Things I haven’t said out loud this week. Christmas edition

[YorkieTheRabbit]

As requested by @CousinBella
Stop with the drama, stop treating your partner like crap, it’s not his fault.
You’ve had months to sort it out but done nothing. Now it’s Christmas and you’re like a headless chicken.
We’ve listened and advised but the rest is down to you and there’s not a chance we are doing it for you.

I know mum died last year and you are on your own. I know you remember Christmas through rose tinted glasses that you think it was great. But am in my 40s and travelled hours to dorms it with you and mum, leaving my partner at home as you said it’s just family. Thankfully my partner works Xmas so we can celebrate new year.

but please travel to me. You are retired and put too much pressure on Christmas. Mum died and you admitted it was a pressurised time. Covid was relaxed and you said you were jealous. Come to me and we can relax, eat and chill.

1. Communication won't help, and I very much doubt that's what was suggested, because the real problem is that they are just deliberately nasty. Until you admit that they are the problem and back me up, when you have said you will, they will continue to walk all over all the people who are trying to do their best. They just want to be seen as important and their ideas are either about everyone seeing them (without actually doing much) or spoiling someone else's ideas. And until you tell them you can see that, they will continue to do it, because you always make excuses for them.
2. You had the whole week before Christmas off, and, yes, you did do some preparation, but it would have been really nice if you'd offered to do some wrapping or similar. I always feel like I'm nagging you to come and help, and then you spend the time saying "why did you get this?"
3. I do not want to go to their house on Christmas day. It will end up with us all waiting around desperate to get home because you never leave when you say you will.

Will you all just fucking talk to each other. With words, and stop me needing to get involved. And stop acting like you’re some sort of glgo between because your daughter mimics your behaviour - a normal conversation would be so much easier rather than shrouding everything in mystery and indecision. And actually your behaviour is unacceptable. No, we’ve no plans on the 27th but I will not be taking a minkers invite as a fucking afterthought. On what planet is it acceptable to have this conversation TODAY. Pull your blasted fingers out and speak to each other and stop me having to initiate every bastard conversation. And every decision too for that matter.

its your problem that you don’t want to be with us all Boxing Day. It’s really shitty to invite a select few of us (including my dd!) to yours instead. Making the host feel like it’s only fair to end their party and send us home to come to yours it’s utterly disgusting.

I have really struggled with your indifference over the years and definitely blamed myself but now I’m seeing you for what you are and I’m glad you can’t be bothered with me now I’m no use to you.

Please don't ask DH whose mum's funeral was 2 weeks ago how his mum is.
Please don't ask DS1s partner who can't have kids when they are going to have a baby.
Please remember who the people you are spending the day with are.

Get your arse into the living room, accept a glass of my dad's cheap whisky, and at least look as if you're trying to be sociable. I can't keep fobbing my parents off with, "He's very tired, he's gone for a sleep." And remind me, how many of YOUR relatives have even bothered to send you a Christmas card this year, or last year, or the year before?

I am so fucking lonely.

Your family are insane.

@43ontherocksporfavor thank you
I tried to go to church this morning and ended up sobbing out in the churchyard. I just missed her. The vicar is my friend who is going away and I know how much I will miss her care and support but also want her to have a brilliant time and not worry about me so I just scuttled off so she wouldn’t see me crying.

I have bought all the presents, ordered food, made a lovely birthday for our daughter (Christmas Eve baby) and you can’t be arsed to wrap a few presents for our children. You wanted to do a jigsaw rather than be with me last night. We should just end things and I know I’ll be worse off but I’ll have a tidy house and some Christmas cheer next year if we do

I don't think I'll ever get over the hurt you caused me. I don't think I'll ever believe anything you say anymore. My trust in you has completely gone. How you expect me to be OK with you going to work with HER I do not know.

Son, I love you, and I know it's not your fault. But sometimes I don't like you very much. You manage to ruin almost every outing with your outbursts. I really feel like I can't take you anywhere anymore.

We've done every other present between us and I said two months ago I had no idea what to get this person and didn't want to get involved trying to figure it out and you should do it. If you've not done it that's on you.

I have done everything. Planned, bought, paid for, wrapped and prepped everything.

And now you are sulking because it's obvious to all, even the DC, how utterly superfluous you are.

I'm delighted that your mother decided not to come. Only once she had established that I wasn't going to ask my own terminally ill mother not to come so she could be the only grandparent. Good riddance to her, the selfish old hag.

I saw your post and thought my DH had posted straight after me😯

(Hugs to you.)

Getting ready for the guests means prepping food, shopping, cleaning and making beds. Not spot painting the bedroom wall.

You are pathetic parents and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of you. I hope your Christmas is as miserable as you.

We've invited you because otherwise you say you have a lonely and miserable Christmas. So stop fucking moaning.

You don't have to like the dinner I cooked, don't eat it. But the minute I sit down to eat it after running around all day getting everyone food and drinks and cleaning up after them is NOT the fucking time to tell me you don't like it.

I know you did all the wrapping. Have a prize. Did you choose or buy any of it?

Don't ask me what you can do to help unless you're actually going to do it.

If no-one in my family is able to think of a gift for me without me choosing it myself and sending a link, I wonder if we are even close enough to justify buying gifts. Better for us all to just keep our money. This includes "D"H. It makes me sad that the people who are supposedly closest to me don't really know me at all.

You don't need to have the TV on constantly! Sometimes just reading a book in peace and quiet is really nice.

Older relative - I find your predictable annual comment of "it just feels like a normal day, doesn't it" really offensive when I have been organising stuff for weeks, we have spent loads on food and i have been cooking all morning.

I will not be buying your kids any presents ever again. You forgot my DC’s birthday. Not even a card. No Xmas present for my DC. Fine. I had spent 50 on your two for Xmas. Carefully selected personal gifts but will regift/return and give them something small. Ditto the presents I bought for you and DH. You are a cheapskate. I spent 90 on your kids birthday presents this year alone. And you didn’t give my child so much as a tenner. Btw, pls stop regifting random stuff to us. It’s always so obvious. You have plenty money. tightness is so so unattractive. I see you and am calling it out. Wonder why we don’t be entertaining you this Xmas? Wonder no longer.

I'll not be visiting your mum's tomorrow. I know you want me to but sitting in a room with your FAKE, spoilt and entitled relative is not my idea of fun. Playing "happy families" is not for me.

If you don't speak up soon and grow a back bone you'll end up with nothing.

The reason me and your dad and siblings do not want to play board games with you or watch films with you is because once you bully us into doing either it ends up being a deeply stressful and unpleasant experience where you shout at everyone and accuse them of cheating or not following the rules during games or insist everyone sits in total silence while they watch a film of your choice (though you are of course allowed to speak) and not touch their phones. You are an adult and your behaviour is appalling but we are all too scared of you to stand up to you as we know you are capable of completely ruining Christmas if we were to dare.

We have one of those @Christmasshelves I feel you

Whoever that is sounds utterly vile. They’re lucky anyone still spends time with them. I hope you manage to have a good day regardless x

We have one too and spending the day with him tomorrow. Good luck to us all!