What's the latest you'd have a baby?

[worrywilma]

I'm 37 and ideally I'd like to wait another year before trying for our first baby. But I'm fully aware that time is not on my side!

My career has only just started to take off......oh to be 28 again 🥴

I know millions of people have their first in their late thirties, but I also know a lot of those people wish they had started sooner.

I'm in a pickle.

I'm 39 and I have a 20 year old, a 15 year old and a 9 month old, am going to try for one more. With a new partner now, I am in a loving, caring, stable relationship, nothing like my first marriage where I was abused. I'm a much better Mum now, way more patient etc, I don't feel any more tired than I did when I was 18 and had a baby, in fact I'm far more able to cope now than I was then.

Start trying now, we started trying when I was 36, we struggled to conceive and had first child at 41, it's too old.

If I was you, I would start now.
Not because I think X age is too old, but because you never know how long it will take. And, if you do need an intervention, IVF gets less and less effective the longer you leave it.
My only child was born when I was 40. No regrets, and I feel as young and energetic as ever, plus we live in an area where we live somewhere where a lot of parents are around our age.
However, this is my second marriage (my first husband died). If I had been married and secure sooner, I would have started sooner.
We also needed IVF, but because of male issues not me, so we would have needed IVF whether we had started trying at 40 or at 20.

You're looking at this the wrong way - what makes you think you will get pregnant as soon as you start trying?

Usually takes at least 6 months and that's if you're in your 20s early 30s.

What if you have a few miscarriages along the way? You'll be 40 before you know it and possibly still trying but with even less time.

If you definitely want a child then start trying right away. There's no guarantee it will happen for you but at least you will have more time if you do need help.

I started trying at 37. One miscarriage then went for IVF for purely age reasons which in itself was a 3 month process. Pregnant on first transfer and had my baby at 39.5

Don't look back and regret not trying earlier. There's no magic wand to see your future but it's a fact your fertility is an unknown

I'd get on with it. I've met too many women now who don't have children, which they desperately wanted, because they left it too late. Some because they didn't have a partner, but many because they wanted the career and for everything to 'be just right'. There is no perfect time to have a baby, but the clock is ticking and if you're in a stable relationship and stable financial situation don't hold off if it's something you want. Also, everyone I know who has had multiple pregnancies have always said that the later pregnancies were MUCH more difficult on their bodies.

35 is my cut off but then I was lucky enough to be ready to start trying at 27. I am sure that if I hadn't been in a position to start trying till gone 35 then I would still have tried.

Having said that, I prioritised starting a family. In your position I'd be starting to try now if I was sure that was what I wanted. There will always be some reason not to, it depends which you value more.

Had mine at 29 and 32. Wouldn’t want one over 35. Just how I feel.

I'd say early 40's would have been my latest if I hadn't has a child before then. I had dd in my early 30's, which felt perfect for us. 20's would have been too young for me.

Same in the London media bubble. One colleague had three in her forties. She had a house and savings and was well established in her career. It was undoubtedly the best time for her to do it.

Normally I don't see the point of these threads because its not always about an ideal.time but wether you are in a relationship etc where you want to.have children etc so you will get vastly different answers
At 37 though if you want children I wouldn't be hanging around .

I want a third, and my cut off is 36 ideally. I'm 35 this year, don't really want to be older than 40 sending my last to school and if I'm going into the preschool trenches again I want to have at least a bit of energy. Don't want nappies in my 40s.

I always knew I wanted children fairly young and had both mine in my 20s which was absolutely perfect for me. But I know a lot people probably couldn’t imagine anything worse! Don’t worry about other peoples preferences, we’re all so different!

I had all three dcs by 33. It’s not really the age you have them like I don’t think late 30’s , early 40’s looks old anymore tbh , I can never tell peoples ages anymore as feel some late 30’s could also be late 20’s but I know that’s not how biology works… It’s more the age you’ll be when they are older like 10 etc and still young kids but you could be 50’s etc . Also do you want more than one. I think having 3 had been absolutely wonderful as there’s a real dynamic and group family feel which we find lovely . Obviously it has taken sacrifices and we don’t have any family support so they early years we were broke and v exhausted.. but v v worth it.
But if you want a few children and then wait till late 30’s you’d need to have them all really close together which might work or might be too hard. All of our friends waited 10 years after us to have kids and they all have just one (despite all of them wanting more) , they waited like someone much younger to ttc a second and it hasn’t happened. Also I’m now v late 30’s and I am slim and fit etc, finally getting sleep after years and years of sleep deprivation (kids are ages 7, 10 and 13) but I’ve noticed my energy levels have dropped .. I am back working though and it’s a full on role so that could be it but also think I can feel my age a bit more now, it must be tough on people with babies and toddlers at this age . I’d think carefully re how many you want tbh and the ages you’ll be when they are older.

Ok so the consensus is to crack on as 37 really is on the edge of the too old line.

I really don't want to have my first baby at 40, and like a lot of you have said, I may take months to convince, then best part of a year being pregnant, so 40 will be here a lot sooner than I probably anticipated.

I still feel 25 in my mind 😂

Thanks for the insight everyone!

Gosh I had mine at 19, 24, 27 and 31. I'm glad I had them young although money has been tighter, my career is just taking off now (38). I couldn't imagine having another baby now or in my 40s

I fell pregnant with our first at 35 and she was born when I just turned 36. We're now TTC number 2 - I'm 37 and already feel that time is against me as I'd really like to have 3 or 4 if possible. I would have loved to start earlier but it didn't work out that way for us due to work and life circumstances.

If you want to be a mother, I wouldn't wait any longer. So much is down to chance when TTC - you could get lucky and get pregnant quickly, or it could take months or years. Even healthy couples with no apparent fertility issues can take a long time to conceive. You just never know. I know women who have let the years run away from them and are now too old to start a family. They really regret it.

Good luck xx

Where we live, expensive south east, commutable distance to London, the average age to have first baby is 35+

No one would bat an eyelid at 37.

I had twins age 37. That's 15 years older than my parents when they started a family.
It didn't bother me until I started to look at my parents and the lovely relationship they have with their grandchildren and I wish they could be around longer to see them grow up well into adulthood. And in turn I will be a much older grandparent one day

I wish I could have had my children in late 20s maybe 32 maximum

It really is area dependant isn't it. I felt young in outer London having my first at 30 compared to my nct group.

But having moved back home I was definitely an "older parent" at primary school gates!!! Markedly so. There were a few if us of a similar age and we stuck together but mainly younger women.

Different secondary school in different area and I'm average age again!

Although I fell pregnant easily with one of mine the first one took nearly a year to conceive so OP I would also build in time taken to conceive... as it often isn't straightforward- especially a bit older.

Also you never know when I'll health will hit you. When my kids got to 10 I became less mobile which I never imagined. So definitely ASAP if I were you!

Plenty of women have babies in their late 30s and early 40s. However I discovered that I was perimenopausal at 34 so it can swing that way too. Thankfully I had DS at 27 and am now doing IVF. May be too late but am giving it a go as my eggs should still be decent quality even if not many of them.

We started ttc at 37. Almost 42 and still no baby (lots of losses though). If you want a baby, I wouldn’t wait. Egg quality deteriorates on a monthly basis, I was told.

I wouldn't want to leave it later than 37/38 to try for another baby on purpose (have 2 already) but if I had a surprise in my 40s I'd be OK with it. I live in an area where lots of people have their 2nd/3rd in their early 40s.

I’m 29 with a DD3 and a baby on the way. My cut off point was 30 but I would like another 1/2 children. I’d say I wouldn’t go over 35!

This is something that doesn’t occur to people until afterwards I think. Being an older parent tends to shrink the wider family - grandparents aren’t around as long, they’re less likely to have siblings (most people I know who had a first baby past 40 only had the one), therefore no nieces/nephews/cousins/aunts/uncles as the years go by. A lot of these parents are now very worried about their only after they’re gone, with no wider support network.