What should I do ? School bullying incidents and social media

[notyetsinking]

Name changed as sensitive and sorry long but avoiding drip feed

My youngest , very introverted and small for his age , was according to the school the victim in a "unfortunate " incident during school.
During lunch he went to the toilets where a lare group of older ( Y10- Y12) boys were vaping.
He quickly turned round and exited but 4 boys gave chase and dragged him back into the toilets ( they were captured on camera tackling him and dragging him by the legs).
Then they held him up under the basin and wet him . Someone holding him slipped and he was dropped on the floor .
The whole incident was filmed and another kid saw it on tiktok within minutes and alerted a teacher.
The school nurse called me and I left work and went to collect DS, who was not unexpectedly completely distraught.
The safeguarding lead was in the school clinic and said he was sorry and the school would be taking serious action upon investigation
I took DS to A&E and he'd a fractured wrist and stitches on his chin..

I emailed the school ( closed by the time we left hospital) and updated on the injuries and stating that I wanted an immediate meeting with Head .

Next morning I phoned and was told by school secretary to be patient as they had to investigate the incident. At 2.30pm the school phoned and said sorry we are still trying to get to the bottom of this .

Wednesday ( I still had DS2 at home) I phoned again to be told Head and SLT were still looking into it and can I come in tomorrow with DS.

Thursday - DS and I went into school, he went to a counsellor and I went into meeting with Head and safeguarding person.
They basically said all involved were sorry and would apologise to DS for things getting "out of hand". Turns out 9 boys owned up to the "prank".

I asked what were the consequences for these boys and school said that was confidential.

I suspect none.

DS miraculously wanted to stay in school.

Later that afternoon he calls me in tears to come and get him.
Four of the same boys have taken his laptop and bag on his way to afterschool sport .
I phone school immediately and am told they will investigate.
Friday I go into school and wait to see Head but am told all of SLT are out at conference.

I am furious. Should I involve police ?

Well done for reporting this to the police. And get well to your ds!

No wonder people home school.

@notyetsinking i spoke to a police officer friend about this and they said if this was an adult they’d be facing possible jail time for this assault and theft. Especially with video evidence and leaving your sim with a fracture and needing stitches, before the added theft.

Well done Op. Hope the bullies get prosecuted.

@notyetsinking

DS seems remarkably unfazed, quite pleased with his cast and bandages.

I was wondering how he was & whether he felt up to going in today.

Your poor boy OP, what a nightmare. Well done involving the police, it's no more than they deserve, and I hope they don't fob you off.

I really dislike how secretive schools are with stuff like this. Of course you want to know how they will keep him safe and what happened to the perpetrators, why wouldn't you, especially when your suspicions that they haven't dealt with (by allowing the second incident) are proved correct.

That is so kind of you
He was happy to go in today but I wanted some answers before he does .
I went into school and met with safeguarding lead.
The laptop was handed back .
They assures me the school followed procedures and that every possible precaution will be taken to make sure my son is safe.
I requested an report of both incidents and a timeline of actions taken by the school.
He said he'd note that request.

I asked if the police had been in contact and he said he can't disclose that information.

I asked again about sanctions that had been placed on the 9 involved in the toilet incident and also those sanctions for the 4 who demanded he hand over the laptop and his bag . He said both were confidential.
Were parents informed about either incidents -.again confidential.
Also are the boy's in school now - confidential

I said the lack of transparency is very frustrating.

Given how important attendance is for schools I'd be refusing to send him in if they can't confirm whether the older boys are in or not. Hit them where it hurts - their statistics. I'd also be tempted to complain to the school governors and contact the safeguarding lead at the local council..

I've worked in data protection/info governance and the general principle is to start from the assumption you should share info where possible unless relevant exceptions apply rather than the opposite (that info should be secret unless someone can prove why they need it), although I don't know enough about school procedures specifically to understand whether they are allowed to give you more info about the boys that did it and are just choosing not to.

but even so it sounds like they could absolutely have given you more reassurance about your sons safety even without discussing individuals- e.g. "We've spoken to all older classes in form groups/assembly and made clear they are not allowed into the year 7/8 toilets for any reason at all, we've also ensured the security camera in that corridor (which caught him being dragged in) is actively monitored in reception, and teachers will be doing spot check patrols on the toilets every day. If DS has any concerns he can come straight to (senior member of staff) and we've given him a pass to be let out of lessons to use the loo for the next week if needed so he feels safe" or whatever. something to show that they give a shit about your sons safety rather than "computer says no!"

Not if the school is an academy. LA/council have no responsibility for academy schools/trusts.

Why on earth should their punishment be confidential?? Surely as a parent and victim, it is imperative that you are told of the outcomes in order to have any faith in the school.
This was assault. Dropping him may have been accidental, but they assaulted him prior to that when they grabbed him and poured water on him. What consequences were given for vaping on school property? What consequences were given to them using their phones during the school day? What are the consequences of them circling the video 0m social media?? Not to mention the second incident. They may well have been sorry for him getting injured but there are so many breaches here, that I don't understand why they were even still in school and have not been suspended. I would expect expulsion and for the school to have called their parents in.

If they don't expell them over this, I would absolutely go to the police. This is a wholly inappropriate response from the school, including delaying meeting with you in the first place. They may well still have been investigating, but should have met you immediately to demonstrate how seriously they were taking it.

I feel furious on your behalf.

Can you find out from the police whether they have contacted the school and the outcome?

As I said, I hate how secretive schools can be over this kind of thing. It makes it look like they are fobbing you off (and allows them to do so). Id be giving thought to the suggestion of keeping him off until you can be reassured they can keep him safe. x

Re their secrecy, I would also be demanding a list of their schools behaviour and sanction policy and ask them to confirm whether they have adhered to it. That might give you some further information.

Have the police been helpful? You might find it easier to go through them to find out what's happened and how they plan to keep you soon safe.

I would also consider speaking to your local MP.

Maybe this organisation could give you some advice?

https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/contact.html

Also, re student records confidentiality, I would be surprised if they couldn't actually reveal the info about the punishment to you, especially if you were to sign a confidentiality clause. The parents of the perpetrators might also be able to give consent in order to de-escalate. I would be talking to your MP too about the lack of transparency.

I would go nuclear. Report to the governing body, ofsted, local authority, police and name and shame the school, what they did was assault and the school have not responded how they should have and they've allowed 4 of the boys to steal his laptop.

Absolutely file with the police. I agree, its abh. Some school are really pathetic in dealing with these twerps. I hope your son is ok x

Op, if you write a letter to The Head of School and or The School Governors, a copy has to be placed on file to be seen by OFSTED when they visit. So definitely ensure that you have done that.

Your poor son, I am glad you have informed the police as it hopefully makes these boys realise the seriousness of their actions especially when school described it as a prank. They clearly don't want it on the school record that the police were involved but your son was injured.

Ds's mate was punched in a classroom and then the puncher then punched Ds who was next to his mate. Luckily it glanced off his face but all witnessed by the teacher. It was an unprovoked attack, kid was pissed off and lashed out. School told us exactly what the punishment was and if memory serves he got a 3 day suspension out of school, then a meeting before returning with his parents to set out his expected behaviour and 5 days in isolation on his return. A statement from us as horrified parents was read out to him and his parents saying we had contacted the police for advice (we had) and that if he goes near our son again we would be involving the police as they were 15.

I was glad school told us what was happening as it meant they were taking it seriously. Plus we had the head of year and teachers all keeping an eye on things to make sure there were no dirty looks etc that could lead to something. Ds was absolutely fine about the whole thing but we were not. I hope your son is okay going forward.

@notyetsinking

That's good DS was ok to go back in.

I can't believe it's all confidential. At least you should know if the boys are on site. I would assume they are in that case.

I agree with others that had this happened out in town the incident would be taken far more seriously.

What a nasty group of boys they are.

My DS was attacked at school and school told me the punishments of all those involved, and I didn't have to ask.

This might also be useful to you.

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/bullying/bullying-at-school/what-to-do-if-the-school-doesn-t-resolve-the-bullying

https://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/report/incidents-at-school-college/

Some useful advice here too

I've been thinking about you today. Have the police been in touch at all?

I hope your son had 2 incident free days

I would definitely report to the LA. LADO may investigate as you are reporting a safeguarding concern. I would also mention this to the school. Your LA should have LADO info on their website

LADO deals with allegations against staff, not pupils.