Anyone know any quintessentially middle class families? Are their lives really that perfect?

[Bridgetjoneski]

We have two who got the bill in the dc's school. The fathers have big jobs in the city, one of the mums is a sahm the other works very part time.
Always busy doing something impressive with their kids, hiking, sea swimming, skiing at half term etc..
Their dc are very bright & they seemed to have chosen their extracurriculars wisely with a view towards the red bricks & one child wants to apply to an American ivy for a scholarship in her chosen sport (rowing)
They just seem so clued in & have know how or inside knowledge! Beautiful, huge, spotless houses too. Hosted coffee mornings for the PTA.
Would love a life like that! DH says it's simply down to money but it's more imo.. Their kids are also much more confident & eloquent than mine!

Its money - this is not typical middle class! Most people are not this rich

The middle class people I know don’t live in enormous spotless houses, they live in interesting Victorian terraces in smart parts of town with lots of colour and a little clutter.

Usually I tick all the MN middle class boxes but I don’t tick any of these…

It is simply down to money and their lives are not perfect.

Everyone can suffer bereavement, anyone can be ill.

Families like that often place a high value on keeping up appearances so you'll never know their problems

I Iive amongst stepford mums and find them very bland, and fake to each other. I prefer the eccentric old money crew.

Money does help with most things though so your dh isn’t wrong.

We do have a different type of Boho mc families in the school & living nearby but they aren't near the perfection levels of these two families thankfully & are much more approachable. Their weeks are mainly spent pottering locally like the rest of us not climbing Snowdonia!

Also just to add the two families I referred to only appear to socialise with families like themselves.
DH pointed out most people socialise with people of their own likeness so again thinks I'm being a tad unreasonable!

I find quintessential middle class families to be a little more self-deprecating and humble than this example. Such confidence would more likely come from private schooling, which isn’t really MC in my opinion.

They are upper middle class rather than bog standard MC

It’s down to resources, but it’s layered in that money allows you to access experiences and cultural capital and a helpful network. Chances are the parents grew up like this so the know how is in place. And the mothers don’t work so have loads of time to devote to running their families.

Obviously their lives aren’t perfect, they will have health scares and married and kid trouble at some point, but they will have more resources to manage around it..

I wouldn’t say they are in any way typical but they sound “high capacity”- ie they have the energy and drive to get a lot done and consistently engage in high energy pursuits as a form of relaxation . From observation high capacity adults bring up capacity kids and high capacity people tend to be very successful. It’s not all about money though. I know high capacity people who are absolutely not wealthy ( I’m not defining success narrowly) but honestly they are a dying breed.

The families I'm taking about are attending the local primary & secondaries in our town. The one private option isn't known for being great.

It's not all money (though it helps a lot). The families you aspire to emulate are simply typical high achievers. They share notes with their family, friends and acquaintances on how to accomplish/enable what they want. Friends of ours are hugely into rowing and attended selective west London day schools. One parent worked for English Rowing, and their DC chose their universities equally on both their preferred academic courses and their rowing credentials. Did the university support rowing progress? Both rowed at national level at U18 before leaving school, and were focused on the Olympics. Substitute any sport (except football which appears to be more democratic and open to all talent).

I have a very middle-class friend. Holidays in Borneo, the Alps, Thailand etc. Children play lacrosse with their school, tennis, ballet etc. Beautiful Georgian house. Garden parties with marquees etc.

Perfect. Except that she despises her husband.

They're not UMC they're just rich

I guess this is what people might have thought of our family growing up. Dad a city banker, mum worked 2 days as a lawyer. All top grammar schools, articulate, bright, went to top universities, high achieving in music & sport etc. Fairly well off.
Life definitely NOT perfect. In fact, my dad had a huge breakdown in my late teens due to the crippling stress of his job + past trauma (witnessing a terrorist attack and childhood trauma). All 3 children have as teens & adults needed psychiatric help. Addiction, heart attacks, alcoholism, suicide attempts etc.
I am not ungrateful in any way for the privileges I had growing up & they still help me to this day, but it's not the lifestyle I would want for my children.

Well, the mothers are housewives, so they aren’t high capacity from the OP’s description, it’s just that running their family is their job.

But actually there’s a huge overlap between rich and UMC in the UK - because most people making a lot of money today- financiers, city lawyers, hedgies, tech bros, are educated and come from MC backgrounds. UMC basically just means the rich middle classes. Obviously there are also rich people who are not MC but they’re a minority these days.

The only families I’ve met like this are a sub set of the horsey set. Huge immaculate houses with land and stables. Go skiing in winter, somewhere exotic in summer etc. Also as horsey families they spend a lot of time and money on their children’s hobbies.
I don’t think you are talking about the middle classes at all.
I suspect these people come from a long line of people who have had the genetic advantages of loving parents, brains and good health.

High capacity doesn’t just mean you have some amazing job. You can be retired and high capacity. It just means you’re not someone who really needs downtime. They’re always doing something and seeking something out to do. They’re the annoying people who say “ let’s go for a 20 mile hike” when everyone is hungover AF on holiday 🤣🤣

I'm not sure what the stepford wife reference is but I do know many families as described. None of them are stepford unlike in the slightest. SAHMs are all ex lawyers or media exec types. Highly educated, worldly and interesting. The dads are in senior roles in the city or corporates. Yes the dc are well spoken, attractive and do well on the whole but that's not surprising as mum and dad are intelligent so you know, genetics. A fairly typical sprinkling of neuro diversity. Most are physically fit.

I don't find them boring at all. I don't know what's appealing about the eccentric hand me down wearing, wealth dwindling, reliant on inheritance because they don't have the capacity to make it themselves old money

I know one family like that. It's money, but also they're lovely people who are always ready with a kind word, an invitation, or the offer of practical help if you're struggling - which again is easier if you have money but I think as a character trait it also helps you network and build connections.
Their life is not perfect. They had a rocky patch in their marriage a few years ago. Currently the wife's parents are unwell and need a lot of practical and emotional support, and one of their daughters has an eating disorder. But having money does seem to shield them somewhat from have the grinding accumulation of daily stresses that most other people I know experience.

Of course it is. Upper middle class but middle class none the less. Bankers, lawyers etc are firmly middle class

No I don't know anyone's life who is perfect I do know people who think others people's lives are because they are not happy with their own

It depends on your idea of perfect surely? I’m very happy with my life, but I’m not sure it’s down to being middle class (I wouldn’t fancy no or part time work as you describe in your post). I married a man I love who is an equal parent, we both have social lives separately and together and genuinely enjoy family time. Yes, money helps, but it’s not everything.

I don't know what you mean by calling them quintessentially middle class. They seem just to be very well off people who are also very accomplished in several ways that you feel that you are not.
I know lots of families that are accomplished in those sorts of ways (some of them middle class, some of them working class). Because my self esteem is a bit crap they make me feel envious and worthless . I exaggerate everything positive about them because I feel crap about myself. And that is what you seem to be doing too, brigetjoneski - I think your OP says much more about you than about them:
In reality, I guess these golden families have their flaws and unhappinesses just like anyone else