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Original poster

To think MIL is trying to fat shame me

130 replies

Workeronabreak · 26/12/2023 20:13

I had a baby 3 months ago and I gained 4 stone. I’m still trying to lose the last 19 pound. I’m still up a dress size from pre preg but in general I’m fine and I don’t care about the weight gain as my baby is healthy.
MIL has made the odd comments about my weight since the birth, I ignored it and said it’ll come off eventually but I’m not in a rush. DH is supportive tells me I’m beautiful etc so no low self esteem or anything.
So for Christmas every one got a jumper, pjs and chocolates (all of her children, their partners and children). For me she bought size 22 knowing full well I’m size 14 /16 at the moment. She also didn’t get me any chocolates. Normally I don’t care about this sort of thing but the blatant leaving me out was obvious as everyone opened gifts together in the room, one at a time. No one made any comments when I was skipped at the chocolate opening part and I acted like I didn’t care. DH made out like his chocolates were for us both to share, to try and make the situation easier on me.
It isn’t even about the rude sizing or no chocolates as I’m not an ungrateful person, it’s the more I’ve sat and thought, I’ve realised she’s clearly saying I’m fat and that I shouldn’t eat chocolate. She knows my clothes size and she knows I eat what I want in moderation.
I haven’t cared about my weight until this point where I’ve been isolated from the others for it. I’m going to speak to DH when we get home (we’re driving and the kids are with us) but I’m not sure how to feel about what just happened. Am I over reacting by assuming she’s ‘fat shaming’ me or should I say something?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2023 20:19

You’re not overreacting at all. It sounds like DH has her number.

BabyofMine · 26/12/2023 20:19

Did you not say “why have you got me a size 22, that’s really weird I’m a size 14/16?” At the time.

I’d personally ask her for the receipt so you can exchange it for the correct size because there’s no way you can fit size 22. I’d ask loudly and in front of a lot of people personally but I have a very high embarassment threshold and love to see nasty people like this squirm. What a bitch she is.

BabyofMine · 26/12/2023 20:21

Ah I’ve just realised you’ve already left so can’t ask. I’d phone her and ask. Ooh or are you in a family group chat??
”Just realised you’ve got me size 22 🤣🤣🤣 can you send me the receipt so I can change it for the right size?”

Original poster
Workeronabreak · 26/12/2023 20:33

To be honest I was embarrassed and didn’t want to cause a scene especially as there were 8 children present. I know I’m big but I don’t let it bother me day to day so for her to make it known in front of family is bitchy. I did consider that I should text her when we’re home and tell her she’s accidentally got the wrong size, but is it just as passive aggressive as she’s been? Glad to see it’s not all in my head. We’re almost home so I’ll pull DH aside and see what he thinks.

OP posts:
Ifancythegrinch · 26/12/2023 20:36

Wow, I’m so sorry. She’s incredibly rude.

I had the same thing when I was a bridesmaid once. The bride bought us all t shirts for a hen do. Bought me a size 20 something (i can’t remember). I was a size 14. I didn’t speak up at the time either, it’s so embarrassing and hurtf
that you just can’t.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 26/12/2023 20:37

Being kind to her, she might not have got them if you have said you are wanting to lose weight.

But personally, I would have got you then anyway. Your chose wether to eat them or not.

Along with the massive clothes items, I am not surprise this upset you.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 26/12/2023 20:38

Your dh def needs to tell her you need the receipt.. She is banking on you not calling her out. And that you haven't confided in dh she is a blatant bitch... Him texting her is him agreeing with YOU imo.

ChubbyMorticia · 26/12/2023 20:39

“Hi, could I please get the receipt for the clothes? They’re several sizes too large, so they need to be exchanged.”

She’s being rotten.

Olika · 26/12/2023 20:40

You only had your baby 3 months ago so ignore your nasty MIL. Your DH can have a word with her so she leaves you alone.

Seadreamers · 26/12/2023 20:41

Ask her for the receipt and tell her you need to change the pjs as they are X sizes too big. She’s being deliberately rude.

My DM once gave me 5 items of clothing for Christmas in a size 6-8, when I was a size 16 at the time. A counsellor agreed with me that she was giving me clothing in the sizes she wanted me to be, and not what I actually was. They all went to the charity shop (couldn’t exchange as she lives overseas).

Saggypants · 26/12/2023 20:42

I would've left them behind at her house. Let her waste her money.

Balloonhearts · 26/12/2023 20:42

I'd have called her out but made fun of her at the same time. 'You totally bought this when I was still pregnant, didn't you? '

'haha MIL bit big, you losing your faculties or just your eyesight?'

GrumpyPanda · 26/12/2023 20:42

You should have put that jumper in the bin.... at theirs. And not go back.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 26/12/2023 20:44

Hi MIL, Have you got the receipt for the pyjamas please. They are several sizes too large. I didn’t want to say in front of everyone as I didn’t want to embarrass you, thanks xxx

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 20:50

What’s your actual size OP?

Humbugg · 26/12/2023 20:50

How rude! I agree I would have left them at her house nearly folded up!

Makegoodchoices · 26/12/2023 20:51

I’m very blunt so would have posted a pic of the gift on facebook/wherever with “subtle hints about weight loss were clearly not enough this Christmas” and await all your friends and family saying “holy shit that’s rude” and “I didn’t realise they put ages on adult clothing” and other such things. Then tag her in.

Andthereyougo · 26/12/2023 20:53

You’re not big, you’ve recently had a baby. She’s a cow.
Id ask for receipt so you can change them “ for a smaller size, one that will fit me”.

VyeBrator · 26/12/2023 20:54

There was no need for her to buy size 22 when most pyjamas are S/M/L anyway, she could've just bought large.

I wouldn't buy someone chocolate if I knew they needed to lose 4 stone, but in that case I wouldn't have bought it for anyone so no-one gets left out.

LaahDeeDah · 26/12/2023 20:54

Could it be that she's trying to help... You've said that you've tracked your weight loss since having the baby so was she trying to be on your side by bit tempting you with chocs. And did she get you a generous size to show you that she accepts you being over weight? Also thinking of comfort for right after you've had a baby so a couple sizes up helps.

aqenek · 26/12/2023 20:55

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 20:50

What’s your actual size OP?

The OP literally said 🤷‍♀️

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 21:05

aqenek · 26/12/2023 20:55

The OP literally said 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Haha oops read the wrong green bit.

14/16.

Well they would fall down when you walk around.

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 21:12

LaahDeeDah · 26/12/2023 20:54

Could it be that she's trying to help... You've said that you've tracked your weight loss since having the baby so was she trying to be on your side by bit tempting you with chocs. And did she get you a generous size to show you that she accepts you being over weight? Also thinking of comfort for right after you've had a baby so a couple sizes up helps.

I agree. I wouldn’t be buying someone who is by self admission overweight chocolate. No matter how much they are ‘not in a rush’ to lose it. Being overweight is unhealthy and a slippery slope. But on MN it’s ok to be overweight.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/12/2023 21:14

Congratulations on your baby. Congratulations on the amount of weight you've lost already.

I would have left the jumper & pyjamas at hers as it was clearly for someone else (not you as you're not that size).

As for the chocolates, I'd ignore that.

All of the above said, you have her number now. You know what she is like. You can lose those final few pounds/kilos/whatever, but your MiL will clearly always be a bitch so you know that now. How you deal with her going forwards is entirely up to you.

You are under no obligation to have such a terrible woman in your life (whatever about your husband). If you decide to continue having her in your life, you might want to think longer term and if she does things like this to you, what would she possibly do to you child(ren)? What would you do if she did something similar to them in years to come?
(edited to make a correction)

FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2023 21:24

You are not “big”! And you’re only 3 months postpartum anyway!
If I were DH I’d ask her why she bought you something 3 to 4 sizes too big and would ask whether she’d prefer it if you returned them, exchanged them or gave them to the charity shop.
When people pull bitchy stunts like this they shouldn’t be thanked for the lovely present, because it wasn’t given in the spirit of kindness and generosity. Unless she has terrible eyesight or something and can’t read labels 🤨