Do you believe IVF is ok?

[Ididivfama]

I’ve been reading a lot of the surrogacy threads recently (and I know that is a different topic) but I was curious to mumsnet posters ideas of ethics and ivf. You can see from my name that we ended up doing it, but I won’t be horribly offended by different views. I’m more curious.

Obviously it’s ’unnatural’ as a process and there is the issue of what happens to any extra blastocysts (I use the term blastocyst as they are pre-embryo stage and calling them embryos makes people view it differently - at least I did!) Even so, would you count leaving blastocysts to decay as abortion? I never did but I’ve read that view now so I’m curious as to how many people view it like that.

As is pointed out on the surrogacy threads - no one is ‘entitled’ to have a child. Is that the same for us ivf parents?

@fluffyguineapig you haven't done research at all as it isn't what you are trying to sell it as.
your own quotes don't even say what you are trying to push them as saying so you're just coming across as either illiterate or just a bit odd now.

Sorry but you seem to be willfully ignoring facts here, and arguing that donor-conceived children don't really mean what they say. I can't debate this with you if instead of talking about facts, research and ethics you're going to stuff your fingers in your ears saying "nuh-uh" when I quote people who are directly affected, and then resort to ad hominem attacks. So I am bowing out.

Wow thanks pponk, what a low blow! Yep my husband had a mental breakdown and left my family. Does that feel good to bring up? You sure showed me!

If anything it has made me even more aware of how important it is for children to have their biological parents in their lives. The situation has caused my children a lot of pain.

I wouldn't deliberately orchestrate a situation where children have to grow up without their biological parents. It's bad enough when it happens organically.

@fluffyguineapig yes it does feel good to call out hypocrisy

Can you clarify in what way I have been hypocritical?

I'm fine either way it but catholic DH is completely against.

Fortunately it wasn't something we had to do so we never had to have that argument. Don't know if I would have been able to talk him round.

@fluffyguineapig some people shouldnt ever have children as rarely a child may feel sad that they don't live with a genetic parent who they have never known. but you should be able to have all the children you wish even though your children will feel sad that their bio family has split up

I'm not sure I understand. I didn't plan for my husband to become unwell?

If I'd have thought that he was the flaky type I wouldn't have had children with him because I wouldn't deliberately plan for my child to grow up without their biological father.

Sometimes shit happens, people die, people leave - but I would never deliberately orchestrate a situation in which my child would grow up without a biological parent. Like, I wouldn't conceive with a sperm donor, or someone who was dying for example.

@fluffyguineapig DCPs having any sort of trauma to being donor conceived is rare if not more rare than the situation you have found yourself in. which is incredibly common as you know and as we can see all around us. so if you were going for odds of bringing kids to a safe environment with less trauma, yours is the far more risky way. but that's fine.. because it suits you to risk it. you just don't want other people to have children.

Right but you have both, right? The definite of your children growing up without the biological father. And the risk of either parent who is raising them dying or leaving. They are separate things.

Men buggering off could happen to anyone, regardless of how children were conceived and whether they are genetically related.

It’s not the same as deliberately setting out to create a child who will have no relationship with their biological parents.

I used to think like this. However I now feel differently, as I believe most issues with fertility come from our lifestyles that we never signed up for - UPFs, chemicals in our household cleaners, air pollution etc all disrupting hormones.

This was really inappropriate. What a horrible post.

@fluffyguineapig Well no because again of you read the actual stats you will see that relationship break downs are significantly lower. Most likely because the of the extent of time , consideration, effort, therepy etc that is undertaken by those who go through donor ivf.

That’s absolutely untrue! I also have leftover eggs and you can donate if you want. Absolutely no pressure at all! And absolutely no financial incentive!

@whatsitcalledwhen it's a statement of fact on a subject completely relevant

Mumsnet didn't think so apparently. And I didn't report it, so someone else clearly found it inappropriate too. I think that's a good moment for me to bow out!

I think I'd personally categorise it along with cosmetic/ elective surgeries.
Not harming anybody and your body,your choice, but I think it's sad (for them) that some women (and in my experience, it is always the women driving ivf) can't find a purpose in life beyond having children.

It never occurred to me that people would think dh and I shouldn’t reproduce! we already have a pretty healthy and incredibly child. But our genes must be faulty! 😂

🙄

I could very well say it’s sad to want a life without experiencing motherhood. But I don’t want to be a bitch.

IVF'er here. I have one more blastocyst in the freezer. The first four put in me didn't make it. I'm going to use the last one as it is a life. Even if all the four blastocysts in previous transfers succeeded, I'd still have put the last remaining one back in me. It doesn't matter to me that it's not yet a fetus, it's a life that still has a chance and I want to give them a chance no matter what.

@Ididivfama that's not bitchy at all! Each to their own.
I meant it's sad for the mothers that can't conceive and can't move on with their looked and enjoy all it has to offer without conceiving. Didn't meant to offend.

Well it is sad that 'some' women can't see a life beyond children. Is it understandable? Yes. Still sad.

And I'm sure they'd agree, hence why they think it should be free, and why they feel it's so important.

Exactly @Twitchie I have a friend from uni who has had 13 transfers so far - She's suicidal. I do think that's sad. Compare that to another friend who left it at 3, had therapy and worked through it and has a relatively happy childless life now.