If you have ADHD* what techniques helped you sort your life out?

[theduchessofspork]

I really want 2024 to be the year I sort my self out in health, finances and career (and daily life chaos). But, I have a track record of starting out with good intentions... and then a couple of months later all plans have collapsed in a puddle.

So if you have ADHD (*or just chronic disorganisation - I am awaiting diagnosis so I dunno which it is yet), all nuggets of wisdom would be gratefully received..

@TakeMeToKernow planning what you’re going to eat around what’s happening in the week is a great idea. Also helps you navigate potential bumps I guess? I like the shiny sink idea!

@ElizabethVonArnim yes having a hook by my door to keep my key on has really helped. Extending it to a launch pad is a great idea, thank you.

@PTSDBarbiegirl @PictureFrameWindow that’s interesting - I know I find long to do lists overwhelming, but I also think they sometimes make me feel fake efficient because I get small unthreatening things done but not the big things. Just one or two key things to do seems a good idea. Will try it, thank you.

I have c-ptsd, now mainly recovered but left with adhd type fried brain!
for me, setting really small goals that I can easily achieve.
like yesterday, I weeded the garden a bit. I was careful not to say ‘I’m going to weed the whole bed’ to myself,- I said ‘I’m going to pull up ten weeds’
which was easy, so I did ten more!

@theduchessofspork I have tried writing things down and stuff. I have about 17 notebooks /planners, a dry wipe one on the fridge and a calendar I write on and fill in at certain times of the year. The issue is , things like the dry wipe and calendar become part of the "furniture " after a while and I don't even register their presence, much less remember to check them.

Notebooks and planners, they get lost, they get used for anything but what they were intended, I forget to check them, I forget to write in them, I have one gorgeous one that I can't write in because it's too pretty, and tbh it's an extra job (that I don't enjoy so the odds of it being done are about the same of me cleaning behind the fridge) .

Post its at work do work slightly, but I still have my head list so it's on top of that.

On top of it all , I'm actually afraid to let the mental list slide because I know it works , so I automatically do it anyways.

I don't want to use my phone for this (even though I realise it would be very practical) because my phone is my unwind /me time/fun time tool (especially if i'm on the go) so I don't want to interfere with that .

Tbh even when I don't have anything to do my brain is still buzzing and my internal voice never shuts up.

It tells me stories that I kinda act out before I go to bed, otherwise I can't go to sleep. It also argues with me and replays shit that stresses me out and conversations when I'm upset /stressed/worried and no sleep happens. I do wish it would shut the fuck up then. Instead it's like having the telly and radio on. One trying to do my sleep routine and the other telling me all the things that are wrong,wrong,wrong . I need a ducking off button.

@TakeMeToKernow also - checking finances daily would really help me. That’s a great idea - I just need to try and make it appealing

@MrsRuldolph I pay a LOT of ADHD tax, which combined with being an impulse spender and a people pleaser who is terrified of money is why my life is a financial carcrash.

I’d love to have an accountability thread.

Is anyone else up for this?

If so would a regular check in day be helpful (obviously we can check in any day, but just for structure)? I could tag everyone in a separate thread with a poll if it would.

@Maddy70 I do find setting alarms really helps reduce missed meetings and max transport dashes which often turn into ADHD tax Ubers

<reading and taking notes>

@blossmgirl oh that picture you painted is oh so very familiar. My ability to end up down rabbit holes is something else and used to lead to a lot of work all-nighters.

counting to a hundred is interesting - so you count while getting yourself to move on with a task?

@MiracleMumm isn’t it?!

@Hipp0campus keeping shoes on is an interesting one. Will try it

@OwlWeiwei I need to take a look at flylady. Can I ask what the weekly home blessing is?!

@garlicandsapphires I need to take a look at Google keep too! Can I ask why you find it a good system?

@theduchessofspork The weekly home blessing is an hour on Saturday morning. You strip and change the beds, empty the bins, run a hoover around the bits you see, give everything a quick flick of a duster and polish. It's a superficial whizz around the house to keep on top of things.

@BogRollBOGOF a guided clean sounds brilliant - will check it out.

I agree with all you say abou always taking something with you - and also even the thought makes me feel exhausted as well as unfocused

@autienotnaughty I think structuring the week with limited key tasks is a good bedrock.

You’ve also made me remember a lovely great aunt who used to say that the secret of a happy life was a busy day followed by a quiet day.. as opposed to burning the candle at both ends until I crash for days.

@theduchessofspork

I agree! Sometimes life is so busy (like Christmas!) and I end up feeling so heavy in my body and my brain just clouds . I feel like I'm going to get flu but then after a couple of days it disappears. It's so strange.

It's hard to look after a neurological condition because it's less visible to others they don't always understand and your relying on your brain to know what's best for you and unfortunately in my case it t doesn't always get it right!

Here more for the tips, as I am still a mess!

Accountability - I am class rep at school. Having responsibility for reminding other parents about non-uniform days etc keeps me organised. I’m shit hot at school admin because of this!

Doubling up digital and paper diaries - I need to write things down on a wall calendar to see things visually, but I put things in a digital calendar too so I can schedule reminders.

Similarly I can only work with a paper to do list, but I double up with reminders about important deadlines in my digital calendar.

Being medicated for ADHD helped me the most. Well worth a go IMO

Something I struggle with in adopting habits, is that as soon as something becomes a habit, it’s boring and I stop doing it. I find I have to keep changing things up to retain a certain amount of novelty - simple things like I have to buy different moisturiser otherwise I get bored of applying the same one.

I do mind maps not lists so I can organise things thematically and it's easy for me to visualise afterwards

Reminders on phone

Kicking alcohol and coffee has helped

I suspect ADHD (I am ND but ADHD wasn't assessed at the same time).

I'm currently studying and often find I fall down rabbit holes when researching (I end up in some bizarre and what appears totally unrelated areas 🙈😂) and lose hours of time. I have alexa set me15 minute timers to keep me on track, so if I've lost myself this will pull me back to what I'm doing! (The only time it doesn't work is when I'm so engrossed in my work that I don't lose myself and then this alarm snaps me out of my focus and then I struggle to get back into that frame of mind 🙈)

Ih another thing I do is a brain dump sheet. When I'm working I get some absolutely random thoughts (totally un related to what I'm doing) pop into my head amd if I write them down rather than go searching there and then, I don't forget thr interesting fact/thought and also don't lose myself. I often don't remember to go back to the dump sheet but it gets it out of my head in that moment.

@theduchessofspork yes, right now I'm facing the tail end of the projects I finished starting at 2am plus the today's layer of new ideas of putting things up on eBay, adding castors to the kitchen table, painting a wall in the sitting room, cleaning the windows now the Xmas stickers are off, filling the dishwasher, getting dressed (it'll be easier with a bra on), showering and doing my hair, going up the shops, writing reminders on the tiles in lovely writing with my new board markers in lush colours, debating the order of all this or taking breath and looking at it all while making coffee again and picking up the phone to see what your question was.

So, yes, right now I'll put the phone down and count in my head to 100 and as soon as say "1" I'm up and doing the dishwasher to 100

The idea came from when I'm on the phone to my mum EVERY time at the end of the call I look around and I've tidied up the whole of downstairs while we talk!?

I figured I don't need to be present to be effective, in fact if my talking mind is busy it just seems to happen.

For example, I'm in the loft wrapping a thing to post, packaging everywhere big mess and the wrapped parcel in the middle. Just about to say sod it I'll clean up later, then I say, ok let's tidy to 100, and hey ho I'm done by 80, hatch down mental load lifted

I count at a pace that isn't consistent to time btw, sometimes quite slow or quick, variable count to count.

Have been doing this for only a couple of months, so still learning how it works best for me.

Am enjoying writing all this down

Thanks for replying

I use voice-activated Siri to set reminders and timers for everything, I have recurrent reminders for things like putting out the bins out. I set a reminder of timer whenever I put something in the washing machine/ oven etc so I don’t forget to take it out, I use voice activated so I can literally do it whilst I’m loading the washing machine/ oven as otherwise I would forget in the 2 minutes it took between doing it and picking up my phone. I also set reminders whenever I think ‘oh I must do XYZ’ for a time I think I’ll be able to do it. I try not to rely on my memory for anything.

HelloFresh boxes for cooking. They’re expensive but they mean everything is pre-organised with no shopping or meal planning et. I’ve accepted I need to pay the ‘adhd tax’ in some areas and this is one of them where it’s worth the money for me. I actually cook proper meals now whereas before I was living on toast and takeaway.

Using a big whiteboard instead of a notebook and having it where I can see it and writing jobs that need doing on there. If I wrote something on paper I’ll lose the paper or it’ll be out of sight out of mind, I need to put things where I’ll see them constantly. I switch up what colour pen I’m using periodically and also move where the whiteboard is so I don’t become blind to it! I also use post it notes and stick them where I’ll see them. Similarly I use ‘sticky notes’ on my laptop and put any jobs on them so that I see them as soon as I open my desktop. For me out of sight is out of mind so I have to put things where I’ll see them.

Just to add I am still completely disorganised, my house is always a mess, but these tips at least help me stay on top of the basic things like cooking, laundry, bills, some of the cleaning etc.

Hi OP, I'm still trying to get on track since my diagnosis but here's some things that have helped me so far -

• Google calendar with reminders - shifts, holidays, events, birthdays, even prescriptions needing requested all go in with repeat settings depending on what it is e.g. my medication reminder automatically pops up every 4 weeks
• magnetic whiteboard organizers on the fridge - I have a shopping list, chores list (I use this as a medication tracker), and monthly calendar which again everything goes on including when bins need emptied etc
• allowing myself to spend a little bit more on already prepped food such as chopped onions, healthy ready meals or prepped meat means I save money overall because on days where I'm overwhelmed and want take away, instead I can reach for the ready meal and because it's healthy I have no guilt and it costs less than if I'd ordered food.
• body doubling - having someone come and sit with you whilst your doing something or just watching a YouTube video such as someone cleaning whilst you clean
• stations for different things - I have a leaving the house station now where I hang my handbag, coat, shoes, shopping bags and it makes it so much smoother.

Things I want to do in 2024

• get better at keeping my shoes on/not sitting down so I have to start tidying/doing something else
• finding better alternatives for dopamine than binging. So far I've done this on and off but I want to get better by making a list of alternatives
• pairing dopamine activities with things I hate doing - e.g. I can only listen to certain music when I'm doing a specific activity.

Hope this helps x

I read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project one year and it really appealed to me - she thought of 12 ways to improve her life and then spent one month of a year doing each of them and the book is a record of the process. I found this really inspiring and interesting. Def recommend.

Agree that consolidating the task list into one place really helps. For me digital is key because I'm addicted to my phone/computer so I always have them to hand. I have a "master task list" on google docs and if it gets too long I move stuff to other pages where I can do things like break longer tasks down (and just have the next step on my to-do list rather than every single part of it).

Deciding to actively focus on a small number of things at a time has helped me a lot rather than vaguely thinking oh yes I'll work on that, and having so many areas that I was theoretically "improving" but never made any actual progress on so I felt constantly guilty about all of them too. I did this about 4 years ago and it's really helped me streamline my goals since then. If I notice myself spending time on something not on the list, I can redirect myself (unless it's leisure time anyway). If I notice myself feeling guilty about something not on the list, I think that's OK, it's not a priority right now (and it helps release the guilt). When I want to buy something in support of a current goal, or make some drastic move towards one of the current goals that I have, I feel justified in doing that, and that has helped me make real progress. Rather than sitting on all these potential resources but thinking oh no, I can't justify that as I'll never keep it up.

So if health is your focus that's a good one. Have a brainstorming session (ADHD is great for this!) and think about all the different areas of health and what you could realistically and sustainably do. Diet, sleep, activity, unhealthy habits etc.

Place marking as will forget this thread exists

Bottleneck tasks. I have a Trello board to do list I add stuff to as I find it (mostly for work). Next to that I have a second list where I drag across the five most important things. Nothing new can go on the bottleneck list until one comes off. Helps me put the many ideas out there and focus on the most important/not get distracted. It sort of works. Sometimes I get so busy and on overdrive I forget I have it!

Like many others I have numerous attempts to get organised that come to nothing but this has stayed. Trello lets you put notes under each item too.

It’s so hard isn’t it. I think I’ve tried every method going over the years. But it’s a feeling that I’m just going against all my natural instincts and that’s why I can’t maintain it. Almost like telling someone who is right handed that they have to use their left hand for everything. I don’t think non adhd people understand the struggle.

My DC are grown up and I have a flexible wfh job now so it’s not as important as it used to be for me to keep on top of things. But then at the same time, it makes it a bit harder to do so. I swing between thinking does it matter anyway? But then knowing there are things I do still need to improve. Such as wfh means I really need to start doing some proper exercise.

Sorry I don’t have any tips to share! But I’ll be reading them all with interest.

@theduchessofspork

the colour coding I learnt from a colleague in my team I noticed she always does this and says it helps her keep organised so I tried it and it does help (maybe not for everyone). Also reading books to help me support ds I realised all the things we feel are the correct way to do things and often keep at it though it doesn’t work often isn’t the right way for someone with ADHD

I’ve learnt that I certainly have traits (organisation for myself is one of them and concept of time) so I am trying to use some of the advice. I find doing two tasks I can manage much better than concentrating on one which just often overwhelms me

it’s interesting as it’s like ignoring all that you thought was the right way

How do you deal with overwhelm re shopping for things?

Everytime I try to buy clothes it turns into a nightmare. I end up ordering loads of one thing that is never right( looks,feel) then have the rejects sitting around for ever stressing me out. Get stressed taking things back, trying things on to go back I just can’t make decisions and often end up with several or similar things I already have and a wardrobe that just isn’t fulfilling need.

Every time I buy anything it turns into overthinking and stress.