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Original poster

Did your partners get a card or anything from work when you gave birth?

47 replies

Comff · 22/12/2023 23:44

Not sure whether this is usual or not and need some perspective:

Female partner going off on maternity leave and gets a card and joint whip around gift from the office she works at.

Male partner also taking (paternal) leave, although not as long (6weeks) gets nothing.

Both are in a similar work set up where whip around presents or cards for big birthdays, marriages, etc are the norm.

Thought a card might come after the baby arrived but it’s been a while now and still nothing. Is this usual for men? Did your partners get well wishes from work?

OP posts:
CharlotteSometimes1 · 22/12/2023 23:46

With the first dc we were sent a massive hamper of baked goodies, subsequent dcs nothing.

BigBoysDontCry · 22/12/2023 23:47

Yes, different employers for each baby, neither group of employees knew me. Both had a mix of men and women, one nhs and the other financial services.

Both times he had a card and a gift for the baby and at that point he only got 4 days leave as standard.

BigBoysDontCry · 22/12/2023 23:50

My current group of employees are a bit older and babies are rarer but we had a collection for the last person who had a baby (male) and bought a lovely gift and card. We were all working remotely too (and work all over the UK) we just put money into the collectors bank account and they sort the gift etc. We do that for all these sort of things, as you say big birthdays, leavers etc.

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SabrinaThwaite · 22/12/2023 23:55

Can’t remember with DC1, but with DC2 (different employer) DH was given a card and flowers for me and his boss dropped by to see the baby.

Kaltenzahn · 22/12/2023 23:57

I've done a few gifts/collections for women at work when they go on maternity leave. I tend to go all out because I find it quite fun. One of my friends is going off in a few weeks and I've done her a hamper of clothes, toys and bits for the baby and chocolate, candles and stuff for my friend plus a load of the snacks she's had cravings for in the last few months.

If a man was going off on paternity leave I'd probably get some bits for the baby but wouldn't bother with all the bits I'd get for a female colleague because he isn't going through the massive physical trauma of late stage pregnancy and childbirth.

Original poster
Comff · 22/12/2023 23:59

Ok so we’re not ott to feel a tiny bit miffed?

He contributes to all the collections, even the niche ones like exam results and passing driving tests (which to be fair are brilliant achievements).

Baby is 2months old now. He’s been back at work for a week+ and today was asked to contribute to a maternity gift/card and is feeling a bit sad and bitter.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 23/12/2023 00:01

I don't remember my DH getting anything from his work.

Kaltenzahn · 23/12/2023 00:02

Also in my workplace we're rotated through departments so quickly that by the time 12 months maternity is over it's almost guaranteed that me and half the shift will have been moved on somewhere else and we won't work together again so that's another reason why I wouldn't do as much for 6 weeks paternity leave.

Original poster
Comff · 23/12/2023 00:02

Kaltenzahn · 22/12/2023 23:57

I've done a few gifts/collections for women at work when they go on maternity leave. I tend to go all out because I find it quite fun. One of my friends is going off in a few weeks and I've done her a hamper of clothes, toys and bits for the baby and chocolate, candles and stuff for my friend plus a load of the snacks she's had cravings for in the last few months.

If a man was going off on paternity leave I'd probably get some bits for the baby but wouldn't bother with all the bits I'd get for a female colleague because he isn't going through the massive physical trauma of late stage pregnancy and childbirth.

I agree. We weren’t expecting as big a fuss. A card would have been really nice.

OP posts:
CandyCaneLane0 · 23/12/2023 00:03

No he didn't

MsMaraschino · 23/12/2023 00:03

Our company did a collection, flowers and a card for mothers. Not for fathers.
To be fair, they aren’t the ones putting the effort in at that point.

Ewoklady · 23/12/2023 00:03

fethef of baby gets a whip round and Gift where I work

gwenneh · 23/12/2023 00:04

Yes, DH always has had something from work when the DC were born. He's been at a different company each time but there was always a card, some gifts for the baby, and some food or takeaway vouchers.

Tawlk · 23/12/2023 00:06

My DH got a few cards and gifts from some of the females in the office. He was only off for 2 weeks but got a few nice gifts. I can understand why he’s a bit miffed especially if there is a culture of whip rounds.

Original poster
Comff · 23/12/2023 00:07

MsMaraschino · 23/12/2023 00:03

Our company did a collection, flowers and a card for mothers. Not for fathers.
To be fair, they aren’t the ones putting the effort in at that point.

So is the sentiment a celebration the baby is coming/here or a celebration you physically birthed a baby?

OP posts:
Charlie2121 · 23/12/2023 00:07

In general men don’t receive gifts from work anywhere near as often as women.

I certainly can’t recall a man ever instigating a collection at work for a colleague and rarely are they the recipient either.

When I had my child my DH received no acknowledgment from his employer who he’d worked for in a senior role for at least a decade.

I find it is also the same with bereavements. Far more fuss is made of a woman who has suffered a loss than a man in similar circumstances. I suspect much of it is down to old fashioned views of men being expected to remain strong and emotionless in times of significant change.

MsMaraschino · 23/12/2023 00:10

I’ve always seen it as recognition of the effort of birthing a baby, rather than of having one appear courtesy of your partner.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 23/12/2023 00:11

Mums in my place going off on mat leave get a card and gift, dads don't. I don't think it would even occur to anyone to get the dad something.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2023 00:11

DH got an e-card and a generous John Lewis voucher. Very unexpected as he’s only met a couple of people he works with in person. They often ask for photos and updates which is sweet.

Tawlk · 23/12/2023 00:12

Comff · 23/12/2023 00:07

So is the sentiment a celebration the baby is coming/here or a celebration you physically birthed a baby?

Show quote history

Yep nothing to do with who has birthed the child. My DH received gifts for the baby, not for him. ☺️

Tawlk · 23/12/2023 00:14

MsMaraschino · 23/12/2023 00:10

I’ve always seen it as recognition of the effort of birthing a baby, rather than of having one appear courtesy of your partner.

Really? I’ve always seen it as a gift for the new baby! Nothing to do with who has birthed it!

MotherofAllMatriarchs · 23/12/2023 00:14

My male partner received a very generous food related gift when we had our first from his company. I remember it being very useful and much welcome at the time when I didn’t feel up to cooking. We were both very touched and genuinely grateful.

It’s a pity your partner didn’t even get a card. Obviously a woman has gone through a far greater physical feat following a tough 9 months so might rightly attract a little more fuss but I also think people can be a bit sexist about such things. I think your partner should make a big point of organising the paternity card next time to set a precedent. Be the change! Fatherhood should be normalised and celebrated - it benefits everyone in the long run.

Congratulations to you both by the way!

USaYwHatNow · 23/12/2023 00:17

DH is ex military and we were sent a bouquet of flowers from the Battery, as is customary.

Wrongsideofpennines · 23/12/2023 00:22

Yes, partner got card and money gift when both ours were born. Immediate team bought the baby gifts once here.

My work do gifts for male partners too. Often not as big but either money with card or hamper of things people bring in.

I would be a bit miffed at not even a card. Particularly if he's actually been off for more than the standard 2 weeks - as it is more noticeable he is absent and why.

caringcarer · 23/12/2023 00:49

I had a 16 week miscarriage and DH took a few days off work. His colleagues sent us a huge bouquet of flowers and a lovely card. When we got our first Foster Son he took a week's holiday to help to settle him in and his colleagues sent us a card and a food voucher to order in food. He's got lovely colleagues 3 men and 9 women. I think one of the women usually does collections and everyone just contributes what they want to.

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