Does every seem to have anxiety now?

[Bondibeechtree]

Is it just me but does everyone seem to have anxiety these days? I don't know if it's just my friends but I'm finding it pretty draining now and then I feel guilty for finding it draining. It's not their fault for having anxiety.

Examples:

1. Friend rang me at 3.45am crying and struggling to breathe with work anxiety. She needs to get signed off but won't as she's too anxious about letting people down. She barely sleeps and isn't coping.
2. Friend #2 messaged last week to say her dog had run away and she'd had to run after her. All fine and caught within a minute. She'd come home and was shaking and was actually sick. My own dog does stuff like this occasionally and I'd barely even see it as an event.

There's loads of other examples but it's got me thinking about whether anxiety is everywhere or whether it's my friends. How can I support them without it draining me and making me feel like things are only a 1 way street?

It’s always been a thing and definitely a predisposition to it can run in families.

I agree, @Charlieradioalphapapa . My Dad’s side of the family has a history of MH problems, esp. anxiety and depression. My Dad’s had lifelong problems, I’m diagnosed with GAD and my DS (15) is anxious. Thankfully my DD doesn’t appear to have any problems.

Nowadays we’re much better at recognizing symptoms and not stigmatizing these disorders though. I realized that DS was getting overly anxious around 10 and started counselling, which really helped him. He’s fine atm but we’ll always encourage him to get help if he needs it again.

A lot of them can't work - too anxious to go out alone, likely to panic etc. They are claiming benefits like PIP which is a long term disability benefit and things like UC limited capability for work, ESA, so saying they can't work due to anxiety, being face to face with others, being in social situations etc.

I think there’s a combination of factors -

1- people recognise it more. In the old days people would get Valium from the docs or booze and not tell anyone about it. Looking back, I think I had anxiety as a teenager, but internalised it and it was never discussed.

2- people really are more anxious. Social media has caused anxiety to sky rocket among teenage girls- that’s probably true for the rest of us. We all have much more people to compare ourselves with, and of course social media only presents one very skewed reality. ( we all say that perfect couple having the time of their lives, but they don’t post that he has ED and she has a drink problem). We’re all expected to excel at work AND at home ( women’s workload has basically doubled)

3- a lot of people need a kick up the arse ( resilience is the more polite term). I think this feeds back to the fact that, on the whole, our lives are pretty safe. ( compared to cavemen and 13th century peasants). As we’re still programmed to look for danger at every corner, we start to focus on tiny things and worry about them. People make themselves sick over what colour to paint their living room ( I’m looking at me here!)

Well of course. They can't pretend to have a broken leg.

Are you suggesting people are making up their anxiety / depression then? they do need medical evidence form health care professionals to get an award generally.

Aren't you a delight 🙄

That's exactly what I'm suggesting for a number of claimants, yes.

Obviously severe anxiety and GAD are medical conditions but, at the lower end of severity, I think there has been a change in recent years from "I feel anxious" to "I have anxiety".
If I acknowledge that "I feel anxious", it is unpleasant but is part of my everyday experience and I would be expected to look for strategies to deal with it as far as I could.
If "I have anxiety", it becomes a condition in its own right rather than part of me, I have less control and responsibility to resolve it and more expectation that others will support me and allowances should be made.
I have noticed a huge switch between the two standpoints in the last few years.

The thing I don’t like is how everything has to fall into - and even be reduced to - one of these two simplistic categories. Depression or Anxiety.

What about Pain? Confusion? Trauma? Sadness?

Ironically, I think there’s a deliberate avoidance of the word “pain” in particular, even in the world of “therapy”, ironically. It’s like the word pain - or even sadness - is just too raw. Better to call it depression or anxiety. Which can be treated by drugs of course. Which is not always true actually.

Given the amount of evidence you need how would that work? You can't just sat you have anxiety and they'll award you.

I think this might be another factor- the way we as a society deal with anxiety.

i have a friend who’s a GP. She says that often people with anxiety get signed off work, but it’s possibly the worst thing to do.

They leave work, but then the thought of going back becomes terrifying and anxiety inducing, so they end up in a worse state than when they started.

obviously a short period of rest can work wonders, but probably needs to be spent doing gentle exercise or occupying your mind with something less stressful.

I find the best way to deal with anxiety is to concentrate on something else or be busy.

sitting at home doing nothing doesn’t help.

It’s like waiting until you are fit before starting at a gym. You have to push through uncomfortable feelings sometimes to combat them.

I have GAD, would never dream of calling up a friend at 3.45am unless an emergency! You do sound quite unsympathetic though, it’s not something that is made up or can be helped.

In my view everyone can feel anxious but it doesn't mean they have an anxiety disorder.

I have extreme health anxiety. Cue a breakdown a couple of years ago and I'm much better now. An anxiety disorder is specific. Its like if I said oh my anxiety is playing up because I have a job interview. No, I'm just nervous/anxious about my interview it is not my anxiety disorder.

This is what people need to separate. Oh my anxiety means I can't talk on the phone... No you are anxious when talking to strangers or whatever. People seem to think when they feel anxiety about a situation is is the same thing as having an actual anxiety disorder. It is not.

@TheSnakeCharmer

What a snarky reply! I'd happily reply if you'd keep your manners in check! I don't respond well to rudeness

I have it and have always had it. I've been diagnosed with it. My mum has it worse than me and has never been diagnosed as she was born in 1941 and it wasn't an illness as such. It was but no one recognised it as such. I'm quite open about my anxiety but you do get a lot of people say they have it as well.

I haven't once said it's their fault and don't think that. In fact I specifically said in my first post that it's not their fault.

Yes. Everybody claims to have anxiety and various other mental illnesses these days (depression is another one). It's become a meaningless term used by attention seekers / people making excuses for being lazy/shit/not wanting to do something

I feel sorry for anyone who genuinely has a serious mental disorder as there are so many piss takers you just can't take them seriously anymore.

The good old days 😜

Yes but not everyone is the same.

You don't understand it and be grateful you don't, anxiety is an awful illness. I didn't grasp it until it happened to me. Sounds like you're finding supporting your friends draining, step away if so. Not sure what you're looking to achieve from this thread, there's an undertone of 'why are they so weak and find excuses for themselves and need handholds when I'm going through stuff too and I don't have anxiety'. Not a good vibe from you at all.

I wouldn't say I 'have' anxiety, more that on occasion I get anxious about upsetting things, which is fairly common. Anxiety is a normal human emotion. For instance a recent issue at work made me very anxious but I would no more have rung a friend in the middle of the night than fly to the moon, even if I was sitting there in floods of tears.
Your second example may be a physical reaction to adrenaline following a stressful situation. Your dog might bugger off all the time and so you don't find it particularly stressful, maybe just annoying. If I had to run after my dog to catch them I would probably throw up, because I am fat and very unfit !

🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for making me feel like shit. I've been more than supportive. I'm stepping away from this thread as it's becoming quite unpleasant and I'm being judged for feeling worn down by many friend's needs. I've tried my best and I've supported but I never get the same in return when life gets shit. I'm going through redundancy and funnily enough the support hasn't been given back at all. Right I'm stepping away now as I'm not here to be judged.

Not everyone does but I think some people say they do when they are just worried about something when it's perfectly reasonable to be worried about it and it's not really a big deal.

I am not in the UK but I work with very young children, and I find that many parents don’t want their toddlers to feel any other kind of emotion than being happy. It’s normal and important to be sad, angry, disappointed, bored etc. But it is treated as if it is almost something dangerous.

If they are bored or upset, give them a dummy, a snack, an iPad..anything. Instant gratification. It’s actually very dangerous, which we’re starting to see now.