What made you realise you might have been poor growing up ?

[LanaL]

As the title suggests - when you think back to your childhood is there anything that makes you realise you were poor ?

When I was younger at Christmas , we didn’t have stockings at the end of our beds , we had carrier bags . Like Asda carrier bags . I loved it, I always found it magical to wake up and Santa had put presents in our carrier bag!

Again at Christmas , every individual thing was wrapped - I always remember having mountains of presents , but looking back lots of them were cheap and small ( not that it mattered to me ! ) one of my favourite presents that we used to get each year was a paper folder full of plain white paper. This folder would be decorated with our name and drawings of things we liked ( I remember one year it was decorated with drawings of hedgehogs because I loved hedgehogs ) and separately would be a packet of felt pens wrapped up . I loved that , my mom and dad would sit with us and we would all draw and colour together !

Asking for snacks / drinks - we never , ever would have dreamed of going to get a bag of crisps without asking. We could make squash but fizzy pop had to be asked for . Also - milk ! It was like a luxury , never could we just pour a glass of milk ! Very rare that we actually ever drank a glass of milk . Looking back I think my parents struggled but you don’t realise that at the time . I’m the total opposite now , my children do have to ask for unhealthy snacks so I can limit them but there are always plenty and they don’t eat loads so I never really say no and things like fruit or food - like if they want toast or a sandwich - they can help themselves .

Pudding / desert - I always have something available , it may not always be a cake but there is always something - cookies , muffins , yoghurts etc always something they can have after dinner but as a child we never had it and if ever we happened to - mom had got a cake or baked - it was a huge treat .

we never ate out. I can’t remember a single time we ever went out to a restaurant or a pub for food . I don’t have a single memory of going for a meal with my family as a child and , actually, I remember arranging a meal for my 21st after I had moved out and I’m pretty certain I remember thinking that this was the first time I had been for a meal with my family. One of my brothers weren’t there so I don’t think I’ve ever sat with my parents and all my siblings at a meal .

I never saw my mom in new clothes until I was an adult and her and my dad had seperated. I remember her wearing very random t shirts, that had been my dads or I know someone had given to her and my dads t shirts were work ones , he always seemed to be in work clothes .

I remember some of my clothes being what people had given to us , or my aunt worked in a video store and she always had merchandise so i remember having t shirts with film logos on .

Shopping - my mom would go out most days with her shopping trolley , walking , to the high street and she would do this most days with a list that has prices next to each item ( exact prices , like £1.59 ) I now realise that she was on that tight a budget that she counted every penny , went with the trolley to get what she could and walk home as she couldn’t afford taxis or buses. She walked everywhere ! My dad had cars on and off but would work during the day .

Holidays - we went on holiday once as a family that I remember , vaguely , as I was about 6 . I went on holidays with family friends and family but not as a family .

My mom never had her hair done . I vaguely remember her having a perm once , that’s it. She used to shave my dads head , and my brothers . Me and my sister would have our fringe cut by my mom and a family friend would cut our hair. But I do remember when I was in secondary school mom would take me for haircuts at the hairdresser. I wonder know how much she had to budget for that .

As a parent now , I realise how much my parents struggled and how they sacrificed for us because in light of the above this is what I also remember :

Every Christmas my brothers would have the latest console and I would have what I had asked for , along with loads of small presents that I now realise were to bulk up .

Once we were in secondary school - our PE tracksuits were named brand , always from the lady over the road who ran a catalogue . Our coats in secondary school were branded - again catalogue- as were my brothers shoes . At our ages it was “rock port “ or “ kickers “ they always had them . Our bags were what others had . My shoes were what all the other girls were wearing . No matter what clothes we may have had at home or the budget they were on they made sure that we never went to school in anything that could get us teased . The fact this was from catalogues makes me realise they must have really struggled to do that .

We went on lots of picnics ! To local parks , and we would have to go to the high street to go to “ kwik save “ to get the things , it would be own brand , but my mom would make it so exciting ! She would play games with us on the long walk , she would get some nice cakes , treat us to cans of pop .

At home she would sit playing consoles with my brothers , playing with my toys with me .

I remember being surprised one day and told I was going on holiday that day with my moms friends and their children . It was the best thing ever and I remember a few days before we had gone around charity shops and had got me some new clothes- I didn’t think to myself that we were buying second hand things I just felt really appreciative that I was being treated !

We clearly didn’t have a lot . But I never thought that we were poor because my parents ( mainly my mom ) did everything in their power to make sure we lived a good , normal life .

Think I want to go and give my mom and dad cuddle now !

When our home was repossessed and we had the gas and electricity cut off. This was all down to my dad's poor life choices.
You never see it as a child but as an adult I remember how underweight my mom was and how she would sacrifice eating herself so my sister and I could.
When she'd cook our food on a camping ring burner .... yeah it was pretty bleak but I never went a day without feeling loved and cared for. It's also put me in good stead on how to manage my own finances so my child never experiences the same.

As an adult I’ve always kept huge stocks of food. I’ve got a massive larder and a huge chest freezer as well as a tall upright freezer. I know it’s a throwback to childhood, but we managed to get through the whole of lockdown and only bought fruit, veg, and dairy so it came into its own eventually!

@Menomeno I am the same. dh used to take the mick, until lockdown! He was thankful for it then when we didn’t have to worry much about queuing or delivery slots.

I am also mildly obsessed with my children having enough clothes, their school uniforms being entirely Clean/washed everyday and them going to school with clean hair - I was only allowed a bath once a week as hot water was expensive so was ripped apart for greasy hair at school and my uniform was always smelly. I never want them to have that experience.

Very long!
Risk of poverty top trumps, but lots described here was normal WC standards according to which era, but go to the last paragraph if the rest is too long.

We knew we were poor at the time because almost everyone were visibly better than us most and many let us know their opinions.
Shame and the vitriol and sneering of others and having Fleasy as a pronoun.

Odd situation of poverty surrounded by hoarding what was left from a previous better life or stripped out of derelict buildings. It all got slowly destroyed by our conditions, rodents and pigeons. Some died in it.

The smells told you. Damp, mold, rot, and neglect, putrefaction, stale urine, burnt mattresses, boiled cabbage, all mixed up together. Police and authorities held their noses and commented. Further up from us, and schools, smelt different.

We got told to leave major shops for how we looked. No business being there.

Boarded up and broken windows, bare bulbs but using paraffin lamps to save turning the light on. Shared bog, bring your own newspaper and be able to hover! Wallpaper mainly fallen off. Ice inside windows in winter - but common.

A lack of beds, mattresses, for younger ones, or actual bedclothes just random odd bits of fabric and curtains, and newspaper. Very few actual toys.
No curtains at shuttered (later boarded) windows. No carpets or lino, or rugs. Socks off to protect them from dirt. No fridge - not unusual.

Clothes washed in sink or buckets. Musty by the time they dried. Strip washing, cold water for kids.. No privacy. Big problems round menstrual hygiene.
Communal cooker on the landing, later the cellar. But no money for the meter. Blaming kids to police when it got done over. One meal a day,. You had to eat what was given to you, even if it was well off.

My clothes consisted of 2 skirts and 2 jumpers that started out enormous and ended up indecent. No shirts or vests. Underwear and socks scarce and embarrassing. Constant punishments for no school uniform. Not allowed FSM and having to leave to pretend to ‘go home’ for lunch.
No chance of compulsory ingredients for home ec or sewing. Learning early that school punishment was less painful than rage at home.
School finally gave in and gave the material to make a PE ‘pumps bag’ for sewing, but my pumps (plimsolls) were my shoes, so I was barefoot on hand in day, as couldn’t show the state of my socks. Constantly repairing my rotting pumps until they really couldn’t be made to hold together again.

No vest and sagging knickers. PE was just burning shameful humiliation. Forced to do swimming (drowning!) in knickers as no costume. Through shower last as everyone kicked off about using them otherwise.

Things like breakfast, pudding, biscuits, cakes, sweets, juice, fizzy drinks and most fruit, (apples the exception) were in the shops but weren’t for us.
Neither were holidays, pocket money, comics, TV’s, radios, heating, even hot water bottles, staying on at school, careers. All for the rich, as was most stuff.

Not allowed inside alone, and no food on return because you should have “seen to yourself” earlier, whatever that was code for. It was never explained.

We mainly didn’t 'do' Christmas or birthdays. Apparently, a waste of money and nothing to celebrate. Twice we had a tree, but no meal presents etc because having the tree up was Christmas, and one year we had birthdays and a present each.
I can still picture so much about those events because they were very special occasions, along with stray cat being allowed to live in the cellar, and a free school trip that resulted in an amazing banana sandwich!

Being picked to go to a compulsory camp to put on weight three times. Once, was shameful enough. Stealing a slip for it because I'd nothing to wear in bed, and knew I was expected to have a nighty. I thought I could make one from it!

Dragged in and out of ‘care.’ Photographers taking pictures of us as ‘slum kids.’
Neglect and being poor and difficulty telling which was which.

Permanently cold, tired, infested, aching teeth, and run down was just normal. Just too little spread too thin, surrounded by too much.

But finally, watching my mother weeping (the only time) in a phone box, and hearing her seeking help because she'd received a terminal diagnosis.
But she just didn’t have enough money to complete the call, and that was that.
It summed up everything really.

Poverty doesn’t leave warm memories, just low self esteem and fear of old age.

But, I suspect continuously not having much at any level, when surrounded by others who did have, and shops full of the unobtainable, or nowadays SM, can motivate poor choices in wanting to make up for it later. Something about comforting or trying to look after one's inner child, whether that's a mild sense that things could have been better really, or deep unmet needs.

I definitely knew we were poor. At 8 I understood that the cheese has to last until Thursday because that's when the family allowance comes.

I remember being cold too, seriously cold. We had single skin windows that used to ice over in winter and, as Mum couldn't afford to turn the heating, on I remember huddling under blankets and around a coal fire in the living room.

I always give to the Foodbank now because I hate thinking of other children in that situation. I'm so grateful for the fact that my son sleeps warm and well fed.

Everything was handed down. I remember my Nan once taking me out and buying me some new clothes because I literally was never bought anything and as I had two big brothers I think she felt sorry for me and got me some girly bits 😂

We were so tight for food - we would need to wait until mum got back from work to see what she had managed to get reduced for us to eat.

I did no activities, extra curricular was simply not an option as there was no money at all beyond the basics.

It was a bit dire really - that’s my overall memory. I’m pleased my children have ‘softer’ lives although I still hate throwing out food (am an excellent meal planner) and I hate getting rid of toys, Facebook marketplace is a favourite as I think my mentality is still to try and save money everywhere or to keep stuff ‘in case’. My brothers are the same.

That's made me cry. I am so sorry you had to endure all that growing up. I hope your life is so much better now 🤗🤗🤗❤❤❤

My childhood;

Food was rationed even at Christmas. Mum made a fray bentos pie do 7 people, 2 adult males, 3 adult female, 2 teen females.

One room was heated. The rest were mouldy.

You folded over socks so your toes didn't poke out. Elastic home made garters kept them up.

We never drank. Ever. 1pint milk for 6 people a day. We didn't have breakfast or lunch or snacks. We were all really thin.

We had two of each item of clothing. One pair of shoes. When I joined up I had to borrow my sister's shoes as it was January and mine had big holes.

Top trumps poverty 🫤

This is terrible, I'm so sorry. I wish I could go back in time and help.
I hope your life is better in every way now.
I was so lucky growing up. I really worry about some of the kids at my kids' school - there's a lot of hidden poverty now I think. A school nearby in Peckham was featured on TV for half of the kids there being homeless (put up in B&Bs or whatever the other side of London).

That was to Elleherd but to everyone really!

This makes me realise how strange my childhood was. I grew up in a village where my family were probably average to slightly above average in terms of income, but I remember a huge number of the things on this list because my parents were terribly at managing their money. My mum felt rich because her childhood had been extremely poor, so by comparison we were doing very well. But this led to her spending money on really strange things like ballet and riding lessons and all the best equipment when we couldn’t afford food. My parents used to have huge arguments about money and I remember being very anxious about it. But then to make themselves feel better after the argument they would go out and buy something stupid like a new Dyson hoover.

OP I do think quite a few of the things you mention were not uncommon at the time, living standards have increased over time so things like yearly holidays (or more frequent) are common now but weren’t back then. Treat Snacks are objectively cheaper now than then so seen as less of a special item but also we had a stricter attitude towards nutrition back then, things like fizzy drinks and crisps and puddings probably should be less frequent tbh!! and back then there were few reasonably priced restaurants, unlike now… it was Pizza Hut or somewhere expensive really… etc etc
My upbringing was v similar and we weren’t ‘poor’.
as PP said, if you’re poor growing up you know about it. It’s inescapable and pervades your sense of self through childhood.

Some of the comments are interesting on this. Things like no central heating or no foreign holidays sound very 'UK'. In some countries this wouldn't equate to being poor but rather was just the norm.

Im a child of the 60's, we were poor but we didnt live in poverty

No one asked for food between meals, totally unheard of. You got fed three times a day and you ate it or went without. Now what that meal was, depended on how much money was available and what could be found . I remember one school holidays mum gave us sweetcorn on toast for lunch. I couldn't force it in me, so it was served up again for dinner that night, still couldn't swallow it, so out it came for breakfast. Only went in the bin when it went mouldy and I went without whilst I refused to eat it. Sweets were a rare treat, pop even more so. If you wanted a drink, there was water in the tap

Ice inside the windows, coats pilled on top of beds to keep warm, no carpets, one fire in the whole house, baths once a week cos the immersion was expensive. Clothes bought from jumble sales, jumpers unwound and the yarn knitted into something new. Buying cheap ends of bolts to make new clothes. Socks, vests and knickers totally legit Christmas pressies. Christmas decs made from paper and flour and water glue. Pressies put in a pillow case, 2nd hand pressies were normal or cheap plastic tat from the market

Garden turned over to a veggie patch so we had vegetables. Rest of the food shop from the street market. Meat was offal in the main. School uniform bought in first year of secondary school and bought big enough to last till the 5th year

Then mum left and dad was left to bring up us girls. Being self employed there was only basic stamp paid so thats when we became poor.As things packed up they weren't replaced , no fridge, sofa broken, cooker with just two rings the electric off more then on. 3 miles walk to school and back, no FSM so went hungry most days. I have memories of walking in the snow to school in jellies as had no shoes and my school coat had been pinched so no coat either

I left school aged 14 to work. I had had a paper round from aged 12 which paid me and little sisters school dinners. then we got lucky and the rules changed and we got FSMs so we had a bit of money to be "normal" - buy sanitary wear rather then use the huge pads that needed a belt that were passed to us having fallen off the back of a lorry, and maybe a magazine

Working I earned £42 a week for 40 hours and £25 of that paid for the food , clothes, bus fares for me and sister ( big sister had left ) and money for the meter

I was 14 before I went to a shop and bought clothes new and 15 before I went to a hairdresser

No central heating coal fire in the living room. Freezing cold bedrooms. Clothes and Christmas presents bought on the never never and bailiffs repossession

@Elleherd that was incredibly moving, and yes I knew teens like this I'm very much someone in the centre/centre left politically but I do wonder if some of the odd attitudes amongst some older people is because having endured such stuff makes you less tolerant of what seems like far more minor moans and groans

Crikeyalmighty I wanted to explain another level of concepts of poor because I know there are plenty of others who also had very difficult childhoods, but also because many people who had childhoods with plenty of love but not much materially, may well be the children of parents who actually had neither, trying to do a better job but with very few foundations to build on beyond offering love as currency.

When I was young I had a lot less tolerance of people who had what I considered to be reasonable enough lives and what felt at the time to be more minor moans, because I was just in survival mode and quite emotionally stunted.
But as I matured I understood that it was all relative, and actually the more gentle or kinder the background, the deeper painful things were likely to feel.

IME people who come from harsh backgrounds are more likely to be over forgiving, more understanding, and a lot less quick to write others off when maybe they should, but it's maybe projecting and anecdotal.

@Elleherd I certainly can see why some people may develop what others might think are odd habits-.i know my H struggled a lot for a few years as a young adult and tends to love a well stocked fridge and an over warm house -

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "odd attitudes" or odd habits tbh.
I read it as the idea that younger people don't need x,y, or z, when their generation got by on SFA?

Going to bed hungry. I remember one summer sent to bed at around 6 just after dinner - it was a boil egg with half a slice a bread for dipping. I could hear all children playing and confused why we went to bed. Then I realised it was because my Mum felt bad and didn’t want to hear us mentioning how hungry we were.

Christmas we had a sock as a stocking. Filled with an orange and nuts. Presents just a few things usually something we needed - coats /shoes and a small something. Like a my little pony or a care bear. This is something though I still do with my own children - Christmas gifts are what you need and a something you want. It definitely helps reduce the stress around Christmas finances and both my girls are appreciative.

Hated the gas/electric meter - parents used to have a pile of money on top - you could see the stress as it reduced as the week went on.

I love my parents, but still can remember the stress on them trying to provide, both working. Dad at one point doing two jobs so they could fix the car. A happy poor home it wasn’t - it was hard on them and I think it at times made it a sad home as frustrations would bubble away.

OP, your parents, especially your Mum sounds wonderful. I always notice on Facebook the amount of children who get taken on expensive days out and holidays but the person I always admire is someone who I know hasn’t got a lot and she’s so inventive with the holidays and days out, little touches and exploring, spending time together by getting a train somewhere and going for a walk.

Your post has made me well up!

Others in my class at high school getting their driving lessons paid for aged 17. I had to save up for my own driving lessons once I graduated from uni.

I had a Saturday job in a local supermarket, aged 15/16, and took great pleasure in buying a pair of black slingback kitten heels from Topshop with my first payslip.
But then I got guilty buying something for myself and returned them to the shop. I used to pass over my Saturday job earnings to my Mum.

Makes me really sad thinking back to this - I envied classmates at school whose dads would give them money to go to town on Saturday and buy something nice for themselves. I felt very ‘other’ ; yes, other classmates had Saturday jobs, but were allowed to keep the money and have a social life. I worked Saturdays and Wednesday evenings in the supermarket whilst doing my A levels, but it was work - not earning money for fun stuff.