"I'm an SEN mum"

[drspouse]

Of course my child goes to a school you haven't heard of.

Of course I have a full pack of complaint letters in my back pocket.

Of course I'll leap on you to exchange stories if you're another SEN parent.

Of course I know what all the acronyms stand for, DLA, EHCP, AR, LEA, we've got it all.

Of course the LEA doesn't bother providing my child with the education they are legally entitled to.

Of course I don't want to discuss your child's grammar school application. No, not their prom dress or school trip woes either.

(Feel free to continue in the TikTok vein, if you have contradictory experiences just put them down, no need for discussion, this is Chat not AIBU!)

I'm a SEN mum, I've grieved for the child I'll never have.

I'm a SEN mum who'll never forgive the primary school SLT's for their ignorance and blame. It destroyed my DC.

I'm a SEN mum and things have been improving, with DC's maturity and an understanding of their disabilities. But it's not the life I thought we'd have.

I'm a SEN mum and thank you all, knowing I'm not the only one.

I'm a SEN mum. Of course I'd love to go on a parenting course that isn't for children my DS age and isn't for children with SEN.

That'd be more like it. Home sometimes looks like a war has broken out.

I'm an SEN mum.
No my child can't walk without his walking aid.
No we can't take one car because we don't all fit in it with his walking frame.
Yes I am doing everything I can to help him learn to walk.
Yes he can be loud, you staring at us doesn't help. Maybe just drink your coffee and enjoy it, rather than judging us. Something that I never get to do.
Yes my arms and back ache from all of the lifting and carrying that I have to do.
Yes we are on waiting lists that seem to be about a million years long.
I am mentally and physically drained.

I'm a send mum and bloody knackered. I have a lot more to say...but am recovering from dysregulated teen

Mums, hope you don't mind me asking you here but do you struggle with food? Either completely neglecting it or eating it like you've never encountered it before?
Since my sen buddy started his major behaviour problems I've noticed that I've gained fuck loads of weight (I was politely put curvy anyway now I'm just really quite fat) but some days I can't even look at food and others I proper binge until I feel sick or actively struggle with the better choices? I suppose it's stress related but wondering if that's common with other sen mums and didn't know where to ask, sorry x

I’m a Sen mum of course I’ll roll my eyes when someone says “but he doesn’t look autistic”

im a Sen mum, of course we have to methodically plan every trip or outing so no meltdowns occur.

im a Sen mum of course comments like ‘I know an autistic person and they don’t act like that” piss us off because autism is a spectrum and every person is different

I’m a SEN mum, the system is broken and although I am exhausted from fighting said system, I know I’ve got to keep going because I’m all they have.

I’m a SEN mum, Im proud of our SEN children.

Yes definitely @Lwrenagain and it is stress-driven, esp. at night. I can eat really healthily all day but then with the nightly struggle to settle my son and GET HIM TO DO HIS TEETH (Jesus), I think my blood sugar drops into the basement and I usually end up in the kitchen eating toast crusts, dry cereal and spoonfuls of Nutella at 11.30 pm. It's great for the waistline and all that, I'm sure.

I'm an SEN mum - I haven't had a full night's sleep for a decade
I'm an SEN mum - the stress of caring for our child has torn our marriage to shreds but neither of us can leave as this is a two person job
I'm an SEN mum - I've moved house several times just to get my child into different schools
I'm an SEN mum - the majority of post I receive is addressed to "Parent/Carer of"

I'm a SEN mum who is terribly lonely
I'm a SEN mum who is sworn at multiple times a day and no, I can't just get my child to stop
I'm a SEN mum who has had to abandon days out due to said childs sweary anxiety
I'm a SEN mum who can't go out late as my child won't sleep if I'm not there
I'm a SEN mum who spends hours researching and looking for answers I'll never find
I'm a SEN mum bored at home because screen time dominates everything
I'm a SEN mum who has to explain to family constantly that it's not just a label

Looks like we need a KCC support thread 💪

I am an SEN mum and I'm thankful for this post. I haven't slept properly for about 11 years and currently having to battle for overnight respite.
I am SEN mum and I'm just sick of fighting for the right provision and care for my daughter.
I'm an SEN mum, my child's condition is super rare and new and I don't know how things will go...
I do know she will need care for the rest of her life.
I am a SEN mum and despite trying to redress the balance for my other child it is impossible.
I am doing the best I can and I sometimes need reminding of that.

I’m a SEN mum and I also worry and feel overwhelming guilt for my youngest NT child and how his childhood is. For the fact he is older than his years and that - despite my best efforts as a single mum to protect him from this - he often tries to intervene when my other child is going for me.

I'm a sen mum and I'm terrified for my dd11 future. School refusing, incredibly anxious, explosive, angry, no friends and no social life. It's a life 'sen'tence.

Definitely. In the younger years when it was less stressful as there were no outside agencies involved but I was working myself into the ground trying to meet DC’s needs I didn’t really have time to eat and lost a lot of weight to the point people worried about me. As DC got a bit more independent the stress, from dealing with school, appeals, DCs worsening behaviour etc, has ramped up . The combination of being more hands off, still stuck in the house a lot, sleep deprived and more stressed has meant I comfort eat and boredom eat, and have ballooned. My dress size has doubled.

We really need to eat well and sleep well to cope with the pressures soooo, w loho's teaching those pigs to fly?

I’m an SEN mum X2

Im an SEN mum who was diagnosed with ADHD last year age 45, also think both my dc have it.

Im an SEN mum to a 12 year old dd diagnosed with ASD in November and a 20 year old ds diagnosed with ASD when he was 8 in 2011 when dd was a baby.

Im an SEN mum with a life limiting Illness. A carer who needs caring for themselves.

Im an SEN mum who is 3 days into home schooling due to the postcode lottery of having shitty secondary schools in our borough.

Im an SEN mum whose family don’t believe or understand the struggles I face.

Im an SEN mum who has no life outside of these 4 walls. A day out is a trip to Tesco or similar.

Im an SEN mum who lives in pyjamas unless
leaving the house or expecting visitors.

Im an SEN mum of 2 completely different dc. One is very sociable but has no life skills and the other one has tons of life skills and is very unsociable. We joke that half of each of them would be ideal!

Im an SEN mum who is falling apart, literally and figuratively. Every day I’m in pain. I never stop. I hardly sleep. I am skint a lot and then get told to “ get a job”- I’m an SEN mum- for now, this is my job.
I would like one night in a hotel on my own but that’s for another time.

also, solidarity to all the other SEN parents.

I'm an SEN mum.

My heart broke because you didn't invite him to your party, and none of you came to his.

I'm an SEN mum and I am sorry he threw the money at you when I was trying to teach him to use a shop.

I'm an SEN mum and I will never ever forget when you, a professional, told me that he had no remorse and would probably end up in prison when he was older.

I'm an SEN mum and I live in fear that as an adult now he will misinterpret the situation or lash out.

I'm an SEN mum and you told me he would never achieve anything. Please see his qualifications now.

I'm an SEN mum and my worry and fear for him in his vulnerability is all consuming.

I’ve put on 5 stone over the last 2.5 years since DS’s last placement broke down! I used to go to the gym 3-4 times a week and was fairly fit. I probably only went 3-4 times last year in total. Combination of stress, depression and anxiety. Just want to stuff my face and not go out at all. I had to give up work early last year as couldn’t leave adult DS alone all day due to poor mental health together with stress of fighting LA.

My mind is constantly in overdrive about how to resolve the situation and ensure DS has the best possible outcome for his future and I eat without thinking at all. I actually shake when dealing with the LA (with anger) now and had 2-3 day headaches after Tribunal hearings.

Coming back to this thread after meeting the patronising educational psychologist who my DD won’t meet. Being told that it’s our anxiety meaning she hasn’t engaged with outside professionals (er no, it’s because she’ll lose her shit, we have tried!). So sick of repeating ourselves & the ‘professionals’ not getting it.
Soldarity to you all & also those parents with life limiting conditions. I have cancer & it’s just an extra level of shit to deal with.

@whereismycat I'm coming back too after finding out that my dd's Sensory Therapy has been refused again. So, it looks like we're back to tribunal, again. I'm so sorry to hear about your cancer.

It all makes such little long-term sense. It would cost the government (local and national) less to support SEN children and families properly, so that they can function better in the long-term and parents could work and contribute taxes.

I’m waiting to go to panel for 18+ placement for September, although she’s totally shut down in her current placement she sadly has to stay until September (well jun when she breaks up). Had a awful EHCP review last week, new case worker saying dd has to chose her next path because she will be 18, dd doesn’t have capacity to make this choice, she is almost non verbal with limited understanding. I remained calm during the meeting but lost my shit when I got home and ended up sending a few emails 😬, I refused to look at another setting that was mentioned as it wasn’t a full time placement. I told LEA that if a full time placement wasn’t offered I would be chasing a residential placement as I can no longer financially and physically care for dd if she’s not in a full time placement. We are now going to panel for chosen placement.

The past week has been so stressful that I have had to ask for anxiety medication from my GP. Being a single parent and having to deal with this constantly is slowly killing me.

I don’t think people realise how hard it is for SEN parents. I am currently unable to work as dd is on a 4 day week and often has ‘study at home days’ and extra long holidays (12 weeks off in the summer), people assume I’m living a great life not having to work.

I'm a SEN mum and I need diazepam to get me through the day. I blame the LA for this. Their strategy - which is quite effective from their perspective - is to simply ignore all communication regarding DS. It's a very cheap way of (not) dealing with pesky SEN kids.

@Whereismycat I am very sorry to hear you have cancer sending you lots of strength to get through treatment
@Lovemusic82 I so relate to the awful situation you’re in and people assuming you’re living a great life ( laughs bitterly)
strength love and solidarity to all us SEN mums x