I seem to have formed a close friendship with a married man

[Greekrunner]

Technically separated, although fairly recent (last 3 months) and still living in the same house. Yes, I know, that's what they all say, but he's telling this to everyone, not just me and some of them know his wife. I think it's true, but he's obviously not quite "single", he's still concerned about being away from home too much because it will cause a row, for example.

None of which has any relevance to me. I'm happily single with a large social circle including many male and female friends. I sometimes say I like men, but I wouldn't want one to keep 😆 I had a long marriage, which served me well, but I wouldn't want to do it again. I really am enjoying being single for more or less the first time as an adult.

I'm a runner, belong to a club and training for a marathon. This man runs a similar pace to me and is also training for a (different) marathon around the same date. So we've been training together and it's been fun. He hasn't talked a lot about his marriage, but I was one of the first to know when they separated and he's talked about how difficult their living situation is/how and when that might change.

I genuinely have no interest in a serious relationship with any man, but this is an objectively attractive man and we do seem to have the kind of connection that doesn't come along often. We get on. We're both treating it as a friendship connection, he's never made any kind of move, but we're texting pretty much daily and see each other at least 4 times a week, sometimes but not always with others. He initiates about 2/3 of the text exchanges, which are usually about running, but I have lots of other running friends and whilst we can be a bit obsessive no one else is texting daily 😆

It's nice to have someone to feel connected to without having to have a romantic relationship, but I also recognise that this is all a bit odd and must look pretty awful to outsiders.

The marathon is really important to me and the training is going well, if I'm honest I don't want to step back from the friendship either, but...

If I take a deep breath and ask for advice...?

And we just ignore the fact he is a walking cliche and hasn’t separated at all……

I'd keep being friends with him but if he makes a move and you do want something more, insist that nothing happens until he is no longer living with his wife

I would cool the friendship until you are certain he has properly split up and he and his wife are permanently living separately . I am pretty cynical so wouldn’t believe his version of what’s going on until there was evidence confirming it.

Don't know where you're all getting that from. He's been talking to OP for ages, I'm not assuming she's too thick to figure out if he's making it all up.

How do you all think divorces happen? Decide on Monday, move out on Tuesday, divorced by Wednesday? I lived with both of mine for nearly a year after we started the process. (Continued shagging the second one but, contrary to Mumsnet lore, he was cheating on his next wife with me.)

It would depend ultimately on one’s character. Any man that stays at home to keep his wife happy is probably too invested and emotionally involved with her. Whatever their legal status.

Perhaps my response is clouded by my own situation but if its my dp you are running with I can assure you we have NOT been separated for three months. He dumped me two weeks before Christmas.

If you are the reason he goes to the gym for hours, and nips to Sainsburys for also hours rather thaan focus on work and our young children then I would hope that Karma gets you one day.

As for him, there is no karma on the planet for what he deserves.

Good luck with the Marathon

I am so sorry this has happened to you and your darling children just before Christmas. Karma will return the favour, but in the meantime take care of yourself. 💐