If you have ADHD* what techniques helped you sort your life out?

[theduchessofspork]

I really want 2024 to be the year I sort my self out in health, finances and career (and daily life chaos). But, I have a track record of starting out with good intentions... and then a couple of months later all plans have collapsed in a puddle.

So if you have ADHD (*or just chronic disorganisation - I am awaiting diagnosis so I dunno which it is yet), all nuggets of wisdom would be gratefully received..

One of the things that has made the biggest difference for me is challenging my all-or-nothing thinking. So many jobs I put off because I thought I needed a good stretch of time to get it done, when actually, if I’d just chipped away at them bit by bit they would have got done quicker.
And that helped with getting things started, as thinking I’ll just do 10 minutes of something is easier than starting something that I know will take ages.

@theduchessofspork yeah on my phone or ipad. I can't deal with audio it's too slow , the voice is wrong (because it's not the voice in my head) and I can't visualise as well. TBH I don't do well with audio anything, including training/learning I get bored and switch off.

A huuuge half hour by half hour weekly planner in the kitchen. That thing rules my life now. If it's not in the calendar- it ain't happening 😂

Bleary eyed Accountability Check In
Day 3

I was up late with belly ache (“big bag of peanuts bought as an ingredient”temptation, poorly resisted).

So really, really, really did not want to get up at sunrise this morning. The “get the fuck out of bed” alarm song did a lot of heavy lifting cos it makes DH laugh. Il doggo helped by playing “let me poke at you with my big fat wet nose” until honestly it was less painful to get up than stay there being relentlessly chased around under the duvet.

So got up on time. Took il Doggo for a walk, where he went into “Christ Fenton !” mode, cos the nutria (who are supposed to be hibernating!) were out and about in significant numbers. Il Doggo is utterly convinced that if he catches up with them they will want to be his friend. The nutria are less convinced.

Got to see a pink ring of sky around the (distant) Alps and Apennine, cos the large lump of thick cloud cover seems to be drifting off.

Am very tired. But will try and hold off on a nap until lunchtime. Am never buying peanuts again < this may have been said many times in the past, but this time I MEAN IT >

I have done my whole The Fabulous App morning routine
I still have to do my Tranquil & Tidy home Journal routine. But am sleepy. Hoping second wind kicks in shortly. Currently trapped on the sofa with procrastination.

How’s everybody else doing ? Success stories and hiccups needing the balm of kindness to self all relevant.

PS

Anybody who is intimidated by YNAB (me). Have a look at “cash stuffing” on youtube. I started with monopoly money (homemade, cos am tight 😂). Have graduated to a Revolut card, cos it has “zipped pockets” for different expenses. Baby steps towards finally being in control of money rather than just ignoring it and hoping it will take care of itself.

@GreenLaurel I’ve got loads better at clearing stuff out (just need to stop buying stuff..). Listening to podcasts when I’m doing boring tasks is something I really want to build..

@coffeetofunction I love Google calendar too - really like the tasks function as a reminder. I need to get into a better habit of checking it the night before

@MabelMoo23 yes I got discharged from a similar service for the same reason. I guess we could write and explain why and try and get back on??

@Iwanttowantto erm yes, I’ve had it for a while.. I am going to read it in the next month..

This is for jammything, about how being tidy works (for me at least).
So I have ASD and DH has adsd and I get super stressed by mess and have to have things tidy while he creates chaos and mess wherever he goes (obviously without intending to, he's not a jerk).

So firstly there is one key difference in what he does compared to what I do. I would categorize it as what he does is always "finishing everything one or two or even three steps too soon". This ultimately creates more work.

So as an example, if I finish a cup of coffee, I'll empty it out in the sink if there are any dregs and put it directly in the dishwasher. If any coffee remains on the sink I'll rinse it off because otherwise it will make a stain on our white sink that has to be scrubbed to be removed. DH will put down the cup, with dregs left in, nowhere near the dishwasher. So now the dregs dry up, forming a stain on the cup that has to be scrubbed to be removed, and it still has yet to put in the dishwasher. Sometimes he'll empty the dregs into the sink but not rinse them, so more scrubbing to get them off (and yes, I should never have got a white sink:-) ).

As another example, washing clothes for me means washing, putting away wasing powder, distributing wet clothes on the drying rack as straight as possible to prevent creases, socks pegged in pairs on one of those IKEA soctopus thingies so I don't have to match them up later as I've already done it, then folding dry clothes at the same time as I take them off the rack, then taking folded clothes immediately to appropriate cupboard or drawers and putting them straight in, in the designated place that each has, then finally folding up drying rack and putting it away. So no intermediate steps of washing powder left out and not yet put away, no intermediate step of washed clothes being dry and off the rack but not yet folded, never any piles of clothes that have been folded but not yet put away. Each of those things, for me, would be a step or two short of being finished and just making life harder.

DH just doesn't see those steps to complete the action fully, and it is that which makes him less tidy.

What helps for him? A few years back, without saying anything to him, I embarked on a project to make our home much easier to deal with. I RADICALLY reduced how much we own. Fewer cups, for example, means fewer extra dirty cups floating around in places where they shouldn't be. In 2020 I got rid of 2020 things, in 2021 I got rid of the corresponding number of things, same goes for 2022 and last year. Things sre so much easier to deal with. They stay tidy. The inevitable chaos creeps in, but it now can be reset to tidy within moments.

Does this help at all? I hope it does. Sorry it's so long.

Fgs i meant dh has adhd, not what I wrote.

Also, a huge thank you to Bertiebotts. Your descriptions of life with adhd, going back years, have been so helpful to me in recognizing the issues in our household . I've always intended to thank you, but tend to lurk more than post, so a very belated thank you now.

Place marking but also a suggestion

REST more

and stop seeing rest as a reward.

I listen to the Time Hackers podcast and it has been life changing on helping me to see we have fucked up attitudes to rest only being available when you’re finished / have done enough.

a couple of years ago I decided I was sick of being exhausted all the time
and I’d rest more, go to bed when tired, not when I felt I had ‘finished’ or done enough.

Working from home one day I felt a wave of tiredness come over me and rather than pushing through I cancelled my next call saying I was feeling unwell got into bed and slept for two hours.

i haven’t looked back.

sometimes I like staying up late for fun or because I’m in flow and enjoying it. But I also keep evening free of work and chores even if I’m not ‘done’

ive relaxed my use of lists and systems as I felt hounded by them.

i use a diary and note things as I think of them.

but I’m learning to trust more that I can get things done when they are needed and I don’t need to spend hours planning or anticipating that.

That sounds very typical for ADHDers and not ridiculous at all. It literally has taken me decades to work out a selection of strategies that work for me. In my twenties and thirties I couldn't work out how to clean a room. It either wasn't cleaned at all or it was deep cleaned. I've sort of worked how to do a spruce clean now I'm in my 50s!!

It's really normal not to know how much detail you need. I can't take note as for example, I have to write everything down as I struggle to work out what's important or not.

All very normal for ADHDers so don't beat yourself up 😀

All of that! The amount of time I am completely astonished by my reminders amazes me!

I'm in a similar boat and thought I'd reach out! I'm recovering from PTSD and I've had Generalised Anxiety Disorder for a lot longer than I initially thought, but it's primarily linked to previous trauma few years ago.

I would say it's astonishing how many things I relate to on this thread, in a sense that these behaviours started or got worse as a result of exactly as you've described @Twoshoesnewshoes, my poor post-traumatic 'fried brain'. It's gone into a total overdrive and I've been working hard on calming down my nervous system.

I actually use a lot of these methods as an NT person, as I've always been well-organised. But I've definitely worsened as a result of MH issues, and the symptoms I've experienced in the last few years are very similar to combined ADHD. I could tick off most of the things you're talking about off my list, but it's not always been this way for me. I have every sympathy, it's really hard work to have to manage yourself every day to try and stay on top of things.

I am exactly the same, one small step at a time now to create a habit. It's very frustrating as I'd like to flip a switch and get better and I struggle with committing myself when I don't see immediate results. But I know I need to work on that anyway and do things that are good for me. The small steps method does work and it helps immensely with habit creation and not feeling the unnecessary guilt for not achieving something asap.

Thank you for sharing your tips, they are helpful to NTs with MH issues too. 💐

@Fernsfernsferns that’s excellent advice

Can you tell me a bit more about your method? As in - what does it mean tidy one thing in the bedroom?

I just got Goblin tools thanks for the recommendation! I previously used Kanban and Toodledo but this is a nice hybrid. Haven't figured out how to get the best out of it yet but I'm sure I will!

oh my god I really struggle with this too!!! I can’t write notes at all! I have to write everything down!

Interesting! I do find I can only cook dinner for myself alone if I do it as soon as I get home. Like, just take my coat off and go straight to the kitchen. If I sit or lie down for a minute, my whole mind changes mode and I end up not eating until midnight, if at all.

You've reminded me of the plan I had to get into the shower (and finish with cold water, as it boosts dopamine) as soon as I wake up on my days off. I hope this can stop me getting stuck like I usually do.

I'm just over 70, and managed to muddle through life by outwitting myself. In a world that valued "self-starters" and "team players," I knew I would find employment stressful, especially when combined with a family and household. And I did!

Every so often, I would buy a new self-help book, or try a new system such as FlyLady.

Each thing I tried would work for a bit, until the cunning part of my brain worked out how to outwit the system. Eventually I stopped trying to find the Holy Grail, and settled for changing the system when it ceased to be of use. Which can be quite fun!

I've picked up bits here and there that have stuck. But I hate routine, and need interest to switch on focus - or, in a pinch, gritting my teeth and doing the thing I was putting off, which can sometimes get me over the initial hump.

Outwitting myself perfectly describes how life feels to me! I once went to Singapore Zoo where they had to keep changing the bin lid design to stop the free ranging monkeys opening it and eating fast food leftovers. My brain is those monkeys!

Sure.

I was near the top of the second mountain in The Fabulous App, when it suggested a Challenge (so you come off climbing the mountains for a bit to work on a targeted area, for a break, to add variety, cos there is an area you need to focus on now, can be anything from a weekend to a month). And it really helped me develop “gears” for housework. Previously it was either all guns blazing cleaning and tidying a right mess until I collapsed for three days in exhaustion. Or fuck all. Those were my only 2 gears.

After the challenge a lot of what was working against me in the house wasn’t anymore. At which point my thyroid packed up and I went Zombie.

Everything went to ratshit.

But the real problem areas (like my wardrobe) weren’t back to their usual hellscape.

I DID NOT want to start the Challenge all over again. I wanted something new and shiny in Fabulous.

Saw this video

Bought the journal (cos I’m practicing allowing myself Nice Things, on a very occasional basis.

shop-eu.kurzgesagt.org/products/habit-journal?variant=40690812256445

The basics of “having gears” from the Fabulous Challenge were still there, just needing oil.

I set myself “just one thing” as meaning literally that. I don’t have to Eat The Frog, I just have to haphazardly poke a bit of frog spawn. If all I can get my head around is to move one sock from floor to laundry basket, it counts.

Sometimes, especially with the right podcast or audiobook in my ears, that generates the energy/desire to add one or two more tasks. Or even several. But if I just manage 1 small task in each of the (currently) 3 rooms, I did it. I won. I passed.

Which means even on the worst days I don’t throw up my hands cos it’s all too much, do nothing and write myself and the habit off as a Total failure. And all descends back to hellscape

It takes time to build, slips will happen. That’s OK. Because overall the tiny wins mount up and there are days when there is literally just one small thing available for me to do in my bedroom. The bathroom should catch up to that status soonish. Living room will take a bit longer. At which point I’ll move to stage 4 and add in the kitchen (but I’m cheating, cos I’m surreptitiously doing small things in the kitchen so when it does get added to the habit routine the journal has no idea I’ve taken a Wiley Shortcut. I also cheat at Monopoly to make it actually interesting 😬)

It was important for me to start with my bedroom because on the Fabulous 1st Mountain it sets up your morning and night routine. Both in the bedroom. Makes a huge difference to me when I wake, or lie down to sleep in a place that makes me calm and happy, rather than lying there thinking I am a total waste of skin and oxygen cos look at the state of the place.

This is a fascinating thread, thank you op! And all contributors. I don’t think I have adhd but I relate to such a lot of these even if I’m not they will still be helpful, so I’m following unashamedly. Here’s to Baby steps!

Outwitting yourself is great. I've managed to get my self-assessment done over the Christmas holidays, only because I've been finishing it off when I should have been doing more urgent tasks such as wrapping presents.

@MrsWombat One of my techniques (sometimes) is to have several different things on the go. That way, I always feel like I am skiving, whichever thing I'm doing, which is strangely motivating!

I have ADHD, diagnosed in early adulthood. A smartphone has been my lifeline.

• Timekeeping: I have time blindness and forget to check the clock / can't hold appointments etc. in the back of my mind. I set labelled phone alarms for important times and dates, giving myself at least 30 minutes more than I need.
• Motivation: I use the Daylio app to record my moods and activities. I don't bother with diary entries, but I have activity labels for pretty much everything (work, different hobbies, housework, my period...) I hate seeing days in the app with few to no activity labels, because it means I have nothing to show for the day, so it kicks me into doing something productive.
• Stress management: Nothing stresses me out more than the early morning faff and the thought of being late for something. My work bag is always ready the night before and right next to my bed so I can just grab it in the morning. My clothes are easily accessible so I can dress quickly, and I keep a comb and other essentials in my bag. I wake up at 7AM and am walking down my drive at 7:05. I go to work early and eat breakfast there, so I'm not panicking about being late.
• Energy management: I speed walk my 20-30 minute commute, which stops me being restless and fidgety at work.

On top of that, doing my best to drink more water as it significantly relieves symptoms. Trying to walk a middle ground between beating myself up and making excuses. Accepting there will be some non-essential things (e.g. learning to draw) that I just don't have the motivation for, and swapping that time for something productive that I'm actually in the mood for.

I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but I think I have traits. I do a lot of impulsive shopping online - small things and it doesn't put me in debt, but it bothers me. I made a list on my phone in Keep and now when I want to buy something I put it on that list instead of just mindlessly buying it. The plan is to look at it once a month and get one thing for myself, and also to use it for birthday lists if people ask what I want. Weirdly I am getting the same buzz from putting stuff on the list as I used to from buying it!