Anyone know any quintessentially middle class families? Are their lives really that perfect?

[Bridgetjoneski]

We have two who got the bill in the dc's school. The fathers have big jobs in the city, one of the mums is a sahm the other works very part time.
Always busy doing something impressive with their kids, hiking, sea swimming, skiing at half term etc..
Their dc are very bright & they seemed to have chosen their extracurriculars wisely with a view towards the red bricks & one child wants to apply to an American ivy for a scholarship in her chosen sport (rowing)
They just seem so clued in & have know how or inside knowledge! Beautiful, huge, spotless houses too. Hosted coffee mornings for the PTA.
Would love a life like that! DH says it's simply down to money but it's more imo.. Their kids are also much more confident & eloquent than mine!

It's such a strange assertion that someone who did nothing to obtain their wealth is somehow seen as being of a higher standard than people who gained wealth through intelligence, hard work, entrepreneurial skill etc.

And don’t forget some of the old money wealth was gained via nefarious means in the past. #soclassy!

It’s really odd to spend so much time with your nose pressed up against the window of someone else’s life. Just get on with making your own the way you want it to be!

@boopboopbidoop true. Here in my town the plumbers, electricians & builders are literally raking it in. They can name their price. They are also the ones with kids at private school & have multiple families a year.. However they could also duo income households with high earning spouses which is probable given the high standard of living. I would highly encourage my son to do an apprenticeship.

Itsacruelsummer:
I grew up very middle class (big house, good education etc.) and I still consider myself to be and I don't relate to this description at all! For one thing we all hate team sports and are quite scruffy. I'm quite glad I'm not like this as it all sounds a bit exhausting!

Same! What happened to being an individual? To striving to be a good person? All this talk seems so shallow, superficial and ego-based.

Just...get a life! 😄

I think it’s become a thing on MN to label anyone with money as not MC which is complete nonsense. It is true that plenty of people who grew up MC are now impoverished due to choice of career and stagnant wages in this country, but most MC are still relatively comfortable financially.

Private school for the kids, university educated parents in high paying professions, ski holidays, etc. would indicate UMC and not simply “rich”.

OP I know 2 families like you mention.

1st - husband is a city high flyer. Wife is a sahm. On the outside they look wonderful, glam, rich, perfect. But they regularly row, she's kicked him out several times, and I'm pretty sure he plays away on his frequent business trips. So they are pretty miserable. She won't leave because of the money he brings in.
He won't leave because it's not the done thing.

2nd- husband and wife both city high flyers and both Work full time, both on mega bucks. To the outside world they lead a charmed life. Reality is very different. They are both very unhappy (for different reason).

Both families have loads of money to make their choices and have access to different resources.

All the adults are far from happy. I wouldn't swap with any of them.

Reading your post it all sounds very contrived and controlled. For example 'doing the right extra curriculars' - what is this, what are the 'right ones'

What also stuck out was them socialising within a specific group. They are trying to get and keep and control who their children socialise with. I've seen this with parents with children at state schools, they love the old 'multi cultural and diverse' reason but in reality they are 'on it' when it comes to who their children socialise with.

Lastly their children are at state schools of course they can afford to throw money at all the stuff that is normal for the majority of private school kids. What doesn't happen, in my experience and from how you e described them, is the seemingly showiness of it all.

They just know. Kids were swimming from a very early age, skiing since toddlers (a useless activity for UK kids if you ask me!), watersports, hockey, music, ballet, tennis, lacrosse... One of their daughters was has prioritised rowing as the parents are really keen for her to get a scholarship to a US ivy college so they have invested heavily in her rowing.

The “right” activities are often based on what may help applications at secondary schools

@fonfusedm my point is I really wouldn't have a clue. These families just seem to know. And not only that they ensure their dc excel at the activities rather than do numerous activities for fun or to try out something the kids seem to do an instrument, team sport & individual one to a high level which obviously is multiple hours & training sessions per week, huge commitment.

As I said it's all very planned . Swimming is a normal and essential extracurricular. Ski-ing, personally if you have skied you want your kids to ski as it's an amazing holiday for a family. A very high proportion of private school kids ski, it's normal.

The lacrosse is interesting - I wasn't aware this was played much outside private schools - it's normally hockey that's popular. This does seem a strange one to pick in that not many play it.

Anyway it does sound as though they have picked sports that tend to be quite niche and money gives you scope to do this. Most people I know let their children try sports and then go with ones they like/excel at. Unless the children are exceptionally talented they won't be getting a scholarship to a US uni though!

@makeanddo the lacrosse is played by the family who hope their daughter goes to the US on a rowing scholarship.

With the swimming it's expensive to learn & not accessible to all even though it's a life skill.

@makeanddo yes it's all very planned. Maybe because they don't have time to be faffing around!

This.

The class pay gap is huge in this country. We are highly tuned to class signifiers and you simply won’t get certain jobs if you don’t speak and look the right way.

Why do you think luxury brands and top restaurants prefer to use foreign staff? It’s because they don’t want to employ obviously working class people. It doesn’t fit their brand. Same with nannies. I’ve actually heard someone say they couldn’t have a chav pushing their pram.

That's fascinating about the foreign staff. It has never occured to me, but you are completely right. Being a foreign type myself, I've always felt slightly out of any circle in the UK (and back home too now!). But I assume it is because of my foreign-ness rather than class background. It is a gift to be a permanent "other".

This thread really shows up the differences being Irish and British. There is a small version of this thread around some elite areas of Dublin but it is way less prevalent even there. The entire rest of the country just get on together class just isn’t a concept in the same way.

All kids do sports unless there are serious background issues. The kids mingle together in sports so even the ones in the private schools are great friends with the ones in the public schools. Where I am private school is only secondary school so the children will still be at primary school together.

There are the odd superior people about the place who have notions but if people think they are dicks then give them a wide berth otherwise they just get on with it.

In our friend group there are privately educated - most expensive school in the country - and the equivalent of UK comprehensive (Techs here) and everything in between. People just live their lives to their means and get on with it.

Yes I know families like this. But I'm not sure what your point is - there are different families all over the place, and it certainly helps if you can afford a cleaner and private schools and nice holidays. But I'm sure the divorce rate is just as high, as is the teenage drug involvement and of course illness doesn't discriminate. I'd say the adults work very hard to maintain appearances and are adept at putting a positive spin on things.

@Bridgetjoneski Im very lucky that my state primary is excellent & my dc do cricket, coding, tennis, chess, art, debate, hockey, orchestra etc. But if schools don’t offer it I think it’s quite hard to access even if it’s just logistically.

I really don’t know what class I am. Dad was a lecturer and mum a health care assistant. It was my mum who was what’s being described as ‘high capacity’. We were always doing things like climbing Snowden, going on 12 mile hikes and going on coach tours around Europe. I’m glad really because I’ve been to lots of places but it can be annoying and now she’s elderly, she’s an absolute nightmare because she can’t entertain herself at home.

I don't think it's just money but also tradition/history and how these people were brought up themselves. If your parents took you skiing, had a certain life style, you're likely to replicate that if it's your 'norm' and worked out ok for you.
We are also wired to gravitate around people like us so we'll - consciously or not - pick activities, hobbies, lifestyles that will facilitate that.

I think the high capacity thing mentioned above definitely is interesting. That is exactly how you would describe the families but also with know how about how things work... The activities their kids do now would be well suited to corporate team building etc..

*This all sounds ever so odd.

Like the kids are some project which WILL NOT fail*

This sounds like the kind of family where it's hell not to conform to expectation and demand - e.g you're bookish and not high energy in a family of sporty athletic achievers; or everyone's a doctor or a surgeon and you just want to work in an office.

The one child in both those families who is average at sports is fantastic at chess & debating, takes part in many competitions up & down the country with the school. Is also very musical so they made sure the child found their niche.

Someone said about illness not discriminating but yes it does! Wealthier people are less likely to get many illnesses and if they do, are more likely to survive them for reasons including: access to better food, better care, private healthcare, less stressful lifestyles.

@AmethystSparkles if your dad was a lecturer you are middle class. As a general rule there are lots of things, like a university education which mean you move from working to middle but few things that go the other way. This is why the middle class is ever expanding and much bigger than it was 100 years ago.

I agree with this too. Also have the resources to get treatment quicker, private treatment or treatment abroad.