The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

She will have. And you must feel dreadful. I hope you both get chance to breathe over the weekend but I fear this could be the straw that broke the camels back. Very hard to come back from.

How's everybody's weekends going ?

@ImAlwaysknackered how was your DD yesterday and did you hear anything from the HT in explanation?

Hi everyone, I'm so glad I found this thread. I've got a 13yr old boy in year 8 who totally crumbled January 2023 of yr 7. Found secondary school completely overwhelming and couldn't cope.
Reduced timetable practically until the end of yr 7, with limited success.
Started yr 8 fresh and actually had good attendance until Easter this year, where it has all gone to shit. I think he's been in one or two days a week since.

Diagnosed with dyslexia. Suspected adhd. Possibly autism. 2 referrals to Camhs (one from gp, one from an early help charity) both rejected. School seem extremely reluctant to make a referral and say they can 'meet needs' 🙄🙄

Meeting last week where my son asked for reduced timetable again, starting with staying until break time. They offered a reduced timetable of THREE DAYS. He's not gone in this week and just email to say he 'needs to stick to the plan'. They think he's trying to control the situation and just wants to do what he wants to do. I'm extremely frustrated and feel I can't argue my point in person because my brain just freezes when I talk to them in person (suspected neurodivergent myself!)

Sorry for the long message, but feels good to get it out.

Looking forward to reading through the thread properly later.

Off to wake up my son now 😬

My ds is 9 so different ages but what stuck out was how your ds was also accused of trying to take the piss basically. I had this, the head said this to my face, I was quite firm and told him I was shocked he would label a child who is struggling and especially one diagnosed with autism as defiant etc. I actually wrote a written complaint about the head, I really went to town. Do this !

My daughter (year 11) has also been labelled as manipulative by several members of the SEN team including the SENDCO. She is on the pathway for an ASD diagnosis and is unable to access most GCSE exams. Will need to resit. Looking at doing online school to do GCSEs slowly again.

Just reading your post @10pfreddos
Makes me so frustrated.
After all this time why can't schools just make provision for a different way of learning. If they could only encourage more and blame less there would be more success at kids with EBSA clicking into place and at some point flowing back into school. Why not have some online/remote learning easily available to access and safe spaces at school.ok it's not the point of school but I just don't find schools inclusive.
I was talking to my oh and he had EBSA in the 1970s in the infants and it returned in secondary and he left age15. He was ok at middle school but I think it can come in waves.
Calling children manipulative for what is mental health problems and often neuro diversity is just so wrong.
My DD did her year 11 at college it was a special course for kids with what is now EBSA in 2013/14
Very worth looking at for anybody wondering about GCSEs. She was home ed when she applied so it wasn't something through school.
She found it easier to go to than school the staff were ready for reluctant attendee's. Of course there is so much more online now
Naomi Fisher is good to listen to /read she talks a lot of sense. She's on podcasts on Spotify, books on Amazon (and elsewhere) and on Substack.

It's just disgusting. Ignorant and unprofessional.

Freddos and panda sorry you’re going through this. your schools are not meeting your DC needs by the sounds of it. Press your GP for a CAMHS referral follow up if your school is being hopeless and tell the GP what you’ve said here.

I didn’t do this and my DD got the same accusations about control plus insinuations I just needed to be tougher to get her in, which wasted years of missed support and her EBSA just got worse.

Ironically she was good as gold at school when she was able to be in, but incredibly controlling at home with me. It’s all anxiety based control and is consistent with an autism diagnosis. if you haven’t already maybe have a look at the PDA society website as these traits can also include control. The key is school reducing anxiety at school to keep the child in school, they have to do that however low demand you’re being at home. In my experience it doesn’t make up for a poorly informed sen team at school.

Thank you for all of your kind words. It is incredibly infuriating to have your child labelled as 'can't be bothered'. He said he wishes he didn't find it hard to go to school and really wants to please the teachers he likes. Breaks my heart.

I know they have some form of AP but won't consider it. Perhaps I should push a little harder.

@10pfreddos if DS can’t attend school full-time the LA, rather than the school, has a duty to ensure he still receives a suitable full-time education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. Post back on MN if the LA refuse, delay or ignore you and you will be advised what to do next. This provision should have been in place long before now. Either as well as part time school or instead of any school.

As well as this you should request an EHCNA. IPSEA also has a model letter for this.

Nothing! I have made them aware I wasn’t happy. The two staff members who were the ones who said she could do it were mortified and really disappointed they were completely overruled!

today we were meant to go in for 12 but she was in and out for 40 minutes so school made the decision for her to not come in. Then she wouldn’t get in the car to come home and kept running off! Had several members of staff out of the building. Absolutely mortified.

Teen hasn’t gone in, awaiting calls from early help.

I am close to giving up.

You aren’t alone!

I think my DD tries to control things too but tbh I think most people with anxiety do like to control their surrounding surely!? It doesn’t mean it’s ALL a choice 🤦‍♀️

It's so difficult for these children. Expecting them to just "get on with it" is hopeless. It's so difficult to access any alternative provision though. I think my DD would do OK with online schooling but I can't fund it myself and can't see the school funding it for her. My DD is Y9 and apparently for her cohort (and I believe current Year 10s), the government won't be publishing Progress 8 data as they didn't do Year 6 SATs. So they now care even less that a bright and capable student may not get any GCSEs.

My DH and I are both teachers who understand the system and we still find it so difficult to have to keep challenging the school so I have huge sympathy for all the parents battling on here. I'm very non-confrontational but I keep telling myself that if I don't advocate for my child, who else will.

DD has just completed her second day of a reduced timetable, one lesson per day. I have had two lovely mornings of no battles. School are supposed to be providing work for missed lessons but we've had nothing, as usual. She is only allowed to do this for a limited time though. I'm not confident anything will change in the long run.

@lavenderlou have you request s.19 provision from the LA? It is the LA with the ultimate duty for providing education to those unable to attend school full-time, not the school. Even if the school did send work home, it wouldn’t discharge the LA’s duty.

I know this isn't school (but I've posted before about school) but today we were off to Guides. On our way. When she got angry about something (really inconsequential) so got in a state and then didn't want to go to Guides. It's like there's a point where she shuts down.
It was a bit easier because we were already out of the house on our way (and it wasn't the worse state she'd been in) so after waiting for her saying I'm not letting this stop us doing things eventually she got up and walked.
After lying on the payment at 10 years old.
It's when she gets in that state

I keep not replying to this thread because I'm not sure what to say. So many awful experiences.

Just... you are not alone.

Thank you. I'll look into that.

@ImAlwaysknackered that's what I think.. yes the behaviour from the outside looks 'controlling' but it stems from anxiety and they're trying desperately to gain some autonomy in a world that trying to force them to do what they can't!

I had early help (not through LA but through a family support charity) and I distinctly her telling me 'he's clearly in charge here, isn't he' 🙄

So we’ve just been at school and had a risk assessment. We’re trying to get her in a later time and she is to have 15 mins it’s activity time to help transition in to school. This happens no matter what and can not be taken away.

I didn’t like the stuff about physical restraint if she’s trying leave the site. I understand the safety aspect though, just hard to hear.

I am not holding any hope if I’m honest.

I think your DD has done well returning after last Friday. I hope this new strategy helps @ImAlwaysknackered fingers crossed.

That's awful that other parts of DDS life are beginning to be affected. Did she go to guides? How was she going to school today.

What options are available for a 16 year old to retake GCSES if they can’t get to exams? Do the online schools take them if they are over 16? This would be redoing the whole of year 10 and 11 or doing it in a condensed year? Thanks

@Stripedpanda whether a course would be 1 or 2 years would depend on the provider. Online providers take post 16 pupils. Some colleges offer some GCSEs (in addition to English and maths). Does DC have an EHCP? If so, there are other options too such as 1:1 tuition.

If DC can/has completed at least 1 component of a subject that is worth at least 15%, it is possible for grades to still be awarded even if DC can’t sit all the exams.

Thanks @SearchingForSolitude . No EHCP yet.