If you have ADHD* what techniques helped you sort your life out?

[theduchessofspork]

I really want 2024 to be the year I sort my self out in health, finances and career (and daily life chaos). But, I have a track record of starting out with good intentions... and then a couple of months later all plans have collapsed in a puddle.

So if you have ADHD (*or just chronic disorganisation - I am awaiting diagnosis so I dunno which it is yet), all nuggets of wisdom would be gratefully received..

If I could tell you the answer I wouldn’t have adhd lol.

honestly I wish I knew. I buy a diary each year. Never use it. I have apps on my phone. Never use them. There is always a distraction.

Oh I know..

I just live in hope that someone has, at least a bit..

I have ADHD. I suspect you try to make big, sweeping changes that you then can't sustain, right?

What has helped me is trying to add very small, life-enhancing habits to my days/weeks and concentrate on what I have achieved rather than where I've failed. For example, last year I very gradually managed to stop binge eating by making tiny changes to my diet over a period of months (my first change was to replace cereal with Skyr yogurt for breakfast). This replaced my previous all or nothing approach.

Basically, I have to trick my head into doing things, so I can't tell myself I'm 'turning over a new leaf' because that sets up unrealistic expectations, which I won't meet and will then completely abandon.

So, my advice is: one small change at a time until it becomes second nature & don't beat yourself up for not managing it every day.

Which out of health, finances and career do you feel most urgently needs change?

Thank you and yes, you are right, I do absolutely do that.

I’d say health is the place to start. And binge eating is my biggest problem - I have stopped in the past but fall back. I will think about one small place to start.

My personal tricks are setting myself reminders on Alexa and then follow ups. Even for tasks like “post the letter to xyz “ etc.
Then for school pick up, feeding the cat etc.
if something pops into my head I try to write it down before it’s forgotten again.
I commit to things with friends to motivate myself to do them myself, such as a gym class or dog walk. Otherwise I give myself excuses not to.
I also have buddies who I report into.
I try very hard to be kind to myself and not beat myself up so much. And I try not to over commit. So I’m less impulsive because I have a rule of saying “that sounds interesting, can I let you know?” Rather than diving in and getting myself into things that I can’t afford etc.
Also trick myself into saving money by setting up a monthly Standing Order which goes straight into my savings account that I have to forget is there and can only be used in emergencies etc.

I found not making New Year resolutions worked for me. I usually find January a difficult month so would aim for a February start. Also generally didn't announce them to friends/family. The Feb start and the keeping quiet took the pressure off and if things didn't go to plan it just looked like chaotic business as usual.

Strangely enough using a diary does work best for me but I buy the school year calendars so it avoids the 'all will be perfection fromJanuary' emphasis!

I struggle with keeping on top of things. But have found a few apps helpful.
I use an app called ‘do’ to schedule one off tasks (both home and work related) and ‘Home Tasker’ to help me focus on cycling round regular tasks. I rarely manage to stay on schedule but it gives me a good framework for catching up more productively.

In typical ADHD fashion, I have just downloaded Home Tasker as per previous post and will probably never use it....

Following!

I’m also forever downloading apps and buying diaries that I use for all of one day.

You need to make one tiny change at a time and stick with it until it becomes a habit - then make another tiny change.

Vanishingly few people are able to sustain grand sweeping plans changing things in big ways all at once.

For building routines and having a warm, non judgmental voice coach me through the day (I have issues with beating of self up when I fuck up, so warm voiced coach mucho helpful to halt a self-hating spiral before it gets a chance to start)

The Fabulous app

For medications (fuck me at 55 there are too many to hold in my head and if I don’t check it off I’m perfectly caperble of either taking a med twice, or not at all), a rolling list of “stuff I’ve noticed that needs doing but can’t/can’t be arsed right now), admin tasks, not fixed time things I have to or want to do and anything not strictly work calender.

Moleskine Balance app

For Gratitude practice (fuck me this was an amazing find for me in The Fabulous app , nothing has helped more than this)

kurzesagt Gratitude Journal, right before bed. (i also have their habit journal which I live)
And thanks Andrew Huberman as close to sunrise and sunset as I can get I charge outside and recite what has turned into a gratitude prayer, twice daily. The sunlight thing really works for me. Sleep & wake much better.

For journaling I use the Struthless (youtube channel) “brain dump” technique. I use apple reminders in widget form on my “life” focus mode on the iPad. Cos there is no chance I’ll find a pen and paper when my head goes off on one.

From 1st Jan I’m adding in The Daily Stoic Journal (Christmas present). Which I think I’ll do in the afternoons. I tend to get peri-menopausal anxiety from about lunchtime and I think that’d be a good time to distract my hormones from setting the ADHD off in my “disappear into my own reality headscape”. Daily Stoic helps me keep perspective. Which is good. Cos I am SHIT at keeping perspective left to my own devices.

I have the iPad set up with appropriate widgets in 3 scheduled modes. Mindful (early am, last thing pm), Life (outside of working time), and Work. Game changer.

I’ve just coughed up for my third year of The Fabulous app, everything else came about as part of the process of working through that app. But not all of the things work for all of the people. I liked the idea of Tiimo, but it didn’t stick with me. Ditto Owaves. Ditto a million other apps I really tried to like and use for more than three days. A lot of the time it’s a case of suck it and see what sticks. Just don’t give yourself a hard time if there’s some extensive sucking (followed by your ADHD spitting it out) as part of working out what works for you.

Get rid of the 99 planners/calanders/to do lists and have one central one.

I was burning out as a mature student, and the pastoral support chap asked me about how I organised my life....I reeled off the various ones Home/academic/etc...

Then he said to break tasks down even further. It seemed overkill but it really helps.

So for home it won't just say "Dance class starts 6pm" It's now

Kids Dance class- Leave home at 5.30: Leotard, leggings, shoes, hair tie, water bottle, snack.

The approach is the same for academic stuff, not just Do position paper...now its Look for research papers on x topic or Summerise ABC lecture-1down load powerpoints, 2.highlight relevant information, 3.copy to word, 4. read through for sense check. 5. Copy to usb as back up.

It stops me underestimating how long I need to do tasks, and rather than frantic scrambling for a hair tie 5 minutes after we should have left for dance class or forgetting it altogether until we are rushing late (again!) through the door.

The other weird thing is that makes you realise what you have ACTUALLY done, which means you give yourself credit.

One central point means you are less likely to miss stuff.

@Aftersunbun I am very impulsive so a cool off phrase is a really good idea.

And buddies too - are yours fellow strugglers or naturally organised types

@Bryzoan I will take a look at hometasker, on the couple of occasions I’ve looked after home better, I have felt SO much better

@Jujuonthatbeat 😁

@TheMarzipanDildoWithTinselDisguise me too, and increasingly expensive smart notebooks..

@compactopera small is the way I feel. I was also just thinking I am great at starting and bad at finishing which I think is a follow on problem from Too Many Grand Plans

@AlienatedChildGrown this is exciting! Things I haven’t heard of!! I now have to apply the measures I said I would above and not madly try and do everything at once, but I am intrigued and will take a look. Thank you for sharing all that.

I will look at the Fabulous app first. Can you explain what you mean by the iPad time zone widgets though - and how you use them??

@MrsRuldolph thank you, I am always trying to find one central system but haven’t cracked it yet.

I think breaking down is a good idea I could do more of, but how do you do it without having an overwhelming/60 pages long task list??

Ooh yes...Alexa is fab!

2 of my 3 dc have ADHD and the daily reminders are a life saver! Simple things like "Breakfast time" or "get coat and shoes on and stand by the door" gives a structure to their mornings, and it's not me being a nag! It keeps me on track too.

Weekly reminders are set, so Sunday 7pm "Shoe and Bag check" etc and now it's second nature to stop what they are doing and get their stuff ready for school. I still have to supervise but it stops me forgetting then having to send the twins in to school wearing trainers as they've lost them randomly in the house....

" *thank you, I am always trying to find one central system but haven’t cracked it yet.

I think breaking down is a good idea I could do more of, but how do you do it without having an overwhelming/60 pages long task list??*"

I actually schedule time in to do it each day!
A coffee and 30 minutes is well spent, and a lot more productive. I have an A4 day per sheet diary, and I put events on it as soon as I know about them...even routine stuff like weekly classes, etc because they are "commitments" Then I plan my day roughly around that on a separate sheet. if I don't do what I was supposed to do I write it on the next day as a priority.

After a while you get to know how long tasks take, and you get quicker at sorting your day out.

@ArsMamatoria that is such good advice!

Am going to make a small life change each month and try and keep it up.

January's will be 'eat breakfast'. Am a devil for skipping it and then having energy slumps and unhealthy snacks late morning...

I'd like to know!

Having a standing desk (or something of that height) with a very simple bullet journal on has been a help in the past. I do not have this now though 😬

I'm playing with notion, which is interesting and suits me never ending sub folders obsession.

I have a pretty strict routine. Things get done a certain way, on a certain day at a certain time. In that routine I also incorporate me time so I get a few hours where I can quiet my brain (especially after a shitty/stressful day at work). If I don't, I get overwhelmed and things go terribly wrong.That's how I keep track of most day to day stuff. I can't do reminders and lists and stuff (unless for the odd thing) otherwise it becomes another chore ,and i forget something or get easily distracted because I don't want to do it. So most of my lists are in my head. I go through my mental list continuously throughout the day even for the most basic tasks .

For example on a Sunday as soon as I wake up it goes.. put the food shop away,make soup, showers , get the bags ready for Monday(me and DD) , make packed lunches (and other stuff but you get the idea). Throughout the day I go I did the food shop i need to.... . I did the food shop, the soup is on the stove I need to... And so on. It works as a reminder and motivator, otherwise I can easily waste a whole day doing nothing.

I have a really good friend I check myself with when I get as we call it "manic" or obsessed. Otherwise I end up buying or doing shit that is stupid/reckless . It works 90% of the time as talking to her either gives me time to realise myself I shouldn't do x or if not, she tells me straight not to be stupid. The other 10% of the time I end up doing the thing, but oh well.

I check my bank account regularly and quite often. This helps to keep things on track and as a reminder of what's left, what do I need to buy, do I need to stop completely etc. It also helped when I lost my card for example and didn't realise , but I saw transactions being made when there shouldn't be any.

I avoid situations where I can get impulsive and do the thing or I can be easily distracted/sidetracked. So I only go on nights out in certain places,with certain people, only drink certain drinks etc.

Avoid going to the shops because I buy ALL the things.

Basically I have a very boring ,structured life and still manage to fuck up at times.

@MrsRuldolph thanks - I do actually have a wipe off page per day diary (one of my endless hopeful impulsive Purchases so will try to use it to break things down.

@dressedforcomfort I am trying to address emotional eating at the moment - I am sure you don’t have that problem, but the rule does seem to be eating something every 3-4 hours to keep blood sugar levels up

@Sturnidae I am trying to use one or two systems - someone I work with is big on Notion

@PaperDoIIs I think the scheduled time is really important and thank you for the reminder. The bank account checking is something I desperately need to do. The avoiding impulsive situations is a really interesting idea.

I have a job that involves lots of travel, so very unstructured, but within that I have a decent amount of freedom as to how I run my days

Great thread, OP! Some fab tips here.

May I suggest Goblin Tools if you have trouble breaking tasks down? It might have an app, but I just tend to use the web version.

Type in a task and there are buttons you can press to break it down, break it down further, estimate timings etc.

https://goblin.tools/About

Sorry - forgot to add a link!

Keep a paper diary somewhere you see it daily eg on your counter close to kettle/bedroom table. List all appointments/birthdays in there. Have an end of the week list of things to carry over to next week eg kids appts/ to buy etc. reminder on a post it beginning of the month with birthdays to buy for that month, write cards and stick into diary so you dont forget

disappear into my own reality headscape

Honestly, reading these experiences makes me wonder...

I am the most distractable person who cannot tidy or prioritise for toffee. If I write lists I forget to check them.

The way I've navigated being either highly distracted or utterly absorbed to the exclusion of everything else is have a collection of paper dates and reminders around the kettle in the kitchen. 5 person calendar with items for everyone on there hanging up, a note book, postits and a week on one side moleskine, notes on the other. Piles of relevant papers and notes.

I have Google keep with various lists such as meal plans, "urgent" and at times timetables for different days. I'm trying hard at the moment to use that and transfer between the two.

One of the reasons I went into teaching is because I need the structure of a daily timetable with short term goals. My various TAs over the years have torn their hair out over my mess but have also taught me how to be tider (a bit. ) Marie kondo principles really helped actually (I didn't do full kondo but learn to organise cupboards better as she suggests.)

I'm now part time. I stick to daily and weekly hourly timetables where possible. I have to think of the week a bit like a school timetable. With hourly slots. And know when I'll be batch cooking or doing the shopping delivery etc.

Oh I forgot, I also have plan A and B at a minimum, but most times go onto C and D. Otherwise I either freeze /get overwhelmed or do something stupid like of course I'll take a Uber from one side of London to the other because nothing else will do atm.

I can't just wake up and go. I need time to wake up properly, time to get ready /get DD ready leisurely and at least 5/10 mins of doing nothing where I can chill and mentally prepare myself for the work day. That's also when things get added to my mental list for work if needed. For appointments and things I just constantly remind myself they're coming , time and date, text OH ,text my friend, talk about it with people as a constant reminder, and then again in my head, Monday, 12:30 dentist.

I'm also very early for most things because I find that easier to manage than being on time. Plus it leaves me a (reassuring) buffer zone.

It's so fucking noisy in my head. I found doing puzzles with a tv show on engages my brain sufficiently for it to actually be quiet . They have to be together though otherwise it doesn't work.