Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

The funniest thing you’ve read on Mumsnet

116 replies

Shelovesmilktray · 19/12/2023 09:44

A relative latecomer to Mumsnet, I’ve read posts that have been heart-breaking, sad, fascinating, terrifying.

There have been lots that have been funny and a few that have made me howl with laughter. A few that spring to mind:

’You’re the chicken carcus’

Snapped and farted

And the one where people posted about the reality of clothes bought on line eg leather jacket made one poster look like Suzi Quattro’s nan. And the Monsoon top with a collar that looked like a triceratop.

And so many more 😁

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
LemonJeIIy · 19/12/2023 20:02

The man wanting to practice his Yoni massage technique on willing women

natura · 19/12/2023 20:05

Two will never leave me:

First, the woman who, in a very sleep-deprived state, took her very young baby to the doctor.

Doc asked her to "put one hand on his tummy, and the other one on his head"

So she took her baby's hands and put one on his tummy and the other on his head... until she realised Doc was telling her what to do with HER hands, not the baby's 😂

Then second, the woman who went to the dentist and to calm her nerves, was focused on following his instructions really carefully.

He said 'open wide', she opened really wide.

He put a cotton tube in, said 'bite down on this', she bit down.

He put his finger on one of her back teeth, said 'suction', so she put her lips together and sucked.

It was only when she saw his eyebrows raise above his mask that she realised he was talking to the assistant, who was standing beside her with the suction tube. He did not, in fact, want her to suck on his finger 😂

Ilovegoldies · 19/12/2023 20:23

natura · 19/12/2023 20:05

Two will never leave me:

First, the woman who, in a very sleep-deprived state, took her very young baby to the doctor.

Doc asked her to "put one hand on his tummy, and the other one on his head"

So she took her baby's hands and put one on his tummy and the other on his head... until she realised Doc was telling her what to do with HER hands, not the baby's 😂

Then second, the woman who went to the dentist and to calm her nerves, was focused on following his instructions really carefully.

He said 'open wide', she opened really wide.

He put a cotton tube in, said 'bite down on this', she bit down.

He put his finger on one of her back teeth, said 'suction', so she put her lips together and sucked.

It was only when she saw his eyebrows raise above his mask that she realised he was talking to the assistant, who was standing beside her with the suction tube. He did not, in fact, want her to suck on his finger 😂

This was me (the baby ) I am no longer with that surgery but Dr Everest spoke to me very slowly every time I visited after as he clearly thought I was two sandwiches short of a picnic 🤣

SoundTheSirens · 19/12/2023 20:30

LemonJeIIy · 19/12/2023 20:02

The man wanting to practice his Yoni massage technique on willing women

“My yoni says noni”.

Another post that always makes me laugh when I think of it was on Baby Names. The OP asked what would make a good middle name for ‘Havana’ and someone replied “Oohnana?”

natura · 19/12/2023 20:35

Aaaaah @Ilovegoldies you are the stuff of LEGENDS at my house!

Actually wait – you mean the story about the baby was you – you're not the actual baby, right?! 😂 Either way you're the stuff of legends!

Defiantlynot41 · 19/12/2023 20:42

Can anyone link "your minge"?

Loved all these - penetration man, cubes of poo, penis beaker, Suzi Quattro's fat Nan still haunts me every time I put on a leather jacket, Mexican house thief, sex in the hedge

Min you, I'm still giggling over something I heard on Radio 2 this morning, I think it was on Zoe Ball's show ... a mash-up of Jessie Ware's 'hello love' and Jane McDonald www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001t8x6 at 1:57:30

Ilovegoldies · 19/12/2023 20:46

@natura I'm the hapless mother. Baby is now 18. It still makes me laugh when I think about it and I'm glad it made others laugh too.

Soubriquet · 19/12/2023 20:48

I tried to find the your minge one as there was loads on there including naked panpipes and turtle boy but it looks like it’s been deleted

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 19/12/2023 20:49

teawamutu · 19/12/2023 17:07

This thread is making me really sad as I recognise both my parents and my ILs in so many posts . I have read it before and laughed along with it - but they have all passed away now - and thinking of their funny ways makes me sad (sorry for spoiling mood of the thread!)

coxesorangepippin · 19/12/2023 20:57

Really funny one about a longer name for Hugo

I.e Hugoes there? Hugh gotta a message for me??? Etc etc

Very witty

BarelyCoping123 · 19/12/2023 21:00

There was once a thread about things you'd seen or experienced at friends' houses when you were a child that were odd or different to your house. I'll never forget someone whose friend's mum baked cakes to sell, and they had a huge cake sitting on top of the telly, and the cat was sitting on it (licking it?) but no one minded. Something like that, anyway 😂

AppleChristsBirthdayMacchiato · 19/12/2023 21:02

SpeculatingRooks · 19/12/2023 11:41

The thread that had me literally crying with laughter was "things that are supposed to be romantic but aren't "
Sorry don't know how to do a link on the app but very much worth a read if you can find it!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4231572-What-is-supposed-to-be-romantic-but-just-bloody-isn-t

What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t? | Mumsnet

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4231572-What-is-supposed-to-be-romantic-but-just-bloody-isn-t

BarelyCoping123 · 19/12/2023 21:03

Also: cutted up pear

coxesorangepippin · 19/12/2023 21:14

There was a post on a thread here a while ago, someone who accidentally got on the wrong work bus. She was dressed in a Halloween costume as a chicken, but got on the funeral bus for a colleague instead of the Halloween one.

Sounds macabre but it was just so well written

plusjamais · 19/12/2023 21:17

The OP who did owl noises in her colleague's face because she ate a yoghurt not sanctioned by Weight Watchers

TroysMammy · 19/12/2023 21:19

Sgtmajormummy · 19/12/2023 12:14

A completely random perfumista thread talking about “sillage”, the French word for the trail of scent you leave behind.
I read it as SILAGE, the fermented animal feed which smells really really bad.
I woke DH up with my snorts of laughter when I wrote:
”By Jove, Jeeves, this perfume smells like shit!”
“Must be the sillage, Sir.”

That and the poster who made brilliant intentional typos (forgotten the name, something with Ph).

Phyllis nights or something along those lines?

Stringagal · 19/12/2023 21:21

Iamthatgenius · 19/12/2023 19:33

That was me 😁 I'm very glad it brought you happiness! I was quite proud of myself...

I'll enjoy reading through some of the other threads on here. I'm already chuckling at someone saying 'TALL MAN' to the Amazon guy!

Show quote history

Well thank you, it was perfect and is stored in my brain for when I need a giggle!

DuesToTheDirt · 19/12/2023 21:25

Definitely the canestan thread!

BarelyCoping123 · 19/12/2023 21:27

plusjamais · 19/12/2023 21:17

The OP who did owl noises in her colleague's face because she ate a yoghurt not sanctioned by Weight Watchers

I remember this one - everyone said OP was crazy for doing the owl noises!? Why was she even doing that?!

TallulahG · 19/12/2023 21:29

I love this thread, over the years I have saved my favourite on a notes app! Here we go:

...

On a thread about pronouns, someone said something like: "There are some weird ones now like bink/bonk, fae/foe, but generally I don't think it's a problem."

Another poster replied with "Speak for bonkself."

...

My mum had had a pretty awful stomach bug when stopping at our house, and ended up collapsing. We called an ambulance, and when they arrived, she was conscious but confused and retching into a washing up bowl. With every retch, she was releasing Tommy Squealers and after every one she said to the ambulance man "I'm so sorry Alan". We have no idea what the man's name was, but the chances of it being Alan are extremely slim

...

And the person who started a thread complaining about all the swearing on MN, to which the first reply was "Off you fuck then, cunty chops!".

...

Your minge! Was excellent. Sadly no longer available to view but IIRC it was a very pregnant OP getting her older DC's armbands by the side of a swimming pool, then getting herself ready to swim by taking off her bikini bottoms. "Your minge!" was her horrified husband mouthing at her from the other side of the pool.

...

There was a thread about an OP hearing noises in her hedge and thinking it might be neighbours/affair or similar happening.

Someone suggested hedgehogs/foxes making the noise and the reply was something along the lines of never having heard of a hedgehog/foxes asking for a cheeky finger up the bum.

...

plusjamais · 19/12/2023 21:31

BarelyCoping123 · 19/12/2023 21:27

I remember this one - everyone said OP was crazy for doing the owl noises!? Why was she even doing that?!

Show quote history

It was the way she just casually slipped it into what was a pretty long post, like it was completely normal!

Stringagal · 19/12/2023 21:32

I love this one, true mumsnet wit! And all from a typo.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3143672-TO-not-go-on-family-weekend-away?page=1

HRTQueen · 19/12/2023 21:33

The poster who had forgotten to put her Tankini bottoms on when taking her children swimming at the local pool and her husbands reaction

a fairly recent one where a posters children enthusiastically told her that someone in the paper looked just like mummy in her new glasses it was Kim Jong Un

Swipe left for the next trending thread