Things I simply don't understand- "proud to be married"

[TheNameIsDickDarlington]

I've seen this statement on a thread today which has prompted this thread.

There are many elements of life that I don't seem to understand. I don't do it on purpose or to be rude but there's some things I've come across in life that I simply don't understand. One of these things is people saying they are "proud to be married" maybe I'm not understanding what is meant by the pride in the statement but to me I just can't understand what's to be proud of? If I got a PHD I'd proud be pretty proud of myself, or climbed everest, or wrote a novel... but I just can't seem to derive any pride from a marriage. Am I getting it all wrong?

Other things I don't understand are:
-Adults "meeting" Disney characters at the Disney theme parks. Because you know its just someone in a suit being paid to wave at you and possibly wee themselves. I got or a bit more when they roamed the parks as it was like you'd spotted them so I guess it was like a game. When I went a few years ago you had to queue up, sometimes for hours, to see them. Why?

• worrying what strangers will think of... pretty much anything (something my mother seems to concern herself with a lot). Why does it matter if someone you don't know thinks, inside their own brain, something about you... you'll never even know?

So AIBU to not "get" these things? Also I'd be interested if there's any other things like this that just baffle some people, what are yours?

I don't understand people fretting about middle names.

You only hear a middle name at birth, christening, wedding or death. Mostly you have no idea what someone's midddle name is.

So don't sweat it. It disnae really matter.

Middle names are a godsend in HR though. If you have 3 Jill Smith's with similar birth dates, having a middle name helps quicky identify the one you want. The same applies when you have 3 Henry Herbertson at the same address (Father, Son and Grandson).

Football, I just don’t get the hype and how it takes over the country and seems to generate so much aggression. I don’t get pampered men kicking a ball around and then falling on the floor dramatically and then being treated and paid like royals.

Each to their own but it irritates the tits off me.

I don’t understand how people run their lives by religion these days. Prove to me that there’s a god and I might change my mind.

I was proud to be married to my late husband. He was an awesome guy, we were happily married, genuinely happy marriages take emotional work. We were together for 20 years until he died. I totally understand being proud to be married/married to a particular person.

Instagram. I just don't gel with it. Love FB, X, MN, but insta brought me nothing.

Tattoos.

Voluntarily joining the armed forces.

This, I say to my DH, "you show more enthusiasm and emotions towards some silly men kicking a ball around a bit of grass, than you've shown towards anything else in the 20 years I've known you" and he gets irate. He doesn't think I "understand". I understand perfectly what's going on... A bunch of silly men kicking a ball around a bit of grass, there's nothing else to understand?! 🤣

I don't have a middle name, so feel well deprived when others seem to put so much effort into deciding on them. (My children do have middle names, as I didn't want them to feel the deprive I feel 😄)

I would like to clarify that I'm v grateful that others do sign themselves up, I absolutely value them, but just don't get it.

Quite 😂

Isn't it only women who ever say they're proud to be married?

Fairly sure it's a relic from when being married off well was seen as an achievement for a woman, and singledom meant a low social status.

It's also not unusual for people to be known by their middle name rather than their first name.

I feel the same about people asking about 1st names that can be shortened. Why bother giving a child the longer name. Just give them the short version and be done with it.

Well just the fact of being married probably isn’t anything to be proud about no.

I could understand it slightly more in the context of being proud to be married to a particular person - although I’m not sure I’d particularly put it that way myself. Saying ‘I’m proud to be DH’s wife’ still seems a bit odd to me (I’m very glad to be his wife, very pleased he wanted to be my husband too, and I’m proud of him in the sense of how hard he works, how good he is with people and how he’s overcome challenges - I just don’t think proud is the word I’d use in this sense)

I can also imagine being proud of a long and overall happy marriage - sticking it out despite challenges and putting the work in to keep making each other happy.

You don't need proof of or belief in an actual God to find some aspects of religion personally helpful/enjoyable/ comforting/ useful.

It's not all or nothing. Unless the particular religion is all or nothing, of course, then I can see your point.

I'm proud that I have remained married for as long as I have. Feels like a life sentence 🤣

Yes this is one I don't get! I have a family member called David James Smith (for example) and he has always been referred to as Jimmy! He does not go by his first name in anything, never has, I only found out his real first name at his wedding! Why did his parents not just call him James?

I’m proud of my marriage because I think it’s a really lovely healthy relationship, neither of us had that modelled to us so we had to do a lot of work individually and as a couple to get to this point. I’m proud our children will know a happier and more stable home than the ones we had. Obviously that can happen without being officially married and obviously a bad marriage is nothing to be proud of, but I’m still proud of my marriage if that makes sense.

Re Disney characters they still do ones that you spot! And I guess it’s just fun? It’s ok to find things not fun that other people like though. I don’t get board games for example, but some of my friends think that’s great fun. I’m bored to tears when other people talk about their garden, but they enjoy that. That’s ok. Takes all sorts…

Well im proud to have a happy marriage. I know so many people who are in marriages where they barely tolerate each other.

I also didn’t get the Disney thing. Until I was at Disney World and had some time to kill and there was a fast pass to meet Mickey and Minnie. I will never be able to explain the sheer childlike joy I felt in that moment. I’m not even that into Disney but it was magical (I know, it’s a man in a suit and I’m ridiculous).

I’ve never met another character despite going back a couple of times since, because I don’t want to taint the perfect
memory of when I met Mickey by trying to replicate it 😂

Yes, it’s a reactionary bit of nonsense left over from the days where women’s supposed ‘worth’ was in being chosen by a man, while the reverse has never been true. I love my husband, I’m delighted we found one another back in the early 1990s, but I’m certainly not ‘proud’ of being married.

(I also find it baffling when Olympians or titans of music/literature/film try to look humble by claiming that their ‘greatest achievement’ is their children, not their gold medals, Palme d’Or-winning films, or Nobel prizes. I mean, sure, I conceived DS, carried him and brought him up to the grand old age of 11, but he’s certainly not ‘my achievement’ — he’s himself. Claiming another human being as your ‘achievement’ is arrogant and kind of territorial.)

I don’t get the adult Disney thing either. I’ve asked people on here to try to explain why it’s such a thing for them, but the explanations didn’t seem to amount to much more than ‘I just do’.

It's the same as people who give their children a long/traditional name to go in their birth certificate but with no intention of calling them that name.

Lots of the people I know who use a middle name is because the first name was a family name/tradition and the middle name was the name that was theirs.

Others just didn't like their first name or preferred the middle name. Not really any different to an Elizabeth who only answers to Liz.

I can see being proud of good relationships, rather than being married per se.

What I don’t get is get board games / card games. They make me absolutely desperate with boredom and a sort of panicky, trapped feeling. 😵‍💫

Totally get the "proud" thing. I know quite a few people who are proud of their houses (as they say). When they afforded them through inheritance. There's nothing to be proud of around family inheritance. It's literally a lottery you didn't even need to play to win.

I don't understand how we have come to value bullshitters in our firm. My manager talks a load of rubbish, delivers very little, yet people love him because he has good chat. It's so obvious to me that he's a fake but others just don't seem to care? Or don't see it?

Also that anyone would pay £20k+ for a mediocre, cookie cut wedding. I mean, it's not unique, most people find them a bit 'meh' and it holds so many people back from doing more meaningful things. It's just crazy. I can understand £10k at a push but industry is mental.

I agree, just being married isn’t an achievement, any more than just having children is.