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Original poster

Hostile neighbours

156 replies

Bewilderedallthetine · 24/12/2023 15:56

I am a new member so please go easy on me :) I moved to my new house in May this year. My elderly next door neighbours are forever knocking on my door complaining. The latest bug bear from them are my bins..bin day Wednesdays, I put bin out the front of house at 8.00am, before work and take them in at 5.30 when I get in from work. In the summer it is my clothes drying on the line 8 till 5.30 on nice days..it blocks there veiw they say! We live in a semi detached with small front garden and larger back garden both separated by a fence. I get a grocery shop delivery on a sunday at about 10.30 ish..apparently its too early/noisy!. Anytime me or my son are in the back garden, they complain as we set there dog off barking!..I am so tired of tip- toeing around them its becoming ridiculous! They're old and I suppose are stuck in their ways but its becoming such a big problem for me. They have even had a go at my window cleaner about 'noisily' cleaning the windows.. This is normal every day noise isnt it? I am beginning to doubt myself ( fled from DV to live hear)

OP posts:
Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 24/12/2023 16:46

Thank you all for taking time out to answer me at this busy time of year ❤I have been doubting myself. I am going to take the bull by the horns and address this full on the next time they say anything. My confidence has been shattered over the last few years, but for my sons sake I am going to speak up to them. I am feeling so much confident after your helpful advice. I am now going to curl up on the sofa with my son, we have hot chocolate, cream and marshmallows, and we are going to watch a Christmas movie. Have a lovely Christmas and once again thank you x I will update (if needed) after boxing day .

OP posts:
irisgg7 · 24/12/2023 16:49

Telling a neighbour to fuck off and sending solicitors letters...that's all neighbour dispute.

There's many ways to skin a cat and aggression rarely wins out. Personally I think it's better to find a way to manage them so that you cam still smile and wave. Yes it might not be a genuine wave but it's not going to give you anxiety every time you see them.

Work on non committal comments, vague responses or equally petty responses. But ultimately work on yourself OP, you've been damaged, but now you are safe and can be strong.
You can and will use that garden, their dog barking is them being useless, next time they comment start sending them dog training print outs, give them a lovely long advise session about their dog.

BreatheAndFocus · 24/12/2023 17:22

Counter their complaints with a smile and ‘sympathetic’ comments, turning the complaint back on them if you can:

  • they complain you’re making their dog bark - tell them it must be so wearing having a reactive dog and you can completely understand their fear a neighbour might report it
  • your window cleaner is noisy - yes, he’s very thorough, isn’t he? Would you like his number as your windows are looking rather dirty
  • your bins are out - yes, they are my bins. They’re lovely, aren’t they? So spacious too. Would you like me to send you a link to where I bought them so you can get some nice ones too?
  • Your washing is drying on the line - yes, it’s lovely having dry weather, isn’t it? Who are you trying to spy on? Perhaps you could look over their garden fence?
FionnulaTheCooler · 24/12/2023 17:27

I don't think I could have kept a straight face at the complaint about their own dog barking. The sheer brass neck on them. Ignore them, they're as mad as a box of frogs.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 24/12/2023 17:46

They are nasty bullies and I'm so sorry you are having to put up with them. I suspect it is because you are a single woman and they feel 'superior' to you in some weird and twisted way. Fuck them. No need to be rude to them, but you have every right to stand up to them and tell them they are being ridiculous.

ChateauDuMont · 24/12/2023 17:58

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IHS · 24/12/2023 18:08

Spend a month playing loud thrash metal, drilling at 6am, pile some used tyres up outside your front door, bang doors and swear constantly and smoke weed near their open windows. They'll be so fed up that it'll seem like heaven for them when you stop 😃

2Old2Tango · 24/12/2023 20:06

A simple phrase like "if you can't bear neighbours doing normal neighbour things then I would suggest you move to the middle of nowhere". Say it every time.

Do not let them restrict you doing normal things such as putting out washing, or using your own garden OP. They're harassing you and probably wouldn't say a word if it was a 6ft4in burly man next door. If they continue then be firm and tell them it's harassment and you'll report them if it continues.

Personally I'd keep a log of all their complaints too, so you can show you're living a normal life and they're being unreasonable.

Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 26/12/2023 05:21

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas day. We really enjoyed ours, we had a lovely quiet turkey dinner for the first time in years. I bought my son his first bike and he is over the moon about it. We spent 3 hours with him riding round the park yesterday afternoon and came back worn out :)

OP posts:
Beeinalily · 26/12/2023 05:27

Lovely update OP, wishing you all the best.

Irridescantshimmmer · 26/12/2023 05:36

Make a log of the incidents and contact your local authority, ( council ) who will give them a warning. They can be threatened with legal action if they don't wind their necks in as from what you are saying, they sound relentless.

Just because they are elderly does not make it ok for them to be a nuisance, and it's high time they felt the consequences.

Hope this helps.

Catsknowbest · 26/12/2023 06:02

Omg...You are just living a normal life! Ignore them OP. I know it's unpleasant but stand firm.

GreatGateauxsby · 26/12/2023 06:17

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 24/12/2023 16:24

You need a couple of abrupt sentences you can reply with. Think ahead

You could have a simple "don't be ridiculous" and a "now my son is out of earshot, fuck off" version.

You don't need to please them. You don't need to change doing perfectly normal things in order to placate them. You can use them to help you reconstruct a more confident, assertive you. A mum who models strong but fair behaviour to her child.

Most of all though, don't let them get to you, no matter how much you want to 'understand' their perspective. What you have posted is absolutely not normal behaviour, they are utterly bobbins and you can be sure all your other neighbours think so too!

This

Fuck their perspective.
This sounds like my in-laws they aren't even old but have an "old mindset". They have way too much time of their hands and get worked up into a lather over nothing and are always complaining to and about the most irrelevant things.

Note everything you can remember to date and track into going forward.

If they don't pack it in I'd report them for antisocial behaviour and harassment.

tara66 · 26/12/2023 06:56

They must have so much time on their hands and are just bored - research social groups and events for the elderly and get them leaflets and brochures. Also have ear plugs (or just cotton wool) ready next time window cleaner comes! Suggest any local dog walkers so dog gets a more interesting life and that they walk it from 3pm - 5pm or whenever child goes in garden!

whatchagonnado · 26/12/2023 07:55

They're being really unreasonable. A complaint about the window cleaner being too noisy? Tell them to stop being ridiculous etc
It sounds like they are doing this for their own drama and entertainment.
Are there other neighbours? Have they experienced anything similar from them? How did they react?

FatFemale · 26/12/2023 08:58

Challenge them and tell them they are being unreasonable

goldedging · 26/12/2023 10:35

Ahh, what a pain! It sounds as though you're being perfectly reasonable. I would counteract their complaints with a non-negotiable boundary.

Neighbour: Your food delivery at 10:30am is too noisy
You: I'm sorry you feel that way but this is the best time for us and I won't be changing it.

Neighbour: Your washing is blocking our view.
You: Oh that's a shame but that is the only time that works for me and I am not able to change that.

You don't need to make excuses or argue or reason with them as the things you describe are perfectly reasonable everyday living activities.

If you refuse to budge, hopefully sooner or later they'll realise that it's pointless to keep bringing this stuff up.

Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 27/12/2023 16:36

Hello everyone and hope you all had a lovely Christmas and boxing day. The madness which are the next door neighbours has started again! Its been raining all day today quite heavily. I had a knock (more like bloody banging) on my door, I answered it and the woman(next door neighbour) told me I need to brush the water from the rain down my path as it is flooding her garden! It just normal rain! I told her this and I am refusing to go out in the middle of a heavy bout of rain and 'brush' it down my path! She has gone in now but her husband is looking over the fence into my garden! Its pouring down and he is getting soaking wet! How am I expected to deal with this nonsense? I have taken your advice and am writing down dates etc...madness!😕

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 27/12/2023 16:48

I think make some giant signs (like in Love Actually) that you can hold up when they next knock…. Open your door, scroll through the signs without saying a word (giving them time to read them). Then shut the door.

Signs-

1, Your complaints are totally ridiculous.

2, I’m not even considering them.

3, You are batshit crazy people.

4, Now fuck off back home and stop bothering me.

Gymmum82 · 27/12/2023 16:58

When the old hag next door complained multiple times that I wasn’t weeding my garden sufficiently and the weeds were blowing in to her garden I invited her to weed it herself as I have better things to do with my time. She hasn’t mentioned it since.
If they moan I’d just reply with you’re more than welcome to do it for me but I won’t be doing it. Goodbye. Should get them the message

tuvamoodyson · 27/12/2023 16:59

Your bin is ruining my view….oh dear, is it? Close the door.
your window cleaner is too noisy….oh dear, is he? Close the door.
your Halloween pumpkins are bringing kids round….oh dear, are they? Close the door.
your online shop came too early….oh dear, did it? Close the door.
you need to go out and brush the rain away! It’s flooding my garden…oh dear, sorry to hear that….Close the door.

Don’t entertain this nonsense for a second!! I’d be all of two minutes with these people!

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 27/12/2023 17:01

I had an elderly neighbour once tell me off because she heard laughter coming from my flat.
I was young at the time and stupidly apologised - now l wouldn't stand for it!

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 17:02

If they come back tell them you have emailed the Man Upstairs to stop the rain. Or hand them a broom and tell them to crack on.

Allfortheloveofabiscuit · 27/12/2023 17:08

This is all normal stuff from living in a housing estate (except the rain - thats just ludicrous!) and I wonder if some faux concern about their ability to cope with the normal toing and froing of life might shock them into some sense of reason - ask if they need support, put the phone number for a local charity that helps older people who arent coping through their door, and any time they complain, do a sympathetic head tilt and ask if theyre coping ok, and they should really ask their family round to help them some more...then close the front door.

Also, stop rushing from the car to the house, it makes it seem like youre in the wrong even if youre not - take a deep breath and walk in at normal speed. It takes time but your confidence to be able to go about your normal business as youre entitled to should come back

StBrides · 27/12/2023 17:10

"If you drive me out by continuing to complain about such normal, unobtrusive things, I will make sure I sell to a noisy and unsocial family"