Things I simply don't understand- "proud to be married"

[TheNameIsDickDarlington]

I've seen this statement on a thread today which has prompted this thread.

There are many elements of life that I don't seem to understand. I don't do it on purpose or to be rude but there's some things I've come across in life that I simply don't understand. One of these things is people saying they are "proud to be married" maybe I'm not understanding what is meant by the pride in the statement but to me I just can't understand what's to be proud of? If I got a PHD I'd proud be pretty proud of myself, or climbed everest, or wrote a novel... but I just can't seem to derive any pride from a marriage. Am I getting it all wrong?

Other things I don't understand are:
-Adults "meeting" Disney characters at the Disney theme parks. Because you know its just someone in a suit being paid to wave at you and possibly wee themselves. I got or a bit more when they roamed the parks as it was like you'd spotted them so I guess it was like a game. When I went a few years ago you had to queue up, sometimes for hours, to see them. Why?

• worrying what strangers will think of... pretty much anything (something my mother seems to concern herself with a lot). Why does it matter if someone you don't know thinks, inside their own brain, something about you... you'll never even know?

So AIBU to not "get" these things? Also I'd be interested if there's any other things like this that just baffle some people, what are yours?

I find your post very cynical.

It's OK to be proud to be married.

It's not something I would say (I am married and love my spouse, but I just wouldn't really say that) - but why does it matter to you if someone else is proud of something?

They could have any number of reasons for being proud - perhaps being married was a goal they were working towards. Perhaps they met their perfect partner and feel proud they sustained the relationship that long.

Their journey/ life is different to yours.

So why do you care, really?

In the same vein as you don't care what a stranger thinks of you - why do you care what a stranger is or isn't proud of? Or whether they enjoy meeting Disney characters?

You're on your path and they're on theirs, so just leave them to it. You don't have to understand.

It's obvious there's a God but most religions are ridiculous

How on earth is it obvious there’s a God? 🥴

I think it's more about the interpretation of the meaning of the word "proud".

I have a PhD. Yes I’m proud of it but I’d say finding the right man to marry was 100 times harder! I’m proud to be married to my husband.

This reminds me of my grandmother. She is (opposite of proud) genuinely disappointed that have no interest in marriage or having a man live in my house.

Even more ridiculous is to be "proud" to be English/British (other nationalities are also available). Eh? Why? You didn't do anything to achieve it!

Millions of people (men?) would happily pay £50 to watch Harry Kane score a hat-trick, so I don’t think he (as an example) is overpaid. Arguably very underpaid.
Footballers these days are incredible athletes, at the peak of their fitness. They have pretty tough training regimes and I don’t think they are pampered. Fawned on by the media perhaps.
I suspect until you have sprinted 40 yards and then been felled by a heavy tackle you have utterly no idea what it feels like. I run and the few times I have fallen it has completely knocked me for six.
OK, you don’t like football, that is fine, but don’t perpetuate the silly myths.

I’m proud to be married. One of my best achievements 😊

When so many marriages go tits up, it’s not unusual to feel pride when your own is still going strong.

I think I agree with you OP.

I also never understand why some people post so much about their lives online.

Not influencers etc but people I’m friends with on Facebook.

They post every minute detail in monologue type posts.

No one cares about the 10,000 things you have done this morning before 9am. And before anyone tells me to stop looking blah blah blah I’m waaaaaay too nosey to do that.

Also when people post about arguments etc and the people they are writing about it can read what they are saying and a full on verbal slanging match plays out. Bizarre.

Haha, that wouldn't have helped in our household my dad brother and grandad had same christian name middle and surname. It was a nightmare for post, phone calls etc.

Adults who make Disney their entire personality. I worked with a woman who had Disney crap in every room of her house, would spend a good few grand going to Disney World 3 times a year, bragging about flying business class and not having any children to ruin her fun but would constantly complain about renting and not being able to afford a deposit for a house 😂 heaven forbid you suggested she cuts down on the holidays though.

There are a lot things I don't understand. Two of my kids have ASD and two are borderline so I think I know the reason why I don't get the following -

People saying things they don't mean "oh we must meet up soon!" It's a polite rebuff, I get that NOW. Took me years. Why say it? It's like life is a game but no one shared the rule book with me.

If you want something, you ask for it, you need to ask in certain way or its a no. Eg asking to go part time when returning from maternity leave. Asked, was told no so went back full time. Six months later the team lead tells me that the project manager assumed I was going to ask to go PT again once I had returned. Why would I? They had said no just before my return? Like I could read their mind and get this little game? So i asked again to go part time and they immediately said yes. So why watch me working 9-6 five days a week then wondering why I was working so hard.

I find this in so many things. Like my dd has ASD. I'm proactive to get her ehcp and needs met. Senco tells me so. But then the HT says says the staff find me agressive. So why do they say I'm doing a good job being proactive? I'm either proactive or aggressive. Don't suck up to me then slag me off to the HT. Like I'm too dense to realise its coming from the only other staff member I talk to about my dds sen. Now I think the senco is unstable.

I hate stupid socail dancing around communication. Say it and mean it. Simple. Own your words and stand by them or STFU 🤣

I wonder if it's part of what was expected of you as you're growing up? I've always been proud to be married. I was not expected to ever meet someone and my family are still quite surprised. On the other hand I have a PhD and I'm really embarrassed by it and don't tell anyone I have it. I was expected to do well academically, it's not an achievement in my family.

I don't understand why people like cars. They smell, make me feel sick when I'm in them, cause pollution and far too many accidents and unnecessary deaths. I get that we need to get from A to B but why aren't more people fighting to get better, safer, healthier forms of transport rather than idolising cars?

The following are things I have never done as have not had the need or desire. I am admittedly lazy on the beauty front.

Getting nails done. I don't like decorative nails. Not sure why.
Fake tan. Looks weird and seems very time consuming.
Waxing pubes off. Just no. Love me, love my bush.
Stiletto heels. Ha ha...no.
Silk knickers...they disappear up your arse. No ta.
Low rise anything...no one needs to see my crack. I don't want to see yours either.
Mad false lashes. Glued to my eye?! I don't think I like that.
Straightening hair. Cba. Got wavy hair whatever the fashion.
Anything to my eyebrows other than a natural shape wax. I don't know what microblading is.
Contouring. Looks like a lot of work to be brown to me.

I'm sure there are more.

I’m proud of being married. I have social anxiety and have struggled to make friends since I was very young. So the fact I was able to form any kind of relationship at all, let alone one as amazing as the one I have with my DH, feels like a pretty big accomplishment to me, even if it might not to other people.

Yeah probably am being cynical, I've often accused of such.

I suppose its not really my business why someone would be proud, its just something I'm curious about as I don't understand it and can't imagine it. So I would like you know why.

I'm sure there's things you haven't experienced or is very outside of the realms of something you think or feel that you'd be interested in hearing the logic or mentality behind?

I'm quite interested in how different people interpret and experience the world.

It's social media that I really just don't get. I rarely use FB, don't do Instagram at all, don't do Twitter (X), don't even have a TikTok account and don't want one either.

The only thing I use Snapchat for is to see my DD's location when she is out in her car (she feels more confident if she knows I can see where she is).

It wouldn't occur to me to say "proud to be married" although I certainly am happy with it and DH is a good man. Are you referring to a thread where people are debating the pros and cons of people (nearly always women) changing their surname on marriage and then getting defensive when someone else questions it?

I also find it baffling when Olympians or titans of music/literature/film try to look humble by claiming that their ‘greatest achievement’ is their children, not their gold medals, Palme d’Or-winning films, or Nobel prizes. I mean, sure, I conceived DS, carried him and brought him up to the grand old age of 11, but he’s certainly not ‘my achievement’ — he’s himself. Claiming another human being as your ‘achievement’ is arrogant and kind of territorial.

THIS!

It’s excruciating when people claim their children are their achievement, especially when you happen to know that the relationship is somewhat strained.

Apparently the parent I’m NC with wanks on about my achievements to extended family, clearly trying to take some credit. 😂

I've awaiting an official ASD assessment so I do wonder sometimes if that has an impact on why I don't understand certain things that seem to be social convention.

Your post has made feel very rude though! I didn't realise people didn't it when they say "we need to meet up soon" I've tries to pin down dates and been anxious about fitting it in my calander with people after they've said that! I've also said it (but genuinely meant it) so I hope they don't think I'm brushing them off.

If I got a PHD I'd proud be pretty proud of myself, or climbed everest, or wrote a novel... but I just can't seem to derive any pride from a marriage.

Yes, I agree. I have a husband and a PhD - the PhD was hard work, the husband was largely chance, combined with not being a horrible person.

Yet you get people saying they're proud to be 'Mrs', and/or that it's pompous to use the title 'Dr'. (BTW I do use Dr professionally, but not socially).

I’m also irritated beyond belief 🙄

I totally get what you mean OP and some posters have misunderstood you. Of course, it goes without saying that someone might be proud of being HAPPILY married, or married to X because X is wonderful. But just simply being proud to be married? No! Why?

I am quite unhappily married. Among friends I really make a secret of the fact that our marriage is a struggle and yet a good friend of mine (divorced ) often says I am lucky to be married. Why? She knows that DH hardly spend anytime at all together and argue when we do. We haven’t divorced simply because of inertness and lack of funds for two separate homes. How or why is our continuing marriage something to be proud of?

I can think of very many friends who I admire for ending their marriages. They were not happy and neither were their partners or kids, so they acted. THAT is something to be proud of.

So sorry to hear about your loss. I dread the day I’m without mine.

I feel the same about my marriage. I feel we both work to keep it a happy one and it’s equal in that respect. Of course just being married isn’t an achievement but I assume people don’t mean that.

No it was the thread "does your husband wear a wedding ring" a few of the posters were saying "I always wear mine as I'm proud to be married to DH" which wasn't what was asked and I didn't understand why someone would be proud.

But I have also seen it on name change threads. Which is also something I don't get but have learnt that people get annoyed when you ask about it.

Full disclosure: I do not wear a wedding ring nor did I change my name so maybe I'm missing an entire marriage mindset.

I don't understand the pride in the happy marriages either. When people say they put work in, what kind of work? I think I would be more proud to leave a marriage because I find that braver.