What made you realise you might have been poor growing up ?

[LanaL]

As the title suggests - when you think back to your childhood is there anything that makes you realise you were poor ?

When I was younger at Christmas , we didn’t have stockings at the end of our beds , we had carrier bags . Like Asda carrier bags . I loved it, I always found it magical to wake up and Santa had put presents in our carrier bag!

Again at Christmas , every individual thing was wrapped - I always remember having mountains of presents , but looking back lots of them were cheap and small ( not that it mattered to me ! ) one of my favourite presents that we used to get each year was a paper folder full of plain white paper. This folder would be decorated with our name and drawings of things we liked ( I remember one year it was decorated with drawings of hedgehogs because I loved hedgehogs ) and separately would be a packet of felt pens wrapped up . I loved that , my mom and dad would sit with us and we would all draw and colour together !

Asking for snacks / drinks - we never , ever would have dreamed of going to get a bag of crisps without asking. We could make squash but fizzy pop had to be asked for . Also - milk ! It was like a luxury , never could we just pour a glass of milk ! Very rare that we actually ever drank a glass of milk . Looking back I think my parents struggled but you don’t realise that at the time . I’m the total opposite now , my children do have to ask for unhealthy snacks so I can limit them but there are always plenty and they don’t eat loads so I never really say no and things like fruit or food - like if they want toast or a sandwich - they can help themselves .

Pudding / desert - I always have something available , it may not always be a cake but there is always something - cookies , muffins , yoghurts etc always something they can have after dinner but as a child we never had it and if ever we happened to - mom had got a cake or baked - it was a huge treat .

we never ate out. I can’t remember a single time we ever went out to a restaurant or a pub for food . I don’t have a single memory of going for a meal with my family as a child and , actually, I remember arranging a meal for my 21st after I had moved out and I’m pretty certain I remember thinking that this was the first time I had been for a meal with my family. One of my brothers weren’t there so I don’t think I’ve ever sat with my parents and all my siblings at a meal .

I never saw my mom in new clothes until I was an adult and her and my dad had seperated. I remember her wearing very random t shirts, that had been my dads or I know someone had given to her and my dads t shirts were work ones , he always seemed to be in work clothes .

I remember some of my clothes being what people had given to us , or my aunt worked in a video store and she always had merchandise so i remember having t shirts with film logos on .

Shopping - my mom would go out most days with her shopping trolley , walking , to the high street and she would do this most days with a list that has prices next to each item ( exact prices , like £1.59 ) I now realise that she was on that tight a budget that she counted every penny , went with the trolley to get what she could and walk home as she couldn’t afford taxis or buses. She walked everywhere ! My dad had cars on and off but would work during the day .

Holidays - we went on holiday once as a family that I remember , vaguely , as I was about 6 . I went on holidays with family friends and family but not as a family .

My mom never had her hair done . I vaguely remember her having a perm once , that’s it. She used to shave my dads head , and my brothers . Me and my sister would have our fringe cut by my mom and a family friend would cut our hair. But I do remember when I was in secondary school mom would take me for haircuts at the hairdresser. I wonder know how much she had to budget for that .

As a parent now , I realise how much my parents struggled and how they sacrificed for us because in light of the above this is what I also remember :

Every Christmas my brothers would have the latest console and I would have what I had asked for , along with loads of small presents that I now realise were to bulk up .

Once we were in secondary school - our PE tracksuits were named brand , always from the lady over the road who ran a catalogue . Our coats in secondary school were branded - again catalogue- as were my brothers shoes . At our ages it was “rock port “ or “ kickers “ they always had them . Our bags were what others had . My shoes were what all the other girls were wearing . No matter what clothes we may have had at home or the budget they were on they made sure that we never went to school in anything that could get us teased . The fact this was from catalogues makes me realise they must have really struggled to do that .

We went on lots of picnics ! To local parks , and we would have to go to the high street to go to “ kwik save “ to get the things , it would be own brand , but my mom would make it so exciting ! She would play games with us on the long walk , she would get some nice cakes , treat us to cans of pop .

At home she would sit playing consoles with my brothers , playing with my toys with me .

I remember being surprised one day and told I was going on holiday that day with my moms friends and their children . It was the best thing ever and I remember a few days before we had gone around charity shops and had got me some new clothes- I didn’t think to myself that we were buying second hand things I just felt really appreciative that I was being treated !

We clearly didn’t have a lot . But I never thought that we were poor because my parents ( mainly my mom ) did everything in their power to make sure we lived a good , normal life .

Think I want to go and give my mom and dad cuddle now !

I didn’t think of us as poor, but I knew we didn’t have spare money. Dad’s wages came in a brown envelope and were distributed to jars to pay for food and utilities. We had coal fires and no heat upstairs, which is why there was ice on the inside of the windows. I don’t remember ever having a takeaway and very very rarely, a meal out.

We didn’t have a car or TV. There was a radio and we had library books. I didn’t have hand me downs because there was only me, but my expensive school uniform was bought to last - and it did.

I remember there was a school trip that I really wanted to go on as a teenager, but I knew it couldn’t be afforded. I did have, one Christmas, the most wonderful present. A second or third hand typewriter. I loved that typewriter.

I never went hungry and I always had clothes, so it never felt like real poverty.

Ours was rented too. It was a bugger when the TV went off in the middle of something. 🤬

We didn't have carpets until I was around 10, and central heating when I was a teenager.

One funny story , we sometimes had veg and one April 1st I shouted mum mum, there's a leak in the sink! My mum came running up and there was a parsnip in the sink. I didn't know the difference between a leak and a parsnip. Which I suppose isn't that funny now I think about it but my parents took the piss out of me for years until I pointed out that it wasn't great that I had so few vegetables that I thought a parsnip was a leak.

That was really unkind of me I suppose but I guess I did have some resentment. They both smoked yet we wiped our arses on newspaper and book pages. I try not to be judgemental but I'd give up fags and chocolate (mum) before I ripped up old books for loo roll.

That was all fairly normal decades ago. Mums walking to the shops regularly, no snacks, not eating out, limited holidays, other than the Xmas gift thing, which seems a bit odd, the rest was fairly normal.

surely you know if your parents are poor or not now as an adult? You don’t need to think of things like this?

I mean mine were poor, I knew they were poor, even as a child, we could barely afford food, lived in a council house, didn’t have any holidays at all, shoes and clothes were done in.

i mean you know, right> I can look at my father now and see he is far from affluent, living on benefits. But less poor than when he had kids at home.

OP, you weren't poor, believe me.

Plenty of things in your post suggest that your parents were careful with money, but that's very far from being "poor". I don't know how old you are, but I was brought up in the 70s and could have written your post word for word. There just wasn't the same level of profligate consumerism that there is now. Foreign holidays were a rarity.

I was having random thoughts about tablemats the other day - I recently bought a new set because I fancied a change. Nothing wrong with the old ones. But we had the same set of tablemats throughout my childhood and beyond, because to replace something that was still functional "just because" wasn't what we did in the 70s.

That’s what I thought, people lived like the op described. It was simply a different time.

Takeaways werent really around as they are now.
Most people had home cooked meals.

Its all gone too much the other way now. Children having things as and when they want them. Putting pressure on parents to get them the latest clothing and trainers etc.
Saw a child in a shop the other day pick something up she wanted and her mum said she could have it? Hasnt she just had some presents at Xmas?
People being too lazy to cook and wanting takeaway food all the time.
It hasnt changed for the better really in alot of ways?

I don't know if anyone has already said this, but I think people have a tendancy to think today's standards are the benchmark for everything to be judged by. Some of the markers for being poor are laughable.
I grew up in the 70s and 80s, my dad had a senior management role so money was not especially tight but these things were entirely normal and happened in all of my friends' homes too:

1. Heating was rationed to twice a day and was NEVER on overnight
2. Eating out and takeaways were very rare - at a guess about 4 times a year
3. My mum drove but we only had one car
4. Clothes passed on from friends/relatives were warmly welcomed then passed on again
5. One holiday a year
6. Trips out or even swimming were a rate treat - maybe once in the summer holidays
7. Ice on the inside of the windows - i was 14 before i got a radiator and an electric socket in my box room as for some reason this room was not fitted when the test of the house was
8. Any more than two baths a week was considered extravagant
9. My mum drew out a certain amount of money on a Friday and that had to last until the end of the week.

None of the above are markers of poverty but indicate how most families lived at the time.

Actually I had a lump in my throat reading her post. The plain paper in a folder and felt tip pens. As a child you know nothing different. One year one of my presents was a reel of sellotape. I was really pleased because I loved 'making things'. It is only now that I wonder if they were one present down in comparison to my siblings and just wrapped up what was to hand.

Sounds like a normal 80s childhood to me. If you’re a youngster and talking about the 2000s then yes that would have been more unusual.

Your first example about the shopping bag Christmas stockings is odd not an example of being poor - we had a literal sock (one of my dad’s). Other people used a pillowcase.

We have icicles on the inside of our windows in this house.. Even had snow in through our jammed open window last winter..

I am with people saying don't get carried away with judging the past by today's standards. Some of the things being mentioned might be a marker of actually being poor if you are talking the last few years. But if you are talking even up to the 80s and 90s it was normal. We were not poor in the 90s but still restricted when the immersion was on, dinner out after Xmas shopping was a treat because we didn't eat much, takeaways weren't a thing (though going to the chippy was an occasional treat), hot water bottles and blankets to keep warm overnight, one car shared between my parents (and me when I passed test) etc.

When were you born, OP? I think we were pretty skint in the 70a/80s until my mum went back to work (when I started school. You talk about your mum going shopping ever my day pushing a shopping trolley-mine was doing a weekly shop as she was at work. Did your mum go to work at some point or were you on one wage?

@LanaL
It sounds like your parents worked really hard to protect you from any anxiety and do their best. Give them those hugs!

Agree with this, it was just normal. We weren't flush, there was no family money from grandparents and when my parents were in their 20s/30s they were making their way in the world and had to be frugal. Later on there was room for a bit more extravagance i.e. holidays that weren't just staying with relatives, and a car.

The list you give is the same as they way we lived, except we didn't have a car until I was 15. We were allowed one fizzy drink a week as a treat, food was plain and homemade, new clothes were few and far between, one holiday a year, no trips to anywhere except maybe the local swimming pool now and again. Heating was through some weird vents, ice on inside of windows, and not on at night (didn't know that was a thing really). Xmas gifts were board games or dolls type thing in a pillowcase, nothing expensive.

It was the same for all the kids I knew. We weren't poor, it was just normal for the 70s.

I'm mid-60s. Growing up (to the age of 11 when we moved house), -

Slept in my parents' room (3 brothers were in the other room)
Didn't have a bathroom - the only toilet was outside in a shed thing
Didn't have carpets, only lino and a rug
Didn't have any heating - just 2 coal fires downstairs.
No 'fridge or freezer - food was bought fresh every day. Milk, chilled stuff was kept on a shelf in the cellar.
No washing machine - Mum hand-washed some things, larger items were done at the laundrette.
No car - we walked everywhere. School was 2 miles away, and I went home for lunch, so it was 4 walks a day, in all weathers.
No proper kitchen - it was a scullery, just a cooker and a sink in there.
No running hot water, it was heated by an Ascot on the wall.
The iron was a flat non-electric) thing that was heated up on the fire.
No garden, just a yard where the mangle was kept.
Christmas was a chicken dinner (the only time we had a roast dinner), a few small things in a clean sock, and a couple of main presents (a doll, book, hankies, a new hand-knitted cardigan or something)in a pillowcase

My mum must have had a very hard life, yet never complained. She kept us all fed and clothed, clean and healthy. Dad cycled 12 miles every day to his decorating job.

When I hear people whining about how they can't manage on ££££ or how they've had been stuck in traffic on the school run, I wonder how they would cope with poverty.

That OP is utter poverty porn glamourising the "we were poor but we had so much love" bollocks. 🤢

Absolutely agree 👏🏻 @SisterMichaelsHabit
I noticed the more I read of the OP, and was

Maybe this is just being frugal rather than a sign of being poor, but I just remembered not being allowed to make phone calls until after 6pm, cos they were free then. And then having to end the call after about 50 minutes and call again, because only the 1st hour was free!
Every time the phone bill came in it was scrutinised.

Not convinced that the OP was poor at all - my dh and I make decent money, but my dc don't get brand new branded clothing, bags and shoes. My younger dc gets almost exclusively hand me downs, poor child, partly because of money but also buying new things when you have a perfectly good one at home is outrageously wasteful.

We also don't have fizzy drinks and loads of snacks - bad for you, waste of money.

We don't eat out with the kids - they can't sit still and I can cook better food at home.

We had UK holidays for years when the dc were very small because foreign holidays with small children are just a pain in the arse.

None of the things mentioned in the OP sound like poverty, it sounds normal - prioritising spending on some things and not on others depending on what you think is best for your family.

remember that phone after 6 as its cheaper.

Your parents sound amazing, especially your mum. I am not sure though u can use the paper in a folder for Christmas as an example of being poor if you also got the latest console!

No car, no holidays, no food - the feeling uncomfortable even now at dinners/buffets that i wont get food still gets me - im from a large family. Also checking the bread hasnt gone mouldy, we still had to eat it, no new clothes but the joy of getting a new bin bag of clothes delivered was great, no branded clothes and having the piss taken out of you because you didn’t have Nike etc was bad, mum making us clothes, always a NO when i asked for anything, a bike given to me which my brothers had made out of old parts of other bikes, mum cutting my hair…badly. Five of us in a bedroom, 10 of us in a 2 bed terrace house. House always a mess, even though mum didn't work. Borrowing a video player from the corner shop with the video rentals, no home phone

this was growing up in 80s

what used to get to me was, my dad worked, we had our own house, yes my mum didnt work as there wasnt really childcare in those days. But friends with large families who lived in council houses seemed to have a better everything than us - new clothes/toys/cars/holidays. I used to think then, whats the fucking point in working and trying to do things right 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

@Katypp I do agree with that too- many things were just 'the norm' - I had friends living in big detached well furnished houses whose lifestyle would indicate poverty by many people's standards today.

In my first marriage in 1981 I can only remember ever eating out on my birthday or occasionally wedding anniversary, (berni inn) it just wasn't 'a big thing' in a midlands mining town. I only ever got the odd present - it wasn't 'piles' of stuff , food was carefully bought and not wasted - I remember making rissoles using my mincer - you didn't tend to buy stuff for house just on a whim and we never stayed in hotels apart from the 1 week a year holiday- we were definitely not poor- had a nice 3 bed semi at 20!! expectations change, technology changes etc .

My DH grew up poor, in an eastern European country right after the fall of the USSR.

They would grow their food on random plots of land, and never go to the supermarket. Going to a food shop was seen as a reserve for the wealthy.

There was virtually no money in the country, so his dad was paid in bags of salt that they'd trade at the local market.

Their rare treat was grated carrots sprinkled with sugar.

For a summer holiday, they would go cherry picking with their grandma to earn money by the sea, and stay in a tent.

They didn't have a telephone, no hot water, no bath or shower - would just fill a bucket with cold water and wash themselves down.