Anyone know any quintessentially middle class families? Are their lives really that perfect?

[Bridgetjoneski]

We have two who got the bill in the dc's school. The fathers have big jobs in the city, one of the mums is a sahm the other works very part time.
Always busy doing something impressive with their kids, hiking, sea swimming, skiing at half term etc..
Their dc are very bright & they seemed to have chosen their extracurriculars wisely with a view towards the red bricks & one child wants to apply to an American ivy for a scholarship in her chosen sport (rowing)
They just seem so clued in & have know how or inside knowledge! Beautiful, huge, spotless houses too. Hosted coffee mornings for the PTA.
Would love a life like that! DH says it's simply down to money but it's more imo.. Their kids are also much more confident & eloquent than mine!

The family set up the OP describes was the same as mine when my DC were growing up. I am a from a WC background and I’d say the lifestyle is more to do with a high income than social class. We had money to travel a lot and for the DC to do any activity they wanted.

To me middle class is 2 degree educated parents in professional jobs. A decent house but not massive. All have hobbies, kids do a lot of clubs. Both parents have a decent but not necessarily a luxury car. Life is a bit hectic and not in any way perfect

Yes this! Both the mums I'm talking about had high powered careers before family life (one still works very part time book keeping). Now their family is their high powered focus.
Even if I had the money & the resources I would still be clueless as to what the right extracurriculars etc are... The dc just muddle away at whatever takes their fancy!
These families just seem to have so much knowledge & energy. Follow both mums on social media & they are always doing something fabulous.
Both families look like they belong on Ralph Lauren ads.. Understated casual elegance if that makes sense! (perhaps the gin is talking now!)

I was confused by your post because it's not really MC families you are describing, but high capacity upper middle class families.

As others have pointed out, just having money does not give you the energy and confidence to live like this. You also have to be high capacity, ie lots of mental and physical energy and the willingness to push yourself. Anybody of any class can have these traits.

And no, of course this does not mean your life is perfect. I am constantly flabbergasted by people who post on here that having money means you don't have problems. Someone posted a few days ago that they were surprised that Constance Martens (the woman who is on trial over the death of her baby) had gone off the rails as she came from a family with no issues (ie they were upper middle class/aristocratic and had a big house). What part of 'money doesn't buy you happiness' do people not understand? Unhappiness and instability exist in every single family, regardless of wealth.

It's the same when, for example, Kate Middleton is discussed on here. People seem to think she has a kind of frictionless Barbie existence. Yes, of course she has nannies, cleaners etc. but she is still subject to exactly the same anxieties as anyone else, in fact magnified as the whole world is watching her and discussing her. If you think that having money and being attractive adds up to a perfect life with no unhappiness then I advise you not to buy lottery tickets. You may be very disappointed.

We don’t know if they’re rich or not from
OP’s description, they are certainly well off.

The UMC types we met seemed to have several generations of success. One woman always had two tickets for centre court every day at Wimbledon. Her grandmother won perpetual debenture seats in the 1930 or 40s as the runner up in the Ladies Championship. Apart from that, the family were pretty normal. And lovely. We ate fish finger sandwiches there quite often.

I know what it means, but from the OP’s description no one could tell if these are high capacity people or not.

It’s pretty easy to create the life she describes for you family if you have a lot of resources and doing it is a full time job for one of you. It’s also very manageable to have most high flying careers if you have a lot of resources and a partner who makes your home life run like clockwork and manages the kids so they are less likely to have issues.

If these were duel career couples then you’d have a point.

My kids went to a local village school (tiny village just a pub, no shop) and the surrounding area is very rural but it’s quite a ‘rich’ area - lots of large houses and converted barns etc.

so the kids mixed with a lot of richer families- skiing, quick half term sunshine breaks to the Caribbean, lots went to private school for secondary etc.

lots of them were/are lovely, and plenty of them have had marital problems, bad health etc. in fact one of DDs friends who lives in a massive house has recently had social service involvement as the parents were hitting her for not doing well enough in school/activities. Facebook and outward appearances make everything seem wonderful… so never know what goes on behind closed doors.

ok the other hand we are firmly working class, live in an ex-council house etc but do do things like climbing mountains (mainly DH!), lots of volunteering and busy lives but I don’t pretend everything is perfect!

I know tons of people like that. Noones life is perfect! ( and most other houses aren't spotless either!)

Also know loads of families like this. Just horses for courses!

Yes, fair. I’m probably projecting a bit as the OPs description brought to mind the most high capacity family I know. Kids spend the holidays doing all sorts of ridiculously accomplished things and not being on screens ever 🤣. Meanwhile, I’m now at the age where I can still manage the 20k run but I need a little lie down afterwards.

I know a couple of families who fall into that category. One of the mums has been diagnosed with MS and is now declining rapidly, sadly. The other family lost their dd in tragic circumstances several years ago. Being fairly well off and living in a 'naice' house with all the home comforts doesn't make things easier when that sort of thing happens.

I work in the City with a lot of men who live those kind of lives. A significant number of them are habitually unfaithful. Some wives I'm convinced know, but turn a blind eyes, others seems entirely clueless.

Don't get me wrong, of course some are very happily married. But I do suspect that there is more infidelity as there are more opportunities when late nights and work trips are the norm and you have money to throw around.

A 20k run deffo gives you high capacity points. I on the other hand have eating chocolate on the sofa points. I’m really mean about screens though, with the kids not for me.

I’m a SAHM, beautiful large house in the country, nice cars (owned outright), lovely holidays abroad, horses at home, skiing in winter, no money worries. I hate entertaining and my child is autistic!

This all sounds ever so odd.

Like the kids are some project which WILL NOT fail.

They are posting a lot of their lives on SM it seems which is utterly insane. I have learnt that the odd photo on SM does not portray the truth.

There are many paths to success, we don't even know what "success" will look like for our kids. Who would have known creating was is basically a digital librarian would mean you rule the world's data 30 years ago?

I could muster up sone photos and post stuff online to create a lifestyle family. The rest of the household would think I had lost the plot, quite rightly.

Watch The Social Dilemma on going to say Netflix. All about how SM sucks you in. Makes you feel less positive about your own life.

Get you kids into coding. Computers run the world, if you can run the computers you will be a success.

Unfortunately our pampered teens want to be evil overlords, preferably from space, so we are concerned about teaching them anything useful.

Is someone simply a “high capacity” person or is a learned or developed trait? I would say I am pretty low capacity, but sometimes question it. My get up and go has definitely got up and gone.

We live in a very 'MC' area but all the MC families I know are very outdoorsy, nice homes but not spotless, all have dogs and holidays usually consist of a variation of skiing, north Norfolk and Caribbean. However, most of the mums work- in fact 50% of them would probably be considered the breadwinner.

Alas, we are still aspiring MC

It’s money. My brother and his wife fit the bill. Me and my brother grew up on a council estate and while we both went to university when we graduated he became a lawyer and I travelled. He met another graduate and they both became lawyers. They have the perfect middle class life. Helped in a large way by his wife’s inheritance. But basically it comes down to money :)… and to be clear I don’t begrudge him or envy him a penny :)

We are what you’d probably consider to be quintessentially middle class. Decent income. Both well educated with professional jobs.
We have many things to be grateful for. Financially stable, good families and wonderful children.
We do still have many things going on for us that are challenging though. Parents with cancer, child has just had a life changing medical diagnosis, house is rarely spotless, we never go skiing……
We are luckier than most but there is no way of knowing what is happening in peoples lives.

Nope, never.

The most wealthy families I've known,

One was like the queen bee at the school. Everything seemed perfect. Except social services became heavily involved because she refused to get her DD help when she was struggling and the school thought she had autism. Then her husband left her to transition to a woman. Everything changed pretty sharpish there.

Another I know, fab on the outside. She's amazing, he's amazing, their sons amazing. Lots of money, but because she earns significantly less than her husband she gets a lot of comments about her "pin money" and its assumed she doesn't do enough.. she does, and she's running herself into the ground to do more so people who are in their lives from her husbands side are a bit kinder to her.

Another, both very professional parents, high expectations of themselves. Their life looks perfect but she's really struggling with her mental health to keep it all afloat. Her husband will not let her get medication or counselling because it'll bring shame to their family if anyone finds out

I was waiting for the “the men are unfaithful comment”. Men are unfaithful in all walks of life. But people seem to be particularly snide if the are unfaithful and middle class. I would rather be rich and cheated on than poor and cheated on!

I have encountered them through work, but not as nauseating perfect as you describe. Outside work I have no contact with middle class people. I suppose Its just an unconscious choice to associate with other people from the same working class background.

Is anyone’s life perfect? I don’t think so. I don’t envy anyone’s life I focus on my own. Everyone has their good and bad stuff. I make the best of my own situation what else can you do.

I do feel though that there are certain types that do keep up appearances at all costs. I guess they keep the stiff upper lip at all times so that may be why their lives look so perfect & unattainable..