I’ve ruined Christmas with buying the wrong things, now what?

[FlopofaChristmas]

DC is 9, has SN and a medical issue – General Processing Issues, Dyspraxia and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

They woke me up at 5am – the only time of the year they wake me up instead of me them. They’ve got a cough/cold/snot thing but are well in themselves but they kept me up all night with their coughing, like they have the last 3 nights.

Opened all their presents basically one after the other tossing it aside unless it was chocolate which they ate immediately (which was fine).

When all the presents where opened I got told “Is that it?” There was 15 presents from me and 6 and a stocking from Santa, so hardly hard done by.

Then when that was over “Where’s my (most asked for present)?” I explained it was over Santas budget (£50 per child, present was over £100 – think like barbie dreamhouse, bigger hot wheels or lego sets) and I’d shopped before they asked for it they shouted “I don’t want any of this” kicked it out of the way and stomped off to their room. They’ve been there since 5.30am and showing no signs of moving from their bed.

They’re off to their dads at 10.30am (If I can get them dressed) and I know he won’t have got the much wanted toy either as ExMIL does the shopping for him and she doesn’t allow plastic toys, character clothing or electronics.

I feel awful for ruining Christmas. I don’t have the money for the much wanted item, but I’ve known 2 weeks they wanted it. I couldn’t have afforded it as I get paid 27th, and even selling the bits I had got wouldn’t have raised the money.

Anyone else had a flop of a day?

Why do people assume if something only cost a few pounds it will be "tat"?
One of my (sen - so she gets overwhelmed too) child's most asked for gifts is a packet of Pokémon cards (£3.49).
Not "tat" at all.

There are so many people still upset that they never got a Mr Frosty (mine included) that I can't believe any were actually sold!

So it sounds like you might have been able to afford the thing your child really wanted, if you spent £100 in total?

I think in retrospect it would have been better to get them the one thing they really wanted, rather than 21 smaller things they didn't. The weird artificial divide between your budget and Santa's budget hasn't helped you here. I would probably jack it in for next Christmas. In my experience, "Santa" often causes more trouble than he's worth.

But what's done is done. I'm sure when your child has calmed down the rest of your day will be better.

It s an emotional reaction
Give them Hugs and for next year get the one thing they want even second hand and stop the 50£ on santa stuff

You haven't ruined Christmas! Their behaviour is inappropriate and there needs to be consequences or they won't learn that it's inappropriate. How will children like this cope in later life if they don't learn this?

It’s not necessarily tat but when you have bought 21 cheap presents it’s quite likely most of it is tat. You are then most likely just buying stuff to have a big present pile.

Write it off as a bad Christmas but there are lots more to come. You've tried your best on a limited budget. Despite the impression from adverts and TV and Instagram, plenty of people will be having tough or horrible Christmasses. Once he goes.to his dad's.focus on being kind to yourself , parenting is hard.

DH and I were both reminiscing about Christmasses where we were disappointed with our gifts. But also discussing how little it really mattered in the bank of memories of Christmas walks and films and carols and family time. Even at the time I still knew I was.loved,.and probably within not long at all I had stopped minding.

I do think if you definitely can't get them a thing it's best just to say very clearly in advance. I knew exactly what DS wanted this year, but can't get it for him but I have explained that to him and said that I absolutely wished I could get it but I simply can't and have tried my best to find some other things I think he will like but that I do know and recognize what he really wanted. I hope that way the disappointment was done early and he also feels like I do understand what matters to him

You have shown and modelled sensible parenting sticking to your budget. Kids get so hyped up and their expectations are often unrealistic. Once he calms down he will come back and enjoy his gifts. When my elder son was little he wanted to play football with David Beckham. We got him a new football and a football kit with Beckham on the back of his shirt. He spent a lot of day crying because David Beckham was not there to play football with him. His Dad tried to play with him but was told I just want DB.

You haven't ruined Christmas. Even your child doesn't think you've ruined Christmas. They're just having an emotional response to being disappointed - try not to take it too personally.

Christmas expectations can get totally out of hand for kids (and parents!) but it is just another day, it's not actually a magical portal into a alternate dimension of perfection for one day.

FWIW the most miserable, least appreciative children/teenagers I know are the ones who always get exactly what they want. A bit of disappointment is miserable in the moment, but quite healthy in the long term

I’m Interested that a lot of people have assumed the child’s reaction is down to their SN because none of the conditions mentioned by the OP are particularly linked with the kind of behaviour she’s described from her son.

Maybe you could have found a second hand one and shared it with her father instead of that many other small presents.

Only you know your child op. I used to be disappointed every Christmas as I cannot stand wasted money, even as a child i hated a lot being spent on me and my mum would buy me stuff she thought I SHOULD like rather than what I did and it felt like my mum didn't know me at all. Thinking buying a tom boy a doll etc. My most favourite gift was actually a keyring which cost about £2 as it was thoughtful. I remember getting a new TV once but I had an old box that worked perfectly and I didn't want to change it and being sad my TV would go.
Special needs can be hard to hide but there's a balance between being ungrateful and not being able to hide reactions. Yours sounds verging on lack of gratitude. I would always express my disappointment but still say thank you for the stuff I did get.
I would be returning your childs gifts and telling them they can get something they'd like instead.

How have you lined up the person who did their absolute best with what they could afford and information given as the one who has 'ruined Christmas' and not the ungrateful rude person? People can't behave like this, special needs or not. Compassion flows both ways, the op needs some.

You haven't ruined Christmas at all.......your dc does sound overwhelmed and overstimulated tho.

I do think as he's getting older you need to be a little more prepared, does he get DLA ?? I've always set aside a portion of my sons in the quieter months, I'd he has a specific want which costs more than I can afford or want to pay for I'll use some of his DLA to pay for that. In his case it's usually a trip to a specific place he's interested in a piece of tech which is £££

Ahh that sounds really tough. Next Christmas would you be better off with maybe 3/4 presents and letting your DC see what they are, if they are getting overwhelmed and then disappointed .

What happens if you try to explain that it's ok to be disappointed and tell the truth but you can use a calm polite voice?

@PutinSmellsPassItOn Yes we get DLA; MRC and LRM

DC has come out now, still completely ignoring the other toys but is happy with the clothes and a light up fidget toy I got them.

Christmas is tough when there are additional needs.

@FlopofaChristmas thats great, hopefully the rest of the day will go smoothly!

That's hard, hopefully DC will get the angst out of their system and you'll have a good day.

I would rethink being so rigid though. £50 from you and £50 from Santa doesn't leave much room for big presents.

I'd flex a bit with £50-90 from you and all pound shop / chocolate from Santa on years when a big present is wanted.

I'd also go a little under / over if your child is like mine and some years chocolate coins are top of the wish list and others something expensive.

Aww OP this sounds really hard for both of you. I'm glad he's calmed down now.

I am curious about what your ex-MIL buys for a 9yo if she doesn't allow plastic toys, electronics or character clothing?!

Realistically, all that happens then is the kid then cops a strop because they only got one present instead of several.

Nobody's got Christmas wrong, they've just got an overtired, ill child being a bit bratty.

Total budget is £100, £50 of that from Santa, he does not spend more than £50 per child agreed across me, ExH, and my siblings with DC meaning that if parents spend more on their DC its because the parents wanted to, not Santa. We alternate who does Santa, me or ExH.

This is the really strange bit - what has it got to do with your siblings how much you - or your Ex - spend on your child's Christmas presents?
Fair enough set your own budget, and then manage child's expectations as appropriate, but to be restricted by what your siblings think is weird.

@twistandfart Absolutely nothing from what I can tell, mostly chocolate, books, and jigsaws

Disgusting behaviour sorry! You best nip that in the bud now