What should I do ? School bullying incidents and social media

[notyetsinking]

Name changed as sensitive and sorry long but avoiding drip feed

My youngest , very introverted and small for his age , was according to the school the victim in a "unfortunate " incident during school.
During lunch he went to the toilets where a lare group of older ( Y10- Y12) boys were vaping.
He quickly turned round and exited but 4 boys gave chase and dragged him back into the toilets ( they were captured on camera tackling him and dragging him by the legs).
Then they held him up under the basin and wet him . Someone holding him slipped and he was dropped on the floor .
The whole incident was filmed and another kid saw it on tiktok within minutes and alerted a teacher.
The school nurse called me and I left work and went to collect DS, who was not unexpectedly completely distraught.
The safeguarding lead was in the school clinic and said he was sorry and the school would be taking serious action upon investigation
I took DS to A&E and he'd a fractured wrist and stitches on his chin..

I emailed the school ( closed by the time we left hospital) and updated on the injuries and stating that I wanted an immediate meeting with Head .

Next morning I phoned and was told by school secretary to be patient as they had to investigate the incident. At 2.30pm the school phoned and said sorry we are still trying to get to the bottom of this .

Wednesday ( I still had DS2 at home) I phoned again to be told Head and SLT were still looking into it and can I come in tomorrow with DS.

Thursday - DS and I went into school, he went to a counsellor and I went into meeting with Head and safeguarding person.
They basically said all involved were sorry and would apologise to DS for things getting "out of hand". Turns out 9 boys owned up to the "prank".

I asked what were the consequences for these boys and school said that was confidential.

I suspect none.

DS miraculously wanted to stay in school.

Later that afternoon he calls me in tears to come and get him.
Four of the same boys have taken his laptop and bag on his way to afterschool sport .
I phone school immediately and am told they will investigate.
Friday I go into school and wait to see Head but am told all of SLT are out at conference.

I am furious. Should I involve police ?

They can say it 'isn't recommended' all they like, but they're being obstructive and your son (Y7!!!! The poor boy) has been targeted by the same boys a second time on their watch. It sounds very much to me as if the behaviour of these students is out of control, they know it and they know they can't manage it effectively.

I have older teen boys and they would be utterly horrified if they'd witnessed any of their peers doing this, especially to a much younger child.

I would have phoned the police on the day of the incident due to the injury.

@notyetsinking I did ask the safeguarding head if the police would be involved and he quite firmly said it wasn't recommended and the school would follow its protocols.
Why 'not recommended'? Again if it's like my colleagues experience it's not recommended because their explanation was it could be detrimental to the bullies to end up having a criminal record! Nothing to do about the victim!

Absolutely involve police. Kick up as big a fuss as you can. Tell everyone what has happened, make people aware of what is happening at the school.

That might be the official line but I bet there are individual staff members silently desperately willing you on to report to the police - I would be

Christ. Op that’s absolutely terrible that’s a crime. A prank?! What is wrong with them? Yes police no question. The fact they did it again too.

Op I disagree with iona.

You have spoken to the schools already, you should not now be in a position where you have to go through the school policies. The school should know and be following it's own complaints procedure and be proactive.

In this instance definitely do ofsted and governors and council etc because you have already given the school q chance and now your son has endured a second attack.

Unfortunately, how this is handled in school depends on who is handling it rather than anyone handling it following procedure.

I've seen stuff batted away casually that should have been acted on.

I'd make contact with the police.

That's assault and theft of which one crime is caught on camera and been posted on SM.

Then I'd be telling the school you want action by 9am Monday or you'll be escalating this further.

The boys may be sorry - but they are more likely sorry to be caught because at 15-17yo they knew exactly what they were doing and aren't angels if they were vaping in the toilets.

Definitely call the police (I am SLT). Even if you don’t know the names, the police will do an information request to the school to get them.

Yes, a serious crime has been committed against your child - twice - I despair when parents come to ME about this sort of thing, yes, I can go through the motions of following school procedure, etc, etc, but in my head I am just screaming at them "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME! THIS IS A POLICE MATTER"

For those saying involve police should I report online /by phone or go in ?

I had opposite.

When my ds was victim of knife crime in school they wouldn't get involved because it was a school matter.

We still made a statement and I made complaints that crimes only appeared to be crimes outside of educational establishments.

@notknowledgeable?

Who are you eg head? Safe guard?

Parents don't know where to go or what to do.
Why don't you suggest they go to the police?

You can go in but I’d probably cal 101 or do the online form.

There is a published complaints procedure - it’s worth looking at because it states parents rights - I’m amazed people don’t read it.

Yes go to the police.

Make a formal compliant to school.

To be fair it does take a while to write up statements and find the truth - but they should have had a plan for your DS to be safe in school.

I would call the police because the police will also investigate and speak to the boys involved.

Use whatever means is easiest to get hold of the police. Probably calling 101. Your poor son. 😢

The school is only interested in covering its own backside. Hushing it up and making it go away.

Absolutely call the police. Your son was assaulted so severely it resulted in broken bones.

I don't buy this bullshit about privacy not disclosing what repercussions those involved have faced. You are not asking for protected information like names and addresses. They absolutely can and should tell you what the process has been and what the outcome was.

They obviously wanted the TikTok deleted - it's a PR disaster for the school.

A school that places its reputation above the safety of children deserves everything possible thrown at it. If no joy then I'm sure local press and local Mp will prove helpful but this is the nuclear option - I would try other routes first.

Reading your op made me so angry for you and your ds.

I would contact police. If this happened out of school it would be the first thing to do. Shame the school doesn't sound very supportive with this.

Hope your ds is ok.

Contact the police. Start following the school complaints procedure, it will be on their website. If you want to complain about the way the head has dealt with it then it will be contacting the chair of governors, but it’s worth following the procedure properly. Honestly though, your child needed hospital treatment after this, I’m amazed you’ve not contacted the police already, especially after being fobbed off by the school.

Any are fine but online will be slower. I'd ring , you should then get a crime number which you can send to the school .
As a pastoral leader in a secondary I positively welcome parents getting police involved. You don't have to rely on a school to solve these issues. A police car to the house can be very effective.

I find the way that school behaviour policies have changed so baffling. I used to teach and sat through so many staff briefings explaining that children who assaulted and abused others and destroyed school property and swore at teachers and disrupted learning were victims of adverse childhood experiences (yes, largely true) or had unmet additional needs - yes, so far I'm agreeing - and therefore the solution was to let them get away with everything and do absolutely nothing to protect other students or staff. I can’t see how it helps violent, dangerous, out of control children when we take away all the boundaries and structure and show them they can do what they want and never meet a consequence. All that happened was that they'd leave school after Y11 and be utterly unable to function in society. Those kids went out and behaved the way they always did in school - aggressive, obstructive, violent - and would go to prison or die in fights and crashes in the cars they stole. SLT patted themselves on the back for being so caring and compassionate to these troubled teens, and as far as I could see did nothing to help them while letting them terrorise everyone else.

My heart breaks for your poor little boy, OP, who deserves to be protected by the staff who instead prioritise his attackers' wellbeing over his. Please call the police, and complain to the school. I don’t see how things will get better unless parents protest about how badly their children are let down by these dangerous policies.

Demand an early meeting with the head and safeguarding lead, take someone with you to take notes, and go in with copies of the school's bullying, discipline and complaints policies which should be on their website. Say that you don't expect to be told what they have done to punish the boys in question, but you do need to know exactly how they have followed their policies and what they are going to do to ensure there is absolutely no possibility of repetition. Emphasise that, after their assurances, the fact that a second incident happened involving the same boys is a gross failure on their part.

I'm so sorry for you poor son and you OP.

This is awful I you need to report to the police today. I'd call 101. Wouldn't trust and online report.

What a shit show.

Also Ofsetd and governors/ AAB.

I'd also put in a complaint about the first incident and it not being investigated or you informed quickly enough or the welfare of you son being out first, over the protocol.

I'd also insist the school put steps to stop this happening. Eg safe Year 7 toilets

I'd also insist that the school provides proper counselling from and outside agency (not a chat with the head of year)

Absolutely everything @InASnowGlobeSpinning has put above. The ridiculous 'oh but reasons' excuse for everything is ridiculous.