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Original poster

Do you believe everyone is slightly autistic?

275 replies

Unfriendlywoes · 30/12/2023 21:59

Constantly have people saying this to me, usually when I’m trying to open up about my struggles with my ASD dd. I feel like a complete failure as a parent quite a lot, and feel so utterly broken and angry after fighting and begging for support for so long and still not getting any really. Currently draining all of my finances to access private therapies for her. If it’s a case of everyone is slightly autistic, why is it so fucking hard?

OP posts:
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7
HellsToilet · 31/12/2023 15:20

cansu · 31/12/2023 14:53

No. I do think however that this is a worrying trend. As soon as someone reports an issue with mental health or education, people will suggest neurodiversity.

@Namechanged There is a difference between professionals handing out diagnoses like sweets and novices suggesting that you investigate a possibility, sometimes these investigations rule out autism.

UggyPow · 31/12/2023 15:29

@Unfriendlywoes thank you
I just try like so many of us, to do the best I can for my children.
People repeating & believing statements like 'everyone is a little bit ....' minimises the difficulties my child & others deal with on a daily basis.
I just wish we didn't have to jump through hundreds of hoops for the smallest things, yet people believe they throw support & funding at you.
I hope people are having a good day today

PocketSand · 31/12/2023 15:47

Hey, I've just done a park run and am sweaty and breathless and my heart rate is off the scale but I'll be ok so maybe heart disease is just a label and we don't need to worry about people who experience this in normal situations.

Maybe 'autistic' people were a bit tired or burnt out when they received their oh so easy to achieve diagnosis and will be fine when they have recharged their batteries.

Autism is real. It is lifelong. It is disabling. You don't need to get this but if you don't understand you do need to shut up.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SEN
randomuser2020 · 31/12/2023 16:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Baileyscream · 31/12/2023 16:39

I think anyone can have traits but that doesn't mean that everyone has autism.

Autism is an umbrella diagnosis with many conditions under one label.

I think the term comes about because people present so differently and there are those who are incredibly disabled (maybe limited communication/ non verbal, not able to sit formal qualifications/ special low academic school, help with personal care, no understanding of safety, will never live unsupported, constant supervision etc, there are those who lead what would be worded as normal lives (friends, marriage, kids, education, job, hobbies, own home etc) and then there are people in between. Throw in mental health needs and sensory which often get classed as someone's autism, other common comorbids like adhd learning needs and dyspraxia and you have a huge amount of differently presenting people. I think people often just mix them all together and get confused which if you're not living it or caring for someone can be pretty easy to do.

There's also people who self diagnose now or identify as who don't help the situation.

Try to ignore them, there will be plenty of other battles to overcome which will be more deserving of your time and energy.

Psychoticbreak · 31/12/2023 16:40

@Namchanged incorrect and bloody ignorant. Only people with autism can be diagnosecd with autism.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 31/12/2023 16:45

Thatswhy11 · 31/12/2023 14:44

Not necessarily autism but I do think most people have "something". If you look for a fault you will find it.

I suspect these comments aren't helping you though OP.

If you look for a fault you will find it?

Seriously? What an ignorant and unhelpful attitude. I'm Autistic. I don't have 'faults' thank you and neither does my DD.

I think you are deliberately being obtuse.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 31/12/2023 16:50

PocketSand · 31/12/2023 14:39

To relate back to the OP, when FS was 7 a hospital doctor (audiology) said to me 'so he is autistic, so what? - you are lucky, he's one of the quiet ones, ignore it, you don't want him making excuses as a teenager'.

DS was selectively mute. This doesn't mean he chooses situations in which he won't speak. It means that in social situations his body is so flooded with stress hormones that he loses the ability to speak. Just like an NT person might lose control of bladder or bowel function under extreme stress.

School also minimised and tried to claim he was fine. I have always wondered whether early diagnosis would have helped him develop coping mechanisms that would have allowed a better life. Does anyone still talk about early diagnosis now there is a waiting list to get on the waiting list?

I can relate to this.

DD also has a diagnosis of selective mutism. We prefer to call it situational mutism as its less ambiguous (and let's face it, we could do with less ambiguity when so many people either deliberately choose to misunderstand, or simply would think it means mute as and when the person chooses to be)

There's no choice involved (as you will already know) and there's a big push by the SALT professionals and the community to have it formally changed to situational mutism.

Elfon · 31/12/2023 16:51

upwardsonwards · 31/12/2023 14:54

I’m a bit mmm on this one. My Dad is autistic, A couple of my uncles on my mother’s side are autistic, DH’s sister and uncle are autistic, I’ve 2 autistic children and obviously I have autistic traits myself as does my entire family and DHs entire family and lots of my friends’s family and loads of my Engineer friends and colleagues. DH and I are both engineers so obviously know a lot of Engineers. I am surrounded by a lot of people with significant autistic traits or autism. I see lots of spectrum traits in many people. I don’t think it is very clear cut as autistic or not. I do however recognise that some people are very, very affected by the disability of autism.

Agree. I work in IT a and most people display some autistic traits, eg not very social, highly invested in esoteric hobbies, slightly odd eg, one guy buys everyone’s kids a book that he thinks about very carefully and decides they would like despite never having met them. My dd got a scientific one about insects. It’s very kind but just a bit unusual.

They’re all married with children and work in professional, well paid jobs so these aren’t people who struggle to function, but I find it hard to believe they aren’t on the spectrum somewhere.

Fl100p555 · 31/12/2023 17:00

Be careful not to stereotype.My husband is a coder and has a few traits however he’d never get a diagnosis. He doesn’t get anywhere near the threshold and some areas has nothing. I on the other hand have an English degree and I do have a diagnosis very much reaching all thresholds for autism and adhd.Ditto our children.

Psychoticbreak · 31/12/2023 17:02

RainbowZebraWarrior · 31/12/2023 16:45

If you look for a fault you will find it?

Seriously? What an ignorant and unhelpful attitude. I'm Autistic. I don't have 'faults' thank you and neither does my DD.

I think you are deliberately being obtuse.

Show quote history

She means superpower she just spelled it wrong ;)

medianewbie · 31/12/2023 17:17

No. You either meet the NHS diagnostic criteria or you don't.
It's usually trotted out either by schools / HCPs who don't want to 'help' (ie do their jobs) or by people who want to pass off their 'quirkiness' as 'a bit Autistic'. At my Dds school 'a touch of the 'Tism' is not a compliment.

TigerRag · 31/12/2023 17:17

Psychoticbreak · 31/12/2023 17:02

She means superpower she just spelled it wrong ;)

Show quote history

FFS. I really do wish my Autism was a "superpower"

Psychoticbreak · 31/12/2023 17:20

I would prefer superpower over being told I have a fault!

JackiePx · 31/12/2023 17:30

Thank you for this thread, I have attempted to "get my head" round Autism and dificulties & consequences, and failed many, many times; this thread has helped me understand better than I did.

In particular the difference between people having traits that are shared with people that have a diagnosis of Autistic, and being Autistic.

Also the explanation of Spectrum being for people that are Autistic.

Apologies if I have got any of the terminology wrong. The terminology and "definitions" seem to have change so much over time.

Why such an interest? A close relative who had a diagnosis of a rare (and you can imagine how many years that took) syndrome, that has a high comorbidity with Autism.

Now I had better go and change my username so it is less identifiable.

Coincidentally · 31/12/2023 17:34

I don’t force my kids to wear clothing with textures they can’t stand. I allow them tons of downtime at home because they find socialising exhausting. I forgive them for their auditory processing delays. I no longer lie awake at night worrying about their limited diets. I laugh at the horrendously blunt things they sometimes say (instead of telling them off for being “rude”). I get them support in school for their anxiety.
You surely don’t need a label to tell you to do all this? Is basic parenting.

TigerRag · 31/12/2023 17:36

Psychoticbreak · 31/12/2023 17:20

I would prefer superpower over being told I have a fault!

It's neither. It's a difference. It's not a superpower having to stay at home whilst all your friends are partying because you can't cope with loud noise. Nor is it a superpower needing a warning about something changing and not being able to cope with things changing at the last minute.

If anyone can explain how any of the above are a superpower that would be great

TigerRag · 31/12/2023 17:37

Coincidentally · 31/12/2023 17:34

I don’t force my kids to wear clothing with textures they can’t stand. I allow them tons of downtime at home because they find socialising exhausting. I forgive them for their auditory processing delays. I no longer lie awake at night worrying about their limited diets. I laugh at the horrendously blunt things they sometimes say (instead of telling them off for being “rude”). I get them support in school for their anxiety.
You surely don’t need a label to tell you to do all this? Is basic parenting.

It's not a label. It's a diagnosis. Or would you call diabetes or a sensory impairment a label too?

AllAroundMyCat · 31/12/2023 17:57

I'm minded to think that the label 'autism' is , now, too broad a label and that medical professionals should be looking at redefining it.

A higher functioning person , who may have attended university with ASD cannot be compared , in any way , shape or form to a person , in a specialised institution who rocks back and forth and who is completely non-verbal and needs physical interventions re feeding and toileting.

There needs to be a significant investment into what autism actually is or means.

Fl100p555 · 31/12/2023 18:00

Why?

setsu · 31/12/2023 18:07

AllAroundMyCat · 31/12/2023 17:57

I'm minded to think that the label 'autism' is , now, too broad a label and that medical professionals should be looking at redefining it.

A higher functioning person , who may have attended university with ASD cannot be compared , in any way , shape or form to a person , in a specialised institution who rocks back and forth and who is completely non-verbal and needs physical interventions re feeding and toileting.

There needs to be a significant investment into what autism actually is or means.

Do you in your opinion is worthy of the diagnosis and who should have it taken away?

Baileyscream · 31/12/2023 18:07

AllAroundMyCat · 31/12/2023 17:57

I'm minded to think that the label 'autism' is , now, too broad a label and that medical professionals should be looking at redefining it.

A higher functioning person , who may have attended university with ASD cannot be compared , in any way , shape or form to a person , in a specialised institution who rocks back and forth and who is completely non-verbal and needs physical interventions re feeding and toileting.

There needs to be a significant investment into what autism actually is or means.

They are. They are looking at using the term profound autism to separate those with the most needs.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inspectrum/202112/lancet-commission-calls-new-category-profound-autism

Lancet Commission Calls for New Category: "Profound Autism"

Pressure mounts to split the broad autism diagnosis created by the DSM-5.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inspectrum/202112/lancet-commission-calls-new-category-profound-autism

Fl100p555 · 31/12/2023 18:11

There already has been,everybody knows what autism is and means. A learning disability is separate to autism.Autism is not a learning disability, but around half of autistic people may also have a learning disability.

Fl100p555 · 31/12/2023 18:16

That link is 2 years old. It’s nigh on impossible to compartmentalise autism.

Baileyscream · 31/12/2023 18:26

@Fl100p555 I'll find you something newer.... give me a min. The cdc released data earlier this year on people with profound autism (I noted at the time that phrase was used).

It's also going through whatever process it needs to in the States for the DSM to br changed. There is much lobbying on both sides.

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