I seem to have formed a close friendship with a married man

[Greekrunner]

Technically separated, although fairly recent (last 3 months) and still living in the same house. Yes, I know, that's what they all say, but he's telling this to everyone, not just me and some of them know his wife. I think it's true, but he's obviously not quite "single", he's still concerned about being away from home too much because it will cause a row, for example.

None of which has any relevance to me. I'm happily single with a large social circle including many male and female friends. I sometimes say I like men, but I wouldn't want one to keep 😆 I had a long marriage, which served me well, but I wouldn't want to do it again. I really am enjoying being single for more or less the first time as an adult.

I'm a runner, belong to a club and training for a marathon. This man runs a similar pace to me and is also training for a (different) marathon around the same date. So we've been training together and it's been fun. He hasn't talked a lot about his marriage, but I was one of the first to know when they separated and he's talked about how difficult their living situation is/how and when that might change.

I genuinely have no interest in a serious relationship with any man, but this is an objectively attractive man and we do seem to have the kind of connection that doesn't come along often. We get on. We're both treating it as a friendship connection, he's never made any kind of move, but we're texting pretty much daily and see each other at least 4 times a week, sometimes but not always with others. He initiates about 2/3 of the text exchanges, which are usually about running, but I have lots of other running friends and whilst we can be a bit obsessive no one else is texting daily 😆

It's nice to have someone to feel connected to without having to have a romantic relationship, but I also recognise that this is all a bit odd and must look pretty awful to outsiders.

The marathon is really important to me and the training is going well, if I'm honest I don't want to step back from the friendship either, but...

If I take a deep breath and ask for advice...?

Just how much trouble do you fancy in your life in exchange for a shag and some ego boosting?

You know where this is going. It's up to you if you're willing to court the drama that is almost certainly going to follow. Or you could... be a bit less responsive and cast your net for no strings fun in a slightly less married pond.

I have no intention of sleeping with him. AFAIK he has no intention of sleeping with me.

This has red flags all over the place.

Just no. He's rebounding out of a long term relationship, he's going to be a mess, he's not even separated.

Give over!

Oh, please. Even you don't believe that, or you wouldn't have posted.

What is it you want advice on exactly?

So what precisely is your issue with having a platonic friendship with a married man?

Yes, I can see the red flags, that's why I have no intention of letting anything other than running mates happen. We've never even been alone together, except running in the street.

I absolutely do believe nothing else will happen between us and I really am not about to sleep with a married man who still lives with his wife. I'm enjoying the friendship and sex would ruin that. I've reached a stage in my life where there are more important things. I have other male friends I've never slept with too!

I've recognised the situation is unusual, which is why I posted.

I have a number of platonic friendships with men, married and otherwise. I don't have any I see or hear from so frequently, so it's unusual and raised questions

'Friendship' can very quickly turn into an Emotional affair. Especially when he's not really your friend. Can you turn to him for comfort/advice/actual friend stuff. Or is he a hot married man with an interest that you share going through a difficult time at home looking for a distraction?

Then what's the issue? Surely you are just running friends?

Does he have kids?

It sounds to me like you’ve already decided, or you wouldn’t be posting about the ‘friendship’…

I'm sure that's exactly what he is, imm quyte happy for a distraction too, but you do talk about all sorts when running.

He has adult children, like me, and we talk about that a lot ( I'm finding the transition from parenting children surprisingly difficult!) We work in a similar field and hash out work frustrations, I think he'd come if I was stuck with a broken down car, for example. What else would you expect from a friend?

Adult children, long left home, yes. Why?

Still not seeing the issue, if you don’t want to sleep with him or he Dosen’t want to sleep with you what is the problem
Ate you afraid that others will think something is going on?

Probably there is no issue and I'm overthinking and yes maybe it is more concern about what it looks like than what it actually is.

I don't know, just an opportunity to think it through?

I'm the wife in a very similar situation. Husband seems to have formed a close 'friendship' with a female hobby friend. TBH I'm more concerned for the woman - there's lots of good reasons I'm divorcing him, and I'd not wish him on another woman! But he probably makes a nice friend, without all the practical and emotional demands of an actual relationship. So maybe ask yourself why he's getting divorced! If, indeed, he is.

I'll bet £50 on him making a move before long.

Is he older than you?

He seems very concerned for his wife's welfare in all this actually, but obviously I only hear one side. I have a number of male friends who make good friends but would be terrible husbands though.

This doesn't seem red flaggy to me at all. I've had male friends and trained alongside them without issues. I think if you are quite clear that there is no romance then it can be a simple training friendship. You don't have to have emotional or physical affairs with any man that you spend time with or speak to otherwise we'd all be sleeping with work colleagues!!

I think it seems odd to women who don't have this sort of experience but as long as you don't want an affair and don't, flirt it won't happen. Women are capable of this 🙄

No, a couple of years younger, why?

So what are you asking then?

Yes, I'm a decent runner, have been for decades, so have always trained with men. I have lots of male friends, as a result. Friends I've spent a lot of time with and see socially away from running, but not quite like this.