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Original poster

Was anyone else wanting an engagement ring but didn't get one?

129 replies

christmasshime · 27/12/2023 12:25

I was really hoping for an engagement ring from DP for Christmas. I did hint, we've spoken about getting married but he didn't get one or ask. We live together, have been together for 2.5 years. Haven't mentioned it to him as he did get me really nice things, plus he's got a bad cold so don't want to cause any negative feelings, but I am so disappointed. We were meant to plan a low-key wedding this year (2023) but didn't happen as I couldn't get him to commit to anything specific. Gutted. Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 12:26

It doesn’t sound like he wants to marry you.

He knows you want to get married, yet refused to commit to planning a wedding and hasn’t got you an engagement ring despite hints.

I think you need to have a serious talk about your future - it’s one thing not to get you a ring, but another thing entirely to refuse to crack on and plan a wedding.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2023 12:31

I think based on his unwillingness to commit when you discussed it last year it was unlikely he’d propose as you hoped at Christmas. Hinting isn’t the way to progress anything. You need to talk to him about whether or not he wants to marry you and then either set a date or dump him.

Fwiw a lot of people think Christmas engagements are pretty naff but he doesn’t sound the type to plan a traditional proposal anyway.

If you don’t want a repeat next year then have the conversation. Then you won’t be building occasions up and feeling let down by his inaction and he won’t be dragging his heels hoping you forget about the whole thing.

LuluBlakey1 · 27/12/2023 12:33

He doesn't seem to want to marry you. He knows what you want but didn't/couldn't do it. Perhaps he's not ready.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing Weddings
Mellowautumnmists · 27/12/2023 12:33

he's got a bad cold so don't want to cause any negative feelings, but I am so disappointed.

Your disappointment is equally as valid as any negative feelings you might invoke in him by raising this issue again.

Time to have a serious conversation as a previous poster says.

You say you've been together for 2.5 years - can I ask your ages, financial position, house situation? Do you have children? How do you feel about the relationship as a whole?

KThnxBye · 27/12/2023 12:33

I don’t think hinting about something and then being disappointed when they choose something else nice for you is entirely fair.

If you’d like a very specific gift for Christmas, it’s reasonable to suggest you should ask for this very specific thing quite directly.

As you are already engaged, and supposed to be already married, I would assume that the addition of an engagement ring at this point was superfluous.

I’d also suggest that Christmas or other important occasions are a terrible time to add a proposal (which may or may not be welcomed) to the mix. They are also very public occasions largely, and public proposals are blackmail at worst, insecure at best.

If you’d like to have a ring, you can buy one, get him involved if you’d like.

If you’d like to get married, I suggest you talk to him about choosing a date.

If you want to remain as you are, great. Do that.

Zimunya · 27/12/2023 12:34

Ask him, OP. In these modern times there’s no necessity to wait for the man to ask. Whether he answers yes or no, you’ll at least know the direction of travel for your future.

DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 12:35

KThnxBye · 27/12/2023 12:33

I don’t think hinting about something and then being disappointed when they choose something else nice for you is entirely fair.

If you’d like a very specific gift for Christmas, it’s reasonable to suggest you should ask for this very specific thing quite directly.

As you are already engaged, and supposed to be already married, I would assume that the addition of an engagement ring at this point was superfluous.

I’d also suggest that Christmas or other important occasions are a terrible time to add a proposal (which may or may not be welcomed) to the mix. They are also very public occasions largely, and public proposals are blackmail at worst, insecure at best.

If you’d like to have a ring, you can buy one, get him involved if you’d like.

If you’d like to get married, I suggest you talk to him about choosing a date.

If you want to remain as you are, great. Do that.

She HAS spoken to him about setting a date for a low key wedding, he wouldn’t commit to anything.

He does not want to get married.

Original poster
christmasshime · 27/12/2023 12:36

I'm sorry if I've miss order my op @KThnxBye but we're not engaged.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 27/12/2023 12:37

Why don't you propose to him?

Jacfrost · 27/12/2023 12:37

If you've talked about getting married and were actually supposed to plan a wedding this year, you're already engaged. He's not going to ask or present a ring. If you still want to marry him you just need to say come on, let's sort this wedding

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/12/2023 12:37

christmasshime · 27/12/2023 12:36

I'm sorry if I've miss order my op @KThnxBye but we're not engaged.

But you were going to arrange a wedding for this year?

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 27/12/2023 12:38

He doesn’t want to marry you sorry…you have already waited 2.5 years how long are you going to wait?

Original poster
christmasshime · 27/12/2023 12:40

He definitely doesn't see us as engaged @Jacfrost

OP posts:
Bestyearever2024 · 27/12/2023 12:40

I dont think he wants to get married. Ask him....propose to him.....then you'll know for sure

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2023 12:41

So you're not engaged but had discussed planning a wedding on 2023.

That didn't happen so now you want a ring.

It sounds like you were essentially engaged albeit without jewellery as you were agreed to marry in 2023.

I'd have a proper chat in the new year. This is what we said last year, let's talk about why it didn't happen. Do you want to get married? Right, let's agree a date and each take two weeks to find the perfect venue.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/12/2023 12:42

I don’t understand how you can live like this. Talk to him and explain you want to get married and if that’s not what he wants then it’s over.

Sorry OP, it does sound like he’s coasting with you and doesn’t want to marry you but is too lazy/comfortable to make any changes.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2023 12:43

In terms of your actual question, what would a ring as a gift actually mean to you? Being engaged isn’t a thing in itself. It’s a promise to marry, a step along the way. You could be wearing the most perfect ring on your finger today and it would mean nothing without his commitment to setting a date and wholeheartedly planning a wedding with you. You tried to get him to commit and plan last year and he wouldn’t. A ring and an empty promise would be hurtful and insulting. You’re worth more than that.

MacLaine · 27/12/2023 12:44

If he wanted to he would.

Rosiiee · 27/12/2023 12:45

I don’t really get this ‘oh you talked about marriage so you’re engaged’ thing. My high school boyfriend and I talked about what kind of wedding we’d want, what age we’d want it at, and all wedding talk but that certainly didn’t mean we were engaged?

Sorry OP I’m not much help. If it were me I’d wait a couple of days to digest my disappointment and then bring it up with him and ask him what the deal is with the 2023 ceremony and if you’re moving ahead with it.

stealthninjamum · 27/12/2023 12:46

I’m sorry op, I think you need to make plans in case he doesn’t want to marry you. Don’t have kids and be financially independent.

BranchGold · 27/12/2023 12:47

How old are the two of you? Are you renting or joint mortgage? Children?

BIossomtoes · 27/12/2023 12:48

Next year’s Leap Year - propose to him on 29 February.

NearlyMonday · 27/12/2023 12:49

I had to give my first husband a huge shove to get married. It backfired spectacularly.

Happyme2024 · 27/12/2023 12:49

Why have you given him all the power? Don't you get a say in your own life?

User56785 · 27/12/2023 12:49

Rosiiee · 27/12/2023 12:45

I don’t really get this ‘oh you talked about marriage so you’re engaged’ thing. My high school boyfriend and I talked about what kind of wedding we’d want, what age we’d want it at, and all wedding talk but that certainly didn’t mean we were engaged?

Sorry OP I’m not much help. If it were me I’d wait a couple of days to digest my disappointment and then bring it up with him and ask him what the deal is with the 2023 ceremony and if you’re moving ahead with it.

That's not the same at all.

How can you think two kids mooning on about babies and getting married is the same as the OP's situation where she lives with her serious boyfriend?