3 year age gap but perhaps wish I'd started a year, possibly 2 years, earlier. But by and large very happy with my lot and how things have worked out so far.
I think 38 would've been my cut off but that's coming from a place of privilege of having conceived quite easily.
For what it's worth I definitely wouldn't have wanted kids before 28-ish either - me and my husband were having the time of our lives travelling and having fun. There are trade-offs with every decision.
Good luck with your journey!

novocaine4thesoul · 15/02/2024 01:31

Please don't wait if you want a baby. Some things are better from being an older parent, some things are worse, but biology works against you xx

Babyghirl · 15/02/2024 02:01

I had my LG at 39, but I was trying for 4 years with 4 miscarriages so was not easy, if I was you and you really want a baby I would try ASAP you never know what problems you might run in to.

pinklepea · 15/02/2024 02:01

worrywilma · 14/02/2024 18:45

I'm 37 and ideally I'd like to wait another year before trying for our first baby. But I'm fully aware that time is not on my side!

My career has only just started to take off......oh to be 28 again 🥴

I know millions of people have their first in their late thirties, but I also know a lot of those people wish they had started sooner.

I'm in a pickle.

37 is old for a first baby. You could be completely fertile but if you aren't you are losing the chance by the month. If you could do the ideal and wait and have the career and it all works out perfectly that would be amazing. But don't have any regrets if that doesn't happen

MariaVT65 · 15/02/2024 02:26

My cut off was always 35. Had mine at 32 and 35. I felt so strongly about it that we agreed to only try for a few months. I was lucky.

My parents and in laws all started getting health issues in their 50s, and I don’t want school-aged children when that is going on. Luckily our parents had had us by 31.

You also mentioned your employer. Tbh, all my friends including me have either gone back to work part time, or the job has changed. I think career does suffer for many women regardless of age.

BingoMarieHeeler · 15/02/2024 02:32

Well you can’t go back in time so no point worrying that lots of people wish they’d started sooner. I’d do it now if I was you to be honest, if you’re in that headspace!

My cut off is irrelevant to you, but I was glad to be done in my early 30s.

Swipe left for the next trending thread