I’ve ruined Christmas with buying the wrong things, now what?

[FlopofaChristmas]

DC is 9, has SN and a medical issue – General Processing Issues, Dyspraxia and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

They woke me up at 5am – the only time of the year they wake me up instead of me them. They’ve got a cough/cold/snot thing but are well in themselves but they kept me up all night with their coughing, like they have the last 3 nights.

Opened all their presents basically one after the other tossing it aside unless it was chocolate which they ate immediately (which was fine).

When all the presents where opened I got told “Is that it?” There was 15 presents from me and 6 and a stocking from Santa, so hardly hard done by.

Then when that was over “Where’s my (most asked for present)?” I explained it was over Santas budget (£50 per child, present was over £100 – think like barbie dreamhouse, bigger hot wheels or lego sets) and I’d shopped before they asked for it they shouted “I don’t want any of this” kicked it out of the way and stomped off to their room. They’ve been there since 5.30am and showing no signs of moving from their bed.

They’re off to their dads at 10.30am (If I can get them dressed) and I know he won’t have got the much wanted toy either as ExMIL does the shopping for him and she doesn’t allow plastic toys, character clothing or electronics.

I feel awful for ruining Christmas. I don’t have the money for the much wanted item, but I’ve known 2 weeks they wanted it. I couldn’t have afforded it as I get paid 27th, and even selling the bits I had got wouldn’t have raised the money.

Anyone else had a flop of a day?

It would be over the present budget, so an unreasonable expectation, for many families.

Honestly, I cannot believe the posters lecturing the OP about her budgeting or present-buying approach. OP, you tried your best, you sound like a lovely mum, kids of all varieties can be tough at Christmas and you have it tougher than most. You haven't ruined anything at all. Hope you manage to have a better day tomorrow. Sending some Christmas goodwill to you and DC.

@FlopofaChristmas I once caused a meltdown on Christmas morning because I had wrapped the presents in the ‘wrong’ paper- I didn’t know that he thought all Christmas presents are wrapped in gold/green/red with ribbon.

Ds5 (who has severe adhd, autism+pda, processing disorder etc) cried and cried, went back to bed and refused to open any presents.

Give DS time to calm down and come round- disappointment is hard to deal with.

(Could you have afforded it if you didn’t have to split the budget and do the Santa thing and match people’s spending? In the future I’d probably sack that off and spend the money in the way that works best for your son)

Personally I'm amazed at any child believing in Santa over 7- none of mine did- although I appreciate if special needs it may be different- Rill on the non believing and maybe think about cutting it down to 5 presents at about £20 each.

You must know very few children , well over 50% of year 6 still bekive in Santa.

Horrid, vile, spoilt behavior. Take everything back and spend it on yourself. Pour yourself a glass and Let his dad deal with his bratty ways.

I’m sorry but SEN doesn’t excuse this. Really poor behaviour from him.

Oh shut up and educate yourself on disabilities and children in general!

Like others have said, it’s about sitting down with your child prior, and managing their expectations and behaviour. Children with SEN can be taught appropriate kind behaviour. It’s important that they grow into adults who can be accepted into society, because whilst parents may be tolerant of their behaviour, their peers when they reach adulthood won’t.

Yes, exactly and if the meltdown was genuinely due to SEN rather than a spoilt child, then a good use of £30 or so from the DLA would have been to top get the one gift the child actually wanted instead of 21 things.

@Itslegitimatesalvage and what should the Op do regarding the extra costs incurred normally during the month, just go without? Do you generally believe the government pays benefits to just buy toys?

They'll get over it.

Perhaps reflect on it with them if you can at the right time.

@arewedoneyet
Its called budgeting. Some kids benefit from music classes or sports classes or therapy or enough money to go swimming weekly or buy audiobooks or subscriptions to calm. Some kids benefit from having a parent leave work/cut down on hours so they don’t have to go to after school clubs, so the money would then need to cover lost wages. Some kids benefit/require extra equipment, chew toys, new clothes often as they rip theirs, new bedding as they soil often, whatever. But the DLA is there to help, and you still need to budget. If the pressure to handle Christmas is a huge trigger for a child, and you can help avoid that stress by getting the one thing they actually want, then yes, I would be budgeting to take a small sum from the DLA to increase my present budget and get the toy, as long as it was actually affordable. This toy sells for about £70, so it actually was affordable.

Not that I have to justify but DLA pays for:

• DDs Extra Curricular Activities - Swimming, Choir and Scouts (all have different benefits to her)
• Private Physio and Hydro Therapies as we're stuck on an NHS waiting list for these
• Piedro boots because NHS here will only fund either the boots or the insoles not both so I chose to supply the boots myself due to them being easier to source
• Pays for my car partially so I can take her places including to and from school and to appointments
• Recently got her a wheelchair as she doesn't qualify for one on NHS and she gets tired very quickly
• Recently got her a new lower down bed because she kept needing lifting in and out of hers and again doesn't qualify on NHS for one
• I replace anything she breaks as a result of her conditions; plates, glasses and bowls are common even plastic ones as well as her delibrately ripping clothes during meltdowns
• I use it to pay my gas bill as it's over double what I'd have to pay if she wasn't here because if she's not kept warm she can't walk - anything under 10 degrees outside heating goes on.
• Planning to put a bit aside so we can do holidays and days out during the summer which benefits her speech and memory and squencing issues.

Next year I will have a bigger budget for what she wants, but as i siad DLA is a very recent thing for us. I was just about managing pre-DLA, now we're saving a bit. Just a bit.

I do also work so don't qualify for Carers Allowance due to that, so I'm not loads better off with DLA but enough that I don't have to consider cutting her activities in 2024 to survive financially.

OP you shouldn't have to justify what you spend the DLA on, but I hope the posters who rushed to label your DD a brat read that post and realise what complex needs she has. It's hard when Christmas doesn't look how you hoped it would...I hope you have some happy moments over the coming days

You haven't ruined Xmas. You've been amazing, and your child knows this too, they're just overwhelmed and emotional. That's what Xmas is like, too much build up and then wham! Everything in your face all at once, including disappointments. Later, everything will be fine, and I bet you can pick up said item much cheaper on Vinted, in a few weeks time, should you wish.

@SwordToFlamethrower behave yourself.

Thought I'd update, DD had a much better few days, we sat and played some of her new board and card games together, and we set up one of her new toys, she's decided she likes them now they're all set up.

Lesson learnt to have them set up but wrapped in future rather than me having to do it in front of her, she gets very impatient.

I really don't blame your brother TBH. Tippex!?

Wow, I asked for the playmobil princess castle about twenty five years ago and was similarly devastated I didn’t get it 😂it’s a running joke now, mostly because I cried on Christmas Day (adhd and overwhelm vs really super caring about the toy). I’d have been bored of it in 20 mins if mum had actually blown the budget and bought it.

I know lol! I was chuffed with mine though. Back to school in Jan with a freshly filled pencil case 😂