Things I simply don't understand- "proud to be married"

[TheNameIsDickDarlington]

I've seen this statement on a thread today which has prompted this thread.

There are many elements of life that I don't seem to understand. I don't do it on purpose or to be rude but there's some things I've come across in life that I simply don't understand. One of these things is people saying they are "proud to be married" maybe I'm not understanding what is meant by the pride in the statement but to me I just can't understand what's to be proud of? If I got a PHD I'd proud be pretty proud of myself, or climbed everest, or wrote a novel... but I just can't seem to derive any pride from a marriage. Am I getting it all wrong?

Other things I don't understand are:
-Adults "meeting" Disney characters at the Disney theme parks. Because you know its just someone in a suit being paid to wave at you and possibly wee themselves. I got or a bit more when they roamed the parks as it was like you'd spotted them so I guess it was like a game. When I went a few years ago you had to queue up, sometimes for hours, to see them. Why?

• worrying what strangers will think of... pretty much anything (something my mother seems to concern herself with a lot). Why does it matter if someone you don't know thinks, inside their own brain, something about you... you'll never even know?

So AIBU to not "get" these things? Also I'd be interested if there's any other things like this that just baffle some people, what are yours?

YES! That too!

I don't understand why people with dark skin get tattoos. What a waste of money.

From the OP: worrying what strangers will think of... pretty much anything

Yes to this. I had a friend visit me, and she seemed to think total strangers were judging her on completely random things.

On walking through the park, past a group of young people, "What will they think of us, huddled up in our hats and coats?" (Er, nothing, they won't even notice us, they are young and we are middle-aged).

And on going to a cafe, when she chose to order a plate of chips and nothing else, "Will it look weird, me just eating chips?" (Er, no, nobody cares).

And in hospitals. When you have two children in a ward with the same (fairly unusual) names a middle name can be very useful. Of course they will use other information like date of birth, but having a middle name as an extra check is very useful.

Living a life by social media, using it sure fine normal but the drama!

I have a family member who goes by her middle name.

When she started primary school there were two girls with the same name so the school decided to call her by her middle name and it stuck.

Can you imagine a school doing that now?

I was at school with a Louise, that was her middle name but her parents thought her full name was better with Louise in the middle.

My DH has not one, but three middle names! One after each grandfather plus a random one that got thrown into the mix.
I was so nervous about getting them mixed up on our wedding day, that for weeks prior I could be heard in my bedroom chanting ' I take thee Gaz, Daz, Maz, Jaz to be my lawful wedded husband ' ( not his name's obviously )
I must have sounded like I was off my rocker 😂
I don't understand his mum's thinking.

I understand.

I expect when people say they are proud to be married it's because it's a goal they were working towards (for whatever reason), they are proud of their relationship, or they are just proud of their wonderful husband/ wife and chuffed that that person wanted to marry them.

Honestly, I'm as baffled as you are about the Disney characters thing - but I guess it's just one of those childhood regression things - when at Disneyworld and all that?!

They are just having fun, they're probably just pretending and playing and getting caught up in emotions (which I guess is what Disney is all about). Sometimes fans of actors/ characters can get a bit swept up in the fantasy.

I do agree that some things are a bit baffling (like your examples, I wouldn't think twice), but to some extent, most of us do worry about what strangers think.

For example today I had the Spice Girls song 'Spice Up Your Life' in my head (I'd just watched Dr Who - if you know you know!) - If I was at home, I probably would have just started belting it out at the top of my lungs and dancing away.

I wouldn't do that in public. But it's not against the law. The only reason I wouldn't do it because I'd be worried about all the weird looks I would get and I'd worry what strangers would think.

It's not unusual at all to worry about what strangers think - it's just about degrees - some worry more than others. That's normal.

*The only reason I wouldn't do it because I'd be worried about all the weird looks I would get and I'd worry what strangers would think.

It's not unusual at all to worry about what strangers think - it's just about degrees - some worry more than others. That's normal.*

I think there is a difference about worrying about things that have an impact on others and worrying about things that don't. We all live in a society and so we should be conscious of the effects our actions have on others. If someone starts singing loudly in public, this is a disturbance to others. Same with people playing music without earphones (a crime for which they should get locked up with the key thrown away). But we shouldn't worry about what others think of things that have no impact on others. If someone orders just chips or orders three desserts and then a starter or walks around with every item of clothing in a different and clashing pattern, there is no disturbance to others beyond someone thinking this looks weird. At that point, worrying about others is just feeling self-conscious. About what? In some cases, just quietly existing.

I don't understand the X at the end of a text. I genuinely don't understand the point of them.

I also don't understand emojis! Why send a text like "I'm just taking the dog 🐶 out for a walk"

Yeah I know what DOG spells I don't need a picture to understand the text! Find it really weird.

@TinderTime is English your second language? I often have to explain it to my EFL students as there is no equivalent in other languages (perhaps not even in US English?). British people (well, mainly women) have always signed off birthday cards, Christmas cards and letters with an x. It’s a friendly ‘kiss’

This is what I was thinking. My husband is a wonderful man who always thinks of others first. I'm very proud to be married to him.

Maybe that is what the poster was getting at. Or, maybe in these days of anything goes, they're content to be traditional. Who knows.

Just leave them to it, whatever the resson; its not really life-threatening or the like, is it.

This has really made me think and actually, I am proud to be married to DH because he's wonderful! I just asked him "are you proud to be married?" and after looking a bit confused 😂 he said he is proud to be married to me because I'm lovely and the sort of person he wanted to be married to. I feel the same way about him.

Neither of us are proud to be married in and of itself. It's no big achievement getting married but staying happily married, feeling like you made the right choice of partner to share your life with, navigating ups and downs together, compromising sometimes, saying sorry when you've been an arse, growing as people etc is something to be proud of I think.

I agree that football is dreadful 😂.

Football hooliganism and general aggression - wtaf, they'll play each other again in 5 mins, at a minimum twice each season. By all means enjoy the sport but get a grip. It's a game.

God - imaginary friend whatever your religion. By all means enjoy it, but I'm not interested/find it a bit weird that people get so invested in the rituals. Just be kind to others, have some integrity and don't be a dick.

Gogglebox, any sort of reality TV. It's insanely dull.

Identikit beauty trends. Everyone seems to aspire to tan, nails, weird eyebrows and botox. To varying degrees granted but visiting some parts of the UK & Ireland seems be clone central. I miss the 90's.- yes it was the era of the supermodels but they were also celebrated for their differences. [provided they were skinny obviously]

Probably tons more if I gave it more thought but Hooliganism is my top WTAF?

No it's not my second language, I've been speaking it nearly 60 years! [wink emoji to show no malice]

But you make a good point. I DO sign birthday cards with a kiss! BUT I receive texts from friends that say for example "What time shall we meet for coffee x "

No need for a kiss there!

'Company' people

I.e. People who are super loyal to their jobs and organisations

I don't get it. They are just waiting to fire you and fuck you over, no loyalty is needed!

I think that in the vast majority of threads posted by people who say they 'don't get' something, there is really nothing to 'get'. It's just a difference of taste, priority or opinion. Often'I don't get it' is just a disingenuous way of sneering at what people regard as others' inferior taste or lowbrow attitudes.

But maybe that was not your intention OP. I don't feel proud of being married, but I have sufficient imagination to be able to think of reasons why some people might be.

I think there's a lot I might say I don't get as a turn of speach. But I do really, it's just different to my approach. I don't actually think there's much you can't get if you think about it. You might not agree, but can understand it. Unless you have low intelligence.

I also don’t get why people are proud to be married. Anyone can do it, it’s not like earning a PhD or something. I can see that being proud of a good relationship might be different.

I have to disagree with you. I am proud of my marriage, and proud to have children. It depends on where you’ve come from and the journey you’ve taken - I’ve struggled effing hard for these things that uphold my values - I believe in a loving, respectful marriage but all marriages take work and commitment and when you get married and take your vows you are not just committing to one another but you are committing to making it work. That’s a whole load of responsibility and maturity right there. So we have both worked hard at that commitment and here we are, best friends in a loving marriage. I’m proud to be married.

Im proud to have my children. Again, my journey was a bumpy one. I had a near miss giving birth to my first son. I’m proud of him, and to have been brave enough to go in for round two. I had to be very very brave. Looking at them now, two healthy happy boys I’m proud to have children. All the pain and suffering and fear……..and my personal struggles to just have these two incredible little humans in the room - yeah, you’re damn right I’m proud of that. All of it and then some

I also don’t get why people are proud to be married. Anyone can do it, it’s not like earning a PhD or something. I can see that being proud of a good relationship might be different.

But some people might regard marriage as the seal of permanence on that relationship. A confirmation of that commitment. Someone who had come from a family with toxic relationships, or had worked on their own demons/issues, and were really happy to have arrived at a point where they were able to commit to someone in that way, might well feel proud of being married, especially if they'd always thought it was something that wouldn't ever happen for them.

I'm not proud of being married.

I'm very proud of my husband, our relationship and our DC.

I'm grateful every day that he married me.

He feels the same way.

We both wear our wedding rings all the time as love being married to each other. And we're very proud to show that we are married to each other.

Maybe that's what the other post meant?

Disney characters I also love meeting, or more watching my DC meet them. They're older now so it's more a smile, hug, photo. But when they were littler and would run at them and cuddle and squeal.

Pure magic happening in front of our eyes.

Sounds a miserable life to me to not find fun and joy in a bit of make believe.

Do you struggle in general with 'playing along'?

Like would you go and watch Wicked and not be able to suspend your disbelief that it's a witch on stage?

People wanting bedrooms that look 'like hotel rooms'. Hotel rooms are cold and impersonal - the antithesis of homely.

Why would you want your home to not be homely?

And yes, football. Also, supporting the royal family. They're just people who were born into a loaded family.

I feel like I don’t understand about half of this thread.

Pride ….people aren’t saying they are “proud to be married” they are saying they are “proud to be married to …”. They are being nice about their partner, who they appreciate, enough to feel like they want to show them off with pride.

Disney … it’s a show. It’s just like going to the theatre to see a play, except you don’t have to stay still in a seat. Yes of course people realise it’s a person in a suit, the same way that in a theatre they realise the actor on stage wasn’t actually just stabbed.

Caring what people think of you … it’s primal. It’s how we all survived as a group many thousands of years ago. It’s a relatively new thing for people to reject the concept en-mass. Ironically, it’s a bit of a trend! (Trends, of course, being defined by people caring about each other’s behaviour.)

Middle names … it’s a tradition going back hundreds, if not thousands of years. The first name was the formal name chosen for family tradition, or religion, or the monarch. The middle name you had more choice over.

(People do know all this stuff really, right?)