What's the latest you'd have a baby?

[worrywilma]

I'm 37 and ideally I'd like to wait another year before trying for our first baby. But I'm fully aware that time is not on my side!

My career has only just started to take off......oh to be 28 again 🥴

I know millions of people have their first in their late thirties, but I also know a lot of those people wish they had started sooner.

I'm in a pickle.

I had mine at 36 & 37. I have cousins who had babies mid-40s, one had a long fertility treatment road and one had a baby with Down’s syndrome.

If I wasn’t fussed about whether I had a baby or not I wouldn’t be fussed about waiting until 40 until I ttc. But if I did desperately want a baby and was in a good relationship with someone who also wanted babies, I wouldn’t leave it much later than 38.

Also how old is your DP? Mine is 4 years older than me so that was also a factor. He was glad he was a father before the age of 40.

*don’t stand out

I think this is the most important point - I am absolutely fine with being an older mother (children at 39 and 41, wasn't ready to have them earlier), but it's not until we started trying that we realised how bloody lucky we were to get pregnant easily with healthy children. This is partly because we are a same sex couple so had IVF and read up in detail about all the statistics at various ages, and partly because people don't tell you about all their miscarriages, difficulties conceiving etc until you become an older mum.

I think you're crazy to wait. If you have issues then you'll be 40 trying to get IVF.
I had my second at 37, first at 35. I only met my husband when I was 33.

I would advise to start ASAP as, while some can be lucky and get pregnant straight away, others have problems. You don't know until you try. When I was 30 we thought it was right time to start but only 12 years later did we have our baby. Xx

I did 28 and 32.
Just before my first my career was taking off, then I was totally shafted for having a baby, so began again elsewhere. Now feel my career is taking off more to the same level it was at 28, and I'm 33. So I do understand where you're coming from. But equally, if you want a baby, I wouldn't just wait.

I said 38 was my cut off ( had mine at 35,37) as want them all gone by time I’m 60. I am towards the older end of the parents in my dc’s class but deffo not the oldest ( helped by fact that many of their classmates are younger siblings) 🤣. I wish I’d started a bit younger ( so maybe 32/33) but we did 2 international moves in 2 years then so wasn’t really a good time.

I'm 40 and would be perfectly fine physically to have a baby now but, and it's a bit but, it took us 3 years (and a whole lot of stress) to have DS; I was nearly 37 when I had him. I wouldn't want to start trying now, knowing that I could be 43/44 before I had a baby.

I thought I would be happy to get pregnant at any point until I was 40. Unfortunately, nature had other plans. We tried at 38. I got pregnant three times, but lost all of them.

i'm not saying this to scare you OP, but I always wonder if I'd just tried that bit sooner. If you really want another, I would definitely try sooner rather than later. Life will sort itself out, but you might miss your chance by waiting.

good luck with whatever you do.

I had my first at 19, second at 22 and third at 38. I am so much more patient with my third but had so much more energy with the first two

Had mine at 30 and 32 that was my cut off I personally wouldn't want to be any older than that having a baby it's exhausting during the newborn stages of having little to no sleep and then toddler years is exhausting running around always on the go non stop it does get easier once they start school but I keep thinking I'll be in my 50s when I can hopefully have some freedom again of not having to have childcare in place or being able to go away for weekends with DH all things you take for granted before you have children and things you miss once you do have them.

Don't get me wrong love my two loads and there are some lovely family moments etc but it defiantly is harder in your 30s having babies.

obviously depends on relationship status but a few friends who had their kids really early ( 23-25) found less impact on career than those in early 30’s because if you’re in law or accountancy they don’t massively care if you extend your TC by a year or two but they’re way more jittery around making people up to partner who may have multiple Mat leaves. Obviously anecdotal but…

I had kids at 31, 32, 33 and 37. The last one was not planned at all and I must say I notice the difference, although to be fair I am probably about 4 stone heavier than when I conceived my first. We really thought a lot about having the last one but our first passed away and we didn't feel like we could do anything but keep them but that was probably my limit in terms of age

It's so personal for everyone. My cut off was 30 but I started at 18 so it makes sense for me. I gave birth to my youngest at 29.5.

My cut off to be done with having DC was 35. Had first at 31 and second would be born when I am 35. I wish I had them in late 20s as I had much more energy then.
With your age you have to consider that if it took you longer, you'll have a 10 year old when you are 50 and them going to uni and you'll be 60. So, best sooner than later.

36, 38 & 42. All relatively straight forward easy ( bar morning sickness and constant bugs) pregnancies. The last one was the easiest pregnancy by far.

I definitely think being older has made me a better mother, however I struggled physically now due to health issues that could have happened with or without kids.

I started trying at 38 and it took 4 years and 7 miscarriages before I had my baby. Pregnancy was a doddle but we can’t try for a second

My friend started trying at 39 and nearly 3 years in hasn’t had so much as a sniff of a positive test and IVF has failed. At 37 I would not be waiting.

I’m 40 and feel young and fit and have no problem running around after small children all day. Some posters are acting like 40 is 70! I’d be quite happy to have another baby now.

What would not be happy to do is another 15 years of school bureaucracy and homework. having kids in school for nearly 25 years of my life straight is bad enough, I can’t imagine having to deal with kids schoolwork for 40+ years of my life. but if I didn’t already have them I wouldn’t be so jaded maybe

I said 30 was my cutoff when I had my third, but here I am pregnant with my fourth at 35.

Good for you. Not everyone is that lucky though. I wasn't able to run round after my kids when I had them in my early 20s, so I'd be even less likely 10 years or more later.

People are giving their own experiences and opinions, like the op asked

I only met DH when I was 35 and him 42 and we both needed time to heal after previous relationships. I started trying to conceive around my 38th birthday, took about 6 months to come off the pill, get my cycle back, track ovulation and become pregnant. Gave birth at 39 and turned 40 with an 8 month old. In some respects I wish I was younger with DS who is now 18 months but the benefit is that we both have established careers and disposable income so whilst were tired, we're not worried about money and giving DS the best of everything. If we'd have been younger then maybe some things would have been easier and he'd potentially have grandparents for longer but we'd need to focus on our careers.

I think it's a very personal decision and there's no right and wrong. There are no guarantees at any age but obviously probabilities of having a child and the time it takes changes with age.

That's so much for all the insights.

DP and I have been together 8 years, he's a year younger than me, bought our house 5 years ago, so on paper we're good to go.

The thought of teens in my 50s is scary. And so is the thought of waiting any longer.

We've decided to go for fertility MOT in the next couple of months, and consistently try for the next 6 months (depending on the results).

I have a lovely, family orientated employer, but that doesn't stop me worrying about being left behind!

Start immediately. It may take a while. Had my last at 40, DC is now 16 and I feel I was too old.

I wouldn't potentially sacrifice my chance to be a mother for a job.

I didn’t have fertility issues but saw a fertility expert before I had a baby who told me that on average, around 37.5 years old is when a woman’s fertility really starts to drop off. I found that really helpful to know.

It’s important to remember that once pregnant, there’s still approx 9 months before the baby arrives, which is the best part of a year. So if you wait to start trying until you are 38, even if you got pregnant pretty much straight away, you’d be nearly 39, or actually 39 by the time your first baby is born. If you want more, it’ll (likely) be harder too.

I also think that if you wait a year and then can’t get pregnant you will potentially really regret not trying sooner - even if in reality it would not have made a difference. So in your position, I’d definitely start trying now.

I had my first (and only - by choice) weeks before I turned 38. It’s been fine though I think the lack of sleep might have been much easier if I had been younger. Other stuff has been better though - we are much better off than 10 years earlier and have used that additional money to provide all sorts of things we couldn’t have done earlier. Also, we spend quite a lot on outsourcing household tasks like cleaning, washing, handyman tasks etc which means evenings and weekends are spent with our DD rather than doing housework. That was an unexpected bonus of being more financially secure that we hadn’t thought about!