What made you realise you might have been poor growing up ?

[LanaL]

As the title suggests - when you think back to your childhood is there anything that makes you realise you were poor ?

When I was younger at Christmas , we didn’t have stockings at the end of our beds , we had carrier bags . Like Asda carrier bags . I loved it, I always found it magical to wake up and Santa had put presents in our carrier bag!

Again at Christmas , every individual thing was wrapped - I always remember having mountains of presents , but looking back lots of them were cheap and small ( not that it mattered to me ! ) one of my favourite presents that we used to get each year was a paper folder full of plain white paper. This folder would be decorated with our name and drawings of things we liked ( I remember one year it was decorated with drawings of hedgehogs because I loved hedgehogs ) and separately would be a packet of felt pens wrapped up . I loved that , my mom and dad would sit with us and we would all draw and colour together !

Asking for snacks / drinks - we never , ever would have dreamed of going to get a bag of crisps without asking. We could make squash but fizzy pop had to be asked for . Also - milk ! It was like a luxury , never could we just pour a glass of milk ! Very rare that we actually ever drank a glass of milk . Looking back I think my parents struggled but you don’t realise that at the time . I’m the total opposite now , my children do have to ask for unhealthy snacks so I can limit them but there are always plenty and they don’t eat loads so I never really say no and things like fruit or food - like if they want toast or a sandwich - they can help themselves .

Pudding / desert - I always have something available , it may not always be a cake but there is always something - cookies , muffins , yoghurts etc always something they can have after dinner but as a child we never had it and if ever we happened to - mom had got a cake or baked - it was a huge treat .

we never ate out. I can’t remember a single time we ever went out to a restaurant or a pub for food . I don’t have a single memory of going for a meal with my family as a child and , actually, I remember arranging a meal for my 21st after I had moved out and I’m pretty certain I remember thinking that this was the first time I had been for a meal with my family. One of my brothers weren’t there so I don’t think I’ve ever sat with my parents and all my siblings at a meal .

I never saw my mom in new clothes until I was an adult and her and my dad had seperated. I remember her wearing very random t shirts, that had been my dads or I know someone had given to her and my dads t shirts were work ones , he always seemed to be in work clothes .

I remember some of my clothes being what people had given to us , or my aunt worked in a video store and she always had merchandise so i remember having t shirts with film logos on .

Shopping - my mom would go out most days with her shopping trolley , walking , to the high street and she would do this most days with a list that has prices next to each item ( exact prices , like £1.59 ) I now realise that she was on that tight a budget that she counted every penny , went with the trolley to get what she could and walk home as she couldn’t afford taxis or buses. She walked everywhere ! My dad had cars on and off but would work during the day .

Holidays - we went on holiday once as a family that I remember , vaguely , as I was about 6 . I went on holidays with family friends and family but not as a family .

My mom never had her hair done . I vaguely remember her having a perm once , that’s it. She used to shave my dads head , and my brothers . Me and my sister would have our fringe cut by my mom and a family friend would cut our hair. But I do remember when I was in secondary school mom would take me for haircuts at the hairdresser. I wonder know how much she had to budget for that .

As a parent now , I realise how much my parents struggled and how they sacrificed for us because in light of the above this is what I also remember :

Every Christmas my brothers would have the latest console and I would have what I had asked for , along with loads of small presents that I now realise were to bulk up .

Once we were in secondary school - our PE tracksuits were named brand , always from the lady over the road who ran a catalogue . Our coats in secondary school were branded - again catalogue- as were my brothers shoes . At our ages it was “rock port “ or “ kickers “ they always had them . Our bags were what others had . My shoes were what all the other girls were wearing . No matter what clothes we may have had at home or the budget they were on they made sure that we never went to school in anything that could get us teased . The fact this was from catalogues makes me realise they must have really struggled to do that .

We went on lots of picnics ! To local parks , and we would have to go to the high street to go to “ kwik save “ to get the things , it would be own brand , but my mom would make it so exciting ! She would play games with us on the long walk , she would get some nice cakes , treat us to cans of pop .

At home she would sit playing consoles with my brothers , playing with my toys with me .

I remember being surprised one day and told I was going on holiday that day with my moms friends and their children . It was the best thing ever and I remember a few days before we had gone around charity shops and had got me some new clothes- I didn’t think to myself that we were buying second hand things I just felt really appreciative that I was being treated !

We clearly didn’t have a lot . But I never thought that we were poor because my parents ( mainly my mom ) did everything in their power to make sure we lived a good , normal life .

Think I want to go and give my mom and dad cuddle now !

This sounds very much like parts of my childhood. My father was an academic and DM a SAHM so very much middle class. We weren't poor by any means but things weren't just given for the asking like they are now. Pop was a real treat.

DPs bought a new build 1960s semi which didn't come with central heating. It wasn't really a thing then. There was a coal fire in the sitting room and an immersion heater for hot water. Baths were definitely only twice a week and dreaded as the bathroom was freezing in the winter.

My school summer dresses were made by my grandmother -no idea why I didn't wear the school uniform in summer. I did in the winter and I had clothes and shoes bought when necessary.

That's just how it was in those days.

My husband's mum would feed her children telling them she would eat later with their father, then would tell the husband that she had eaten earlier with the children - ie, going without

A ‘poor’ day was the day they ate potato soup with a plate of potatoes on the side. The ‘soup’ was just potatoes, lentils, carrots.

This was in the 1960’s / 70’s

I knew we weren't poor because I got good Xmas presents, had new school uniform not 2nd hand, went on school trips, house was always warm, could have chocolate/fizzy pop, etc. We didn't have a car cos they couldn't afford one and I knew they didn't earn much (think min wage type jobs). It was only years later I realised that most of it had been paid for by 2 childless family members not my parents and actually my parents had struggled to even cover the bills.

Yes. We are seeing how constant snacking, and overconsumption is not so good for society. Nothing wrong with a 12 year old getting a book, and another small gift for a birthday, nothing.

I didn’t realise as an adult, I always knew. My dad was out of work a lot and money was the biggest source of conflict between my parents.

I was on free school dinners and I hated them. The fridge at home was often empty and at times my mum would use loose change (pocket money from grandparents) from my money box to buy milk and bread.

I had two outfits bought from the local market, one was washed whilst the other was worn.

We didn’t have a car.

Food shopping was done at Netto or Kwik Save.

The only snacks between meals were occasional baked treats delivered by my grandma. Probably once a week.

When things broke, they were often not replaced.

The house was often cold.

I knew it when I would visit other peoples houses who had carpets and wallpaper and windows that weren’t broken. Like some others, if it broke, it never got fixed. By the time I went to high school the list of things we used to have but didn’t anymore because they were broken was long, very long. The back door didn’t lock, so we didn’t have locks anymore and had to wedge a chair up against it, that also meant we had to leave through the front door even though as a terrace that was the long way round to get to school. The shower broke so we had to have baths, the boiler broke so we had to have cold baths, the windows broke so we had huge cracks and holes in the glass the wind would come through, the curtains fell down so we didn’t have curtains, the carpet got fleas and was pulled up so we didn’t have carpet. We had a kitchen fire so we just lived with the burn marks.

Also, when I grew up I realised I liked loads of things when all I needed was the right equipment. For example, I loaned gardening and the bugs and muck, it hurt my hands and I was cold. Turns out, outdoor clothing and gardening gloves exist and once I found that out I became a keen gardener. I loathed going for walks and running cross country but again, turns out that having suitable clothing and good shoes instead of leggings, a t shirt, some plimsolls and no coat actually make these things enjoyable.

I’m not going to do ‘poverty oneupmanship’, but I can honestly say that I would trade all my resilience, physical hardiness and ability to make do to be rid of all the longterm damage my poor childhood left me with — disordered eating, a distant relationship with my siblings in adulthood because we were all competing for scarce resources as children, and, worst, a complete inability to ask for what I want, because I grew up knowing it wasn’t there.

On the contrary,I grew up thinking we were poor,but looking back now,I realise that we were pretty well off. We had a colour TV from 1970 when nearly all of my friends families had black and white. We had a car,I don't recall any of my friends parents having one. We had a landline telephone,I can think of only 2 friends who had one. We went on holiday every year,most of my friends didn't,or if they did,it was to stay with a relative in the countryside. I had nice clothes and enough food, thinking back I can remember several of my friends always complaining of being hungry. But for some reason,my parents perpetuated the myth that we were hard up. Heaven knows why!

💐. It can leave you with issues. I have an obsession with loo roll, ridiculous as that sounds. I must have about 100 rolls or more and I get really anxious if I don't. I need to have the freezers and cupboards stuffed full. I'm obsessive about budgeting to the point I created an 18 month cashflow forecast on excel and monitor everything. I've recently extended it and it now covers two years. That's all minor of course compared to what I think you're describing but nonetheless I do understand to some extent.

I grew up in the 70's early 80"s.

The heating was a plug in bar radiator in one room only.
Off cuts of carpet in the middle of the room.
Milk and cheese were for my dad only as he needed strength for work.
A tin of beans would be shared between the four of us.
Couldn't afford the bus so we walked everywhere
Hand me down clothes
No holidays.
Mould had to be scrubbed and bleached off the walls.
Ice on the inside windows
No house phone
No TV

We had similar. Carrier bags for stockings, never ate out (if my dad was feeling flush we might get a cup of tea whilst out), clothes were hand me downs or from a charity shop (apart from shoes and underwear, those were always new). No brand names ever and no pocket money of course (not allowed to do a newspaper round either because my mum thought it was too dangerous so had to wait until 16 to earn money). Once I hit my teens things must have improved because I remember going shopping to buy a dress as my birthday present from a "real" shop. Tv & phone were rented at least to start off with. We always had food but it wasn't a free for all you'd get your share & that was it. All haircuts done by mum and we walked everywhere. One thing that shocked me was when I went to a friend's house and they not only had real butter but her mum decided to buy a loaf of fresh bread for tea because she fancied it, I thought that they must be really rich to be able to afford fresh bread from the bakery part of the supermarket! I wouldn't say that I ever felt poor. I knew that we had less than others and I knew never to ask for anything. On the other hand, my parents bought the house we lived in (mortgaged obviously) and my dad drank and smoked quite a bit so looking back we weren't actually poor at all. If he'd cut back on the alcohol and cigarettes we'd probably have been the same as everyone else. I don't know how much alcohol and tobacco cost but I doubt its ever been cheap!

Blimey there's some real hardship on here-

Oh, I also only had one school dress & one school jumper so wore the same one(s) the whole week and yes there was ice inside the windows on very cold days - the ice was beautiful though. School uniform would get washed at the weekend. In comparison my kids get clean clothes each day. They will have a very different experience growing up to me, but then again I've had a very different experience growing up to my parents e.g. I've never lived in a house that had an outside loo but for them that was very normal plus Gran grew their veg my parents bought ours.

This thread has made me cry, many posts have.

I agree with @CointreauVersial that some of the things OP writes aren't related to poverty, being poor, but careful with money. Dh family was poor, we were not, we were comfortable, but even we didn't eat out, have takeaways, because as many pp's say, people just didn't then.

@AlwaysGinPlease me too- it brought back memories I've posted of my poor clever friend with their broken windows, rats in the yard, bread and marge and sticking plaster on the arm of her glasses.

I hear you. DH (from similar background) has a few things he likes to hoard, too (not loo roll, though!)

We weren't desperately poor but we rarely had any money. My DM spent money like water on herself and refused to work. She used to scream about not having any money.

We didn't sound poor either but compared to everyone I knew we were worse off. Central heating, VCRs, cars, holidays, overseas school trips and 18th birthday parties at a venue were common place but we didn't have them. But with most parents both worked.

We would have takeaways sometimes and there was always food.

I was always aware of the lack of money (because DM overshared). She was raised in poverty and the bitterness about it ruined her. Not enough to get a job though. There's no dignity in poverty.

She ruined every single occasion. She didn't make anything nice. My DF spoilt me when he could and I was encouraged to be innovative which has stood me in good stead. But at the time it just meant she got more. Always more.

I absolutely overcompensated with my DS. He always had the best and we had holidays, a car. There was only me but I went without often to make sure he never felt less than. That's the main feeling that stayed with me for decades.

And my family wonder why I'm resentful of the woman.

We didn’t have a phone but needed one as DB was chronically sick with asthma and almost died twice. Luckily there was a phone box round the corner. My nana could and should have helped us with heating but she didn’t for some reason (and was wealthy) just gave my DM money to install meters for lodgers.

We were mostly a lot veggie for years but did have bacon, sausages, minced beef and the odd roast chicken plus lambs liver.

My DM’s best friend and her 2 DC were in same boat being single parents and they babysat for each other.

My DM was sent on a holiday in a static caravan one summer for a week or 2 and took us and her best friend and us kids (4 total) I was about 5 or 6, doctor arranged it.

We had ice on the windows, an outside loo, coats piled onto beds in the winter because there was no heating. I was bullied at primary school for being poor and smelly, hot water was a rarity so we didn't wash much. Second hand shoes padded out with cotton wool in the toes, I remember a boy sticking his finger down the back of my heel during primary school assembly and how the other kids laughed.
No school trips even if school offered to pay for me because there was no money to pay the small contribution required or to buy the packed lunches or extra kit required. Feeling humiliated over free school meals (poor kid in an affluent village).
I remember being hungry a lot. As a consequence I now have a larder that is rammed with food and I'm a very generous host who always over caters.

I rarely talk about it because people in the circles I now mix in are full of disbelief that I'm not exaggerating and that I've done relatively well, which they regard to be impossible for someone from my background.

Both my parents and both my in laws say the same thing about the icicles. All born in the 1950s.

We certainly weren't living in poverty although we were poor, but this was only because my grandparents lived across the road and they helped out. Mum was also fully functioning as a parent, just limited by finances, so she was able to ask for help and make best use of what we did have. I wasn't also dealing with a parent that wasn't well or wasn't able to care for me, of which I am also very grateful. My grandparents and other people in the village ensured we (as a family) were fed, clothed and warm.

However, had my mum been on her own without support we would have been in the depths of poverty. I am certainly very grateful that the village and my grandparents supported us and also that my mum accepted the help.

I only really realised our need for support was different to other families when I was in secondary school.

Another 50s-born child here. I'd say we were poor, but not in poverty. No holidays, second-hand clothes, second- hand school uniform at secondary. We had ice on the windows, but then everyone did as there was no central heating in council houses. We never had soft drinks or snacks of the crisp kind, it was always mum's baking or a jam butty. We didn't have a car, but then no-one else did. Ditto phone. No comics - they were given to us in a big bunch by a relation, and instantly jumped on.

Food was plain but always there, but a pudding was for the weekend. Fruit was a luxury. Plenty of milk.

Like @SlidingInto2024 , secondary school made me see the differences. I remember being called out to hand over dinner money every week/month and sometimes not having it. I've never worked out why my parents didn't apply for FSM. At no point did the school suggest this. Now I think of it, a very important trip came up in the Sixth Form and my teacher really wanted me to go on it. I found out about LA grants and my parents applied for it. I was called into the HT's office and asked if I really needed to apply. WTF ???? I interpreted it as them not wanting a charity case on the school's hands. I was very annoyed, though didn't show it, and said yes.

Like others, it was seeing other people's homes that made the differences apparent. When I was child you simply did not go into other's houses, you knocked and asked was X playing and then play out on the street, so such insights were infrequent.

The long term effect has been one of often feeling poor, afraid about money, even when my objective circumstances indicate otherwise.

Not poor just another time.

All secondhand clothes. Never went to a cafe. No colour TV till I went to university. No central heating till my teens. No frills.

I had a blissful childhood. Thanks Mum. X