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Original poster

Do you believe everyone is slightly autistic?

275 replies

Unfriendlywoes · 30/12/2023 21:59

Constantly have people saying this to me, usually when I’m trying to open up about my struggles with my ASD dd. I feel like a complete failure as a parent quite a lot, and feel so utterly broken and angry after fighting and begging for support for so long and still not getting any really. Currently draining all of my finances to access private therapies for her. If it’s a case of everyone is slightly autistic, why is it so fucking hard?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Unfriendlywoes · 30/12/2023 22:14

@Spendonsend That’s exactly how I feel - invalidated and like I am a shitty parent because I find it hard! You’ve all described it so well. I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight after a particularly bad few days with dd. I just feel so angry at everything. Angry for her having to struggle with everyday things, and angry at myself for getting frustrated and disappointed with her over things out of her control. Angry at the people who palmed me off for years (including her dad and my own mum) when I was on my knees begging for help.

OP posts:
Neolara · 30/12/2023 22:16

No, I don't think everyone is a little bit autistic. (But I think most people have something that they find difficult and which they struggle with.)

Craftycorvid · 30/12/2023 22:17

No. Autistic and neurotypical people share the full range of human emotions and traits but experience them differently and at different degrees of intensity. There is the ‘broad autistic phenotype’ theory suggesting that some people have many traits of autism but at a lower level than the diagnostic criteria. However ‘a bit’ does not apply in any case. As someone diagnosed in their 50s, I find the reaction I get most often is the ‘oh well, I get that too!’ regardless of the experience I’m describing. I sometimes suspect if I said ‘part of my autism is that I see purple cacti everywhere I go, and hear singing unicorns’ someone would say ‘oh well, everyone gets that - I get that….’

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SEN
helloisitmeyourelookingfor · 30/12/2023 22:18

No but the amount of people who work in education that I've had this argument with never fails to astound me so I'm not surprised you've heard it

Patenting a child with autism is bloody hard work -and that goes for non-verbal young people with severe learning difficulties to 'high functioning' ones who often have significant mental health needs

Very different but both very hard

Have you found a local parent support group? I've found my local one invaluable

orangetriangle · 30/12/2023 22:19

no and it's a stupid thing to say and ignorant ignorance about ASD when was growing up in the 70s and 80s and in my parents generation caused so much damage these days there us no excuse for ignorance people can and should be a lot more knowledgeable Asd is a spectrum disorder that does not mean everyone is on that spectrum it means some people are on it to vary degrees. It is not helpful in anyway to say everyone is a bit autistic because they are most certainly not

Beezknees · 30/12/2023 22:29

No. I am not and neither is my DS, quite an ignorant thing to say I think.

Livelovebehappy · 30/12/2023 22:31

I don’t think you can be ‘a little bit’ autistic, but do think a lot of people have autistic traits.

cryinglaughing · 30/12/2023 22:33

No.
It minimises the struggles that people with ASD have.
I just nod and move on, I can't be arsed to educate them.

Ellie56 · 30/12/2023 22:35

Nope. You are either autistic or you are not. And to be diagnosed autistic you have to fit specific criteria.

People who talk about everyone being "on the spectrum" or everyone being "a little bit autistic" are ignorant.

This might be useful:

https://the-art-of-autism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/UnderstandtheSpectrum.pdf

https://the-art-of-autism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/UnderstandtheSpectrum.pdf

VanityDiesHard · 30/12/2023 22:35

No. If everyone is autistic, then noone is. There is a trend though of people excusing shit behaviour by claiming ASD, which must make it so much harder for those who are truly autistic.

NeedToKnow101 · 30/12/2023 22:35

No, everyone isn't a little bit autistic. I work in SEN and would never say this to anyone. It's a way of dismissing you and shutting you down. Tbh it's a tactic used in all sorts of ways, not just about autism. E.g. if i said I was worried about money because I had lost my job, a (crap) friend might dismiss me by saying 'everyone worries about money.' It's a way to not 'see' a person.

Needsomebloodyperspective · 30/12/2023 22:37

No! No, no, no, it’s an insult to autistic people and those that care for them. It also makes a laughing stock over the fucking struggle it took to get my daughter diagnosed - 17 years due to issue after issue.

idontlikealdi · 30/12/2023 22:40

No. You don't have a slight case of cancer or a slightly broken leg. Sure some people might have autistic traights but they are not ASD.

I am diagnosed ASD and find it offensive. Same as I'm a bit 'ocd', when you don't understand the reality of OCD

Elfon · 30/12/2023 22:43

Maybe not everyone, but many people have autistic traits without reaching the threshold for diagnosis so it clearly is a very broad spectrum where at some point a line gets drawn and some people make the cut and some don’t. Maybe a person only has traits in one area and not another, for example. They’re not autistic but this could still cause them some difficulties in life.

MsCactus · 30/12/2023 22:46

No I don't - but literally everytime I hear an adult (who functions fine in society so probably isn't severe/non verbal etc) talking about their symptoms I tick every single one. Which I find a bit confusing tbh, because I'm fine socially and definitely not autistic.

A lot of things like "masking" I think every adult does to a lesser or greater degree.

IMO there's a big difference between someone with autism who can't function at all in society and those who can.

BungleandGeorge · 30/12/2023 22:53

No, neurodivergent brains are structurally different to neurotypical brains. I think people say this either;
they are a ND family but undiagnosed and presume everyone has the same experience as them
or
theyre ignorant of peoples’ struggles and like to diminish them- the ‘depressed’ (feel sad for a day or two), ‘OCD’ (did a bit of a spring clean), ‘dyslexic’ (struggle a bit with spelling) type people! Common amongst people who don’t like the inconvenience of accommodations or secretly feel that someone else is getting something they’re not!

for what it’s worth I think there will be a lot more work on ND in the coming years and the current ‘neat little boxes’ based on research in white little boys will possibly change as many people are ND but not neatly in one category

Quietplaces · 30/12/2023 22:54

I think everyone has some tiny speck of neurodivergence, that no-one is 100% completely neurotypical, so everyone should be able to tick a symptom of something, BUT some people either willfully twist that or thoughtlessly misunderstand that to mean "we're all autistic" "we all have OCD" etc etc and that's not true at all.

It's the same as saying that if you ever have your foot cramp up and be immobile for a couple of seconds that you're on the spectrum of being a paraplegic, which would be ridiculous and offensive. We may all experience aspects of certain conditions at some point but that's not the same as being on the spectrum of having that condition. Same way going swimming for an hour doesn't put me on the 'being a fish' spectrum, it has to be more than that.

HRTQueen · 30/12/2023 22:54

No of course not

most people can tick a trait/symptom they have from a number of diagnostics but that doesn’t mean they have it

banjaxxed · 30/12/2023 22:57

No, but the threshold for diagnosis is not YES/No like for example, cancer

I think that that many of the traits are socially biased and behavioural it can be difficult to distinguish at the 'lower end' of the spectrum for example

I'm quite sure that parents of autistic children find the 'we're all a bit autistic' utterly horrendous considering the struggles they undertake and then people claim to understand with 'my child is a little bit the same'. I'd be prepared to bet they really aren't

BungleandGeorge · 30/12/2023 22:58

MsCactus · 30/12/2023 22:46

No I don't - but literally everytime I hear an adult (who functions fine in society so probably isn't severe/non verbal etc) talking about their symptoms I tick every single one. Which I find a bit confusing tbh, because I'm fine socially and definitely not autistic.

A lot of things like "masking" I think every adult does to a lesser or greater degree.

IMO there's a big difference between someone with autism who can't function at all in society and those who can.

How do you define ‘can’t function in society’? And who is the judge? Yes everyone masks, it can be a really useful thing to get through a difficult situation. The problem is when you have to do
it all day everyday. That is exhausting and extremely damaging to mental health. It’s obvious you don’t understand and why should you as it’s not your experience? It is within your power to go and read some of the many amazing accounts and resources about what it is actually like and educate yourself though?

Lindy2 · 30/12/2023 23:00

No. I'm the parent of an autistic teenage daughter. The difficulties and struggles she is going through are not anything like the usual struggles of almost all neurotypical people.

There simply isn't a comparison and for people to think their life is a bit like hers, just because not everything is easy, is really annoying.

newnamethanks · 30/12/2023 23:01

No. It's becoming a 'must have''. It's insulting to people who have a valid diagnosis.

pastypirate · 30/12/2023 23:05

It's neuro typical or neuro diverse ffs.

You can be neuro typical and exhibit some nd behaviours. That isn't the same thing.

Misinformation about autism is very damaging - rain man and that struck off doc being the worst

Ellie56 · 30/12/2023 23:06

@Unfriendlywoes

How old is your daughter and what is it she particularly struggles with?

You might find it helpful to post on the SEN section as you will find other parents in a similar situation who may be able to offer advice or suggest things you haven't thought of.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs_chat

Special Needs Children Forum | Mumsnet | Mumsnet

Mumsnet's forum for parents and carers of children with special needs or disabilities. Get advice and support on care, education, diagnosis and more.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 23:15

Of course not! It’s so dismissive. I get the same said about ADHD as well. I’ve gone back with, “Y’know, sometimes I sit on the loo playing mobile games for so long, my legs go completely numb and I can’t stand up or move them…do you think that makes me a little bit paralysed?”

Your GP should be ashamed of themselves for reinforcing that crap.

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