Does every seem to have anxiety now?

[Bondibeechtree]

Is it just me but does everyone seem to have anxiety these days? I don't know if it's just my friends but I'm finding it pretty draining now and then I feel guilty for finding it draining. It's not their fault for having anxiety.

Examples:

1. Friend rang me at 3.45am crying and struggling to breathe with work anxiety. She needs to get signed off but won't as she's too anxious about letting people down. She barely sleeps and isn't coping.
2. Friend #2 messaged last week to say her dog had run away and she'd had to run after her. All fine and caught within a minute. She'd come home and was shaking and was actually sick. My own dog does stuff like this occasionally and I'd barely even see it as an event.

There's loads of other examples but it's got me thinking about whether anxiety is everywhere or whether it's my friends. How can I support them without it draining me and making me feel like things are only a 1 way street?

I remember when I studied psychology years ago,
before the mental health crisis era, we learned that anxiety and stress was a normal part of humanity and functioning. It’s a reaction to something. Everyone is going through something and we all experience moments of anxiety - of course some are more sensitive to others.

I think what’s happening today is our coping mechanisms are different. We are more vocal about our feelings as opposed to the “old fashioned”attitude of “just get on with it”. We are so overstimulated that our brains also struggling.

I also think we use anxiety loosely in our vocab. So it discredits true anxiety. Feeing anxious is normal.

Expecting support from people in depths of anxiety is unreasonable. Have you no family or friends who are in a better place right now? Ask them for help.

I don’t think it’s as clear cut as people are either making it up, or are massively struggling with a severe MH issue. I think it’s a spectrum. There are people with really good MH but they’re probably a minority (cat 1). A bunch of people - the majority maybe - who have a low or medium level issue (cat 2) but are able to work and function with effort and self care - and then another minority who are very severely affected and unable to do basic things (cat 3).

I think the issue is too many people in category 2 think they’re in category 3.

You can actually. You get a diagnosis of depression from the doctor and then apply. What’s the doctor going to do? Say you aren’t depressed? It’s impossible to prove either way.

Ah OP you asked the wrong question.

If you'd asked, I support my friends all the time but when I need support they don't reciprocate, you'd have had loads of people agreeing with you.

You've never been through the process have you?

Nothing to stop you applying. But you need far more than a letter stating you're depressed.

Anxiety is a very overused word nowadays imo, often in relation to children.

I've heard it so many times. 'Oh X probably won't, they have anxiety about X'. About a 13 year old being reluctant to do a class presentation. A 6 year old shy about approaching a group of unknown kids in a playground. A 14 year old doing xyz alone. Lots of examples.

Things that it's totally normal to feel nervous or worried about, especially at a young age. And instead of appropriate parental encouragement and positivity, they're pseudo-diagnosed with 'anxiety' by the parent.

I suffer from anxiety. We have a family history of it. It’s bloody horrendous, like having a bully sat on your shoulder 24/7. I try to never give into it, I just keep getting back up and start again each day. Once I am at work and busy the anxiety subsides. I find being busy helps, less time to ruminate. I could apply for PIP but what for? What costs do I incur by being anxious? I am not being a martyr but what would sitting at home achieve? We are too soft in this country, those of us with mild/moderate mental health conditions including myself need to be forced out of our comfort zone (sitting at home, scared) It’s what you want to do but it keeps the cycle going. Stop paying people for being anxious unless it is very severe. We are breeding people with no resilience by telling them they are victims.

Alcohol has been mentioned a couple of times and I believe that many people use alcohol to self medicate. This may be due to anxiety, fear, depression and then becomes a horrible cycle.

I've been in AA for many years and one of the huge benefits is having a large circle of people who really "get" each other. The meetings are part of it but working a 12 step programme is what keeps us sober - and putting down the drink is really just the first step. The others are unravelling why it was our solution and how to deal with the underlying emotions.

I've heard people say that they feel grateful to be in AA - what they mean is that the support network is very strong.

You were very kind to answer the phone to your friend and talk for an hour, OP.

This. It’s frustrating as sometimes you feel you’re the only one vaguely coping and therefore your role is to ‘support’. Support everyone at home, at work as well as being a mother/friend/colleague in your own right. It’s bloody exhausting.

I'm not sure it explains the increase in full but I think more people are open about it now. A friend of mine has a high powered job which she is incredibly good at. She presents as extremely confident and competent. However, she's open an having anxiety so badly that she's even been medicated for it at times. She's learned not to let it make decisions for her but can't quite get rid of it. I think women like her are inspirational and her openness makes her far more approachable and human despite her success.

Absolutely baffled by so many of these replies. Everyone has anxiety at one time or another, it’s a normal human feeling. Absolutely everyone feels that way. It’s only a problem when it’s prolonged and heavily affecting your life.

Your friend in example 1 has prolonged anxiety. That is a condition that can be treated.

Your friend in example 2 experienced a very anxious moment and after the adrenaline wore off she experienced nausea and vomiting - a common side effect for some from a sudden adrenaline rush.

You are conflating two completely different things.

this is such a funny thread. Anxiety is an emotion. It’s completely natural. so yes, everyone experiences anxiety 😂

OP, I don't seem to be suffering any more anxiety than I ever have, and certainly less than I did when I was young. I think when I was growing up anxiety was assumed to be a normal part of life and you were expected to deal with it and just get on with things. I suspect it's been pathologised and has become a 'thing' that can get people strokes and special treatment, so a lot more people are talking about it. That's good in some ways and not so good in others.

I grew up with a mum and dad who'd been schoolkids in London all through the war and knew what real anxiety was. Their parents modelled a chin up, keep calm and carry on sort of response, and there wasn't much slack cut for everyday jitters when I was growing up in the late 60s and 70s. I used to think they were unsympathetic but now I think I was lucky.

Obviously there always have been and always will be people who for all sorts of rational and irrational reasons suffer high levels of anxiety and I'm glad for them that it's being acknowledged. But I'm less delighted that it's almost fashionable to be anxious now. I have friends with anxious teens and I can see how being anxious can reap rewards from their parents.

I think your friend who's dog ran off experienced some adrenaline rather than anxiety. I do think people are quite fast to label anxiety and the problem is it's a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. If you tell yourself you have anxiety and therefore never have to step out your comfort zone then you will increasingly find it tricky if anything pushes you out of your comfort zone. Nerves are normal and we shouldn't label them as anxiety. My dm used to gently encourage me to do things that scared me and it paid off because once I'd done it I wasn't scared anymore. When you get used to that experience you become far less anxious or nervous new situations because you know you'll be ok.

Oh don't even get me started on people who think i'm here to make their life easier FFS.

This week alone I have

1. Been asked by a healthy colleague my age if I would go to her bank at lunchtime and pay a cheque in for her (no, do it yourself)
2. Been accused by my healthy lodger of not taking care of her (take care of your fucking self, i'm your landlady not your carer)
3. I'm giving away my shed on market place. A woman came to look at it and then messaged me to ask if she could come and look at it again and take the measurements. I said yes no problem. Then I get another message 2 days later asking me if I can measure the shed and give her the measurements (no, do it yourself, thats what your second visit was for).
4. I'm a self employed carer and I turned down a potential client because he lived too far away for me to go to just for a one hour visit. I got a sarcastic message from him saying "oh, ok. Sorry I don't meet your needs".
5. Another client who complained about me then got the hump when I wouldn't provide holiday cover for the regular carer.

God give me fucking strength. I don't know why I get all this. And they have the nerve to get arsey and annoyed with me when I don't help.

It’s fashionable to have “anxiety” now and “mental health” has become a buzz word.

People can’t be a bit nervous over a job interview or an exam now, they have to be having an anxiety attack.

The thing is that for the people who are genuinely diagnosed with anxiety it must be a nightmare, because their genuine symptoms must have been lost among those people who feel the need to label themselves.

And I’m afraid to say that the same applies to neurodiversity. Not that there aren’t people out there who are neurodiverse, but that there are now so many people who claim to be nurodiverse that in fact there is no such thing and neurotypical any more.

And again, for those who genuinely have autism/ADHD, they’ve been lost in the need for everyone else to want the same.

My eXH’s ds has recently been assessed for autism. Now he’s decided that because he read that autism is genetic, he’s autistic as wel.

He absolutely isn’t. But he’s decided that his DS’ autism has to have come from somewhere, and so now he’s labelled himself as autistic. No diagnosis or anything, the internet says it’s so.

Neither of the OPs examples fit this though.

Yep, and less resilient. I think it's post lockdown plus the future looks bleak, and everyone is constantly 'on' due to being on their phones. Their brain never switches off

I have 'ssd gets anxious when confronting new situations' in my report card aged 7. I've never forgot it.

Only on mumsnet

From your examples I wouldn't judge the second one to be anxiety. My little dog slipped his harness a year ago. I love him to bits and when he bolted I was terrified he'd get hit by a car. I did catch him quite quickly but I too felt quite sick afterwards. It was the shock of an unexpected event that could have had a bad outcome.

Have you heard of the drama triangle OP? Maybe look at why you keep feeling the need to rescue your friends…

So many judgemental, patronising & actually ignorant posts here.
Maybe go to the Mental Health Forum & read though fellow MN posts. Then you may just skim the surface about what medically diagnosed Anxiety is like.

Yes, but different people have different levels of tolerance for them.