Was anyone else wanting an engagement ring but didn't get one?

[christmasshime]

I was really hoping for an engagement ring from DP for Christmas. I did hint, we've spoken about getting married but he didn't get one or ask. We live together, have been together for 2.5 years. Haven't mentioned it to him as he did get me really nice things, plus he's got a bad cold so don't want to cause any negative feelings, but I am so disappointed. We were meant to plan a low-key wedding this year (2023) but didn't happen as I couldn't get him to commit to anything specific. Gutted. Anyone else in the same boat?

I know several couples who weren't all that bothered about weddings and marriage but hit a point where there were clear practical advantages to marriage or civil partnership, and then, they just booked a slot at the registry office and got it done.

Typical cost, fees + feeding and watering the 2 witnesses. No quibbling or foot dragging when it came to it.

OP, you need to ask yourself, is he a lovely man who just has a lot on, but will turn up at the registry office if you make the booking in the same way that he might do anything else you'd asked him to help with?
Or is he just not that into you?

do you think he’s actually planning to do it later?

at another time, maybe in a day or so, speak to him about your ‘cut off’. What you want and when by. It’s really silly just waiting around for years with the ball completely in his court.

If someone really wants to marry you, it shouldn't be this difficult.

I would ask him outright whether you should book the registry office for the spring and if he says no, or stalls again then there is your answer.

It depends on their age but considering he knows she wants to get married, I agree with you.

All your threads about this are the same - he never gives you what you need. I would look at 2024 as the year move on - he doesn't want to get married.

But if you've agreed to get married, then surely you are engaged? A ring isn't necessary to be engaged.

This.

It’s nothing to do with that (and these men never do all the laundry)

it’s realising that some men will coast through life clinging onto the current Miss Right Now, content with their cosy home, with sex and meal planning facilitated mainly by the energy of Miss Right Now. Because if they were by themselves they’d be eating Sainsbury’s ready cooked chicken and Birds Eye frozen veg bags everyday and tugging themselves off. But she facilitates a nice home AND usually brings in 50% of the cash which makes life cheaper for them.

They like Mrs Right Now a lot. They would miss her if she went. They do love her in their own way. She makes life nice and better and cheaper than it is solo.

But they aren’t seriously into Mrs Right Now. They aren’t sure enough to make the active commitment of marrying her. They don’t want to change what is already working out so well for them. Nor do they want to have the big conversations that will risk her leaving, because life is pretty fucking sweet with Mrs Right Now.

they will waste YEARS of Mrs Right Now’s time. They might even give her a shut up ring if it’s been going on too long. (They might even have kids with her and claim that’s a bigger commitment, despite knowing that men can up and leave their kids whenever they fancy tbh and just enjoy being Disney dad on weekends)

tldr: men will have entire relationships and lives with women they don’t really love if it means a sweet, chill life for them.

I'm sorry, but if he wanted to marry you then he would
Why did your plans fizzle out in 2023... because he didn't want to
He was stringing you along
Take control and YOU decide what you want
It might be best to move on

we'd agreed to get married this year

I don't know what this is other than an engagement?

What is there to propose when you've already agreed to marry?

Start to consider your own life choices and plans as a priority. Don't get pregnant.

This. Say over a cuppa - right I want us to get the marriage for us sorted shall I book the registers office for January or February - any date suit you? Let’s just do it low key and just me and you? X

So book a wedding on perhaps 6th April 2024 (Saturday) and tell him it's booked. He can then be please about it or not. The Provisional Fee is £130.

Would he propose on New Year's Eve ?
Maybe wait until then then and if not it's time for a proper chat about what you both want.

Get out OP . I wasted 7 years on a man like this. He doesn't want to marry you, even when you asked him he gave a no.
Get out now. There's a man out there who would count himself lucky to marry you. Sont waste time on a man you have to beg

Op how would you feel about no proposal ? And with a 2 person registry office situation? How old are you both ? I feel as though you are pretty devastated before posting and the general conclusions along here probably aren't helping. I genuinely think for your own hearts sake you need to gather your own thoughts.... could you marry without the romantic proposal? Could you marry for sheer formaility ? Could you maybe never ever Marry him ? you need to know in your head your own boundaries and sit him down and get facts then ho from there.

Stop hinting. They don't respond to hints.

Wait til he's feeling better then have a proper conversation.

He gave you nice presents which is good. He doesn't seem to want to marry you which is not so good.

If he's happy going on as usual and actively does not want to marry you, you have a decision to make.

Pushing him will not end well.

You say part of you wanting to get married is “for the romance”. I can’t think of anything less romantic than having to nag a man into proposing to you. One who has actually told you getting married means nothing to him and he’d be doing it to keep you happy. Nothing about that is romantic.

One of the most crucial things in a relationship is that you value the same things and want the same life. You and DP don’t. Neither of you is right or wrong, but you aren’t right for each other if something is SO important to you and means absolutely nothing to him.

If you've agreed to get married, then you are engaged; proposal or no proposal, ring or no ring.

I agree with giving him the benefit of the doubt in case he's got something planned for new year's eve, but otherwise you need to have a frank, not heated conversation about setting a date or calling it quits. A big wedding is not important but security is. Don't get pregnant.

You're running the risk of having one of those relationships where you spend years waiting for him to commit, then when you eventually see the light and split up he marries the next woman within the year.

It's a leap year in 2024 just saying

OP forget about an engagement and suggest a small summer wedding.

What is the precarious situation OP?

Why do you think asking him about your lives together would cause negative feelings, do you think he'll get angry because that is not what he should feel, cold or no cold😏.

I agree it's time to ask him where he thinks things are heading. A new year and time to make wedding plans he agreed to last year.

You're doing yourself a disservice and putting yourself in a psychologically vulnerable position by literally seeing engagement as being in his gift.

Value yourself.

A proposal should be a man putting himself out there, putting his cards on the table, and asking you whether you accept or refuse.

Not a gift he condescends to give you on Christmas Day, taking it for granted that you'll accept.

Don't be kept on a string.

Don't. Get. Pregnant.

I had a friend with a partner like yours. He said he didn't mind if they got married. She went out on her own and chose an engagement ring. She then told him she'd chosen it, he said fine. She went and bought it (they had a joint account), he said fine. Once engaged, she stopped being so worried about the actual marriage.

They never did get married. They were together decades.