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Hostile neighbours

156 replies

Bewilderedallthetine · 24/12/2023 15:56

I am a new member so please go easy on me :) I moved to my new house in May this year. My elderly next door neighbours are forever knocking on my door complaining. The latest bug bear from them are my bins..bin day Wednesdays, I put bin out the front of house at 8.00am, before work and take them in at 5.30 when I get in from work. In the summer it is my clothes drying on the line 8 till 5.30 on nice days..it blocks there veiw they say! We live in a semi detached with small front garden and larger back garden both separated by a fence. I get a grocery shop delivery on a sunday at about 10.30 ish..apparently its too early/noisy!. Anytime me or my son are in the back garden, they complain as we set there dog off barking!..I am so tired of tip- toeing around them its becoming ridiculous! They're old and I suppose are stuck in their ways but its becoming such a big problem for me. They have even had a go at my window cleaner about 'noisily' cleaning the windows.. This is normal every day noise isnt it? I am beginning to doubt myself ( fled from DV to live hear)

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 28/12/2023 11:08

Bewilderedallthetine · 24/12/2023 16:31

Thank you..my new year's resolution is to use some of the comebacks you have kindly put on here to say to them..I am such a sap! 😪I just want to have a peaceful life here with my son..I am not letting him play in the back garden for fear of upsetting them. Things are going to change as cant go on like this. Thank you all for caring xx

Let him play in the back garden 😊

Catsknowbest · 28/12/2023 11:10

Bewilderedallthetine · 27/12/2023 16:36

Hello everyone and hope you all had a lovely Christmas and boxing day. The madness which are the next door neighbours has started again! Its been raining all day today quite heavily. I had a knock (more like bloody banging) on my door, I answered it and the woman(next door neighbour) told me I need to brush the water from the rain down my path as it is flooding her garden! It just normal rain! I told her this and I am refusing to go out in the middle of a heavy bout of rain and 'brush' it down my path! She has gone in now but her husband is looking over the fence into my garden! Its pouring down and he is getting soaking wet! How am I expected to deal with this nonsense? I have taken your advice and am writing down dates etc...madness!😕

Good grief 🙄

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/12/2023 11:28

You should have answered the door last night with “What do you want now? Ano ye her moan about nothing whatsoever? OK-now fuck off and don’t come back”

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/12/2023 11:29

Another not ano ye her!

graceinspace999 · 28/12/2023 11:37

Sorry to hear you are going through all this.

I had similar with an elderly woman who lived opposite me in a very rural environment.

She drove me mad - complaining when I had gravel delivered because it was ugly, turning up at my door to warn me about a strange man in my garden - the gardener. Her biggest complaint was that the lovely shine was disappearing from her stone wall because every time she went out someone was picking it.

Eventually I just decided to go with it and promised to watch out for wall-pickers and intruders.

We agreed the gravel was ugly and would be dealing with it very soon.

Every time I baked I gave some to her and always asked if she was ok or needed anything.

Basically tried to make her feel we were on the same side.

It wasn’t a perfect solution but it worked enough for us to rub along.

She was very lonely and isolated and when we looked at the situation through a mental health prism it helped us cope with her .

During lockdown she felt under siege but we neighbours did a shopping rota. Knocked on her door, retreated to her gate and when she came out shaking a stick lest we came too near and spread the plague we just left the shopping at her gate.

She died recently and is missed in the community in a relieved sort of way 😉

Catsknowbest · 28/12/2023 11:41

OP the more I think about your situation the more I feel you have such a strong case for harassment. As I know has already been suggested, keep a record of everything. Ring doorbell is a fantastic idea glad you are getting one. You should not and do not have to live like this. I think you sound very reasonable and tolerant but enough is enough. They sound ridiculous, awful and incredibly entitled. You are a saint for not losing it with them so far!

Catsknowbest · 28/12/2023 11:44

taketheleap · 28/12/2023 09:53

Oh wow OP, so glad you're standing up for yourself! It'll get easier every time you do it too.

I think the Ring doorbell will be a game changer. If you choose to answer, you can answer from your phone and decline to open the door. That'll take all the 'fun' out of it for them. They must have nothing else to do but nitpick at you. Confused

Yep 👍👍

ChimChimeny · 28/12/2023 11:58

thenightsky · 27/12/2023 21:07

When the dog barks, go round and complain about the dog barking.

(I can't seem to find the rainydaypuddle threads for some reason)

Was Rainypuddles the poster who also turned out to be the Alphabet Street one (neighbours putting opened tea bags along this fence etc?)? Pretty sure she was outed as a troll

Bewilderedallthetine · 28/12/2023 13:57

Hello, I went next door at 9.30 but they weren't up yet, so took son to the park on his bike for a couple of hours ( it was raining but with rain macks on we had such a good time :) son has a bag on the back of his bike and we put some sandwiches and juice inside 😁I think he likes his helmet, bell and bag better than his bike!.We got back and both had a hot shower, I went and knocked again at the door and the woman answered, I told her we weren't making excessive noise etc and after 9.00 on a night is too late to be banging on my door due to young son being in bed. She seemed drunk (light headed/swaying)I think 🥴 and she said they were sensitive to noise and change etc (I think this is what she said) I am not sure if they are vulnerable oap's or what? Hopefully things will settle down. I feel a bit awful knocking if she is vulnerable etc.

OP posts:
HappyHamsters · 28/12/2023 14:03

She might be noise sensitive but that's for her to deal with and doesn't explain the water on your path.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 28/12/2023 14:07

But her harassment of you will make you feel vulnerable if they carry on.

HappyHamsters · 28/12/2023 14:35

Read back your posts, they moan about your washing, your bin, your son, deliveries, window cleaning. If this continues ask them for a solution, will they bring your bin in? Will they keep their dog in or train it not to bark? You have fled dv, you and your son deserve to live in peace and enjoy yourselves. Just because they are old (how old?) It doesn't mean they can bully you or make you feel guilty or uncomfortable in your own home.

Catsknowbest · 28/12/2023 18:03

Don't feel awful! Stick to your guns OP or it'll become unbearable in the long run x

FatFemale · 28/12/2023 18:48

Everytime they knock your door, be polite but if it’s something you have no control over eg rain! Then just repeat that they need to stop or youll be reporting them for harassment. Hopefully your ring doorbell will pick up each interaction

Tel12 · 28/12/2023 18:56

Do you own your house or maybe there's a community association? If so you could go to them should the harassment continue with lists if dates and times etc. Don't worry about asserting yourself, needs must.

RogueFemale · 28/12/2023 19:21

I have a similar-ish neighbour. Without going into the laborious details, in the end I emailed telling him never to contact me directly again, either in person or in writing, and in the event of any necessary contact he should instruct his solicitor to act for him. Silence ever since.

Honeyroar · 28/12/2023 20:38

Well done you! Fingers crossed they back off a bit.

cimena · 28/12/2023 22:08

My mum is one of these, embarrassingly.

Firstly, you won’t change their minds with logic. And you might not change their minds at all- some people just need to feel hard done by. It’s really hard to feel like someone doesn’t like you, but try as hard as you can to remember it’s a them problem, don’t let it get under your skin!

I’d ignore it as much as possible though - don’t answer the door to them, don’t engage in discussion, don’t offer ‘compromises’. Chances are any compromise won’t work anyway, they’ll just find a new thing to be upset about. If they nab you and complain, say very little other than ‘oh’ or other totally noncommittal niceties, get out of the conversation ASAP and DO NOT CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR so they don’t get results from their complaint. This is key.

If you WANT to do an occasional nice thing for them (dropping off extra baking, asking if they need anything at the shops if you see them on your way out, offering to feed pets if they’re going away or whatever) then that MIGHT over time get them to see you as a ‘friend’. Some people, once you’re a ‘friend’ it’s all good, but with others that will only last until they find a new way to feel upset by you so it’s really up to you how much energy you want to devote to it.

Also a massive apology to anyone dealing with neighbours like this, their adult children are very aware it’s absolutely horrible but sadly there is, it turns out, fuck all we can do about it!

echt · 28/12/2023 22:48

They're the kind of people, often retired, often older, whose world has shrunk to their immediate environs so are incredibly vigilant about any perceived intrusion. While it's a reason, it's not an excuse.

OTOH they could just be lifelong arseholes by nature. Grin

That dog - their responsibility to train it not to bark or keep it indoors.

As for the knocking - harassment in effect if not intention.

Bewilderedallthetine · 30/12/2023 15:34

Hello everyone, hope you are all enjoying the Christmas holidays. Its kicked off big time here! .My ring doorbell thingy came..looked at it and decided I wouldn't be able to install it myself (crap at anything technical) I rang a few electricians (wasn't sure these were who I needed) but one kind gent came out and installed it for me, he also hooked it up to my phone. He also had another security camera which he installed at the back of my house covering my back garden/side of house only, also he hooked that up to my phone. Whist he was doing the work the next-door man came out to ask what he was doing. My workman explained and all hell got let loose! They are accusing me of spying on their house etc! The back camera is in my back garden only..the doorbell camera is in my front garden only. I went along to explain all of this (and to show them my phone app to prove this) and got literally chased out of there house ..I dont know how to deal with this..I jump at the least noise and over think things due to my past! So sick and tired of this..my mind is working overtime at the moment..I left everything and everybody to escape and to have a quiet and peaceful life!..on the bright side my lovely little son is still enjoying his bike! Been to the park today (again) and me walking along side him, riding his bike is getting us both more fitter and the fresh air is doing us both good!..wish the rain would stop though! Thank god for hot showers when we get back!..also I have ordered a pizza delivery for our supper(such a nice treat for us)

OP posts:
Bestyearever2024 · 30/12/2023 15:46

Do the Police still do those security checks? They used to, years ago, pop round and advise about home security

If they still do this, ask them to come round and advise. Whilst they are with you, you can ask their advice about the batshit NDN and the best way of dealing with them

It might be that social services need to be called if the NDNs are unwell or unsafe

FatFemale · 30/12/2023 15:50

Ignore now. You’ve installed it correctly. Its not over looking their property. Youve tried to have a reasonable conversation with them. Just grey rock now and avoid any conversations

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/12/2023 16:10

What a nightmare they are. Could you write a very simple letter to them? Something like:

Dear Neighbour
My new doorbell and camera are not looking at your property. I have installed them to protect my house. I am not interested in your house.
Do not knock on my door again.
I am happy to say hello in the street but you have criticised me too much so I do not want to talk to you in my home or your home. I am not doing anything wrong and I am not sure why you cannot understand this.
Do not talk to any tradespeople I pay to do work on my property.
best wishes,
OP

DrunkenElephant · 30/12/2023 16:18

I would also put a letter through their door.

Clarify that the CCTV covers your property only.
Note that they have caused you distress since you moved in with unreasonable demands and turning up unannounced when your child is sleeping.
Make it clear that you want no future contact from them, any further contact will be deemed as harassment and reported to the relevant authorities accordingly.

Keep a diary of all events - dates and times.

You have done nothing wrong, but it needs stopping now.

dooneyousmugelf · 30/12/2023 16:18

Omg I just knew they would pull this once they realised you had a ring doorbell fitted. They'll be twitching the curtains when your pizza arrives as well, wondering who it is. Either completely ignore or say 'do you realise the toll your harassing is taking on me? Stop now.' Or something similar