Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

To think MIL is trying to fat shame me

130 replies

Workeronabreak · 26/12/2023 20:13

I had a baby 3 months ago and I gained 4 stone. I’m still trying to lose the last 19 pound. I’m still up a dress size from pre preg but in general I’m fine and I don’t care about the weight gain as my baby is healthy.
MIL has made the odd comments about my weight since the birth, I ignored it and said it’ll come off eventually but I’m not in a rush. DH is supportive tells me I’m beautiful etc so no low self esteem or anything.
So for Christmas every one got a jumper, pjs and chocolates (all of her children, their partners and children). For me she bought size 22 knowing full well I’m size 14 /16 at the moment. She also didn’t get me any chocolates. Normally I don’t care about this sort of thing but the blatant leaving me out was obvious as everyone opened gifts together in the room, one at a time. No one made any comments when I was skipped at the chocolate opening part and I acted like I didn’t care. DH made out like his chocolates were for us both to share, to try and make the situation easier on me.
It isn’t even about the rude sizing or no chocolates as I’m not an ungrateful person, it’s the more I’ve sat and thought, I’ve realised she’s clearly saying I’m fat and that I shouldn’t eat chocolate. She knows my clothes size and she knows I eat what I want in moderation.
I haven’t cared about my weight until this point where I’ve been isolated from the others for it. I’m going to speak to DH when we get home (we’re driving and the kids are with us) but I’m not sure how to feel about what just happened. Am I over reacting by assuming she’s ‘fat shaming’ me or should I say something?

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 26/12/2023 21:27

Why must people without knowing an OP's height, insist on gaslighting them about their weight?

"You're not big", without knowing the OP's height and build (which he hasn't told us because that's her business) are just ridiculous empty words.

The OP knows her own body and if she says she needs to lose 4 stone then she knows best, not some random internet strangers.

TeaGinandFags · 26/12/2023 21:27

MIL is a mean cow!

3 months after having a baby is no time at all and who cares what weight you are? If it takes 9 lonths to make a baby you should allow yourself at least 9 months to lose it.

If I were her I'd ask you what size you wanted or not got you clothes. As for the chocolates: it's bloody Christmas and it's practically compulsary to scoff chocs at this time of year. I deffo wouldn't have singled you out. Either everyone gets chocs or nobody does.

VyeBrator · 26/12/2023 21:30

Can I just say...and I'm not particularly sticking up for the MIL because she might or might not be a bitch, I don't know her.

If anyone's ever read the "Guess my size" threads on Mumsnet, you'll see that a huge number of people are really bad at it.

So maybe she just didn't have a clue but guessed genuinely?

Mulhollandmagoo · 26/12/2023 21:34

ChubbyMorticia · 26/12/2023 20:39

“Hi, could I please get the receipt for the clothes? They’re several sizes too large, so they need to be exchanged.”

She’s being rotten.

Perfect!!!

I'd add a 'oh, and thank you for our choccies too, they're lovely! We're just tucking into them now'

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 26/12/2023 21:35

Not the main thing, but size 14/16 is not massive at all, unless you're only 4'2", maybe.

Yes, she was trying to fat-shame you. You'd think that, as a mother herself, she would realise that putting weight on during pregnancy is a normal thing, and that it's often a challenge for your body to get back to its normal size/a size where you feel happy. And it's only been 3 months!

You're looking to addressing the physical realities of the effect your beautiful baby has had on your body (as well has having said baby to run around after right now); it's a temporary phase.

On the other hand, her nastiness, coupled with her apparent very low intelligence - manifesting itself in her very limited knowledge about what happens during pregnancy and birth - is probably with her permanently for life. The nicest thing I can say about her is that she deserves pity.

pizzaHeart · 26/12/2023 21:36

I can think of few sarcastic replies to her but the more appropriate thing would be for your DH to call her and ask for a receipt and tell her that HE doesn’t like what she’s done and upset about it . And then see what she’d say. There is no point for you to go into this battle. It’s his mum so it’s his job.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 26/12/2023 21:38

VyeBrator · 26/12/2023 21:30

Can I just say...and I'm not particularly sticking up for the MIL because she might or might not be a bitch, I don't know her.

If anyone's ever read the "Guess my size" threads on Mumsnet, you'll see that a huge number of people are really bad at it.

So maybe she just didn't have a clue but guessed genuinely?

What a shame she couldn't possibly have messaged her DS and asked him to have a quick look at her current clothes in her wardrobe or drawers and let her know what size they are, eh?

Hardly a case for Bletchley Park.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 21:45

Pretty clear you aren’t a size 20. When did you last see her? Does she have some weird memory of you being much bigger? Pretty shit leaving out chocolate, so what if you want to lose weight? It isn’t like she’d be sabotaging you with one lot of chocolate.

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 21:47

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 21:45

Pretty clear you aren’t a size 20. When did you last see her? Does she have some weird memory of you being much bigger? Pretty shit leaving out chocolate, so what if you want to lose weight? It isn’t like she’d be sabotaging you with one lot of chocolate.

Size 20 in pyjamas aren't too dissimilar to a size 16 as they're supposed to be worn loose.

Maybe she just held them up in the shop and thought they looked right?

Sizes vary massively from shop to shop anyway.

Shizzlestix · 26/12/2023 21:51

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 21:47

Size 20 in pyjamas aren't too dissimilar to a size 16 as they're supposed to be worn loose.

Maybe she just held them up in the shop and thought they looked right?

Sizes vary massively from shop to shop anyway.

Show quote history

True, but a 20 would drown me at a size 16, I’ve just charity shopped all my size 20 (and up) stuff, I have been tripping over my trousers because my arse no longer stops them being too long. I’d be pissed off if someone bought me the wrong size when I’ve been dropping weight consistently. Given the mil’s lack of chocolates, I’m going to assume, maybe wrongly, that she’s aware the OP put on weight during the pregnancy but is losing it.

FoxClocks · 26/12/2023 21:52

I would have to go full on Body Positive with MiL from now on. Give her a lecture on the evils of Diet Culture every time you see her. Let her know you are happy at any size your body wants to be and you will never diet again (even if you secretly will).

pizzaHeart · 26/12/2023 21:58

I don’t advocate for a war with MIL but let’s not be naive: when someone is size 14-16 no way you’ll mistake them for size 20 and no one is “guessing “ size by looking at pjs - they all have labels and the differences in sizes between shops are not so huge.

TheCurlyKnobhead · 26/12/2023 22:03

TeapotTitties · 26/12/2023 21:27

Why must people without knowing an OP's height, insist on gaslighting them about their weight?

"You're not big", without knowing the OP's height and build (which he hasn't told us because that's her business) are just ridiculous empty words.

The OP knows her own body and if she says she needs to lose 4 stone then she knows best, not some random internet strangers.

OP has lost almost 4 stone bar the last few pounds

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 26/12/2023 22:05

ChubbyMorticia · 26/12/2023 20:39

“Hi, could I please get the receipt for the clothes? They’re several sizes too large, so they need to be exchanged.”

She’s being rotten.

Is what OP’s DH should text.

TheCurlyKnobhead · 26/12/2023 22:05

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 21:12

I agree. I wouldn’t be buying someone who is by self admission overweight chocolate. No matter how much they are ‘not in a rush’ to lose it. Being overweight is unhealthy and a slippery slope. But on MN it’s ok to be overweight.

Show quote history

She's overweight because she's just had a fucking baby, fuck off with your patronising post

everyscarwillbuildmythrone · 26/12/2023 22:10

Next year get her a book on how to keep her brain active as she ages, obviously because you are concerned about her memory after this years mix up.

Calliopespa · 26/12/2023 22:17

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 21:47

Size 20 in pyjamas aren't too dissimilar to a size 16 as they're supposed to be worn loose.

Maybe she just held them up in the shop and thought they looked right?

Sizes vary massively from shop to shop anyway.

Show quote history

… and then also chose the invisible chocolates.

I hope this doesn’t offend you OP, but this post made me lol as her lack of subtlety is like something out of a David Walliams skit. I can just see him in MIL garb handing out the chocolates, then a big swerve: “ and no chocolates for YOU, you Big Fatty!” Seriously, it’s really very pointed and quite unnecessary. 14/16 isn’t anything to comment on and your attitude to the weight loss is very sensible. I’m sorry she was so unkind.

BalletBob · 26/12/2023 22:27

TeapotTitties · 26/12/2023 21:27

Why must people without knowing an OP's height, insist on gaslighting them about their weight?

"You're not big", without knowing the OP's height and build (which he hasn't told us because that's her business) are just ridiculous empty words.

The OP knows her own body and if she says she needs to lose 4 stone then she knows best, not some random internet strangers.

Why must people, without reading the thread properly, climb up on their high horses?

OP says she has lost most of the 4 stone she gained during pregnancy and has 19lb to go. She does not currently need to lose 4 stone.

Calliopespa · 26/12/2023 22:28

pizzaHeart · 26/12/2023 21:36

I can think of few sarcastic replies to her but the more appropriate thing would be for your DH to call her and ask for a receipt and tell her that HE doesn’t like what she’s done and upset about it . And then see what she’d say. There is no point for you to go into this battle. It’s his mum so it’s his job.

Yes I agree. Rise above - although it probably wouldn’t hurt for him to add that you were a bit hurt.

Talisin · 26/12/2023 22:54

Well, if you want to be just as bitchy in return: “Hi MIL, unfortunately the pyjamas you bought are much too big for me - I thought maybe you’d like them for yourself instead of returning them?”

Mariposistaa · 26/12/2023 23:12

TeapotTitties · 26/12/2023 21:27

Why must people without knowing an OP's height, insist on gaslighting them about their weight?

"You're not big", without knowing the OP's height and build (which he hasn't told us because that's her business) are just ridiculous empty words.

The OP knows her own body and if she says she needs to lose 4 stone then she knows best, not some random internet strangers.

Agree. And we all know, the longer the excess weight is allowed to stay on, the harder it is to lose. By saying ‘you’re fine as you are’ is unhelpful if it isn’t true. She wants to be healthy and those around her should want that too. It’s not just about how being fat makes you look.
I always lol at comments about ‘losing it running around after the baby’. No baby I have ever met has ever been able to outrun an adult until they are in primary school hahaha you need cardio and calorie deficit to lose weight I’m afraid! But good on OP for her weight loss to date.

theduchessofspork · 26/12/2023 23:18

She’s a rude cow - and doing it to the mother of a 3 month old is extra twatty.

I’s expect my husband to tell her off. No discussion just ‘I don’t want anymore comments about my wife’s weight. If you give other people chocolates you give them to her to. And do not pull the size 22 pyjama stunt again. Do any of it again mum and we will fall out. Have a good new year’

theduchessofspork · 26/12/2023 23:24

@TeapotTitties@Mariposistaa

The Op gained 4 stone in pregnancy.

3 months after the birth she has lost it bar 19 lbs

a) read the OP posts properly

b) examine why you are so keen to put the boot in

SomeCatFromJapan · 26/12/2023 23:28

I wouldn't buy someone chocolate if I knew they needed to lose 4 stone, but in that case I wouldn't have bought it for anyoneso no-one gets left out.

OP doesn't though - she gained 4 stone in pregnancy but now only needs to lose 19lb.

EvelynBeatrice · 26/12/2023 23:36

I cannot believe some of the comments here. A woman who gave birth only twelve weeks ago (!) and who isn't yet back to get pre birth weight is completely normal! Most of us take nine months to go up in weight and about a year to get back to something approximating pre birth weight.
MIL sounds thoughtless at best, nasty and ignorant at worst