If you have ADHD* what techniques helped you sort your life out?

[theduchessofspork]

I really want 2024 to be the year I sort my self out in health, finances and career (and daily life chaos). But, I have a track record of starting out with good intentions... and then a couple of months later all plans have collapsed in a puddle.

So if you have ADHD (*or just chronic disorganisation - I am awaiting diagnosis so I dunno which it is yet), all nuggets of wisdom would be gratefully received..

I'm ADHD and can't read long replies, but many mentioned stuff in the book Atomic Habits, so it might be worth reading that.

Binge eating is often dopamine chasing or seeking energy because of ADHD exhaustion. Look into executive dysfunction.

I can always manage to organise things for other people really well, so for example for the kids everyone at school thinks I'm 'the organised mum' (humble adhd brag). Everything I read for the kids goes on a central calendar as soon as I see it, if I'm not at home I send DH a text and ask him to add it to the calendar / remind me. I then check it every day / multiple times religiously. I can in no way apply this to myself for some reason but for the kids I am so bloody organised.

I also have a weekly meeting with one of my fiends who also has ADHD and we commit the tasks we need to complete that week, this does give me a sense of accountability although I think the novelty might be wearing off.

For ds I colour code his work

English red
Maths blue

and so on. His folders are in this colour and so is his timetable and homework planner (I do this)

i do not have adhd but by understanding ds i have understood myself better, small changes but always adding an extra half hour at least to estimated time

have also learnt that for many with adhd they often can do two tasks at once so ds will do two different homework tasks at the same time so he might flit from one to the other over an hour and manage to keep fairly focused if just one forget it - but I would never have considered this

Oh yes colour coding for everything

Coaching. It helps me with accountability and motivation

I picked up mix and match things over the years!

💡 organising myself. A combination of a whiteboard and pens positioned in a place it’s constantly in arms reach and a paper diary which…

💡 I fill in using a bullet journal type of method once a week at weigh watchers. When I first joined, I was clear to the coach that I didn’t want to speak or participate in group much, but would be using the sit-down time to get my thoughts down on paper. I have to look through my life in the week ahead before I can plan any food around it.

💡 Bingeing… wegovy

💡 House keeping - the “shine your sink” tip from the Fly Lady. Last thing I do at night is wipe my sink shiny, dry, and put a fresh teatowel out for the next day.

💡 Finances. I started checking my banking every day. Now it’s almost a compulsion. I know what every transaction is, know my balance to within a few pounds, have five savings pots for different purposes that I pay into straight away every month by standing order.

I’m still majorly disorganised, allergic to washing anything but towels, can’t see mess, procrastinate like my life depends on it. But, a few little things help keep my work and relationships a little better :)

Have a 'launch pad' - a place where you put everything you need to leave the house. A tray or bowl or something where you put phone, keys, purse, water bottle, glasses etc.

I stopped trying to set a new years resolution, got rid of big calendars and journals, decluttered and bought 1 diary with a page each day and jotted down 1 or 2 things each day I actually needed to do. I look at the diary every day and use a post it pad near front door as extra reminder. Less is more and it's so so liberating.

@PTSDBarbiegirl I've ended up in the same place as you after starting and failing to use umpteen million paper systems and digital apps!

@PTSDBarbiegirl & @PictureFrameWindow

One main "organiser" was a complete game changer for me too.

I'm nowhere near where I need to be though. I am easily overwhelmed, in a mess, and my energy swings from high to crashing down low.

But the major stuff gets done. I'm not letting my dh or kids down so often with my disorganised/chaotic approach.

I end up paying less "ADHD Tax" too...you know, when you end up grabbing a taxi as you're so late, or get a late charge as you forgot to pay something...or miss a deadline for extra student funding (that one was an expensive one 😀) Also the time "tax" you pay because otherwise your fuck up impacts others..... So you end up jumping in your car to drive for an hour to drop off a school application which could have been easily posted earlier in the week.... You get the picture!

@TakeMeToKernow I did Fly Lady, about 14/15 years ago, and it really helped with the house, but it fell apart when I had 3 DC in 2 years! . I think I might have a crack again....this time try and get the whole family doing it though.

Can we all keep each other accountable?

Lists

A mantra in my head ...dont put it down put it away

Setting alarms for daily chores

Apologies to type and not have read the main thread I picked up my phone to test some touchscreen gloves I got for Christmas and here we are, im in the middle of packing up the decorations replying to emails sorting my filing making a
drink packing my work bag and starting a small project book binding notebooks and am trying to print out a spreadsheet I've just finished with proportional weights for pasty ingredients based on how big a bit of beef skirt is at the butchers and for some reason the thread won't let me watch so I had to post.

Here is one thing I do that massively helps: in those horrible frozen moments when everything is possible and no thoughts are getting completed I start counting, and only to 100

I just say (outloud probably) ok let's do 100. And when I've reached 100 I have permission to stop, but you know how it goes, I'll probably not stop, but if I do it's ok. Yes I might have 5 or 10 things started but does help with inertia

Right now, it's a bit of a mess in here and I have one glove on, so 100 it is to tidy this room. Just counting not thinking about anything else.

Looking forward to reading the thread properly and ideas

@AlienatedChildGrown Thanks for all this useful info…am off to have a look at the Fabulous app. And thanks OP for starting this thread. Lots of identification here!

Keep your shoes on!

When I come home, shoes stay on. Once shoes are off its like a signal to my brain that nothing needs doing in any rush.
Shoes on, shit gets done!

What helped me most was Flylady's 5 minute room rescues and 15 mins to company-ready and weekly Home Blessing systems. Housework no longer overwhelms me.

Doubling up routines - so doing squats while cleaning teeth, emptying dishwasher while kettle boils etc

Also, working for myself. I can pace myself.

I set loads of reminders on my phone and use google keep to make lists in a traffic light system according to urgency

For housework, podcasts of guided cleans from The Organised Mum Method (subscription). It's basically mirroring, with being talked through the tasks in a logical order. Mess still gets left around, but it's amazing how much difference a short session makes and it helps me clean before it turns into a shit tip and binge/ rage clean session (with inevitable burn out)

Standard advice like "never leave the room empty handed" never works because that totally distracts from the intention of leaving the room and results in 30 mins of aimless faffery with little to show for it other than a high step count.

Ok, that’s weird, I’m like this too.

I have a daily planner that I fill in at start of week everything I need to do each day,

I have a fairly set routine and my days tend to look pretty similar.

I have a budgeting app to keep track of spending.

If I have a busy few days I try to have a quieter day to rest my brain a little

Lists & phone reminders!

As soon as you book/arrange anything put it in your phone calendar with a reminder to come up an appropriate amount of time before.

I have a notepad with the days of the week on. Each Sunday I fill it out from my phone calendar then add any other bits I want to get done. There's a 'next week' box but I use that to list any miscellaneous bits I want to do this week but haven't assigned a day yet. That sits on the kitchen island where I see it every day.

I also have a longer term to do list of things I want to get to soon & I review/rewrite this every few weeks. I add items onto the weekly list where appropriate.

Another one I do is leave things certain places to remind me to go back to tasks. Eg washing basket in kitchen to remind me there's washing in the machine that will need hung up once it's done. Anything out of place generally works eg, getting into bed & remember I need to do something in the morning- put my hairbrush in an odd place so when I see it I go 'oh, I have to xyz'. DH thought this was so odd when we first met but now realises how effective it is (just a shame he won't use it himself 🙄🤣)

Hope some of these help

Sweetzer & Orange Floral Weekly... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08594B91G?ref=ppxpoppmobappshare

This is the kind of thing I mean

A phrase that really helped me was 'the more disciplined your environment, the less disciplined you have to be'. I find it very true, with a combo of home organisation and complete reliance on a calendar and banking app things pretty much work like an oiled machine. I dont keep a damn thing in my head, its all on the apps, as soon as an appointment is booked, it goes on the app. Also, i remember to also schedule in travel time and extra time for mishaps! Never used to and that created so much stress!?

Struthless on youtube is so good.

Such a helpful thread

Yes I now have dry wipe pens next to kettle and write directly on the hidden side of the ikea kitchen cabinet 😃

There's also a list there for "Ikea!"

@ArsMamatoria I am not good at breaking things down, am going to check out goblin tools - thank you

@FatFemale I think using diaries more (since lots of us have to anyway) is a good idea. I travel a lot and have to share my diary with colleagues so it’s electronic, but I could try using it for reminders more. Also wondering about using my iPad to keep my diary more visible when I’m working..

@WarriorN when you say it makes you wonder do you mean wonder if you might have ADHD?

I don’t have a terribly structured job, but the bits of structure I’ve imposed on it have worked well so I’m going to try and do more of that.

I haven’t tried Google keep, will take a look at that.

@PaperDoIIs the Uber to the other side of london really strikes a cord! I am an impulse spender at the best of times, but when an ‘emergency’ (usually of my own making) suddenly crops up it goes into overdrive. Extra options planned is a great idea.

I also like the idea of scheduling buffer time. I sometimes try and schedule every 15 mins of my day to be more efficient, but then it feels like a relentless slog.

You’ve talked about keeping a lot of things in your head as a mental list, but also that your head is really noisy (mine is too) - do you think having safe systems to capture things out of your head would help reduce the noise for you? It’s one of the things I’m wondering about..

@Sageseashells I have actually bought Atomic Habits.. and then not read it. I will try and do that now, because I do think habit building really helps.

Binge eating / Executive dysfunction - yes how to manage chasing dopamine hits is something I really need to know more about. Thank you.

@fruitsalad87 that’s such a thing isn’t it. I manage quite a lot of people and I know I have to impose deadlines on them to hit deadlines, but I don’t do it for myself.. even though I struggle to hit deadlines

@pixlz do you use a coach who specialises in ADHD? Would you mind PMing their contacts? Thanks very much if you can

@HRTQueen I hadn’t thought about letting myself toggle between tasks, because I always think I need to finish one thing because I struggle to finish - but that sounds like a really good thing to try thank you.

Why do you think colour coding is so useful?