The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

she is incredibly head strong too so I do believe her! It all started in Feb when she saw her older sister be sick. She then developed an irrational fear of it happening again.

minute one of us coughs you don’t see her for dust! If someone coughs or gets poorly in school she will freak.

I feel like that needs to be addressed before pushing her back in to the classroom. As usual no one has made a referral to CAMHS.

@Icantpeopleanymore alternative provision under s19 of the Education Act 1996 is separate to the EHCNA process.

You don’t have to allow visits every 10 days.

How's Monday gone for everyone? Not a good day here DS has had stones thrown at him at school, and people jeering at him about his haircut. He’s in bits. Apparently it’s been going on a while but the stones thing was today

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum that sounds horrendous. Is his head of year all over this? Hard for them to minimise stones.

DS is OK. No school tomorrow. A scheduled day off each week helps him a lot. He doesn't even necessarily enjoy it much, it just lets his bucket run down a bit.

Oh no @QuitChewingMyPlectrum poor boy. That is awful. Did you speak to anyone at school?
No wonder he hasn't wanted to go in this term.

I can't imagine him wanting to go in again.💐

Nasty buggers! Honestly and they wonder why some kids don’t want to go. I hope your DS is feeling better today

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum how's your son today?

Sorry, didn't mean to post and run, he's had a day at home and I've tried to get more details out of him but he's just getting more upset.

School are checking CCTV but unsure what to do about tomorrow 🤦🏻‍♀️

His head of year is trying to figure out who is involved since he can't name names.
In an ideal world my son would have a day off midweek - school exhausts him

Hi how has your son been today? Any news from school?

I hope you get some answers from school @QuitChewingMyPlectrum. School staff can make a profound difference in how they handle it with him.

Thanks
I must say, I'm a little disappointed. I sent a very long email with details of what he was struggling with, and the main flashpoints throughout the day. All they've said is they will keep an eye on him in the canteen and that in form time, he can sit with one of his friends.
I know they have a lot to deal with, but I did suggest they contact the local autism team, and they've completely ignored this.
He masks massively at school, and this is part of the problem. There's no one there he trusts enough to talk to.

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum he sounds very like my daughter, no trust in school and goes under the radar, massively masking, she's a champion at it! I found I had to be a squeaky wheel but

I finally heard from the school about a meeting with the SEN inclusion officer from the LA. Apparently they have contacted the school with lots of dates, but they never got back to them, surprised not very much

Next Wednesday, teams meeting, I need to get ready.

I think my main points will be:

DD is in burnout due to unmet needs. Her mental health is the main priority and she needs to have demands dropped for now, including their safeguarding visits..which they haven't done since October so it can't be all that important...

School have done all they can fuck all

Full time alternative provision school isn't going to be appropriate for her, because she won't go and pushing her to do so or even trying to introduce it as an idea is pushing her back into burnout.

Reintegration is into a form of education but unlikely to be her current school yet. or ever

I want a gradually increasing number of hours of tutoring/mentoring, starting with an hour or two a week, in maths and English. Someone she can connect with, face to face, trained in autism and PDA. Focus on building a relationship with her first and developing into helping her with work.

Maybe some funded online lessons in other subjects that she wants to do, for her to access as and when she feels able, but not school setting work as that's causing more anxiety.

Possibly an online school, although I'm not sure she'd go for that yet either.

Basically she needs time to recover, the LA to do their job, then more time and EHCP to get her the right education eventually.

Dunno if I'm asking for the moon on a stick....?

I'm thinking I need some supportive evidence of what burnout looks like and why forcing her into a different school or her current one don't work, evidence of the alternative provisions that KCC have worked with and commissioned in the past...

If anyone has any thoughts I'd be grateful!

@Icantpeopleanymore some providers KCC use/have previously used include: Kite, Achieve with SAT, Achieve More, KMS, Tuition Extra, Fleet tutors (unless you get someone good, I wouldn’t avoid), Winchmore, academy21, Equal Education, Mindjam, Gecko, TEAL CIC, technology triumphs. Honestly, they use/have used loads. They also have some in-house tutors. And just because a provider isn’t registered/on their approved list/someone they have used before doesn’t mean they can’t use them. Although that’s what they would like you to believe. You also aren’t responsible for finding a provider.

Unless it is what DD wants, I wouldn’t jump straight into formal E&M tuition. The tutor(s)/mentor(s) need to build a relationship using DD’s interests first.

Even if DD isn’t able to access full-time education in any form, they should be providing as much as she can do (and reviewing the level) in whatever form that takes.

@Icantpeopleanymore

This is a good explanation of burnout

committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/117253/pdf/

www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/study-explores-what-its-experience-autistic-burnout

Thank you, that's really good to know.

I'm torn about what to ask for, I don't think she's ready yet but she's also keen not to get behind as she sees it, because she's quite anxious to do well.

I guess get it agreed first and then worry about that later. Definitely needs to be appropriate for her needs and mentoring based first, to get her trust. Could take a good while. Thanks for (all!) your advice, really appreciate it.

@Icantpeopleanymore
It sounds like you have a fight on your hands. Going in with as much evidence as possible is IMO the best bet.

I've sent a 1000+ word email to school this afternoon. Let's see what happens with this. If no answer, I'll speak to my contact on the local autism team and get them to get in school directly.

Thanks that's really good and just having it as notes will help I think.

I'm sorry school are being so awful and seemingly deliberately useless about your son @QuitChewingMyPlectrum.
How is he doing has he been able to go back?

Apologies, my post at 19:13 should say ‘I would avoid. Not wouldn’t!

I don't know how to post links but Dr. Naomi Fisher has a new book out called The Teenagers Guide to Burnout the email I received about it has it selling on Amazon.

Also @Icantpeopleanymore there is a website called The £2 Tuition Hub which does live lessons for £2 a time or you can just watch the recorded ones. They do GCSEs etc they cover soooo much.
I'm not suggesting you use it instead of what we want you to push the LA for but it might be worth a look for your DD to engage with on her own terms as it's a very reasonable cost. You can buy what's already gone and watch things without limits and they are currently signing up January lessons.
Live lessons are done by Zoom but GS 6 found them quite overwhelming.
I just thought it may be a softly softly way of her taking control of her own learning.
CPG books are also great and reasonably inexpensive.

@Luddite26
Nope, we were hopeful he'd be in today, as it's his favourite lessons but he was so overwhelmed by the idea of being alone at breaks and lunch - his friends are still off - he broke down this morning again.

He's so exhausted at the moment - I think this is taking up so much of his headspace

I'm sorry to hear @QuitChewingMyPlectrum what a bad week your son has had. Hope something can happen to change things.

Hi all, so sorry for everyone having tough weeks. It's an emotional rollercoaster.

We made contact with the EBSA pilot project team, the lady was lovely and will act as a mentor to our son. We'll also find out soon about the autism assessment. She confirmed that participation isn't dependent upon his place at school.

With that in mind, we have applied for Minerva to start in January. We all feel relieved to have certainly, even though I know we will not be able to go down the LA support route. I just don't have the fight at the moment.

I'm hoping we can use it as a reset. I told DS that he can go back to his school if after some time in online school he feels able. So for the moment we'll be led by him.

God I feel awful. Just had a phone call from DD10 in tears saying she’s didn’t realise the school Xmas fair would be inside.

she is so conflicted, she wants to on but she’s terrified. I don’t even know what of anymore, she’s with dad so not alone and knows she can just leave when she wants as it’s a fair!

it has dashed any optimism I had about a return to normal anytime soon. :(