"I'm an SEN mum"

[drspouse]

Of course my child goes to a school you haven't heard of.

Of course I have a full pack of complaint letters in my back pocket.

Of course I'll leap on you to exchange stories if you're another SEN parent.

Of course I know what all the acronyms stand for, DLA, EHCP, AR, LEA, we've got it all.

Of course the LEA doesn't bother providing my child with the education they are legally entitled to.

Of course I don't want to discuss your child's grammar school application. No, not their prom dress or school trip woes either.

(Feel free to continue in the TikTok vein, if you have contradictory experiences just put them down, no need for discussion, this is Chat not AIBU!)

So much of this resonates. I’m a SEN mum. To school, giving me a parenting manual and pointing the blame at me and home life does not help in any way, shape or form.

Your interventions caused more harm than good. So thank you for that. I’ll just try my best to pick up the pieces.

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I feel I am somehow supposed to control my child's behaviour and the environment around her to stop the violent meltdowns. I wish I had this super power!

I'm a SEN mum and my son was the owl in his nativity play.

Yes I know there isn't normally an owl in the nativity, but he doesn't know that, mostly because he doesn't actually understand what a nativity play is.

He knows all the settings for all the different lights in the school hall though, and what all the buttons on the CD player do.

I’m a SEN mum and every day I wake up and wish I was dead. It’s not my DC but the constant screaming, violence, chaos and mess. The constant fight with the LA and the part time timetable at school. There’s no break and it will only come when I’m dead. I can’t die though, I’m too needed. Not wanted, needed.

I’m a SEN mum and I don’t like this angry, bitter, jealous person I’ve become. I’m angry at everyone and jealous of those with either NT children or ND children in a specialist setting. It’s not fair, it’s not rational but it’s all consuming.

I’m a SEN mum and I just want to put my DC in the car and run away with them. Keep them safe and away from the system intent on crushing them.

I’m a SEN mum and I don’t know if I can keep doing it.

Namechange I really feel for you and empathise with you. Offering a hand-hold ✋🏻

@tothelefttotheleft ah yes, food judgement. I used to be asked why I didn't feel awful that everyone was tucking into Christmas dinner, pumpkin soup, hot cross buns whatever and my DS was having the same chicken nuggets he had every day. People thought I wasn't encouraging him to expand his horizons, was too tight to feed him "proper food" etc. No, that is all he will eat. And no, "discipline" won't solve the problem either.

I’m a SEN mum and I have to make a special trip to Morrisons in the next town over to buy their ham & cheese pizzas.

I buy them in bulk especially so the person at the checkout can judge me and not because it’s the only pizza he’ll eat. Yes he’d notice a different shop, yes really. Yes, I’ve tried. No, And no, I’m not pandering to him, no children aren’t ‘softer’ and actually no, he won’t eat whatever is put in front of him “if he’s hungry”. Now would you like my money for the 20 identical pizzas I’ve bought?

Namechange

@Lostatsea10 My DS will only eat Tesco cheese stuffed crust pepperoni pizzas. Luckily we live 10 mins walk from Tesco so I can get them, but sometimes they're out of stock and, when they were recently, I bought a similar one in Lidls in the (forlorn) hope that he'd like it. Sadly no, he hated it and refused to eat it.

I'm a SEN mum and thanks for the suggestion ' maybe if you tried talking to him then he might start talking?' - Non-verbal 5 year old. (He's 14 now and is verbal but has global development delay among everything else. I've never forgotten my fury at that comment).

Mine also has food issues relating to sensory issues and ASD and fuck me I will brain the next person with a brick who says they 'wouldn't stand for fussiness' or that 'he's manipulating you'.

Just fuck off.

[Hugs] to all SEN mums

Ah yes the “if they are hungry they will eat it” 😬

My dd1 lives on Pizza too, she’s now at uni and she’s surviving on Dominoes. My other dd will eat anything including inedible items.

I officially became a SEN mum on Thursday when my beautiful, funny and kind boy was formally diagnosed ASD.

The last 9 months have been an eye opener. I cannot believe how disabling the neurotypical world is.

I am an SEN mum, I used to be lots of other things too…
this thread has made me cry a few times x

I'm a SEN mum, I know early intervention is the best for any 'improvements' but I can't seem to actually get any therapies or even on waitlists.

I'm a SEN mum, I'd never thought of talking to my non verbal DD - thank you for that insight.

I'm a SEN mum, I did give up my career to be at home and support my child. I'm so pleased to have taken such a financial hit for the lovely judgement of others.

I'm a SEN mum, you are right I AM lucky to have a non verbal child when yours doesn't shut up. I've never wanted to know what's inside her head, her reasoning for things or to help her when she's so frustrated she's taking chunks out of my arm by biting.

I'm a SEN mum, my child does monopolise the TA and this massively impacts your NT child. Guess what, I don't even want her at Mainstream so if you could complain to your LA and see if that finds us a placement.

I'm a SEN mum, I vape. I used to smoke but then I got panicky about dying and leaving my DD.

I'm a SEN mum, the world is shit but my DD is amazing and I will fight tooth and nail to get her everything she deserves and more.

@Dotdotdotdot19 I resonate so much with your post ❤

I'm a SEN mum, of course I've put on loads of makeup to cover the black eye DS gave me over the weekend to do my public facing job today.

I’m a SEN mum and my heart broke when I peeled DS’ hands off my legs and left him sobbing on the classroom floor this morning begging to come home with me. I realised that not only am I furious with the LA and blame them for the damage caused to him, but I also blame me for damaging him by taking him to a place he can’t access. For leaving him and not being able to fix this.

I’m a SEN mum and you can judge my ‘poor’ parenting, look down on me and be hard on me as much as you like but you will NEVER be harder than I am on myself.

Sorry to read a lot of these posts. Also sorry I can resonate with a lot of them 😥sending hugs

Ouch @drspouse

My blackeyes are mainly due to lack of sleep, or forgetting to take off the mascara. Bruises were usually elsewhere! But bloody hell DC still hard work.

I'm a SEN mum and I spent two hours trying to get DC to school today...

Aaargh ‘he’ll eat if he’s hungry’

The fuck he will. And no I’m not prepared to starve him for days to prove this to you, because believe it or not starvation is worse for you than refined carbs you twat.

I’m a SEN mum and I spent from 5 to 7.30 this morning trying to get trousers on my 7 year old while he flailed on the ground like a dying fish. And I had a flashback to that ‘Wonder Weeks’ app from when he was a baby, that informed me that children begin to take an interest in dressing themselves at around 6 months old.

Still waiting for that ‘leap’ 🤨

(TBF I don’t even know any NT children who were doing that at 6 months. It’s comforting and also depressing to think we’re not the only ones being gaslit.)

@Bunnyhair I’m not sure if you’ll be comforted or depressed to know that I dress my 13 year old most mornings! He is technically capable, but left to his own devices will stand around in his underpants rattling off the numbers of every locomotive to run on the British rail network from 1967 onwards, until he’s late for school 😭

My favourite bit of parenting expert gaslighting is the bit from “What to expect: the toddler years” which mentions that toddlers naturally like to stay close to their parents. It was incomprehensible to me, who had to keep mine on reins until he was 4 to stop him bolting out of sight at every opportunity.

No we don't all have the same resources as Katie Price

Agree with this. After her programs aired about her son I have many people asking me if my dd would be going to a similar residential……like it’s as easy as just picking one and sending them.

Posters in mums net do think this though
I have read countless threads from posters struggling with their child's disabilities and needs and you can guarantee there will be endless suggestions of "just putting the child in a residential school " as though its a simple process

Nowhere even near what many are going through but...
At primary school: 'you're doing too much for her. If you keep helping her dress she'll never learn'. Well OK but she's already LATE and school is already teaching her practically NOTHING in the 6 hours they have her so I'd quite like her to be in on time to at least get SOMETHING done.
And by the way, she DID learn, but me not helping wouldnt have made her learn quicker. It would just have made her later. And more stressed. And more likely to self-harm more. I don't care that all your kids were dressing themselves at 6 months and getting their own breakfast at 2🙄
What is it with all the showing off and the gaslighting???