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Original poster

Was anyone else wanting an engagement ring but didn't get one?

129 replies

christmasshime · 27/12/2023 12:25

I was really hoping for an engagement ring from DP for Christmas. I did hint, we've spoken about getting married but he didn't get one or ask. We live together, have been together for 2.5 years. Haven't mentioned it to him as he did get me really nice things, plus he's got a bad cold so don't want to cause any negative feelings, but I am so disappointed. We were meant to plan a low-key wedding this year (2023) but didn't happen as I couldn't get him to commit to anything specific. Gutted. Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
Ihadenough22 · 27/12/2023 15:05

I know several men with a Mrs Right now relationship. She pays half the bills, does housework, provides sex and possibly has children with him. The life he has entirely suits him and theirs not to much consideration for her or his kid's. If he was not with her he be living at home with his mammy or stuck in a HMO, house share or a cheap flat or bedsit.

I think that at this stage you need to tell him that you want to get married and possibly have kids after this ( if having kids is important to you). Tell him we have been together x period of time. I tell him I am sure you'll understand if we are not getting married I will be moving on.
Your not been mean or unfair but don't waste time with someone who does not want the same as you.

PilatesPeach · 27/12/2023 15:07

@sickbucket67 nailed it

Lampzade · 27/12/2023 15:40

sickbucket67 · 27/12/2023 14:08

It’s nothing to do with that (and these men never do all the laundry)

it’s realising that some men will coast through life clinging onto the current Miss Right Now, content with their cosy home, with sex and meal planning facilitated mainly by the energy of Miss Right Now. Because if they were by themselves they’d be eating Sainsbury’s ready cooked chicken and Birds Eye frozen veg bags everyday and tugging themselves off. But she facilitates a nice home AND usually brings in 50% of the cash which makes life cheaper for them.

They like Mrs Right Now a lot. They would miss her if she went. They do love her in their own way. She makes life nice and better and cheaper than it is solo.

But they aren’t seriously into Mrs Right Now. They aren’t sure enough to make the active commitment of marrying her. They don’t want to change what is already working out so well for them. Nor do they want to have the big conversations that will risk her leaving, because life is pretty fucking sweet with Mrs Right Now.

they will waste YEARS of Mrs Right Now’s time. They might even give her a shut up ring if it’s been going on too long. (They might even have kids with her and claim that’s a bigger commitment, despite knowing that men can up and leave their kids whenever they fancy tbh and just enjoy being Disney dad on weekends)

tldr: men will have entire relationships and lives with women they don’t really love if it means a sweet, chill life for them.

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Original poster
christmasshime · 27/12/2023 17:23
Sad
OP posts:
lastofthesmalltownplayboys · 27/12/2023 17:29

You shouldn't have to wait for him. Do you want a proposal?
I kind of got an engagement ring, but not in the way you suggested. We, like you, discussed marriage last year and agreed we would wed next year.
Chose a date in the summer, booked in October and told our families on Christmas Day.
We shopped together for an engagement ring back in November (I changed my mind and decided I wanted one)and it was lovely. Can you just book it and take him shopping if the ring matters to you?

lastofthesmalltownplayboys · 27/12/2023 17:30

Also, I don't agree with the posters saying you're rushing after 2.5 years. We will have been together 2 by the time we wed, we're in our thirties and are very sure it's what we want. If you know you know!

DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 17:32

I am really sorry you’re feeling sad OP. The replies are hard to hear, but they are the truth.

You deserve so much more than this, there are men out there that would LOVE to marry you, be excited about marrying you and never make you feel how you’re feeling right now.

Please don’t waste more of your time, we have all see this happen time and time again.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 27/12/2023 17:41

Yeah I agree with the others. If he wanted you to have a ring, youd have a ring. If he wanted to be engaged, youd be engaged. He has told you he isnt bothered about being married. Would marriage benefit him?

Crazybeanz · 27/12/2023 17:47

As someone who has been waiting for 6 years or more for the same thing, you need to be prepared to either be a gf your whole life, or leave.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 27/12/2023 17:50

Propose to him on feb 29th - no ring required, just ask him. If he refuses to commit then you have your answer

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 27/12/2023 17:53

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 27/12/2023 17:50

Propose to him on feb 29th - no ring required, just ask him. If he refuses to commit then you have your answer

She has already asked about booking the wedding. He doesnt want to. Having a ring is meaningless.

Hatty65 · 27/12/2023 18:03

@Ihadenough22 says it well. Tell him we have been together x period of time. I am sure you'll understand if we are not getting married I will be moving on.

I think this is really good advice. I'd probably make it my New Year resolution! First week of January you can say to him, 'We've discussed marriage, and I have to be frank - I expected an engagement ring and a proposal at Christmas. Well, that didn't happen and after 2.5 years together we appear to want different things. Unless you want to sit down in the next few days and plan a wedding with me then I will be moving on to find someone who does want marriage and children.'

I'd leave the ball in his court, but I'd be putting the wheels in motion to move out (or give him notice, if it's your flat) and move on with my life.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/12/2023 18:08

Also be prepared that men like this are cowards OP. They won't come out with a solid 'no' He is likely to give you a load of guff so.yku have to be the one that ends it and he is not the ' baddie'
Mine gave the following excuses :
He wanted to do it in his own time
He didn't agree with marriage
He wanted to plan a really lovely proposal
He wasn't sure but thought he would be soon
He loved me
He even went as far as booking holidays etc that I was sure was the proposal then would turn it back on me when each time I was disappointed.
I will never let myself be so undervalued ever again. It eroded my self confidence so much

ReallyAgainReally · 27/12/2023 18:12

@Lelophants

Does HE earn 2 or 4 times your salary?
Do you live in HIS house at the moment?
Is HE in line for a huge inheritance down the line?

NearlyMonday · 27/12/2023 18:52

Hatty65 · 27/12/2023 18:03

@Ihadenough22 says it well. Tell him we have been together x period of time. I am sure you'll understand if we are not getting married I will be moving on.

I think this is really good advice. I'd probably make it my New Year resolution! First week of January you can say to him, 'We've discussed marriage, and I have to be frank - I expected an engagement ring and a proposal at Christmas. Well, that didn't happen and after 2.5 years together we appear to want different things. Unless you want to sit down in the next few days and plan a wedding with me then I will be moving on to find someone who does want marriage and children.'

I'd leave the ball in his court, but I'd be putting the wheels in motion to move out (or give him notice, if it's your flat) and move on with my life.

Excellent advice

Ozgirl75 · 27/12/2023 18:56

Maireas · 27/12/2023 13:43

I know, @PorpoiseWithPurpose , I can never understand how engagements and marriage have reverted to being the man's decision again. It used to be a mutual agreement, now there are so many threads about women waiting for proposals. For years.

But in this scenario she has proposed - she said she wanted to get married and should she book a registry office - and he said no.
He doesn’t want to marry her, but he probably doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by breaking it off, or he’s happy enough as things are. But he clearly said no to her proposal.

MyLibrarywasdukedomlargeenough · 27/12/2023 19:01

Oh @sickbucket67 that is beautifully written and very true unfortunately.

Maireas · 27/12/2023 19:03

Yes, @Ozgirl75 I think my point is that she seems to be waiting for a ring and a proposal from him that isn't going to happen. I agree - they could easily have arranged it or been married by now.
I think pp are right. He's not really up for it.

Startingagainandagain · 27/12/2023 19:11

If your goal is to get married and start a family then don't waste anymore time on this relationship.

Right now you are giving him all the power and you are staying with him in spite of the fact that he is not meeting your needs.

It is a win win for him: he gets your commitment, sex and emotional support without him having to commit long term.

Don't let him do this any longer and walk away.

autienotnaughty · 27/12/2023 19:34

I'd sit and talk about it. When do you see yourselves getting married. Will he propose?

Mumaway · 27/12/2023 19:45

It's a leap year. I got fed up waiting after 5years I proposed to my husband on 29th Feb, and we married in the August. Still married 15 years later

AuntyMabelandPippin · 27/12/2023 19:52

My DH didn't propose. We just decided to get married one day and did it as soon as we could. I ended up with an engagement type ring for the Christmas after, and have upgraded it a few times to the right sized one for me.

If you want to be married, just tell him he's got a specific amount of time, and then you're off. I bet he'll propose asap.

Original poster
christmasshime · 07/01/2024 09:01

Update for anyone that's still interested.

A few nights ago, DP asked me what I wanted to do re wedding. We agreed on the location, who would be coming and that we will contact the venue next week to see when we can book it for (this year). Only having a tiny one but that suits me fine. Happy days Smile

OP posts:
BlouseyBrownMalone · 07/01/2024 09:10

That's great!

Floralnomad · 07/01/2024 10:59

Congratulations @christmasshime 🙂