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Original poster

If you suddenly had to go into hospital for a few weeks...

151 replies

Goldbar · 30/01/2024 14:15

Would your child get to school on time?
Would their packed lunch and snack be made in the morning just how they like it/would school lunch be booked and paid for on time?
Would they have the correct, clean uniform?
Would their reading and homework be done?
Would they have everything they needed in their school bag?
Would whoever was caring for them be aware of any special workshops/school trips that were happening?
Would they be picked up on time? Would whoever was caring for them have the school office details to ring if running late?

Similar details for nursery-age children.

OP posts:

Octavia64 · 30/01/2024 15:03

Happened to me.

DH coped really fucking badly and was constantly messaging me (while I was on lots of morphine). Lots of stuff fell apart.

I was in for a week and then recovering for ages (in a wheelchair) and the kids pretty much decided their dad was useless. They got independent fast as they decided they'd rather eat beans on toast they had bought and made than rely on him for meals which didn't happen.

I dread to think how it would have gone if they were much younger.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/01/2024 15:04

DS is almost 14 months and DH would be absolutely fine because he does 50/50 of the nursery drop offs and pick ups anyway. I wouldn't need to organise anything because DH is a good father.

11NigelTufnel · 30/01/2024 15:04

I think I would have to beg a lot of help from family. Dp would be fine knowing where and when, but he works full time, not from home. Short of weeks off unpaid, I don't see how he could do all the school runs that I do.

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Families

Shityshitybangbang · 30/01/2024 15:04

Happened to me in august. Was admitted to hospital for colon cancer. 11 and 13 year old. My partner took time of from work. He did manage with uniforms, washing and stuff. Grandparents done school run. It was a struggle but got there. He did manage better then I thought lol 😂

Spacecowboys · 30/01/2024 15:04

Nothing would be done to quite the same standard 🤣( I’m a bit ocd and like being the organiser) but they’d all get by.

Merrow · 30/01/2024 15:05

DP would be fine. Wouldn't have the school's phone number to hand, but would Google. Might not remember a special day, but is on the class WhatsApp and there's generally a reminder given on that in the morning (and I frequently have to rely on that, so no judgement there). Biggest hurdle would be remembering to buy sufficient snacks.

spriots · 30/01/2024 15:06

Yes it would all be fine.

TBH I am usually the liability and the one more likely to forget PE day etc

Onthegrid · 30/01/2024 15:07

My DC are grown up now but had they still been at primary - whilst DH is a very capable man and father when the DC were born we made a compromise to live close by family and my place of work, this gave him a longish commute so he didn't do much of the day-to-day. I also had a shared nanny as I worked full-time. My mum was retired so she would be filling in the gaps if DH wanted to go to work.
Getting to school - no problem that was usually the nanny anyway.
Lunch and snack - I don't remember doing snacks, and they had school lunches with DH paid the bill for
Uniform - not an issue he is more than capable of using a washing machine
Hair - he couldn't do plaits or styling but could doing washing and get it into a simple ponytail, it didn't look great but then as DD1 came home from school everyday looking like she had been in a cyclone it didn't really matter.
Reading and homework - may be less done than usual if he was working but if he took time off whilst I was incapacitated then no issues
Trips etc would all be on the calendar/whiteboard on the fridge and the paperwork in the rack (this was before everything was online) so no issues
Clubs and swimming lessons would be fine

wonkylegs · 30/01/2024 15:07

Most of it would get cobbled together - have a fairly competent and conscientious YR11 and YR3 kids who would help sort themselves and each other out - in laws plus friends would also help. DH is fairly competent but has a demanding job with little flex (acute hospital consultant) and I work full time in another demanding job so we already have some systems in place - eg they have school dinners and go to after school care.
I had to drop everything last minute last year and drive to the other end of the country when my mum was admitted to hospital (awful awful experience) and I ended up staying and then going back and for 3 months. We managed.
The more time you have to think about it sometimes makes it worse.

roundtable · 30/01/2024 15:08

Dh would get on with it fine. He already does most of the school runs when he's here and is the main contact unless he's out of the country. We share the drudgery jobs. There's a couple of little things I do that he would need details of but also the same visa versa.

I'm going away this year for a week in school time and I won't leave 'instructions'. I won't need to. He travels plenty with work and has never felt the need to leave me details of what to do surprisingly.

SeaToSki · 30/01/2024 15:09

I run everything (SAHM) so when i have had planned hospital stays I leave everything prepped and lists of routines and jobs..but DH works away all week so it isnt realistic to expect him to know the finer details.
When I had a planned 1 day minor procedure that went tits up and I was in hospital on deaths door for a week, my DM flew out to help because DH was a wreck at the thought of losing me and was focussed in supporting the dc emotionally. My DM dropped everything to help because she is an amazing woman and kept the home running smoothly and my friends all pitched in to do school runs etc as she doesnt drive (in the US where we live)

GingerIsBest · 30/01/2024 15:14

Most of that would be fine. The food one possibly not but that's because Dh is notoriously bad at food anyway but he'd pull it together enough. But school dinners and school canteen money would collapse all together. Everything else, largely okay.

I'm not sure that would have been true int he past. But he's tried hard to get better at being more proactive.

The things that probably would fall apart is all the other invisible things that are less frequent. I could disappear for 1-2 weeks okay, but 6 months in a coma? Less so. Our appliances would all be covered in limescale and/or dirt, the house would generally just be a lot overall dirtier, the DC would be buying new clothes in emergency runs rather than in any sort of planned way, no clubs/activities would be booked or paid for etc.

Having said that, if DH was in a coma for 6 months, I'd probably be aware of the things that need doing so that puts me marginally ahead, but I'd be doing it all from scratch as I have NO idea about any of those ad hoc, infrequent things - I couldn't tell you who our service providers are for anything except my personal mobile phone. I have to be reminded who the kids go to for the dentist. I just about manage to book MOTs for my car, but DH handles tax, the family car, oil changes, new tyres etc etc etc. Also, I know the garden NEEDS doing, but except for the pruning (which I often forget to do) I do NONE of it and have no idea how to use the lawnmower even so.... yeah, me realising it needs doing is only marginally better.

pontipinemum · 30/01/2024 15:14

My sister was unexpectedly in hospital for over a month last year (all fine now). They have 2 small children

Her husband managed. He got a lot of help from his mum and my other sisters (I don't live close by)

I am fairly confident my husband would manage even if the house was a bit messier than usual and DS didn't have the most balanced diet

mindutopia · 30/01/2024 15:17

They would generally be fine. I think the only thing that would need handing over would be the school lunch booking app (I do that, because no point us both booking lunches and double paying). Otherwise, they’d probably actually get to school and get picked up on time more often. 😂 Homework may not all get done, but that’s often the case anyway and I’m not sure I’d manage it if Dh was in hospital.

Work and the rest of my life that Dh doesn’t have any responsibility for would fall to pieces pretty quickly, but I wouldn’t have any concerns about the kids or the house or the pets.

AtomicBlondeRose · 30/01/2024 15:18

I was called away for a family emergency got a week last year and DP managed absolutely fine without me and without any specific instructions- house was tidy, washing was done, fridge and cupboards stocked etc when I got back. The only thing I thought of on that list was dinner money, as I’ve always paid it in advance on an app he doesn’t have, so I doubt he’d even think about it. But that’s no big deal. And he’d easily rustle up a packed lunch if needed!

Multipleexclamationmarks · 30/01/2024 15:18

I've not long come out of hospital and am at home recuperating, i'll be out of action for a couple of months. My children are teens though so not sure if my answers will be relevant to you but here they are.

Would your child get to school on time?
Yes, they get the bus by themselves, no change to their routine.

Would their packed lunch and snack be made in the morning just how they like it?
DH would have done it for them but they've started to make their own to ease the load on him.

Would they have the correct, clean uniform?
Yes, DH is doing all the washing etc

Would their reading and homework be done?
Yes but they're responsible for this anyway

Would they have everything they needed in their school bag?
Yes
Would whoever was caring for them be aware of any special workshops/school trips that were happening?
They would need to tell dh as they would normally tell me but yes if they tell him he'll remember and sort anything out that needs sorting.

Would they be picked up on time? Would whoever was caring for them have the school office details to ring if running late?
N/A for school but he's been dropping/picking up for clubs, music lessons, activities. He would know who to contact if there was a problem

How much organisation would be required on your part to make sure the above was achieved? Would it all happen smoothly, allowing you to recuperate in peace with an easy mind? Or would you hurriedly be messaging the after-school club details or school lunch account login as the anaesthetist arrived to put you under?
It's all happened pretty smoothly. They're all just getting on with it. Now things like cleaning, vacuuming may not be being done to my exact standards but they're being done with good grace.

AtomicBlondeRose · 30/01/2024 15:19

And as @mindutopia says - work was a SHITSHOW. Came back earlier than I liked just because everything was being left to go to pot.

greenacrylicpaint · 30/01/2024 15:22

my dc are teens now and do most of the stuff themselves anyway including cycling to school.

but when dc were little I travelled regularly for work and of course dh made sure dc were fed, happy, on time for school and activities and had a reasonable bedtime & clean clothes.

Lovemusic82 · 30/01/2024 15:23

Single parent here to a disabled (almost adult) child who is mentally about 7 years old, needs some personal care and is almost non verbal.

A couple years ago I had to go to hospital for emergency surgery, I was only in for 3 days but my mum stepped in and looked after dd, it wasn’t ideal but she kept her alive and got her to school on time, cooked meals for her and kept her reasonably calm until I returned home. No home work was done (I’m sure most schools would understand) and dd doesn’t go to any activities/clubs.

I am now awaiting a hysterectomy which will be a longer recovery but hoping to only be away for 2 days. We do now have a paid carer who would be able to help a little.

PosyPrettyToes · 30/01/2024 15:24

It's a bit different for us as DS has profound SEND and ideally requires a 2:1 ratio.

It's been fine when either DH or I have been away for a weekend or a few days for work, and I did a week on my own when DH was working away and just about survived, but I don't think DS would cope without me for any longer than a few days, and nothing DH did would fix that.

The house would be fine though as DH works from home so he does the vast majority of the cleaning, laundry etc.

Also DH doesn't drive so they'd be screwed if DS missed his school transport for any reason.

tealweasel · 30/01/2024 15:30

My DS (2) would be fine. I'm not convinced my husband would remember to refresh the spare clothes in his nursery bag every day but he'd definitely be dropped off and picked up at the right times, fed and watered and clean.

There are a few things that would crop up if I was out of action for months - the tax free childcare is in my name and I don't think he'd know who to contact to renew some of DS's toddler classes - but they would be basically fine I think.

If anything, I'd probably be more snookered if my DH was taken out of action - his job is more flexible so he can reliably get away for pick ups, and he works 4 days a week so I'd be short a day of childcare until I could sort something out.

coxesorangepippin · 30/01/2024 15:31

I think I'd still be doing quite a bit from my hospital bed, tbh

Fink · 30/01/2024 15:33

I'm a single parent. My parents would look after dc. Uniform, laundry, meals, school would happen. The house would be spick and span and dc served healthy meals (whereas I would sometimes expect them to sort themselves out - teens).

Homework would only get done if dc did it voluntarily, my parents wouldn't enforce it or check it. Ditto PE kit and equipment for school. DD has ADHD and needs help remembering things, parents wouldn't insist on this, they might ask her once.

Clubs wouldn't happen, or at least not all of them. DC probably wouldn't see their father because he will only drive one way, not there and back, and my parents won't drive that far.

If it fell during exam time, zero revision or parental assistance with revision would happen.

My parents wouldn't know the procedure for reporting an absence or whom to speak to at the school for anything. One of them is tech savvy enough to look up the main school number online.

I'm the only one who gets any communication from the school, so if I were completely incapacitated then no messages would get through. Assuming I were well enough to forward emails, they would deal with urgent stuff. They wouldn't manage things like booking parents' evenings appointments online.

AvengedQuince · 30/01/2024 15:34

Yes, all would be fine for my teen. The school have emergency contact details for a family member should I be unavailable and he would look after himself and the cats.

HappyAsASandboy · 30/01/2024 15:36

Most things would get done, though things like topping up teen dinner money accounts etc might not as DH wouldn't know how. Teen would get stressed about it though, so would prompt DH who would probably ring the school to sort it out.

For a week or two everything would happen because I maintain the family calendar and school meetings/bring a £1/wear red etc tend to give about 2 weeks notice. After that though, I'm not sure whether DH would process all the paperwork/emails from school and get it all in to the calendar so that it all happened.

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