If you have ADHD* what techniques helped you sort your life out?

[theduchessofspork]

I really want 2024 to be the year I sort my self out in health, finances and career (and daily life chaos). But, I have a track record of starting out with good intentions... and then a couple of months later all plans have collapsed in a puddle.

So if you have ADHD (*or just chronic disorganisation - I am awaiting diagnosis so I dunno which it is yet), all nuggets of wisdom would be gratefully received..

@theduchessofspork

Here’s a decent video on how to set up iPad (or iPhone) focus modes. It’s really helped me reduce interruptions from notifications, while keeping active the ones I need in a certain section of the day.

I have three focus modes on a time schedule.

Very early morning/Late evening it pops into Mindful mode (the pic with the fewest widgets) cos that when I need to read for half an hour to get me off youtube, then journal (from 1st Jan), the run through my Fabulous app nightly routine so I actually go to bed.

Then Life mode, for pre and post work times and days off, which features many apple reminders widgets. Some are time sensitive and will pop up in the Today! widget regardless of which list they are on. One is to add things I’ve done that weren’t on a To Do list (I resent nothing ticked off when I actually did loads of small jobs as I wandered around trying to remember why I went upstairs). One is for brain dumping when my head needs clearing out of all the random stuff whirling around in there. A couple are task specific.

And Work mode. Which has everything I need to work. Without distractions. Has been fab. Since setting it up in September I have not once come away without doing my post teaching admin and messaging. That’s the first time I’ve had a perfect track record for more than 24 hours ever. And I started teaching in 1989.

It take a while to set up, and refine. But in my case it was worth the effort because the iPad rarely leaves my hand.

I think a cool (and free) way to start the new is pick one thing.

Just one small thing so you can enjoy some beginner’s gains and don’t use up all your energy planning big plans…. and then be too bored/exbusted to actually follow the big, elaborate plans. If I want to introduce a new habit I don’t add it to a To Do list, or Balance app, or Fabulous. I use the xeffect. There’s a reddit dedicated to it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/xeffect/

I’ll die of frustration looking for a ruler if I try and hand draw one. So I took a template, stuck it on a background colour, and use it as my lock screen wallpaper in the iPad to get a regular reminder to do the habit and add my daily X. If by the end of the xeffect template I’ve done it quite a lot and feel I really do get something feel good, or helpful out of the habit then it can go on whichever app I feel like it belongs in.

I start a new one tomorrow. I really struggle without actually getting my arse out of bed early in the morning. It’s ridiculous, because when I get up early and catch the morning light taking the dog into the wood I always have a good-great day. When I don’t the day feels more down, hassled and off key. So I’ve made my new one a colour that matches the mood I get when I get up and go, rather than wallow like a slug under the duvet putting off life until it leaves me alone.

I won’t do it perfectly. But I’ve got so much better at getting backing the saddle rather than giving up and considering myself a waste of space because I can’t be “like the normal people”. Cos it’s not true. EVERYBODY has off days, or a week where things go batshit in all directions. They’re just much better at taking it in their stride rather than retreating under the duvet and wishing to be a hermit living in a bed cave due to being “crap at life”.

Things I've done before school starts are to have a separate bag for each club (swimming, football etc) and have it all packed now.

I've updated the wall calendar with key dates for this term.

I've polished shoes ready for day 1.

I've got a bullet journal going for week 1 at work so I can hit the ground running.

I've batch cooked about 20 meals for those can't be bothered times.

For me it's all about preparation.

Somebody mentioned an accountability thread up there ^

I’ve never bothered in the past cos I just assumed I’d flop out while everybody else soared up, up and beyond. But having spent last month considering all the ways I’ve come on, despite some not insignificant knock backs health wise , in the last 2 years… I’m in !

I really want to build on the foundation I’ve finally managed to get together. I know it’ll still be two steps forward, one back, a face plant, a sprint and then back to just one step forward still. But even if my progress is uneven, includes some flopping about feeling put upon by “stuff to do”, and imperceptible on a day to day basis… I want more of it 😬

Yes, trying to follow standard organisational, motivation or prioritisation type advice often won't work because it's designed to work with the neurotypical brain process. ADHD (especially unmedicated/unmanaged) means that some of your reward and motivation pathways aren't working the same, and your executive functioning is impaired. So some NT advice will fall flat.

When we come across these methods and try them and they don't work we then often turn that back on ourselves and feel like we have failed. But the analogy about using right-handed scissors if you're left-handed is a good one.

Here are some "left-handed scissors" that I've found:

How To ADHD (youtube channel, various topics)
A Slob Comes clean (cleaning, organising, decluttering, household management, habits)
Struggle Care/KC Davis (various topics)
College Info Geek (youtube channel, mainly motivation, some health/mornings/productivity)
YNAB (budgeting software; unfortunately not free)
Tody (cleaning/recurring tasks app)
ChatGPT (ask it to suggest tasks, help you prioritise a to-do list, write a daunting email, write a script for a daunting telephone conversation, break tasks down, help motivate you, probably a load of other things)
ADHD Essentials (podcast, various topics)
The Anti-Planner by Dani Donovan (expensive but good - an app version would be good)
Weirdly, Marie Kondo? But you have to actually read the book and do all of the steps, not just follow the internet idea of what this is, which misses out a lot of steps that are important for an ADHD brain.
The concept of a "dopamenu" (google it - helps with motivation)

And some general principles.

If a self-help method or advice consists of just convincing you why the thing is important and that is the extent of its motivation tactics, this won't work. Instead of a method that tries to tell you why something is important, find methods that tell you how to make things easy or fun. Methods for children often work quite well.

Being able to easily get back into something is more important than consistently doing it every day forever. Embrace short cuts.

Instead of shame, blame, or reinventing the wheel, look for the barrier and solve that problem.

Break big, far away results into small, measurable bits of progress with instant feedback. (e.g. Couch to 5k is better than just a vague "I'll go running" because you can see yourself progressing through the program and your pace getting faster, etc.)

We tend to be highly motivated by connection, probably because it provides dopamine, so tell people about your goals, join support groups, MN threads etc. Signing up for some kind of class or commitment is also more effective than saying you'll do things on your own. Some people find body doubling effective (the thought makes me cringe, I don't know why!)

@BertieBotts dopamenu !

Never heard of that before, but ohhhh, I think that might be worth hashing out with chatgpt to get a personalised one.

I cringe at the idea of body-doubling too. We all work from home in this house and I spend a considerable amount of time trying to get bodies OUT of where I want to do a thing, Not inviting any new ones in.

This is a fascinating and useful thread.

I don't have a diagnosis but have 2 DSes diagnosed with ADHD and the more I learn about it, the more I think I have it.

I've always been very hyperfocus, hyperdriven and am seen as really organised. But it comes at a cost (2 burnouts in the past 8 years and weekly migraines as well as high anxiety and insomnia).

I always thought of myself as well organised but am picking through it with a psychologist and now I see a lot of my behaviours are about (trying to) controlling situations and impulsively reacting to try and solve a problem. So there is a problem I will immediately google and buy something or make an appointment or book a ticket. Without stopping to think if its necessary or the right thing.

I have massive to do lists and run myself into the ground trying to do it all. I'm good at getting stuff done but rubbish at prioritising my wellbeing.

I just use a paper diary and free floating to do lists at the moment. But am following with interest

Ok I haven't read the full thread, cause adhd 😂

Things that I could not live without:

A rucksack hand bag thing- so o never loose it and can fit my hard back diary in it- I take it everywhere and never make a date / appt without writing in it- I check it multiple times a day.

I training lots as o compete at my sport- if you wanna get fit start a sport with motion- rowing / mma / crossfit - non boring

List your cleaning jobs and tick them off (diary)

Do things in a routine daily and stick to
it on days off - make it non negotiable

meal
prep kids food- i do aome for me but if its not my food of the month i wont eat it

Never go to bed without knowing what you'll eat the next day and take anything out of the freezer (meat) that evening. Ditto with what to wear.

Set an alarm on phone using Siri for everything whether it is put something in the car or send a birthday card etc and only snooze it when the task is done.

Have easy daily rules and structure so up at 6, potter with tea until 6.30 then exercise.

I found as my ADHD was blocking me from getting workouts in I gave myself permission to exercise in my work (work from home so cotton tops and trousers) clothes and also after I've showered. Not sure why these work for me but having to get changed to do a YouTube or weights/yoga workout stopped me. Now I just get into it whatever I'm wearing.

Have a ready to go overnight case with most of the things I'd need which gets restocked.

This book is brilliant. You don't heed to read it from cover to cover. You can just dip in and out and implement as needed. It really focuses on good solutions for adhd brains. A number of them have been life changing for me.

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 3rd Edition: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized amzn.eu/d/ioq6Zm5

I also concur with PPs recommendations for YNAB. It can take a bit of practice to get your head around initially (it took me two goes!) but once you have it sussed it's a game changer. It isn't free but I think it's well worth it.

This thread is brilliant

Do you worst task first- I do 3 things at once as in house work, and make the em routine

So every morning I wake at 5am and empty the washing machine into the drying room while I also unload the dishwasher and sort the dogs out.

Once this is done I dress (clothes ready night before) and then walk the dogs

I have a few strategies that are working well.

I use the alarm feature on my iPhone extensively because if I absent mindedly swipe at it, it rings again, and again. I switch off all my alarms during the school holidays because they would stop working for me otherwise.

It took me a long time to figure out scheduling but now I sit down on Sunday afternoon and get everything from ALL the places into my paper diary. That means checking electronic calendars, notes I’ve made, WhatsApp and text conversations, all the emails and email folders, the photos I’ve taken etc. And putting in the appointments that I’m convinced I won’t forget like school collections. Then I draw out the prep/commute before and after sp
i can visually see what time I have available for my to do list. That bit I don’t schedule - I let interest/urgency guide those choices because it will anyway.

If I notice I keep procrastinating I go in for a closer look at the task instead of berating myself - usually the task needs breaking down, or an easy first step. Or there’s a barrier that needs removing.

Easy first steps are really key. I make ridiculously small commitments instead of big changes, eg I am trying to drink more water so I have decided to fill a 2 ltr container each morning and take a sip. If I drink lots of water it’s a big win- but just taking a sip is ok too. There’s something about that default option that works for me.

For boring, mundane, repetitive tasks, I try and pair them with music or podcasts, gamify or race against the clock. Rewards are meaningless - I don’t have the follow through skills to remember to reward myself and my brain is so forward focused that it wouldn’t be connecting to the job just done anyway. Instead of eg having chocolate when I finish this dreaded paperwork, I have a little now, leverage the dopamine boost to open the email/ envelope:folder and read the first thing, then eat the chocolate as I work to offset the tedium.

But the biggest change I’ve made is that I no longer feel like a bad person for any of this. Stopping the self hate, made it really hard for a while because beating myself up and trying to ramp up the emotional consequences were my most effective motivation strategies.

I have found working with my superpower has helped me best. So I’m seriously all or nothing and the superpower is hyper focus. I put a timer on to get some dopamine hits usually with my phone or exercise then I hyper focus for intense bursts. I have accepted I’m not a 70% all day kind of person. I need breaks and then I need to work intensively. It achieves a lot.

This thread is brilliant but I want to emphasise that there’s no one size fits all solution either - don’t be afraid to discard any strategy that isn’t working for you, or to try the complete opposite. The key is figuring out what works.

Several of the tips mentioned so far don’t work for me - body doubling (I work best alone and any sort of interruptions induce rage), trying to tackle the worst task first will paralyse me (so I look for the easiest easy thing and see if momentum builds), sticking to routines even on days off (for me the disruptions to the routine are essential, otherwise it will break down completely) accountability (and all my motivation is gone).

If you can, try and approach your failures in a spirit of curiosity rather than frustration.

One big problem I've had is going on my phone to do something i.e. banking app, add something to the shopping list, but then not doing it. The moment I open my phone I'm distracted by something else and can't remember what I was there for. Repeat x3.

I downloaded O launcher, which means my home screen is a list of up to 8 app names (no pics) and if you want a different one you just start typing the name. Absolute game changer because I now actually do the thing I went on my phone to do!

The beauty of this is you simply do it once and then it's there and you don't have to keep putting effort in!

Another vote for YNAB for budgeting. I'm just starting month four and it feels like the longest I've stuck to anything. I know exactly where my money is going (rule one) so if I want to spend on anything else I've either got to earn the money or make a sacrifice (rule 3). I'm still working on rule 2 and 4. 😅

For housework I do a wacky combination of Dana K White for the day-to-day stuff, and Team TOMM Rock The Housework podcasts to crack on with cleaning when I need to catch up. I can't stick to a schedule, but flitting between the two helps keep on top of things.

I am following this thread keenly because I'm starting more hours at work soon and I need to get more organised.

@CroccyWoccy Yes I was thinking how I use routine catch ups to manage teams at work, and how come I don’t apply that to my own life?! Keeping novelty with habits is a great idea - would you share some examples of how you’ve done that?

@Deathbyfluffy That’s encouraging - I’m still awaiting diagnosis but I would certainly try it

@Sunshineofyourlove Mind maps is really interesting - do you just use them for specific projects, or for master lists as well?

@blossmgirl @PaperDoIIs you both talk so evocatively about what it’s like to live with a busy mind - it’s made me realise people don’t talk about that enough with ADHD, we just try and leap to solutions, which probably explains why the solutions don’t for. It’s great you’re both finding ways forward for, although paperdolls I would also like a bloody off switch

@MissGroves techniques for managing the rabbit hole is really interesting. I think really useful ideas like this often get missed because we are too focused on ways to reach the end goal we miss fixing the little bumps that are stopping us getting there.

@MolkosTeenageAngst

Voice activated reminders is a really good idea, I don’t use simple tech enough, and I can also forget things in 2 mins.

I like the idea of accepting an ADHD tax on healthy food prep. I started to do similar in the last year or so, when previously I veered between toast and takeaways

Visual organisation- yeah me too. I travel a lot for work, so still figuring out how to make that work.

@Nn9011 same with the food and the visual organisation, and I am also looking for dopamine lifting alternatives to binging as I am sure are loads of other people so please do share anything that starts to work!

Following!

@Twoshoesnewshoes small goals are where it’s at I think, I do always find myself pulled towards the grand plan so I need to remind myself of this..

@BertieBotts it’s really good to know that focusing down has worked for you - I think that in itself needs to be a goal for me. Will have a brainstorm! Thanks for the book recommendation.

@Nn9011 body doubling is really interesting - I’ve never heard that term. Someone told me about a site where you study or work with other people who are just getting on with their own stuff. I forget what it is (!) but it’s good to know it’s worked for you

@Hopingforholidayhelp tagging you if that helps!

Over past few months I've become increasingly convinced I have undiagnosed ADHD, mainly because my DD2 almost certainly is and I've learnt a lot about it.

Over the years I've not achieved many of the changes I'd hope to make. The one I have managed this year though is improving my diet. Mainly because DP was told he had to radically change his diet for health. Because I had to do it for him I did for me too. So maybe making a commitment to someone/something that has to be met might help?

I list what I'm aiming to do each day. 3 priorities then everything else too. I keep looking at that list. If any task is big I break it down into steps.

I cut back sugar, makes a huge difference.

@lovelybouclecardi a technique for maintaining a limited list you can focus on is really key I think. And I can see dragging 5 things over physically would really help. Will take a look at trello.

@EmpressSoleil @HRTQueen accepting that you have to try lots of systems and that what you think you knew about organisation probably won’t work for you seems to be a theme. Completely agree people who don’t have these issues don’t get it. Thanks for the colour coding info HRTQ