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Original poster

If you suddenly had to go into hospital for a few weeks...

151 replies

Goldbar · 30/01/2024 14:15

Would your child get to school on time?
Would their packed lunch and snack be made in the morning just how they like it/would school lunch be booked and paid for on time?
Would they have the correct, clean uniform?
Would their reading and homework be done?
Would they have everything they needed in their school bag?
Would whoever was caring for them be aware of any special workshops/school trips that were happening?
Would they be picked up on time? Would whoever was caring for them have the school office details to ring if running late?

Similar details for nursery-age children.

How much organisation would be required on your part to make sure the above was achieved? Would it all happen smoothly, allowing you to recuperate in peace with an easy mind? Or would you hurriedly be messaging the after-school club details or school lunch account login as the anaesthetist arrived to put you under?

OP posts:
Mariposistaaa · 30/01/2024 20:19

My mum would spring into action and make sure that everything was fine and everyone stays alive. Not that I expect it of her, but I know she would.

AtomicBlondeRose · 30/01/2024 21:05

Ah yes, if it was DM, not only would everything be done to a good standard but DD would be in hog heaven with every dinner cooked to her exact specifications, probably with a stop at the ice cream parlour or sweet shop on the way back from school, TV curled with the drink of her choice afterwards and someone to listen devotedly to all the school gossip and scandal without interruption!

Choconuttolata · 30/01/2024 21:18

This has happened to me when the eldest two were 4 years old and 17 months. I was in for several months whilst pregnant with DC3. At the time I was a SAHP, DH managed everything despite not having juggled school stuff etc at all really up until that point. The only thing he struggled with was knowing how to do the online food shop as he didn't know the account details to order at first (but would go to the supermarket). There were some questionable outfit combinations for DD2, but she was always dressed correctly for the weather. DD1 has quite thick afro hair and he did manage to put it into braids, single, double or multiple small ones too.

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Families
TwylaSands · 30/01/2024 21:22

Yes all of that would get done. DH would do everything that needs doing. I would just pack and leave.

diamondpony80 · 30/01/2024 21:45

DH could do most things if he took the time off work (which he could in a pinch). The only thing he wouldn't know how to do is book school dinners as the booking account is in my name. He'd manage to put something together for a packed lunch (although it might not be just how DD likes it!)

Kittythecutest · 30/01/2024 22:31

Everything would be fine, I wouldn’t need to think about anything.

KeepGoing2 · 30/01/2024 22:33

My kids are older so they’d do a lot of this themselves. When they were younger, DH would have been fine with uniforms etc but would probably have binned after school clubs for a few weeks and I wouldn’t blame him- not the priority when someone’s trying to do the work of two.

HollyKnight · 31/01/2024 09:59

My children would be better off with me in hospital! DH is a fully functioning, organised parent. I am ADHD chaos.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 31/01/2024 10:17

My DC would have to go into care temporarily as the only family I have are either elderly or incapacitated

Caterina99 · 31/01/2024 10:32

DH would be fine. Might not be up to my standards, but everyone would be fed and washed and at school on time. They might miss a dance class or homework or something, but that’s hardly an issue in that kind of situation.

In reality I imagine my parents would help him out, cook meals, do kids washing and school runs etc, but I’m sure he could manage on his own. I have been away a few times and it’s been no problem, but of course it does require some logistical changes due to him having to work.

C152 · 31/01/2024 11:16

No to all of those, unless DS was staying with one of my female friends, who would make it their business t know/do everthing necessary.

ShortColdandGrey · 31/01/2024 12:09

Yes, my husband would do it all with help from both our families. He has to do the whole morning routine as it is as I am out the house at 06:30 everyday, and he is the cook in our house so DD would not starve. Now, if my husband was the one in hospital it would be a different story.

ColleenDonaghy · 31/01/2024 12:34

All of that would be fine except perhaps school dinners as I have the app and he doesn't. I guess their hair would be messier as we have two girls and I usually do their hair in the morning while he sorts snacks etc.

If he went into hospital it would also be fine, although I wouldn't be cooking to the same standards.

AliasGrape · 31/01/2024 12:54

DH would have to do some juggling of work hours etc but he would do so, and DD would get to (school) nursery on time every day, in correct uniform and with a decent packed lunch etc.

I don’t know if the lunch choices would be as varied as I try to put in, she’d probably get a cheese sandwich, a yoghurt and an apple every day but she’d survive. He might struggle a bit with hair but to be honest I don’t find it easy either!

Her general routine, dance class, swimming lessons etc he knows what she does, when and where and would be fine keeping up with that, having what she needed etc. He does like to ask me where things are all the bloody time but he knows really, as evidence by the fact I mostly ignore these questions now and he always manages to find the item in question!

In terms of cleanliness/ tidiness at home etc it might slip a bit but then I’d probably drop a few things if he was away for a few weeks too, the important stuff would still happen as normal.

ThreeTreeHill · 31/01/2024 12:56

In the long run yes DH would be able to do all those things

In the short run the children would be fed and clean, washing would get done but not immediately. House would be reasonable. Other things would probably fall the wayside.

School run we would either have to get some wrap around childcare or someone to drop the DC off as DH leaves at 7.30am and gets back at 6.30pm. Packed lunches would be done if needed but DC would eventually end up on school dinners.

Tbh if I'm in hospital I wouldn't expect everything to be done, because I would expect DH to be visiting me or caring for me as well as everything else and there are things I always do and he always does, and it takes time to build new routines. But if DH were to become a single parent for some reason then he and the DC would be fine.

Original poster
Goldbar · 31/01/2024 13:08

Thank you, it's interesting to hear everyone's views on this, partly because this scenario may be happening in our family some time in the immediate future and my OH's view is that he couldn't possibly cope without his mother/MIL (look for the nearest woman to offload your responsibilities onto 🙄) being around to help. I have respectfully (well, not so respectfully) suggested that the world won't come to an end and, so long as we arrange for work hours to be covered or for carers' leave or some other arrangement (which his work will often offer paid at their discretion), as a responsible parent I'm sure he'll cope. We have a 16 month old as well as a primary age one, so unfortunately they do need fairly competent and "on it" parenting just to keep them safe.

I am sorry for those for whom this is a constant worry or who have had their children let down by inadequate parenting from their other parent, but it's heartening that this doesn't seem as common as the copers.

OP posts:
ClivetheDestroyer · 31/01/2024 13:13

DH would be 90% fine!
He does most of the cooking and I do the washing, so they'd probably eat better than usual but clothes might not get washed until he noticed they were running out.
He's not good at doing DD's hair but she'd get a wonky ponytail lol

ColleenDonaghy · 31/01/2024 13:26

In fairness OP, it's tough enough when one of the adults goes away for work never mind when there's the worry of illness plus hospital visiting, bringing fresh pjs etc. If help is available he should take it, and I'd say the same to you if he was in hospital.

If either of us were in hospital we would be fine flying solo but if either granny was happy to help out we would happily take them up on it! But make sure that help doesn't vanish when you're back out and recovering yourself, you'll need support then too. Best of luck Flowers

AliasGrape · 31/01/2024 13:52

In fairness OP, it's tough enough when one of the adults goes away for work never mind when there's the worry of illness plus hospital visiting, bringing fresh pjs etc. If help is available he should take it, and I'd say the same to you if he was in hospital.

Yes I agree with this too, I know what you mean about looking for the nearest female OP, and that it's frustrating, but if other people want to help in this scenario then let them.

My mum is no longer around. MIL would definitely want to offer help in this scenario but that help would not involve childcare of any kind I don't think. She'd almost definitely offer to do some washing, they go some form of food shopping more or less every day so would be forever dropping off bags of food/ treats and would probably have DH and DD round for a few meals - all of which he'd take her up on I'm sure. If he was the one in hospital I'd probably get the offers of shopping and maybe a couple of meal invites, but I don't think she'd suggest doing any washing for us if it was that way round.

TravellingT · 31/01/2024 14:13

5 DC under 7. DH would do as much as possible, youngest isn't in nursery so would be with SIL while DH works, she mucks in anyway so could handle anything in work hours. I wouldn't have to arrange or advise anything. No default parent here!

emmaempenadas · 31/01/2024 14:13

Dh works away so my children would likely need to go into an emergency foster placement.

Frozenasarock · 31/01/2024 15:00

Goldbar · 31/01/2024 13:08

Thank you, it's interesting to hear everyone's views on this, partly because this scenario may be happening in our family some time in the immediate future and my OH's view is that he couldn't possibly cope without his mother/MIL (look for the nearest woman to offload your responsibilities onto 🙄) being around to help. I have respectfully (well, not so respectfully) suggested that the world won't come to an end and, so long as we arrange for work hours to be covered or for carers' leave or some other arrangement (which his work will often offer paid at their discretion), as a responsible parent I'm sure he'll cope. We have a 16 month old as well as a primary age one, so unfortunately they do need fairly competent and "on it" parenting just to keep them safe.

I am sorry for those for whom this is a constant worry or who have had their children let down by inadequate parenting from their other parent, but it's heartening that this doesn't seem as common as the copers.

If my DH was in hospital and then recuperating for a lengthy period, my parents would willingly come and help me especially when my children were little. And I’m a SAHM. They’d help not because I’m incapable but because it’s actually hard work solo parenting a toddler and a primary age child while caring for a sick spouse, visiting the hospital, taking on all the things they do towards running the household, never mind working too. I wouldn’t “need” the help but I’d certainly ask for it and be appreciative if it was available. My DH would cope perfectly fine if he had to but he’d probably also ask my parents to help if they were around and didn’t mind.

If his mother or indeed your mother is willing to help I don’t see why he’s so awful for wanting assistance. Is he generally useless and you want to use this as an opportunity to make a point about your workload?

Getonnow · 31/01/2024 15:03

Things wouldn't be done exactly the way I do them, but they'd be done and everyone would be OK. Most of that wouldn't be a disaster if lacking, while the new carer worked it out. I reckon most people could find the school office number if they needed it and if the uniform's not quite right/a workshop is missed because Mum's in hospital, how much does it really matter?

Original poster
Goldbar · 31/01/2024 15:04

ColleenDonaghy · 31/01/2024 13:26

In fairness OP, it's tough enough when one of the adults goes away for work never mind when there's the worry of illness plus hospital visiting, bringing fresh pjs etc. If help is available he should take it, and I'd say the same to you if he was in hospital.

If either of us were in hospital we would be fine flying solo but if either granny was happy to help out we would happily take them up on it! But make sure that help doesn't vanish when you're back out and recovering yourself, you'll need support then too. Best of luck Flowers

I agree with this, but in our case all grandparents live a fair distance away (in one case, involving a flight). So when my DH says that they'd need to 'help out', what he really means is one or other grandparent hugely inconveniencing themselves and moving into our house for several weeks and essentially doing everything that I currently do (so a 24/7 nannying role) to enable him to pretend to work that everything is fine and not take any hit on his productivity, rather than popping round to the grandparents for dinner or grandparents helping with the school run. And that's a huge ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldbar · 31/01/2024 15:11

If his mother or indeed your mother is willing to help I don’t see why he’s so awful for wanting assistance. Is he generally useless and you want to use this as an opportunity to make a point about your workload?

He's not generally useless but he's a workaholic in a very stressful job. It would be very hard for him to say to work, "you know what, I'm going to have to cut my hours this week/work from home/take time off for family reasons". He won't so much be wanting assistance as someone to make the whole problem go away,

OP posts: