The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

I managed to get my dd into a type of sen unit in mainstream collage for September.
It's more bespoke so im really hoping this is going to work.
Took me a bit of a fight to get her an EHCP and it was to little to late but here we are.
She is only in 3 hours a day at school (yr11) and when she is actually in school is not doing any lessons what so ever.
She is in a 'nurture room' and tbf the school as a whole have been supportive.
And the days She does go in I get texts repeatedly telling me how much she hates being in that place.

And the one thing that has pissed me of is the constant letters about her not being able to go to prom because her attendance is bad.
Yes I know its bad,she knows it's bad but because she suffers from poor mental health (ASD imo) she is being punished.
We are able to have a trial by governors to basically beg for her to go but I'm not putting her through that!

Sat in the hall still trying to get them to wake up and go to school.

@BlackeyedSusan exhausting, isn't it?

Planned MH day off here so much gentler on everyone, but it's not much of a life.

@Imfedup1989 absolutely staggering they would threaten denial of prom for a child who is struggling to attend for MH reasons. Whatever "computer says no" letters school churned out, our HoY would not let that stand with an EBSA child.

@Imfedup1989 that is awful and probably discriminatory!

It's no different to telling a child with CFS they can't attend.

The government are planning on increasing unauthorised absence fines to £80. Just shows the complete lack of understanding about school absence. Also, I’m wondering what the LA do with the fines, it certainly doesn’t go back into education.

Well it turns out they were "proper poorly" it's difficult to tell in the morning when their default is not get up! (The sort of poorly that most people recognise) I feel really bad that I tried to get them up when they were ill but it was the not being rouseable that is the proof!

Totally agree with this. I did my GCSEs in 1989 and they weren’t even talked about much until you chose your options in Year 9. And thanks to SM kids are under pressure to achieve top grades. There are so many videos on Tik-Tok and the like of kids posting tips how to achieve straight 9s. No! There is no need. And we’re the only country that has TWO lots of public exams within 2 years. It’s like a bloody conveyor belt. Where has the joy of learning gone? Kids are just being taught how to pass exams.

It's been GCSE pressure that's basically destroyed my 15 year old. She did OK up to year 10, the start of "the GCSE years" and then BOOM. A complete mental implosion.

I guess there's just so many times you can be told how your future depends on your GCSE results, how you must pass 5 to have any chance of anything ever again, how you must get maths and English or you'll never get a job etc. You see the same kind of comments on Mumsnet posts - often I think probably from teachers.

My poor, non academic, neuro diverse child went into shut down to protect herself and to stop the suicidal thoughts.

We're limping through to the actual exams and then the joyous day she gets to leave school.

She won't have any GCSE passes but she will still have a future. A slower, more gentle path to what she wants to be able to do and importantly, I hope, the rebuilding of her self esteem and self confidence.

We now have an EHCP in place. She should really have been in a specialist setting for the last 2 years but that is easier said than done. Hopefully it will give us some future opportunities and importantly more time.

Often families with neuro diverse children have financial difficulties too. My working hours and earnings are severely limited by the needs of my daughter. How the Government think causing potentially more financial distress to families already struggling, will help really baffles me.

@Lindy2 what post GCSE options are you considering if she doesn't go to them or pass them? I'm just interested as we're in the same boat and I've been fixated on 'must get English and maths' as a default and I'm trying to work out what options we will do if that doesn't happen. Been looking at apprenticeships and they all seem to need English and maths. He is being assessed for an EHCP - does that help with anything if they get to the summer and don't have anywhere to transition to?

Sorry, I haven’t RTFT but wondered if anyone has any ideas on this. DS turned 18 last week. School kicked the issue down the road, he sat a few GCSEs but got poor results due to EBSA. He then managed to get up to 75% in his first year at college, which was amazing progress on the previous year, but not enough to pass the year. He was re-enrolled but didn’t take to the course so they have now de- registered him. He’s just turned 18, so going back to 6th form college (16-19) isn’t going to work for him.
He has ASD. He’s quite bright but struggles in the setting. No EHCP. College sugggested Open University but that means he’ll be isolated again.
Im at a loss…

If anyone has any ideas, I’d be very grateful! I’m considering sending him to the JobCentre to see if they can find a way forward for him…

@Lindy2 does she have a college plan in place? @BrambleyHedge there are routes where they can choose the subject and then go in at level 1, 2 or 3 depending on their grades. If they still haven't got their English and maths then they do a lower level on the course and keep trying on their English and maths. Animal care is a popular one round here. I'm at a loss for my son though as he is not interested in anything vocational and tbh practical and work experience feel more difficult to him than GCSEs

@PiggieWig I'm not an expert in the least but they're called 16-19 colleges. Are there any one year courses he can access either at his current college or another? I see our local vocational college has started doing Access courses towards university, for people who have GCSE maths and English but not level 3 qualifications. The website doesn't give much more info and it might not be suitable at this age, I don't know.

Could he do an Access course. You can do them online?

@BrambleyHedge Luckily we have a local college that offers a range of level 1 BTEC courses. They only need some grade 1 GCSEs to get onto that and potentially, now we have an EHCP, they would still be OK to do the course without any grades at all.

The college offers functional skills maths and English so I'm going to push for those rather than GCSE maths and English retakes. They can work upto GCSEs again, if they want to, once their confidence is back.

The college does have a special SEN unit for life skills and functional skills. If the level 1 doesn't work out then that could be a back up option or it could then be requesting a specialist post 16 provision from the LA.

I'm hoping though that the level 1 is the fresh, lower pressure start that's needed. They were excited when the college accepted their application, which was good to see.

Have a look to see if anywhere offers level 1s near you.

@Piony Yes a level 1 BTEC and hopefully functional skills maths and English, rather than GCSEs, to start with.

We're keeping our fingers crossed this option works out and they enjoy it.

Does anyone have any experience of a school / LA providing home tutors for a year 6 child (ASD diagnosed) with EBSNA? Going to mediation in a couple of weeks for EHCP decision not to issue. Would it be the school who could maybe arrange this or LA s19?

Attendance is now pretty much zero and anxiety around school is getting worse even with primary trying to provide 1-2-1 support.

He will work well at home - has completed 3 online maths lessons and worksheets today, some CGP book pages and researched and written a 2 page WW2 project. He’s so happy at home and asks to be homeschooled but I work FT and I really want to get to the end of Y6, see what happens with the EHCP and then try high school before we make that massive decision. Also I’m not a teacher and have no idea what I’m doing

thought some home tutoring might just keep him going for now - he loves to learn and has been really bored at home when I’m working

@Lindy2 fab, I know from friends that having an achievable plan that doesn't depend on grades makes all the difference for getting through GCSEs. I just have absolutely no plan how we are going to do that for my child!

@Sleeplessi ultimate responsibility to ensure DC receive a suitable, full-time education lies with the LA. IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Thinking longer term, if you get an EHCP and school isn’t appropriate you can look at EOTAS.

Does anyone's child get recurrent physical illness as well as mental health issues? DD constantly complains of feeling ill and often has a sore throat. I've got to the stage now where I never know if she's being genuine or just doesn't want to go in, or if the physical symptoms could even be a manifestation of her anxiety.

@Sleeplessi my DS is older than your child but was given 2 hours a week home tuition for English, Maths and Science through the hospital schools service. He has depression/anxiety and ASD. He doesn’t have an EHCP but they accepted he was not well enough for school as he had virtually zero attendance.

Thank you!
The secondary offers came out today and he got the grammar - only one from his school to pass so super proud but transition going to be really hard as he won’t know a soul. Most got the 10 form entry comp and already tons of parents on the year 6 WhatsApp group saying how great it is they’ll all move together and making plans for the summer and transition. DS is with me at home now and I can’t bring myself to tell him today, we’ll start on some online maths soon whilst I try to work. Long term the comp wasn’t for him and he wouldn’t have coped but also can’t see him coping with the grammar

Have a meeting with senco and EP Monday to discuss next steps for Y6
Dreadful weather isn’t helping but I feel so sad for him

Hello all, I’ve been lurking for a while, first post. And [hugs] all round. We are at the beginning of our EBSA journey. DD (Y8) started refusing to go to school (well, refusal implies more agency than I think she has, started becoming distressed and tearful every morning) before half term. No diagnosed ND, but has told me that she hears voices in her head. Got a GP appointment next week and hoping for a referral to some one, some where who can help me address that.

Have had a meeting with school, some adjustments in place to help her cope at movement time / when she gets anxious in class. Been aiming for partial days this week. Yesterday she did 4/5 sessions, so we tried for a full day today. Too much, she got ready no problem, then in tears when it was time to go. Followed by apologies for letting me down.

I feel like I could cry every day. Yesterday, when I dropped her off at school for her most successful day this week, I cried afterwards cos she was trying so hard and, whilst she will no doubt appear ‘fine’ I could see how much effort it took. And she was exhausted when she got home.

I feel blind-sided by the whole thing. I am worried that the more she misses the further behind she will get. I worry that, even when she does go in, she can’t possibly be learning much. I worry that she has an ongoing narrative in her head (who are sometimes mean to her) that I have no idea what to do about. And I am worried that things might get much worse and I worry about how broken we both may become.

A big part of me is thinking, if school is a problem, let’s just eliminate that problem and do education differently. But then I think that is just me being lazy / taking the easy option and I need to work harder at making her go in. I so desperately want to do the right thing, and I don’t know what the right thing is.

My DD gets a lot of ‘stomach ache’ which I am fairly confident stems from anxiety. She had tummy ache last night and this morning. Since we made the decision to not go to school today she is feeling better.

@YorkshireTeaDrinker2 so sorry to hear this has now started for you and that your daughter is distressed. You talk about being blindsided - It does still shocks me 18 months later that we are in this situation and I cry every day so I really sympathise with how you feel. Hopefully it will be a short lived hiccup rather than a long-term issue - big hugs to you.